Mother of All Fights
by KaceyHunter
Summary: Set where Bella's Book ends in Breaking Dawn.What happens when Bella and Edward return to Forks after she finds out she's pregnant, how do the rest of the Cullens react?Now a Multi Chap- Updated 7th Dec at last!
1. A Mother's Love

The plane journey back to Forks was unbearable, Edward sat in his seat, as still as the statue his features resembled. He'd barely spoken since my revelation back on Isle Esme other than to phone Carlisle, I'd tried to coax words out of him, but to no avail. His butterscotch eyes were glazed over with pain, his features tense, he'd already broken the armrest between us from gripping it. He was angry at himself, that much I knew without words. I'd tried to reassure him but gained no response so I gave up. Instead I rested my hands on my already protruding bump. This was all wrong, I knew that. By the biology of human nature I shouldn't even know that I was pregnant, let alone have a bump as proof, yet I did. I was defying the odds that much I knew, the pure chance of this happening was enough to take my breath away. Me and Edward were having a baby, our baby. I could already see the baby in my eyes, from those haunting dreams from the island I already had a suspicion it would be a boy. A little Edward! My heart leaped at the idea, a minature Edward to cradle in my arms, yet another piece of pure perfection. It was more than I had ever dare hoped for, yet the way Edward was reacting you would think the Volturi were coming after us. He was more excited about the idea of me becoming a vampire I thought to myself.

The Cullens were all there to meet us at the airport, all with worried expressions on their faces, all but with one exception. Rosalie made her way out of the group and glided with enviable elegance to my side and wrapped her arms around me.

"It's going to be ok" she said, her grip vice like around my body. "I promise you Bella, I'll look after you".

I'd phoned Rose straight after I realised what was happening, knew that whatever had happened between us in the past would be forgotten with my news, and by the looks on the rest of the Cullens faces, I knew in Rose I might have found my onlShey saviour.

Carlisle and Edward walked off, their expressions mirrored one another, concern, anxiety, deep in conversation. Their voices so low my human ears couldn't detect the words, Emmett and Jasper flanked them, listening and contributing when neccessary. Esme and Alice both glanced at me, sympathy tattoed across their face before turning and catching up with the men. For as long as I'd known Edward I'd felt a part of the Cullen family, now I felt completely alone as I watched my family walk off without me, until I heard Rose growl by my side.

"Rose" I begged. "What's going on?"

She looked at me for a moment, gazing straight into my eyes with such an intensity it scared me, she placed one of her ice cold hands around mine.

"They're planning what to do now" she said, her voice tinted with disgust. "To them there's only one solution".

She nearly spat out the final word.

"Solution?" I repeated, puzzled by what she meant. "Rose I'm having a baby, thats the only solution".

"Not according to Carlisle and Edward" said Rose.

I broke away from her grip, nausea washed over me and it wasn't morning sickness. How could they even entertain the idea? The thought of it alone made me feel dizzy and sick.

"No" I whispered, unable to command any more strength in my voice. "They can't do this, they can't."

The mothering instinct within myself kicked up a notch, no one was going to go near my child, not without a fight at least I thought.

"I know Bella" continued Rose. "But their main concern is you, a human carrying a half vampire child is something we've only heard of in myths. The rate you're pregnancy is developing is alarming Carlisle, they have no idea what to expect and that terrifies them. They're worried about the effect it will have on you, whether you have the strength to carry the child".

"It's my baby though, they can't make me do anything I don't want to do" I protested.

"You're going to fight against the vampires?" asked Rose, half teasingly.

She had a point I conceded, I was no match for their strength, if they wanted to they could literally pick me up and force me... The thought was too much to even bear.

"What about Alice?" I asked, desperately trying to think of some advantage I might have over the Cullens. "Surely she can see how this is going to turn out".

"It's hazy" said Rose. "She can't see the child, probably because it's a breed that she's never encountered before, she can't see its future, she has no better idea than the rest of us how this might turn out".

"What about Esme?" I was clutching at straws here. "Esme's lost a child, and look at the effect it had on her Rose, she threw herself off a cliff, surely she wouldn't do that to me".

"She wouldn't" muttered Rose, her voice was low, but not as low as to avoid me hearing.

I glanced at her quizzingly.

She sighed and gave into defeat.

"Carlisle sat us down after Edward's phonecall and told us what was happening, of course I already knew from you." She put her hand back onto mine and pulled me alongside her, the rest of the family far in front. "An argument broke out."

My heart jumped, angry at myself for being the cause of yet another confrontation in the Cullen family.

"Alice was shocked, she hadn't seen it coming and that frightened her, she's had no forewarning in her visions. Carlisle told us all that the best thing would be to get the child out of you as soon as possible, that we had no idea what would happen if the pregnancy continued".

My hand flew automatically down to my bump and I stroked it protectively.

"That was when the argument broke out. It started out with just me and Carlisle. I told him I'd spoken to you and that you wanted this baby, he told me the risk was too big".

" I want to take the risk" I said angrily.

"I know Bella, but Carlisle wouldn't listen, he just went on and on about the medical side of it, and that him and Edward were in agreement that this was the best path to take. Alice agreed, she's scared because she can't see the child in our future, I argued that maybe that would come when it was born, but as soon as Alice voiced her opinion, Jasper agreed".

I totted up the numbers in my head, that was Carlisle, Edward, Alice and Jasper wanting me to get rid of my child, if Esme and Emmett agree with me and Rose it would be an even fight, all my hopes lied on them.

"Go on" I urged Rose.

"Carlisle said that as everyone else around the table had had their opinions aired, it was only fair Emmett and Esme did too. Emmett sided with me" Rose smiled at the thought of her husband, and I felt a huge surge of gratitude towards my surrogate big brother. "He said at the least it should be your decision. And then it was Esme's turn".

My heart was doing cartwheels against my ribcage at this point, the only way I would be able to fight against Carlisle and Edward would be to have Esme on side.

"She was furious" Rose started. "Her eyes were pure black, like she needed to hunt. I've never seen her like that, even at her most thirsty. And then she completely lost it, in all the years I've spent with her I've never seen her that angry Bella. She was furious with Carlisle and Edward for what they wanted to do with you, she reminded Carlisle of what she had lost, of how she had been brought into this life, asked if he could live with doing the same to you."

I couldn't imagine Esme angry, she was the epitome of calm and collected, but I knew underneath that surface ran deep pools of grief and loss that even the years of mothering the Cullen children would never heal.

"What now?" I asked desperately, there was a tiny pit of hope alive in me now the fight was even, although it meant me pitted against Edward, it was a battle I was prepared to fight.

"After Esme's outburst, Carlisle took off allowing her to calm down. When he came back he said he still stood by what he had said, but he would wait, until you came back. He said it wasn't fair to make assumptions until he'd examined you" explained Rose. " He hates siding against Esme so that was his compromise to make her calmer".

I nodded, glad that I had been brought just a little more time by Esme.

"But what if the examination reveals something?" I asked nervously.

"We'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it" said Rose,a smile on her achingly beautiful face. "Just stay calm Bella, you've got people on your side who are prepared to fight against the odds for you and your baby".

The smile on her face as she said that last word took over all her features and made her look even more stunning than normal. She looked down at my bump, still smiling.

"May I?" she asked.

She nodded and she released her hand from mine, and placed her hand gently across my bump, all the time her smile growing and growing. Maybe, just maybe, despite the fact we had a huge fight on our hands, with Rose on my side, there would be a chance for this child. I had to hope, right now it was all I had and I was holding on to with as much as intensity as I could possibly muster.


	2. Maternal Instinct

**A/N, Thank you all soooo much for all your lovely reviews,they really do mean a lot and as a result of feedback I have decided to turn it into a multi-chapter! And here as a thank you is the second chapter :) This ones from Esme's point of view, it starts before the last chapter, back at the Cullens where Esme loses her temper with Carlisle and what he wants to do with Bella's baby.**

I had been with Carlisle for decades, and most of those had been peaceful for us, we argued yes. But it was mostly about minor subjects, and eventually one of us would give in to the other for a peaceful state. But on this matter, when a life was stake, I would not give in. One look into Carlisle's eyes told me he would not either.

"Carlisle" I started, calmly. "Can I just remind you how it was I entered this world, the loss I suffered. And you are asking for my permission to submit Bella to the same pain?"

Carlisle's eyes connected with mine, his eyes intense with emotion.

"Of course I remember your story Esme, but Bella is not you" said Carlisle.

"It does not matter who she is Carlisle, there is an innocent baby in this, and I can tell you that no pain imagineable compares to losing a child, not even changing comes close" I said.

I could feel the anger and venom rise in me simultaneously.

"It was simpler for you, we simply do not know what will happen to Bella or the child if the pregnancy is allowed to continue" argued Carlisle.

"It's a risk Bella's prepared to take" interrupted Rosalie, a scowl on her face.

I glanced at Rose, she had already spoken to Bella, and whilst Carlisle was fighting Edward's fight, Rose was in Bella's corner. I had thought it odd at first that Bella had reached to Rose out of everyone considering the two had barely spoken in the past, the only conclusion I had come to was that Rose had at some point told Bella her story and for that reason Bella had turned to her.

"It's Bella's body and child Carlisle, who are you and Edward to tell her what she can and can't do with it?" I said furiously. "You cannot play God with a child's life".

"It's an unknown Esme!" retorted Carlisle. "Do you want to risk Bella's life?"

"Of course not! How can you even ask that question? I love her the same way I love the rest of my children. But to ask whether or not I approve of subjecting Bella to the same grief I feel, no I do not" I said.

"Yes" muttered Rose under her breath.

Carlisle stood up, bringing himself up to his full height. I loved this man with an intensity that surpassed most, but my love for Carlisle had never surpassed the love that I had felt for my lost child, and he had always known that. It was one of those unspoken things, like how Emmett knew Rose would swap him for mortality, it was simply a fact we lived with.

"She has to see sense here, the risk, this isn't an ordinary baby she would be bringing into the world here" he said, his voice its normal, calm musical self.

"That won't matter to her, a mothers love is instinctive not logical Carlisle. Don't expect her to accept this without a fight, from the moment she found out about the child she will have loved it, formed a bond with it, can you honestly spend eternity with the guilt of taking that bond away? Live knowing you have deprived her of the only chance she has to have a child?".

My voice was harsh, it had been a long time since I had lost my temper to this extent and I could feel the shock from the other members of my family in the room. Carlisle simply gazed once more into my eyes before leaving the house.

Eventually when Carlisle returned and we'd both calmed down we reached a compromise: no decision would be made on the childs fate until Bella returned and Carlisle examined her. I was banking on Bella's maternal instinct already kicking in and Carlisle seeing this for his own eyes. My prayers were answered the second Bella walked off the plane, my eyes were automatically drawn to her stomach, just as Edward had said on the phone, there were the tiny beginnings of a bump forming. I reached out and found Alice's hand, I wasn't angry at Alice for siding against us at the family meeting, I understood her fear. Alice was so used to relying on what she saw in the future that when she didn't see something it scared her. Edward's face made me want to rush forward and wrap my arms around him. The guilt on his face was transparent, his eyes heavy with emotion, even for an immortal he looked bad. Edward immediately made a beeline for Carlisle and his brothers, I didn't even want to know what they were talking about. As much as I wanted Edward not to be in pain, I didn't want it to be at such a high cost. Rose immediately ran forward and hugged Bella tightly, and when she let go of her, I had to steady myself for a moment. Everything I had hoped to see in Bella was there, she didn't have the guilt or anxiety Edward was carrying on his shoulders. Her eyes were bright and lively, blush filled her cheeks, she even had the pregnant woman glow. I hated to admit it, even to myself but I was jealous. Jealous as it brought back a wave of human memories that I could not forget. I had revelled in my own pregnancy, loving every moment of my 9 months, I had spent hours sat stroking my stomach, talking to it. Looking at Bella even just for that split second brought it all back, what I had had, and what I had lost, it was too painful. I wanted to go up to her and hug her and tell her everything was going to be allright, but my own selfishness won out in me. The most I could do was merely smile at her and walk away, Alice close behind.

"Esme" came Alice's voice.

I turned around, I'd been walking at what I had thought was a human pace but I quickly realised when I realised how far away from Bella I was that I had been walking at an immortal pace. Alice quickly caught up with me, her eyes full of concern for me.

"Esme what's wrong?" she asked.

I looked down at my adoptive daughter, I loved my life, I truly did. Everyday I truly felt bless that I had been given a second chance with the family that I had, and even though I loved my children and they had partly filled the aching hole inside of myself, there was still a part of me that ached for my lost son. Over the years I had avoided close proximity with pregnant women and babies, too painful reminders, and here I was, confronted with one.

"I'm sorry Alice" I said, smiling at her. "It's just a lot to take in".

"You miss him, don't you?" said Alice without skipping a beat.

I nodded as I remembered through the haze of my memories those precious few days of being a mother, of holding my baby son in my arms, cradling him close to my heart, never feeling more content that I had before.

"I just want Bella to have the chance that I never had" I explained. "Nothing compares with the feeling of holding your own child in your arms, every woman deserves that opportunity."

"This is one plus in not remembering my human life" said Alice. " I can't remember the maternal side of me, I don't even know if I wanted children, but for you and Rose, you both had that side of you , that desire. I know it makes it harder for you, but Carlisle and Edward are only doing what they think is right".

"I know" I replied. "But they're thinking with their heads, and it's not as simple as that Alice. Bella's already got that maternal instinct in her, I recognise it in her, and that's a strong urge to overcome, logic won't matter to her".

"If only I could see" complained Alice. "If I could see what would happen to Bella, and the child, it would be so much simpler".

"It's not your fault Alice, Edward and Bella's love is something so unusual and rare, we never thought something like this would happen, what they have created is something so unpredictable it's interfering with your sense" I said trying to comfort her.

"There's going to be another fight" stated Alice. " It'll be even on both sides, even after Carlisle examines her, Edward and Rose will be the worse fight".

Alice's insight didn't surprise me, it would be a fight of heart vs head coming up, and with Alice unable to see the winner, it was an open fight. I could only hope that Bella had the strength to fight not only for herself, but her unborn child. I could only reassure her that the reward would be worth the risk.


	3. The Monster In Me

**A/N: Thank you all sooo much for your lovely reviews, without them this story would not be progressing as fast as it is! The more reviews, the quicker the chapters will come! Any ideas concerning who's POV I should do next would also be greatly appreciated :) This one's Edwards POV, italics is the thoughts that Edward hears.**

I'd never felt more of a monster in all my years than I had since that first night with Bella, the repulsion I felt for myself was unrivalled. It had been bad enough when I had discovered the bruises on her body as a result of my heavy handedness, my loss of control that had resulted in her pain. But that was second to this. I'd barely been able to speak to Bella ever since her little bombshell back on Isle Esme, my anger bubbling under the surface. I'd just sat there on the plane, in one position the whole time, looking less like a human and more and more like the monster I was. Bella on the other hand sat there, one hand on her already prominent bump. This was so sick and twisted, ordinarily a husband should be estatic that his wife was pregnant, me? I just felt repulsion, not at Bella, I could never be angry at her for this, it was myself. I should have known better, I did know better. I had spent 2 years controlling myself around Bella and in one night all that self control had crumbled and now Bella would have to pay the consequences of my actions. I longed to turn to her and take her hand in mine, hold her warm body tight to mine and reassure her it was all going to be allright, but I couldn't. I didn't know what I had done to her.

The only sense of relief I felt was seeing Carlisle when Bella and I got off the plane. The comfort I found in his face was second to none, Carlisle had always been the man with the answers, the person I turned to when I could not find the answers in myself and it would be him I would be relying on to help me save Bella. I immediately my way to Carlisle's side and together we began walking out of the terminal.

"How is she?" asked Carlisle, his voice lilted with concern.

"She says she's ok, but she was sick a few times back at the island" I admitted. "Carlisle, she's already showing, it's not normal".

"I know, how long has it been since?" his voice trailed off.

I glanced at him, puzzled by what he meant, until I saw his thoughts. If I was capable of blushing, now would have been the time for it.

" A few days" I said.  
Carlisle nodded. Inside his head his thoughts were constantly shifting, in one thought was the conventional 9 month baby model, immediately discarded, another image came to mind, myths of our kind of childs like mine and Bellas, but that's all they were myths. Carlisle needed concrete proof of the path the child would take.

"Do you still think the best course of action would be to terminate?" I asked.

Carlisle looked at me, inside his head I saw the fight between him and Esme, his pain at seeing the hurt that had resurfaced, hurt that she normally kept locked away.

_Esme's sided against me._

I gazed at him sympathetically, I knew how much he hated fighting against Esme, and the idea of the woman I thought of as my own mother against me did little to console me.

_And obviously Rose is on Bella's side too._

I let out a small animalistic growl, of course Rose would be on Bella's side, anything to try and grasp back her long lost dream of motherhood. Forget Bella and Bella's health, as long as Princess Rosalie is happy.

_Emmett's with Rose too. But Alice and Jasper agree with us, that this would be the best path. Alice cannot see the child in her visions._

"So maybe this is the path we are meant to take?" I said out loud.

Carlisle looked at me quizzingly.

"Alice can only see things that have been decided, so maybe that's why she can't see the child, because we've decided there won't be a child" I explained.

_Is it really that simple Edward? This is your child, yours and Bellas, are you really able to say goodbye to that so easily._

"When it's a choice between Bella's life and the unknown then yes, Carlisle, I've already had an experience of life without Bella, and if I can avoid repeating that I will" I said, those days in Italy immediately springing to mind. "I though you were agreed with me that this was the best path to take?".

_Esme said somethings that have made me think. Everyday I have to look into Esmes eyes and see the pain that losing a child caused her, the mere fact she is here with me is a constant reminder of that. It won't be any different for Bella, we'll all have to look at her and know what we took away from her, and I'm beginning to wonder if I can do that, if you can do that._

"If it's the best for her though?" I argued.

_But what about what she wants? If she wants this baby how can you refuse her that? How can you refuse your wife Edward?_

I wanted to point out to Carlisle that my inability to refuse my wife anything was how we had gotten into this mess but I bit my tongue.

Emmett and Jasper had caught up with us now, both with sympathetic expressions on their faces.

_Edward_

I turned so that I was facing Emmett, remembering that he was sided against me in this fight.

_It's nothing personal, really it's not. I just don't think you've thought this through._

I had though, I thought inside my own mind. It was a simple choice in my head, Bella keeps the baby, who knows what happens and I lose Bella, or we get rid of whatever is growing inside of her and Bella lives, when you looked at it like that, really there was no choice.

_It's just everyday I have to look at Rose and know that if she was given that chance, she'd give me up in a second to be a mother. It eats away at me knowing that I'm second best, you're in my head all the time, you know that! I just don't want it doing the same to you._

I had spent long enough inside Emmett's head to know every word he was saying was true, and coming from Emmett himself was enough to make me pause for just a second to contemplate the other possibility, but then I reminded myself of the pain of when I had thought I had lost Bella. It immediately outweighed any doubts.

_You know Rose is gonna fight for her, she'll do whatever it takes to protect the baby._

Sadly that thought had already occured to me, it was ironic really, the one member of our family who normally was against Bella would now be her strongest alliance, and Rose's temper was not one I revelled in fighting against, but the cause was too great.

_You should have seen Esme earlier, I've never seen her like that before! I actually thought she was gonna go for Carlisle._

I looked behind me, Esme and Alice weren't far behind us, I knew Esme's loss, I'd seen her memories of the little boy in her arms, I knew that while we had helped her loss, we'd never completely healed it. I wanted to go to Esme and told her I was sorry, sorry for doing this to Bella, that she couldn't despise me more than I did myself, but no words came out of my mouth and no movement from my feet to turn around.

"What's going to happen when we go back?" asked Jasper, speaking for the first time.

"I'm going to examine Bella, as per my agreement with Esme" said Carlisle. "I'll also talk to Bella, see what she wants to do".

I opened my mouth in protest but Carlisle raised his hand to stop me.

"This is as much, ifnot more her decision than yours Edward, I have to talk to her about it. And I promised Esme we would make no decision until I examined her, the examination may show us something about how the pregnancy will progress" he continued.

We were at the luggage carousel now, waiting for mine and Bella's cases to arrive.

"But what if it doesn't?" I asked. "What even if after the examination she wants to keep it?"

"Technically it's her body and I can't make her do anything against her will, she'd be my patient and I'd have to do as she wished" said Carlisle regretfully.

"There must be some way"I said angrily. "Some way to make her see sense."

"Of course there is" replied Carlisle. "You and Emmett hold her down with your strength, Jasper manipulates her emotions, makes her feel happy and I inject her with a sedative. But is that really what you want to do to your wife?"

"Not to mention Rose and Esme wouldn't let us" pointed out Jasper.

"Exactly" pointed out Carlisle. "More to the point Edward, Bella would never forgive you if she woke up and found her baby gone".

"It is not a baby Carlisle, it's a .." I couldn't find the right words to explain what I believed was growing inside Bella. "It's not natural".

"Maybe not but it's there Edward, and you can't ignore it" replied Carlisle. "You've heard the myths, children have been born to humans who have had one parent of our kind before".

"And Carlisle, if you remember rightly, none of those myths had happy endings" I said, my mouth was full of venom, my rage teetering on the edge of my self control.

"Not to mention they are just myths, no-one has ever documented these children, there is no proof of their existence" said Jasper.

" We could find the myths, work from there, track down people who have seen these children, there could be a way" said Carlisle.

I looked at him, stunned. Where was the man who just a few hours ago fully agreed with me that a termination was the best course of action? Who all but ordered me home so he could perform the relevant surgery on Bella.

_I swore an oath Edward, if Bella wants this child then I will not go against her wishes, the vows of my profession bind me from going against her wishes. And you know I am the only doctor who can treat her so don't even think about it! _

"And this has nothing to do with Esme?" I asked.

_I will not divide this family, not when we need each other now more than ever. This family has always stood by one another, we may not have always agreed with one anothers opinion but we have respected it and gone along with it. Bella is now a member of this family and we will give her that privilege. _

"You didn't answer my question" I pointed out.

_I didn't see it as a question worth answering, of course it is to do with Esme, but also because I can already see in Bella the love she feels for that child, the second she stepped off that plane it was there Edward. And a mother's love is far stronger than anything we can imagine, even if we did go against Bella, that bond would forever be there, and trust me son, it is not something you can ever compete against._

Emmett and Jasper were looking at us intently, mine and Bella's suitcases now in their hands, hearing only my side of the conversation.

"Carlisle" I whimpered. "You're asking me to sign her own death warrant".

_I think she signed that the day she met you._

I shot him a glare.

_I'm not asking you to decide anything, yet. Just let me examine her, nothing can be decided until then, and then after that the two of you can talk and make your decision from there. You need time to make this decision._

He placed his hand on my shoulder in a fatherly gesture. I did not need time, I already knew my decision, my love for Bella was the purest thing in my life, anything that threatened to eradicate that from my life deserved to be taken away, I would not let this child destoy Bella. Despite Carlisle's wishes I knew there would be a fight, I could only pray to the highest powers that Bella's life was not the loss.


	4. Hand In The Darkness

**A/N Seriously I cannot thank people enough for all their kind reviews, it is because of you that I'm continuing this story. Hope you enjoy, and please take the time to review :) For this one I've decided to return to Bella's POV.**

When I first met Edward, he was convinced that one day he would tell me something so terrible about him that I would walk away, that there would be something I couldn't handle. And until now I had handled everything him and his lifestyle had thrown at me, but this, his unwavering opinion on the "right thing to do", was enough to tip me over the edge. On the way home from the airport I had sat with Rosalie in her car with Emmett and Esme, Rose holding me tight against herself running her hands through my hair comfortingly. I hadn't seen Edward since we got off the plane, he had walked off with Carlisle the moment we landed and he had left before me and Rose had reached her car. Never had I felt more alone that I did at that moment, whatever had happened in the past, however terrible, I had always at him at my side, and now to know that he wasn't tore at my heart. Normally I would do anything at Edward, the sacrifice I was prepared to make to my life for him was proof enough of that, but this? This I could not grant him. It was simple enough for him, to him a "monster" was growing inside me, and the only solution to that "problem" was to eradicate it. He couldn't see that the monster was our child, something so unique and beautiful because it had been created by us, a product of our love for one another. How could he destroy that? Destroy our creation? I thought back to the nightmares that had plagued my sleep on Isle Esme, of the child I had seen, the protection I had surrendered to the infant. Already I knew that protection was in place around my child, I only had to feel Rose's arms around me to know that there were other people besides myself prepared to fight for this child, but in the end I knew it would be down to me and Edward, and for the first time in our relationship, I would be able to resist him.

We arrived back at the house, and Carlisle was waiting for me in the garage. A smile played over his handsome face.

"Bella" he greeted me with a kiss on a cheek and a swift embrace. "How are you feeling?"

"Better" I said. "Not as nauseous".

"Well that's always a good sign. I'd like to examine you Bella, I think we've established we're not dealing with the normal nine month model here and I would like to try and figure out a rough timeframe if I can".

I nodded, despite knowing what Carlisle wanted for me, I had to trust him, he was a doctor and a good one. After all I couldn't turn up at the local hospital and announce I was pregnant with a half vampire baby, I'd be locked up in a psychiatric unit.

"Good, I've set up a temporary examination room in the library, if you'd like to follow me" replied Carlisle.

I looked around for Rose, as much as I wanted to trust Carlisle, I wasn't prepared to go into an examination room alone with him, after all what if this was a trick? All it would take would be one injection and my fate would be out of my hands, at least with Rose at my side I'd feel safer.

"Rose".  
She was immediately at my side.

"What's wrong, is everything ok?" she asked, her eyes brimming with concern.

"Will you come with me? Carlisle wants to examine me and I'd feel better with you there" I admitted.

She slipped her hand into mine as way of an answer and together we made our way up to the library. Not to my surprise but Edward was also there. His back against the wall farthest away from the bed Carlisle had set up in the room, his eyes trained on the ground, he was playing with his hands as method of distraction. I didn't need to see his face to know he felt guilty, it was evident in every part of his body, the tapping foot, the ruffled hair. This was not the calm, collected Edward I knew inside out, this was a new Edward. On the brink of losing control, guilt eating up every part of his body, anger bubbling through his form, I had never seen him like this before and it scared me.

Carlisle motioned for me to lay on the bed and I did as he requested.

"Edward's already given me the date of the conception" said Carlisle taking a seat beside me, Rose on the other side of me, still holding my hand. "But I need to ask you a few more questions Bella, when did you first realise that something wasn't right?"

"I was eating more" I said. "And I woke up and I was sick, I just thought maybe the food was bad, you hear all sorts of rumours about food and water in foreign places, and becoming ill due to dirty water and such".

I was rambling and I knew it, but Edwards presence in its current state unnerved me in such a way that I was unable to form a coherent sentence.

"When did you realise you were pregnant?" Carlisle rephrased his question in the hope of getting a more direct answer.

"I realised my period was late, and it all just slotted in" I said.

Carlisle nodded, making notes on his pad.

"Bella I'm going to need to ask you to lift your shirt" he said.

I did as he requested, even when lying down I could see my bump, pure, white alabaster skin stretched over the most precious thing in my world.

Carlisle ran his cool touch over my bump, up and down, then side to side. He put his stethescope against it and listened intently, his face frowning. The panic in my body began to rise at an alarming rate.

"Is something wrong?" I asked. "Carlisle!"

I hadn't noticed but Edward was now stood behind Carlisle, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes still focused on the ground. Of course he knew what was wrong, him and his mind reading powers.

"Carlisle!!!". My voice was all panic right now as Carlisle avoided answering my question. In my mind all the worse scenarios were running through my head, I couldn't, no, I wouldn't lose this baby.

"I can't get a heartbeat Bella" said Carlisle. "Or any kind of sounds".

"She's carrying a half vampire child Carlisle" said Rose. "Maybe there won't be a heartbeat".

"The childs connected to Bella via the normal human ways, otherwise it wouldn't be able to grow, it has to feed off her, therefore I would expect there to be heartbeat" replied Carlisle.

"You don't know anything though" said Rose. "You said it yourself the risk is in the fact we have no idea what to expect, therefore you can't alarm Bella by telling her something you don't even know should be there is there".

My mind was in such a state of confusion that I could barely in what they were saying until I heard Edward's voice.

"So despite all of that, you're willing to let Bella risk it all" he said, his velvet voice music to my troubled ears.

Rose stood to face him, and for the first time his eyes left the ground. They were onyx, the darkest black I had ever seen him, he looked hungrier than I had ever seen him, but I knew it was not blood he thirsted, but salvation. Salvation from the sin he believed he had committed. The patches under eyes were almost violet with the toll of the strain he was carrying on his shoulders, I wanted to hate him, for what he wanted to do to our child. But one look into his eyes and I knew he was hating himself far more than I could ever hate him.

"All I'm doing Edward is supporting Bella, this is what she wants, as her husband that should be your job, but as you're incapable of doing it looks like I'm doing it for you" replied Rose furiously.

Edward let out a low growl through his teeth, coupled with the way he looked at the present, he'd never looked more like the monster he concealed inside of him.

"What I want, is the best for my wife Rosalie, and I am not going to let your overinflated ego and long lost hope for motherhood get into the way of that" he replied, venom punctuated his every word.

"This has nothing to do with what I want" said Rose.

"I live inside your head Rose, I see the bitterness you carry around with you everyday, the hopes and dreams you lost, you're telling me that you're really doing this for Bella's own benefit, you, who would have happily stood back and let me destoy her the moment I realised the effect her scent had on me. Is this all really for Bella?" Edward argued.

I had never seen Edward so angry and it terrified me, this is how I imagined he would be when he hunted, uncontrollable and consumed by another power.

"Edward" I interrupted. "I called Rosalie, I asked for her help, it was me."  
"NO!" shouted Edward.

The force of his words felt as if he had slapped me, Edward had never spoken to me in such a way before and his words truly stung, he looked paralysed himself when he saw the effect they had on me. My hands were shaking uncontrollably with fear, calmed only when Rose took hold of them once more.

"Do not blame yourself Bella, don't even think about it" Edward said in a much calmer voice. "Whether you phoned or not Rose would have got herself involved, too good an opportunity for her to miss".

"It's a child's life Edward" said Rose. "Your child infact in case you'd forgotten".

"Somehow that fact had occured to me Rose" replied Edward sarcastically.

I couldn't bear to see them arguing, brother and sister turning against each other because of me, it was bad enough what it was doing to Edward and me, let alone rip the Cullens apart. I couldn't do that to them, not after all they had been through together,after everything they had done for me.

All around me I could hear the fighting continuing, angry, hate filled words flying out of Edward and Rose's mouths, insults being swung back and forth like a ball in a tennis match. It was too much for my brain to process in its pregnancy induced haze. I tried to sit up, hoping to put myself between the two of them to make them stop, but as my body reached the vertical position an almighty pain ripped through my body, a pain so strong I was sure it was going to rip my body in two, I gripped my hands onto the bedsheets so I could hang onto something, I was convinced I was going to faint. The pain was all consuming and my body could think of nothing else, and slowly but surely, blackness took over my eyes.


	5. Me and Her

**A/N: Again, thank you for all the lovely reviews, keep them coming and the chapters will soon follow! And now I hand it over to Edward.**

I was so caught up in arguing with Rosalie that I barely noticed Bella, crouched over, one hand over her stomach, her face contorted with agony. It wasn't until Carlisle called for me that I realised something was wrong. Immediately I made my way to Bella's side, Carlisle had laid her back down on bed, her eyes were shut and her skin was the palest white, her brown hair fanned out around her head, a stark contrast to the colour of her skin, her hand still wrapped tightly around her stomach.

_Edward!_

Carlisle's thoughts were calling out to me unavoidably.

_I need you to get me the sonograph machine, its over on the other wall, I need to see if I can get an image of the baby, that might tell us some more._

Within a second I had wheeled the machine over to Carlisle and resumed my place by Bella's side. For the first time since we left the island I took Bella's hand in mine, her hand slotted into mine as if they were made for one another. Her warmth calmed my cool touch, bringing back to me the warmth I had been missing. Please, whatever powers that bridged our two worlds, don't let me lose her, let her be ok. I raised her hand up to my glass lips and placed a chaste kiss to her hand, her scent overwhelming my senses, but not in the predatory sense, just the pure scent of Bella, the unique smell that was her. Strawberries, cotton and just her, my Bella.

I looked over at Carlisle, he already had the machine set up and Rose was busy spreading the gel over Bella's stomach. Bella's eyes were still shut, without her eyes there to comfort me I was even more anxious.

_She's fainted, when was the last time she ate?_

"Back at the island, she could barely keep any food down, she kept swapping, she went from ravenous to nauseous" I replied out loud eliciting strange looks from Rose.

_Hmm, we're going to need to get nutrients into her somehow, if she can't keep food down we might have to think about putting her on an IV drip._

"Isn't that unneccesary?" I said.

_She needs nutrients, it's not just her body relying on them now, the baby will be draining her body of all its resources, so she'll need more than she normally would, we can wait and see if her body will keep food down, but if not then it might be the only option, long term. But short term I think we should hook her up now, her body obviously needs the vitamins or she wouldn't have fainted_

I thought back to the last time I had seen Bella at the mercy of IV drips, it had been in Phoenix, after James' attack. She'd looked just as vulnerable now as she did then. It pained me to think that yet again, because of her decision to be with me Bella was in pain, reluctantly I nodded to Carlisle and gave him my permission, in just a few vampire seconds she was hooked up to the IV drips he had on standby before returning his attention back to the sonograph.

_Nothing._

Never had a word sounded so painful to my mind, I turned round so that I was facing Carlisle. I could still feel Bella's pulse in my hand so I knew it wasn't her.

"What is it?"asked Rosalie. "Is it the baby?"

The venom in me rose again, I had never doubted I was right, despite Bella defending her, I knew all Rose cared about what the baby, and to hell with what happened to Bella, as long as Rose got the baby, nothing else mattered.

"I can't get a sonograph" said Carlisle defeated.

Every part of Rose's face was pure panic now, and while I sought comfort in the fact that Bella was now safe, colour was returning to her cheeks now the IV was delivering her with the relevant human needs, Rose's world was now spinning on its hinge.

"Rose as you said yourself, we don't know exactly what we are dealing with here" said Carlisle reassuringly. "There could be a number of reasons why I can't get a picture."  
"Such as?" she challenged furiously.

"Well if we go on the assumption that the child will share characterisitics of both Bella and Edward then it is possible that she has inheirited Edward's skin, vampire skin is almost impossible to penetrate, you know that" replied Carlisle.

"You don't know that though" said Rose. " What if?"

Her voice trailed off and we all knew what she was implying with those 2 words, I was grateful Bella was unable to hear the conversation that was taking place.

"The rate at which Bella's pregnancy is progressing suggests to me that within the week she'll begin to feel its movements, I cannot predict an exact timeframe, the best I can do is take measurements, and hopefully over time be able to form some sort of prediction about the timeframe. In the meantime I will be looking into every possible myth and legend about this kind of conception that I can get my hands on, and I will expect the whole family's help on this matter". continued Carlisle

Rose nodded then concentrated her gaze on me, she may have had the beautiful face that immortality had been kind enough to give her, but underneath the remnants of the human Rosalie Hale were all to strong, the spoilt, vain little girl lurked all too strong in Rose much to everyone's annoyance.

"Does this mean you've finally seen sense?" she asked haughtily. "You're going to let her keep the baby?"  
The excitement in her voice was almost too much for me to handle in my guilt riddled state.

I looked at Carlisle, hoping to find the answers in him as I normally did.

_I promised Esme I'd examine Bella, and after that a decision would be made. I've held out my end of the bargain._

"We've learnt nothing new though" I pointed out.

_No, the only way we'll learn anything is time Edward. I need time to be able to measure and record the pregnancy, that's the only way I'll be able to make any guess about what's going to happen. I've already given Emmett and Jasper the task of researching everything they can of the old myths, but again we need time._

Time, the one thing that mattered least when you had eternity on your hands. But in the current circumstance it was the one thing that counted against us. On the one side, Carlisle needed time to examine Bella over the course of her pregnancy to try and determine what would happen, and we needed time to digest the legends, but on the other side, all of that would need the pregnancy to continue. I looked down at Bella, after all I'd already put her through, could I put her through this? Back on Isle Esme it had seen such a simple decision to make, but here now, it was not so clear cut. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but there was a part of me that did want this child, it may have been buried deep within me, a long lost part of my human self that I had locked away when my soul had been lost. And the fact that it was my child with Bella only added fuel to that fire of desire to be a parent, a part of me that was my flesh, not so much my blood. A mini- me or Bella, the idea was tempting, but at what cost? The cost of Bella's life was much too high a price to pay for a long lost fantasy.

_I can't guarantee anything Edward, but I promise you that I will do everything in my power to look after Bella._

That wasn't the problem, I trusted Carlisle implicitly, I'd have to, to have Bella's life in his hands. It was whether I trusted my own judgement that was my problem.

I brushed my hands over Bella's forehead, her face was now back to it's normal colour.

"She's responding to the IV" I said, avoiding both Carlisles thoughts and Rose's question.

"Certainly looks that way" said Carlisle running his eyes over her and making yet more notes.

"There's no guarantee how long for though?" I pointed out.

Carlisle paused before answering.

"No" he said slowly, considering each word before he spoke. " But if we monitor her closely enough then we can decide the best course of action".

"You need time for that though" I continued. "And in this instance time is not on our side".

"She's strong enough" said Rose. "Look at what else she's been through, she survived James, you leaving her, the Volturi, Victoria".

"Barely" I said, choking out the words. "I don't know if she has enough strength left in her to fight this".

"She wants to Edward, she really wants this." said Rose, her voice the calmest I'd heard it that day. "Up until this happened, losing the possibility of children didn't matter to her, but now it's here and it's your child, it's changed everything, all that matters to her is that child".

"Even at the risk of her own life?" I asked.

"If it came to that then I don't doubt it" replied Rose solemnly. "Mothers instinct, everything else fades into insignificance."

"With her judgement impaired to that degree how I can trust her to make the right decision?" I asked.

The room fell silent as everyone contemplated what I just said, even Rose was thinking it over in her thoughts.

"You have to trust her" said Carlisle, breaking the silence. "Trust her that she'll do the right thing, whatever that may be".

"Even if I don't agree with it?" I asked hesitantly.

"Even then" stated Carlisle. " No-one can tell you the right path to take here Edward, it's a decision only you and Bella can make. You need to talk to her, not through Rose or me, you and her. You're the only people who can make this decision."

Inside his head Carlisle carried on the conversation.

_I know you're scared, I am too. But trust her, and trust yourself. I know the two of you will make the right decision, whatever that may be._

"She's coming round" said Rose.  
Bella's eyes were slowly opening and I was confronted with the deep chocolate orbs that I sought so much comfort in brimmed with love, this next conversation was going to be more painful than the one in the woods that fateful day when I had walked away from her.

_We'll leave you two alone to talk._

Carlisle placed his arm around Rose and led her out of the room. I looked back down at Bella, her arm still wrapped tightly around her abdomen, looking confused at the tubes coming out of her arms, what had I condemned her to?

"Edward?" she asked, her voice a mixture of confusion, anxiety and love all muddled together in package so uniquely Bella.

Inwardly I groaned, something told me this was going to rank on the list of my worst days.


	6. Smile Daddy

**A/N: I know I keep saying it but thanks again to all the people who have taken the time to write the reviews, they really do mean so much and make all the difference, as a thank you here's the 2nd chapter of the day, back to Bella's POV.**

"What happened?" I asked.

The last thing I remembered was Rosalie and Edward arguing, I'd tried to sit up, hoping to stop them and then the darkness took over.

"You fainted" Edward said quietly. "Carlisle said it's down to not eating, your body needs more nutrients than it's got, he's put you on the drip hoping to get some into your system whilst your body can't keep food down".

I nodded, glad to have an explanation as to why my arm was weighted down with tubes.

"Carlisle tried to do a scan" continued Edward.

That also explained the cool sensation on my abdomen.

"Did he find anything out?" I asked curiously.

I was excited about seeing the baby through the sonograph, that would make it seem all the more real, as well as an opportunity to learn more about the baby.

"He couldn't " said Edward.

"What do you mean he couldn't?" I asked, confused.

"He thinks that the baby has inherited my skin, vampire skin is particularly hard to penetrate" replied Edward. "It's the only explanation that he has as to why the sonograph won't work".

I nodded, relieved that there was an explanation as to why Carlisle hadn't been able to see the baby. Underneath it all I was also bitterly disappointed that if that was the case, I wouldn't be able to see the baby until it's birth. That little piece of mother/child bonding taken away from me, I couldn't help but feeling dejected.

"Does Carlisle still agree with you?" I asked cautiously, unaware of the right way to broach the subject with Edward.

He ran his ice cool fingers over my knuckles, causing shivers down my spine and my breath to stutter, my heartbeat went that bit quicker.

"Hes changing his mind" admitted Edward. "Esme is against that course of action, and it is rare for him to side against her, he promised her that he would examine you before coming to any medical decision."  
"What did he say?" I asked. "After the examination?"  
"That only you and I could make this decision" said Edward. "Carlisle is willing to help whatever we decide but we have to make the decision."

I removed my hand from Edward's grip, physical contact with Edward made me lose control of my senses and I wanted to be in control as possible for this conversation.

"Edward" I started. " I know right now you're allowing yourself to be eaten up by the guilt of what's happening".

"Can you blame me?" he asked.

"Yes" I said. "This is not your fault, I asked that of you, Edward I all but seduced you, how can you blame yourself?"

"Self control Bella" he replied. "For 2 years I practiced perfect self control of myself in your presence, and then in one night I ruined it all. And you wondered why before I had always kept my guard up around you, well here you are, here's your answer".

"You didn't know this would happen" I argued.

"No but I knew something would happen. And I was right, that first night, remember what I did to your body, the bruises, the pain. Don't deny you were in pain Bella, I saw you wince everytime you moved. Then the second time, it resulted in this"  
"This. It's a baby Edward, not a thing" I said, pointing to my swollen stomach.

"Bella it's half vampire/half human, it hardly falls into a conventional category" he pointed out.

"We're not conventional Edward, look at what we are. We defy the odds. By the nature of what you are you should not be able to be anywhere near me, the mere scent of me should be enough to either kill me or run away as far as possible, yet against it all we've created a baby, it's not a monster, or a thing, it's a part of us" I said, my eyes brimmed with tears that threatened to fall.

"I waited so long for you Bella, 90 years I walked alone, I watched every other member of my family find eternal love and happiness, long ago had I given up hope that I would ever find it for myself. Then you walked into my life, beautiful, unconventional Bella, and I found the light my life had been missing, and you're right, we defy the laws of our individual natures and that is something extraordinary. But whilst I have eternity, you only have a lifetime. You're so much more fragile than what you think you are Bella, you know my strength, if this baby has even if half that strength, who knows what it's capable of doing to you?" he said, his eyes never breaking away from mine.

There was no stopping the tears now, they flowed silently down my cheeks, staining them as they fell.

"It wouldn't hurt me, I'm it's mum" I said, the words choking in my throat.

"We don't know what will happen to you Bella, all we have are the myths and legends to turn to, and there's no concrete proof for them. We'd be gambling on too high a risk" Edward said, his hand delicately brushing my tears away.

"And we'd be losing something too precious if we didn't" I said, trying to regain control of my voice. "Imagine it Edward, a little you or me to hold in our arms. Against the odds we will have done it".

"I can see the temptation", his hands drifted from my cheeks until my head was cupped in his hands. "It may not seem like it Bella but I can see it in my head too, and there is a part of me that does want this too. How can I not?"

"Then let's do it!" I said excitedly. "Let's have this baby".

"Bella.." His voice trailed off, I could hear the anxiety in every musical note of his voice.

I ran my hand through his hair, trying desperately to comfort and reassure me.

"Our whole relationship has been a risk Edward, me being around you at this close a proximity is a risk in itself, but look at how far we've come, look at what we've achieved" I said, clinging to any bit of hope that I could find. " We can do this, I can do this".

"No matter what the cost?" he asked.

I paused, knowning what he was implying.

"It wouldn't come to that" I said, trying to inject some confidence into my voice even though I did know that there was a strong possibility that this would not end the way I dreamt it should. " I trust Carlisle and I trust you".

I could see in his face his resolve beginning to crumble, he never had been much good at resisting my begging, he hated it infact.

"I couldn't change you until after the baby's born" he said after a brief pause.

"I'll wait" I said without hesitation.

He laughed, it was like music to my ears to hear that laugh after all the strain and stress after the past couple of days, and I couldn't help but smile in return.

"You'll wait?" he repeated. "You, who's spent the past 2 years begging me to change you, and now you want to wait?"

"Somethings are worth waiting for" I said poignantly.

"It's just such an unknown" he said, returning to the matter in hand.

"Wasn't I an unknown?" I questioned. "When you first started talking to me, you didn't know if you'd kill me or love me and look where it's got us, somethings are worth the risk, aren't they?"

"You know what you mean to me, don't even question it Bella. That's why I'm so hesitant, why I thought I was doing the right thing when I phoned Carlisle".

"I know you think you're doing the right thing" I said.

I released my fingers from his hair and traced them down till I reached his forehead.

"Stop thinking with this."  
I moved my fingers further down, over his face, his jawline, down his neck, collarbone, until I reached his chest.

"Start thinking with this".

"I don't have one " he said without missing a beat, a hint of his crooked smile that he knew I loved on his face.

"But you do Mr Cullen, and I of all people know how much love that heart is capable of, how about you share just a bit of that love with this baby" I said, my finger drawing lazy circles on his chest. "Take a chance on it, like you did with me".

"You're going to be the death of me Mrs Cullen" he said, the smile growing wider.

"But you're indestructible" I pointed out.

"I think you may be the exception to the rules" he replied. "Is this really what you want Bella?".

He removed my hand from his and placed it over my heart, with his hand over the top.

"Hand on heart?"

"Yes" I replied without hesitation. "More than anything".

"More than wanting to be a vampire?"

"Yes"

He gazed deep into my eyes and I felt like I was going to faint again from the intensity of his stare, I knew what he was looking for, any hint of hesitation or doubt, he wouldn't find any I thought confidently. My mind was made up the second I knew what was growing inside me, Edward or no Edward.

"Well then" he said. "It seems there's nothing I can do to change your mind, looks like there's a baby on the way".

I grinned the biggest grin my face was capable of before throwing my arms around him, trying to pull him tight enough and close enough so that all of my optimism would flow into him, maybe then his smiles would be as real as mine.


	7. Fuzzy Vision

**A/N**: **Again, thank you all for the reviews, really do mean so much and inspire me to carry on writing this, and update as soon as I can. For this one I've decided to go for Alice's POV, hope you enjoy, and please review!!**

"Well?" asked Rosalie impatiently.

"Give her some room Rose" said Emmett.

I was doing my best to try and block out the rest of my family and concentrate on my vision, it was constantly shifting and changing, I couldn't get one clear reading much to my annoyance.

"They're too undecided" I said finally. "Until they make their mind up I won't be able to see".

Rose growled and walked out of the living room, to throw a strop no doubt, loyal Emmett followed close behind her. I looked to Jasper and gazed back sympathetically.

"Forget about her" he said. "Rose wants everything done yesterday, you know what she's like".

"She's going to crash Edward's Aston if he doesn't let Bella keep the baby" I said, seeing the vision in my head.

"Well for that reason alone he'll let her keep it" joked Jasper.

Carlisle and Esme joined in the laughter half heartedly, but no-one cared about the car or Rose even for that matter. Everyone's thoughts were upstairs in Carlisle's library where Bella and Edward were deciding the fate of their baby. I wanted to go and talk to Bella, she'd know thanks to Rose that I had sided with Edward and Carlisle. It wasn't out of bitterness that she was pregnant and I could never be, I was thrilled that she was having a baby, really I was, a little doll I could dress up and buy presents for, I could see it already. Sailor outfits if it was a boy, party dresses for a girl, the whole wardrobe was planned out in my head. It was just the fact I couldn't see the baby that scared me, ever since I had realised my gift I had relied on it to predict what would happen, even if it did not seem likely at the time. Such as how I had seen Bella becoming one of us before her and Edward had even spoken a word to one another, she hadn't known it then but her fate had already been decided. So if Bella was decided, as Rose thought she was, why couldn't I see the child in our future? The only other option for my inability to see the child was that she wouldn't carry it, but I knew my sister. I knew her stubbornness and inner strength matched any one of ours physical strength, even Edwards. And Edward was so ga-ga over her he'd do anything to keep her happy, he was no match for her feminine wiles.

"It's ok Alice" came Jasper's soothing voice. "It doesn't matter if you can't see it".

He was trying to comfort me, I knew that but it wasn't helping.

"It does matter though" I said anxiously. "We've always relied on my visions, used it as our marker for our futures, with everything else so up in the air on this the least we could have would be my visions, and I can't even do that".

Esme put her arm around me and held me in only the way a mother could, holding me tight against her stone body, allowing me to bury my head in the crook of her neck whilst I regained control of my emotions before she let me go.

"I can see everyone else, I can see all of us, but Bella's just all fuzzy" I admitted.

"Fuzzy?" repeated Carlisle.

He looked at me puzzled.

"Alice, can you describe to me what you can see of Bella?" he asked patiently.

"Why?" I asked. "If I can't see the baby what good does it do us?"

"Humour me" he said, a slight smile on his face.

"I can see Bella and her face, it's her human face, and she hasn't been changed. She's lying in here on the sofa and we're all in here. But I can't see the details of her, I know it's Bella, Edward's sat against the sofa by her and Rose by her feet. I just can't see her properly, it's as if from the neck down she's all her blur".

"So you can't see if she's carrying the child or not" asked Carlisle.

"No, her body is just a blur to me" I replied. "Why?"

"Just a little theory I'm working on" Carlisle replied mysteriously before walking out the room with Esme hot on his heels.

I frowned, I wasn't used to this. Being left in the dark, it felt so normal, so human. I turned to face Jasper and found his eyes gazing into mine, we didn't need to have conversations the conventional way when it was the two of us, we may not have had Edward's power to read people's minds, but by looking into each others eyes, by sensing the emotions, we could guess what each other was thinking. Fear was in Jasper's eyes, fear for Bella, who despite the past, he had come to love as a sister, fear for Edward losing everything it had taken him so long to gain, and most of all, fear of the unknown, who knew what this child would bring upon our family? I knew my eyes more than likely reflected his own. I would easily admit I was petrified, not just at my lack of visions but I feared for Edward and Bella too, me and Edward, with our gifts, had bonded when we felt seperated from the rest of the family. Asides from Jasper he was the only other person in the family who understood me, could read me, and not just through my thoughts. And Bella, who I had come to love as a friend and now my sister, I could still see in my head her jumping off the cliff at La Push, how it had terrified me, made my head spin and my knees weak, mortal pain I had not felt before, grief I guessed. With Edward's stubborness to change Bella, I had long realised that with Bella as the trouble magnet she was that her life was in constant mortal peril, and not just because she chose to socialise with vampires. But everytime we had been there to protect her; James, the Volturi, Victoria, but this was something so out of our hands I feared there was nothing we could do to help her.

All of a sudden my eyes began to close slowly of their own accord and my mind was taken out of my own thoughts and into a different space, despite the medical equipement, I instantly recognised Carlisle's library. Edward was sat, his head in Bella's hands, they were talking, she was begging him, pleading with him for their child's life, it was almost too much to bear. I waited impatiently for Edward's response.

"Well?"

I snapped out of the vision to find the rest of my family gathered around me, Jasper must have called them when he realised I was getting a vision. The furious voice belonged to none other than our resident angel.

"She's won" I said gazing into each of my family's eyes. "She's having the baby".

Rose's eyes brimmed with joy and a huge smile broke out over her face, Emmett smiled too when he saw how happy Rose was before sweeping her off her feet into a bear hug. Carlisle nodded, as if he expected the decision, whilst at his side Esme broke out into her own understated smile. Jasper's was the last face I reached, his eyes were anxious, waiting for my own reaction before he displayed his own. I was still scared, but then in my mind I saw Bella's smile, the pure joy that was on her face. Bella was happy, and for just a second I saw the same smile break out on my brother's face, although he kept it hidden from Bella by burying his face into her collarbone as he embraced her, but it was enough to convince me that it was the right thing and I let my own smile free. Jasper's eyes changed and there was joy in his eyes too, although I was the only one who could see.

"What's next Carlisle?" Emmett asked, his arm wrapped around Rose's waist.

"Bella's going to need constant monitoring, more so than would be expected. I'm going to have to take detailed measurements to document the pregnancy, see if I can't make some sort of prediction with the timeframe. I can't get the sonograph to work so we're going to have to rely on these measurements" replied Carlisle.

"What about the rest of us?" said Emmett. " We all want to help".

Carlisle looked around at all of us, each of us nodded of our accord, signifying we were willing to help, proving Emmett was talking for all of us when volunteering out help.

"It's too much for Edward to handle alone, he'll try to, but he'll need our support and help, as of course will Bella. I'll need help monitoring her, documenting. The best I can ask of you all is to be there for the pair of them, whatever they need, provide them with, be there for them in every way each of you possibly can. I'll also need your help deciphering the myths and legends, we'll need to get our hands on every relevant story that we can apply to this situation, it may mean travelling to wherever neccessary, but I trust I can ask that of you all?"  
It was a question but none of needed to answer it verbally, for decades this family had stood together through trial and tribulation, and this was no different, just another wave for the Cullen family to ride out together, and looking around the room at my family, I knew we would all do what ever it took to protect our brother and his wife and the child they had miraculously created together, no matter what.


	8. A Rosy Marriage

**A/N: Again, thank you for all the wonderful reviews, really do make all the difference so please, keep them coming!!! Reviews mean quicker chapters! I would also like to state now that I have no intention of doing Jacob's POV for those who raised that in their POV's, it was my least favourite part of BD, which is the main reason for me writing this, so I could tell it from the Cullens POV, and I intend to stick to that!**

I decided to go a bit out there with this POV and go with Emmett, this is more about him and Rose, and why Rose is so anxious for Bella to have this baby, I don't think it's as clear cut as Stephenie Meyer would like us to believe. Anyway, enough of me, enjoy and review!

It wasn't often I regretted the life I had, the way I looked at it, I was saven that day from a mauling that would have killed me and given the best second chance possible. I had strength, all of time, and most importantly of all a family who truly loved me, Rose being the jewel of that crown. What was there to regret I asked myself when I heard others complain about the life we led. But as I stood there and saw Rose's pure happiness at Bella keeping her baby, I questioned it. I loved Rose, unconditionally and without boundaries, she was my angel who had saved me from the claws of death and delivered me a life beyond my wildest expectations. Never in my human life had I thought I would end up with someone as beautiful and passionate as Rose, it had taken me a long time to shake off the feeling that I didn't deserve her, and that she did love me as I did her. But there was something inside of Rose, more human than the rest of us. I knew she missed mortality more than we all did, there was a bitterness that threatened to eat her up inside because of what she had missed when Carlisle changed her, it was that bitterness that had caused her to resent Bella so. And now she was Bella's best friend? I didn't need Edward's mind reading power to know what was going on inside Rose's head at this moment in time, as soon as Carlisle was done telling us our responsibilities to Edward and Bella I dragged Rose up to our bedroom so that I could talk to her alone.

"Em, I'm not in the mood" she said as I shut the door behind us, her strawberry colour lips pouting in protest.

"That wasn't what I had in mind" I replied, sitting down on the bed that sat in the middle of our room.

"So what then?" she asked. Blunt, as always, that was Rose.

"What's with the being so nice to Bella?" I asked, two could play at being blunt I decided.

She looked surprised, her eyes widened and her mouth gaped open a little. I smirked.

"And cut the crap Rose, this isn't Carlisle you're fooling" I said.

The surprised look disappeared from her face in an instant, proof that she had been putting it on to try and evade my questioning. Instead her eyes turned a darker colour as her true emotions flooded to the surface.

"Everyone's been telling me to be nice to Bella ever since the day Edward met her, and now I am, you're telling me to not to be?" she asked.

I raised my eyebrows at her, Rose was a good actress, she had to be, to hide the human pain that still rested inside her body, I'd seen her go from sobbing uncontrollably to lighting up the room in an instant before so nothing surprised me about her.

"I'm not saying that Rose, I'm saying it's very apparent the only reason you're friends with her now is because she's having a baby" I said.

"She needed someone and she chose me" she replied furiously. "Why's that so hard to handle?"

"She chose the only person she knew would support her having the baby" I pointed out. "And now because of that, she is going to have this baby which is going to do God knows what to her".

"She'll be fine" said Rose flippantly. "She's in good hands".

"Rose, she's a human" I said slowly, as if talking to a three year old. " A human carrying a half vampire child, you really think she's 'going to be fine?'"

She shrugged her shoulders and tossed her blonde hair over one shoulder, playing the perfect angel. That wife of mine really did infuriate me sometimes, the calmer she was, the madder I got, and I could feel my temper rise.

"Why do you care so much anyway?" she asked curiously.

"Because unlike you I actually care about Bella the person" I said. " I care about what happens to her, I care about the effect this has on Edward, on us as a family".

"And I don't?" she asked.

"Truthfully? No, the only you care about is the same thing you've always cared about, yourself! You're using Bella as a way to live your long lost chance of motherhood and you don't give a damn what happens to her as long as you get to hold a baby at the end of it. And now because of your persuasion she's going to have this baby and who knows what will happen to her? Or Edward, cause we all know one can't live without the other. But as long as you get a baby at the end Rose, then it's all fine isn't it!"

I'd crossed the line, I knew that, I could hear it in the anger in my voice as I shouted at Rose, something I only did every decade or so, I could see it in her face as she looked more and more upset by the second. I hadn't meant to say all of that, I didn't drag her up here with the intention of having an argument with her, but damnit she infuriated me with her blaise attitude and perfection to a point where I was unable to control my emotions.

We stayed like that for a while, in pure silence after my outburst, looking at each other intently, waiting for the other to speak first. We were both stubborn, that was of the traits that had attracted us to the other, but was what caused the majority of our rows as neither of us would give in, normally it took interference from Esme or Alice for us to even be in the same room as the other after we'd had a row, but this time neither of us would leave, both desperate to prove what we were saying was right.

"Is that really how you see me" she said, her voice a mere whisper. "As some spoilt brat who doesn't give a damn about anyone else".

"Couldn't have put it better myself" I said, crossing my arms over my body defensively, Rose had been known to bring out her violent streak when angry and I wasn't about to standyby and let her.

She nodded slowly as if trying to take in the information for the first time, I was confused, this was the common interpretation of Rose. It was her own fault really, she was the least outgoing of all of us, apart from perhaps Jasper, the last to get involved in family outings, games, yet the first when it came to a fight. Over time the rest of our family had just accepted Rose for what she was, what she wanted them to believe she was. Only I knew any different, only I saw what really lay beneath Rose's armour and defences, saw her real smile that could easily light up any room, the magical ringing of her laugh, that was the real Rose, it was just a shame she kept it so well hidden from everyone else, maybe then we wouldn't be having this argument.

All of a sudden it hit me, the meaning behind what she had just asked, I thought she meant that was how we saw her, but what she had been asking was that how I saw her, there was a big difference and I had just booked my own flight to the Volturi with my response.

"I know I'm not perfect Em, far from it" she said, her voice still whispering. "But I try, damnit I try! I try to pretend that I like this life, because I should shouldn't I? A girl like me? I should enjoy staying forever young and beautiful, because that's what most women crave. The only thing I ever wanted, really wanted was the one thing my riches could never buy me and that was a family, my own child to hold in my arms and mother, the one thing I could have been good at. I've lived that lifetime of regret and I was not going to let Bella do the same, whether I liked her or not, I wouldn't wish that regret on anyone Emmett. I thought for once, maybe I was doing the right thing."

"How?" I asked, I was confused to say the least.

"I told Bella my story, just before all the stuff with Victoria, not out of spite or pity or any other reason you may think. But to remind her, remind her of what she's giving up when she joins us, immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be. I just wanted her to have the options I never had, and now she has one of the greatest opportunities of them all, and I wanted her to have it because I could sense she could. When she phoned me I could hear it in her voice, and I saw it when she got off the plane, she wants this baby Emmett. More than anything, and I recognised the same need in her as I once had, I lost my chance a long time ago, but maybe I can help Bella have hers, is that such a bad thing?"

I looked at Rose, and couldn't help but believe every word she was saying. There was such a sincerity in her words that I never normally heard I couldn't help it. The guilt I felt for putting her into this state was growing inside me, she was in pain herself and that put me into a state of pain, that was how it worked. I pulled her off the bed and into an embrace, sweeping her off her feet in the process.

"You know if you told Edward all of that then maybe he wouldn't be so mad at you" I pointed out.

"This is Edward" she replied, her voice muffled by my shoulder. "He sees and hears all".

I chuckled, it was nice to see that Rose had her sense of humour back.

"I'm sorry babe" I said, pressing as delicately to her hair as I could.

"I don't blame you" she said. "I know how it must look to everyone else, but I am just trying to help her".

I traced circles on her back with my fingers trying to calm and soothe her from her anxious state.

"And I do like her" she continued. "I may not have always shown it but I did. I saw how happy she made Edward".

"You've had a very funny way of showing it" I pointed out teasingly.

She wrestled her head out of my embrace so that we were facing each other.

"Edward knew" she said. "I apologised to him long ago for my treatment of Bella. I was just frightened of her, and threatened."

"Threatened?" I repeated. "Why were you threatened by Bella?"

"She's everything I'm not, everything I could never be. Human for a start, young, selfless, I look at her and see the kind of person I should have been" she said, her eyes brimming with honesty. "Maybe then I wouldn't have deserved this".

I knew instantly what she was referring to and she didn't mean being a vampire.

"Rose" I said warningly. "Don't even go there".

"It's true" she said shrugging her shoulders. "When I was the same age as Bella all I wanted was a rich husband and a comfortable lifestyle, look at what it got me. All I'm saying is I was jealous of Bella because, in hindsight, she's everything I would want to be, and the fact you all loved her straight away only added to my envy."

"Rose" I interrupted but she cut me off.

"But she did, all of you did. No questions asked, only me and Jasper questioned the threat she posed, but still all of a sudden she was a member of the Cullens and I felt lost, replaced. Envious that it was so easy for her to be a part of the family when I struggled for so long, I was angry at her for putting us in danger every second she was near us with James, I would have pushed her off the cliff myself when it sent Edward to the Volturi, I convinced myself that one day something would either make her walk away or us, and she'd be but a memory to us, but it never came. And do you know why Emmett?"

I shook my head, I was trying to wrap my head around what she was saying but she was talking much faster than my brain could process.

"Because if people love you it doesn't matter what you do to them, they will always look after you. I questioned it, I thought why do we keep putting ourselves in danger for her? And then it hit me, because we all love her, even I did for what she did to Edward, and that's why, because when you love someone you let them hurt you time after time again because you know it's worth it in the end, I recognised in Bella the same thing I see in myself, although hers is more accidental than mine. Neither of us know why the men we love us do so when we treat them so badly at times, yet they do, why our families stand by us when we harm them, I see myself in Bella, the good side of me that is in me somewhere, this is my chance Emmett, to be right, to be good, her and that baby, maybe now I can redeem myself for the way I've behaved in the past. Prove myself for my mistakes and actually deserve this family's love".

I wasn't going to pretend to understand the logic, everyone loved Rose, and to think they didn't, me especially was madness. But I more than anyone knew the taunts that haunted her, unlike the rest of us, her human memories hadn't healed, her emotional scarring even more heightened in her new life, more than anything I wanted to free her of that, free her of the prison she's locked herself in for decades so the rest of the world could see my smiling, happy Rose, and if this baby was going to be Rose's redemption, then I would do anything for it, anything for my wife.


	9. Food Glorious Food

**A/N: Apology for the delay in uploading this chapter, was up in London for a few days and there were connection problems with the hotels internet and my laptop so had to wait until I got home. However thanks to those who have been asking for the next chapter, glad to know there are people out there enjoying and looking forward to each chapter. Hope it's been worth the wait, as always reviews are most welcome :)  
For this one it's back to Bella's POV**

The pain was like nothing I'd ever felt before, it literally felt like my insides were being ripped out, I bit down on my bottom lip to bite back the scream I could feel building in my throat. All I'd done was stand up from the sofa when the pain overtook me.

"Bad baby" I scolded whilst rubbing my now swollen belly.

The baby was growing at an increased rate, I now resembled a woman at least 3-4 months into a normal pregnancy, when infact I had only been pregnant for less than a week. Carlisle was trying to monitor the pregnancy as best he could, make some form of prediction as to when I was due, the best he had come up with so far was that I was advancing 3 months in a week, which gave my due date for about 2 weeks time. But nothing was certain, we had no idea when the baby would makes it arrival. Every spare second was being spent pouring over legends and myths that resembled our circumstances, Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett dissected each one apart for clues or leads as to what expect. I'd always feared childbirth, Renee had told me of my birth as a young child when giving me the "talk", figuring it would be the best kind of contraception she could give me, and it had been enough to put me off wanting kids for a long time. And that had been a human pregnancy, already I could feel the strain this baby was putting on my body and I was still so early in the pregnancy. My heart rate increased with fear when I thought about what would it would be like as the baby grew, it was enough to make me cringe.

"Bella".

Rosalie was stood infront of me, concern on her face.

"What's wrong?" she said, taking my arm in one of hers.

"Nothing" I said, she looked at me disbelievingly. "I got up too suddenly that's all".

She looked at me as if she wasn't sure whether to believe me or not, Rose rivalled Edward's protectiveness of me at the moment, it was rare for me not to have one of them close to me, looking after me, truth be told I preferred it to be Rose. Edward resembled more and more of a ghost these days, he barely spoke, the purple patches under his eyes were growing in size and colour, he hadn't hunted in weeks and his thirst was undeniable but he wouldn't leave my side. And on top of that, he was being consumed by guilt. It didn't matter how often I told him I didn't blame him and tried to get him optimistic about the pregnancy, it just didn't work. He'd play along just to keep me happy and then I'd see his face return to its permanently soured expression as soon as he thought I wasn't looking.

"You sure?" interrupted Rose. "I can get Carlisle to look over you if you want?"

I shook my head, as much as I knew Carlisle was helping, I hated the daily examinations and if I could avoid any extra time spent up in the library in our makeshift hospital then I would.

"Where's Edward?" I asked.

"Emmett and Jas forced him to go hunting" replied Rose. "At first he was resistant as he has been, but then Esme told him you needed him to be strong for you and that was enough to get him of the door, they haven't gone far though so they should be back with a few hours".

I nodded, glad that he'd finally gone hunting, maybe that would cheer him up somewhat, or at least put him in a better mood. The hungrier he was the crabbier he was, and up until now he'd been unbearable.

"You should eat as well" coaxed Rose as we arrived in the kitchen. "Esme went and did a shop, Carlisle advised her on the best types of food for your condition".

It looked like Esme had brought out half the supermarket, the island in the kitchen was covered in food, and I was unbelievably hungry. I hadn't eaten a proper meal since Isle Esme, unable to keep anything down. I was relying on the IV drips Carlisle hooked up to my arm at various intervals in the day to give me and the baby the nutrients we needed. I glanced at the food laid out, trying to figure out what I could hedge my chances with. I picked up an apple, and bit into it hesitantly. The texture of it felt so good in my mouth after so long without solid food, the sweetness melted on my tongue and eagerly I devoured the rest of it. Next to me Rose smiled as I then moved onto the bread and made myself the biggest sandwich I could before demolishing it in just a few mouthfuls.

"Someone's got an appetite" said Esme walking into the kitchen. "It's good to see you eating sweetie".

I was too busy working my way through the food to even give her a response as I moved from one piece of food to the next, everything tasted like heaven to my mouth, deprived for so long it was like my mouth was discovering all these flavour once again.

"Woaaah" said Rose. "You might wanna slow down there Bella".

I looked down and realised that over half the food was now missing from the island, I blushed with embarrassment as I realised just how much I had eaten.

"Sorry" I apologised. "It's just been so long since I've eaten proper food it just all tasted so good".

Both Rose and Esme nodded sympathetically.

"Well it's good to see you have an appetite back" said Esme. "You were giving Carlisle cause for concern".

I looked at her, worried, I hadn't realised my lack of eating had been such a problem.

"Don't worry about it Bells" said Rose's voice, wrapping her arms around my shoulder. "It's perfectly normal for pregnant woman to have limited or no appetite during the first stages of the pregnancy".

"But Carlisle?"I said interrupting her.

"Carlisle is just worrying about you not only as a doctor but as a family member" said Esme. "It heightens his concern about you professionally, makes him worry more than he should".

It made sense, I forgot that Carlisle was not only my doctor but Edward's father and therefore emotionally involved. Normally during my daily check-ups with him he was so professional I forgot about our personal relationship, which was the whole point I thought to myself.

I sat down on one of the bar stools surrounding the island, placing my hand on top of the bump. Esme smiled at me, a mother's smile I thought to myself. One that brought comfort, reassurance and love, I hoped it was something I myself would pick up instinctively. She looked down at where my hands rested and her smile grew even wider. I knew it was hard for Esme to be around me, Edward had explained to me that because of what had happened to Esme she found it hard to be in close proximity to pregnant women, something she'd mostly been able to avoid in her second life, but now here I was, unavoidable.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" she asked, concern now brimming in her eyes.

"Tired" I admitted. "All the usual really, nauseous etc".

"It's to be expected" she replied. "I couldn't get out of bed the last few months of my pregnancy, back pain. I was so impatient for the baby to arrive just so I could get out of bed".

She laughed, but it wasn't a happy laugh, more reminiscent of a time long lost.

"And I couldn't sleep either, he was constantly moving and kicking, keeping me awake all night. By the end of my pregnancy I was so huge I couldn't even get comfortable so it didn't make any difference, I tried every position possible to get comfortable and none of them worked."

"I can't sleep already" I admitted."I can't get comfortable either, even if Edward's there holding me, that used to send me straight to sleep, but not now".

"I'd like to tell you it gets better, sadly from my experience I can only tell you the tiredness increases, although hopefully the nausea will pass in time" said Esme, still smiling brightly at me.

"Well that's the most food I've seen you keep down" replied Rose. "Maybe the sickness has passed?"

No sooner were the words out of Rose's mouth then I felt the familiar feeling rise up inside my stomach, it was more intense than before but I knew that was down to the amount of food I had just consumed. I stood up knowing I had to get to a bathroom quickly when the pain overtook the nausea in my stomach, it truly felt like my insides were being ripped in two, I couldn't help this time but let out a little yelp.

Instantly both Rose and Esme were by my side, one holding each of my arms, talking to one another so quietly I couldn't even hear. Effortlessly they guided me to the sink, but with each step the pain in my stomach worsened, I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain. I leant over the worktop so I was leaning over the sink, the movement only intensified my pain and I gripped Rose's hand tightly as my pain relief, safe in the comfort I couldn't do any harm to Rose. She ran her other hand through my hair, holding it back as my nausea took over. Finally I was able to stand up, I felt weak, my legs like jelly, I was relying on Rose to hold me upright.

"Looks like I spoke too soon earlier" she joked.

I let out a feeble laugh with all the strength I could muster. The pain in my stomach wasn't as strong as anymore thankfully, I had barely noticed it as I had straightened myself.

"Wasn't a good idea to eat all that"I replied, trying to return the joke.

Rose looked at me, a serious expression on her face, her beautiful features mixed with concern made her look like a true guardian angel.

"Esme's gone to get Carlisle, it looks like you're going to need to go back on the IV again, and she wants him to examine you again".

I groaned in response, I hated being connected to the IV even more than the examinations, they reminded me of Phoenix, of James, all memories I'd rather forget.

"It's for your own good" she said as if reading my mind.

I sighed, I knew it was, it was hard to explain to someone who didn't eat human food the appeal it held. I knew that the Cullens only ate when they had to and from conversations with them I knew that human food had no taste to them. My body may not have been able to cope with food but my mind craved it, no IV could compare to the sweetness of that apple earlier on my tongue. I groaned at the thought of no more solid food for the rest of my pregnancy, no more apples, no more chocolate, the groan intensified.

Rosalie to my side just laughed, guessing what I was thinking about.

"Come on human" she said, placing my arm under hers. "Let's get you to the doctor".

Reluctantly I let drag me up to library, every movement another pain in my stomach until eventually I welcomed being able to lie down on the bed, even if it did mean another examination. As long as my baby was ok, I'd endure it I said to myself, whatever it takes quickly becoming my new mantra.


	10. The Mother In Me

**A/N: Apologies about the delay in updating (thanks to not being able to log in!) here's the next chapter, thanks as always to everyone who's reading this, aswell as all those who review and favourite it, really does mean so much so please carry on :) This one's in Esme's POV, hope you enjoy.**

It hurt us all to see Bella in so much pain, she tried to hide it from us, she'd bite her bottom lip and hold back whatever cry she wanted to release, just to stop us from worrying even more about her. I don't think I'd ever met a human as selfless as Bella, everything she had put herself since she'd met our family and discovered our secret was to make my son happy, and I would never be able to thank her enough for that. Before Bella arrived into Edward's life I was already consumed with worry that he would never find the soulmate that the rest of us had, it had been the topic of many conversations between Carlisle and myself, both of us worried that Edward had been changed too young, that he would never experience the type of love the rest of us took for granted. Then into his life walked Bella, and turned all of our lives upside down, not least Edwards. The smile that I loved in Edward once again returned to his lips, his sense of humour stronger than ever before and to my joy, he started playing the piano again. It was as if after decades of lying dormant he'd now been rejuvenated by Bella and the love and hope she gave him. That was why it hurt to see Bella in this pain, every moan and groan reminded us all that Bella was not as durable as we were, we were all aware there was a chance Bella may not survive this pregnancy. It tugged on my heartstrings to think that if this all went wrong we would lose Bella. Me and Carlisle would lose a girl we had come to think of as our third daughter, Emmett would lose the centre of all of his jokes, Jasper would lose the humanity he'd gained from being around Bella, Rosalie her competition, Alice her best friend, and Edward? Edward would lose his whole world.

I watched Bella submit herself to Carlisle's examinations, she hated these daily intrusions, especially if it was her second or third one of the day. She was still biting her bottom lip, definitely not a good sign. There was little Carlisle could do for her though, I'd already asked him if there was anything we could give her to ease the pain and he'd shook his head. It was too dangerous to give her any form of human medication as we didn't know the effect it would have on the child growing inside her. I was thanking the stars that Edward still on his hunting trip and wasn't here to witness this, this was destroying him as much as it was Bella. I only had to look into my son's eyes to see that he no longer saw himself as he should, but as the monster he tried to suppress within himself. Everytime he looked at Bella he visibly shuddered, the love was there still, if anything it was even stronger, but I knew that if anything were to happen he would never forgive himself for putting Bella through this, in his eyes the blame laid solely at his feet. We'd all tried telling him differently, but he wouldn't listen to anyone. It was when I looked into his eyes and saw all of this that I felt guilty for siding against him about the baby, I knew it was only because of what I had said to Carlisle that he had changed his mind, as a mother I should protect my children, and here I was exposing one of them to the purest kind of hurt because of my own actions.

When Carlisle first suggested Edward, Rosalie and Emmett posing as our adopted children I scoffed at the idea, up until now we'd posed with them as our brothers and sisters or husband and wives, but as our children? The idea of being referred to as "Mom" when the memories of my own baby were still so fresh in my mind tore me apart a little. But Carlisle reasoned with me that it made sense, and eventually over time I gave in, so we moved yet again and me and Carlisle became "Mom and Dad". I convinced myself I'd hate it, that it wouldn't sound right, how could I be a mother to these people who were just a few years younger than myself? Nothing I told myself could replace that little bundle of joy I'd held in my arms a few decades before, that feeling in me would never resurface like it had then. That maternal love had been born and buried with my son. But I found over time that the love was still there, the maternal instinct I had hidden deep within myself was still within me, growing even when Alice and Jasper joined us. If anything it was even stronger now due to my being a vampire, Carlisle later confided in me that he suspected that it was my gift that I had brought through to this life which was why it was so strong. It made sense I supposed.

Much like Rose my only hopes for my mortal life had been to marry, have children and live happily ever after, and I was lucky enough to have experience this in both my lives. My love for my adopted children had grown and grown over the years, and I could see the traits in each of them that they struggled to see in themselves. In Rose I could see the kindness and compassion she kept buried deep beneath her armour, in Emmett I could see the concern and love he felt for us all, in Alice the worry she felt if her predictions were not right, in Jasper the guilt as he struggled to adapt to our lifestyle and in Edward, I could see the guilt he felt for inflicting Bella on us and vice versa. Each of my children had come over the decades to mean the world to me, and had filled the aching hole in me my own child had left, so far four out of the five of them had had their happy ending but I knew that meant nothing unless Edward got his. Every day I would pray to whatever higher power existed to us and begged for this to work out for him, memories of Edward going to Italy were too strong from last time. When we'd found out where he'd gone it was the blackest feeling I'd ever known, for once it was as if time had stopped, nothing would matter again if we lost Edward, if I lost Edward. Carlisle had held me close to him as we waited for news from Alice and Bella, the last days of my human life swirled round my head, I couldn't do it again, I couldn't lose another son. When he walked back through the airport and he was there infront of me was the only time I could accept he was still here, I couldn't even be angry at him, I was too relieved that he was still here.

But I knew looking down at Bella, that if she didn't make it through this, that neither would Edward. I wished it didn't have to be like that, and I wished I had the strength in me to be able to stop Edward if it came to that, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. We all knew from the myths and legends that there was no human who had ever lived through a delivery like Bella's, a fact we had concealed from the pair of them, just part of the pact we had made just before Edward had left to go hunting, he was sitting with Bella whilst she slept.

"We need to talk" Carlisle said, motioning for everyone to sit around the dining room table that was only used for occasions like this.

There was a serious look in his eyes mixed with sadness that made his expression unreadable, even to me.

We all sat down, I immediately put my hand over Carlisle's.

"We need to be quiet" he said continuing. "And try not to think about what it is we're going to discuss".

Emmett's face distorted into one of confusion

"But how-".

He was interrupted by Rose elbowing him in the ribs and pointing upstairs to where Edward was with Bella. He nodded understandingly.

"As you know we've been gathering all the stories we can, but I can tell you already from what we've discovered that Bella's chances aren't looking good. No woman pregnant with a half breed child has given birth successfully".

I looked round at my children, each of the couples were holding each others hands, comforting one another. I tried to give them each a brief smile as best as I could muster.

"But Carlisle, there has to be a way. These legends are old and look at the technology and expertise you have. There has to be a way!" came Rose's voice, almost shouting until Emmett pulled her into an embrace and muffled her voice with his shoulder.

"I don't think all the technology in the world will help Bella, Rose. Believe me I wish it could, I hate this as much as you all do. But her human body can only take so much and it's dealing with a force so much stronger than it's own, there will come a point where she can't take anymore" he said poignantly.

"You don't think she'll make it?" asked Alice sat as still and calmly as a statue.

"Nothing's known in this situation, but going with what information we do have, no Alice I don't. Which is why I called this meeting. I trust we all remember what happened the last time Edward thought he'd lost Bella?"

It was a rhetorical question, of course we all remembered, Alice shuddered, no doubt recollecting her last visit to Volterra until Jasper put his arm around her.

"I have no doubt that if Bella doesn't make it, neither will Edward" continued Carlisle. "He'll want to join her in whatever afterlife awaits us, and I don't think we should stop him".

The whole room fell silent with the weight of what Carlisle had just said, I felt suffocated, I didn't need to breathe but I felt as if I should just to get something into my body, which felt heavier by the minute. Carlisle's grasp on my hand grew tighter.

"You want us to let him die?" asked Emmett incredulously, his eyes widened in shock.

"I don't think any of us would be able to deny Edward if he truly lost Bella, he'd either do it by himself or do it with us, I'm not pretending either option is pleasant one but it's a reality we have to face up to" said Carlisle, his voice flat, trying to keep his emotions out of the equation. "He'll go to the Volturi whether we want him to or not".

I wanted to say something, I wanted to scream and shout at Carlisle to stop saying these dreadful things, but I couldn't, I had no voice, just grief, grief for something I hadn't even lost yet but I knew was looming larger and larger on the horizon.

"What do you want us to do?" asked Emmett, his voice as flat as Carlisle's.

"If" Carlisle paused, "If the worse happens and Bella doesn't make it, if Edward asks or we see him leaving." He motioned to Alice. "We go with him, whoever wants to accompany us, we'll take him to Volterra, it's the least we owe him after everything he's done for us. It shouldn't be like last time, he shouldn't be alone".

There was a series of nods around the table, it didn't matter how painful the idea was, I knew there wasn't a single person around this table who wouldn't deny Edward this last wish, even me I thought although the thought pained me. If Edward asked me I'd cradle him in my arms as he left us just as I had my baby all those years again.

"So we're agreed?" said Carlisle.

We all nodded for a second time.

I looked down at Bella, Carlisle had hooked her up to an IV to deliver her the nutrients and her body seemed to be accepting them. The odds were against her, but she had to get through this. Our whole family's future relied on her, if we lost Bella, we lost Edward and we would never be the same, but if she survived, so did Edward. It was dangerous and risky, there was a part of me that wanted to confide in Bella, tell her exactly what rode on her survival, but I knew that would make her hide the pain even more. I just begged yet again to whatever power there was to get my son and daughter through this, I couldn't lose another child, I wouldn't lose another child.


	11. Brotherly Love

I hadn't wanted to leave Bella, but Carlisle promised me he would stay behind as would the girls so Bella was in safe hands, he then made Esme sit me down and remind me that I was no good to Bella unless I was strong for both of us. The thirst in me had been undeniable ever since we'd returned to Forks and the logic in me knew I needed to hunt. It had been beyond painful to leave Bella in the state she was in, we all knew she was hiding from us just how much pain she was in. I could see it in her eyes that she was holding back every tear and scream, all to protect us from her pain, I wanted to tell her not to, just to let it out, nothing could hurt me any more now I had decided. She didn't need to protect me any more, I had hurt the pair of us beyond repair with my actions on our honeymoon, I deserved this hell that I was now in. Jasper and Emmett had to drag me out the house, I was no match for Emmett's unrivalled strength and Jasper calmed my mood so I had no choice but to go with them. We ran just over the border into Canada where the wildlife was more attractive than in Forks or in the nearby mountains, it was further than I had originally wanted to go but I had no strength in me with which to argue with them. I couldn't help but notice that both Jasper and Emmett were not themselves, even Emmett when duelling with a grizzly bear was not his normal playful self, the kill was swift and quick, not Emmett's usual self. And even Jasper was jumpier than normal, out in the forest was where he was normally at his most relaxed, but here he was more on edge than back in Forks. Together they were making me more nervous than I was sat besides Bella back at home. Something was wrong I could tell that, and it was more than just what was waiting for us back home.

"Jas, Em" I said as we'd finished our "meal".

They both turned to look at me, throughout the years we'd managed to build the bond between us of real brothers, despite our beginnings and lack of biology. Me and Emmett had started the brotherly bond when he joined our family, the two of us had bonded over sports and our competitive need to beat each other, it was me Em had turned to when he asked Rose to marry him, and he'd even dragged me along engagement shopping with him each time he 'proposed'. I was even best man at the first couple of weddings, but then when Jasper arrived I let him take that duty over. Unlike most people, thanks to my gift I saw a side to Em that others did not often see, the caring and loving side that was buried deep beneath the swagger and charm, his worry about Rose, his constant concern that he was not good enough for her. It was this side to Em that I loved the most, the side that he kept hidden, he knew what I saw and over time he made no effort to hide his thoughts, instead he'd ask me for advice on what troubled him and I would answer him with what I had seen in Rose's thoughts, trying to offer him absolution from his troubles. Jas was the newest member of our family but me and Em had welcomed him with open arms and it was as if he'd always belonged with us. It was either with Alice or with the two of us that Jasper was at his most relaxed, when he didn't have to pretend or live under the pretence that he struggled with, Jas was the one who would talk the most on our hunting trips, after Em's crude jokes it was him who would open up and confide in us, he needed to he explained and I seconded that, he had too many memories bottled up inside of him. We'd run through the forest to the beat of Jasper's voice as he retold us of his days in the South, the horrors he'd encountered, it gave me and Em renewed respect in Jasper as he told us his stories and only saw to strengthen the bonds between the 3 of us even more.

"What's wrong?" I asked, cutting straight to the chase.

They exchanged glances within a blink of an eye, that a human would have missed.

"What do you mean?" asked Emmett, his face puzzled. "There's nothing wrong".

I raised an eyebrow at him, I had hoped not to have to resort to this measure, I'd hoped that at least one of them would have been honest enough with me so I wouldn't have to intrude upon their thoughts, but they were leaving me with no other option.

I tried Jasper first, but he was better at shielding his thoughts from me, especially if there was something that he didn't want me to know. His thoughts were on an old memory from his days in the South, one that I had seen in his mind countless times before. I raised my eyebrow at him again in protest of the lies he was showing me. Emmett would be easier I knew that, Emmett, despite being with me. He tried at first not to show me what he was truly thinking, he concentrated too on an old memory, hoping to throw me off the track. But I was stubborn so I stayed in his thoughts until I saw what was on his mind, what I saw stunned me. It was him in Rose's arms, being comforted by Rose as his head rested on her shoulders, her hand running through his hair, reassuring him. I couldn't make out what she was saying exactly, unsure of what it was that had left Emmett so broken, more than I had ever seen him before. And then the next image came through, Jasper on the phone, a grin creeping over his face, Emmett jumping up and punching the air in pure joy and the two coming together with a high five that shook the house. The memory was recent, a year or so I figured, the house they were in was not ours yet it had Esme's style of decoration about it.

I heard Emmett sigh as he stopped dead in his tracks.

"I told Carlisle he'd find out" he said, looking straight at Jasper.

They both looked at me, then looked back at one another as if they were communicating telepathically.

A third memory was shown to me, me walking through the airport, my arms around Bella, holding her tight to me. It hit me then, Emmett was showing me the memories of last year and my trip to Italy, the first memory must have been when they discovered I had visited the Volturi and asked them of my request. The second was Alice telling Jasper I was coming home, and the third my homecoming, it all made perfect sense now. But why bring that up now? It was a foolish mistake I had made going to the Volturi then, and one I regretted heaving, and what did Carlisle suspect I would find out?

"This all makes no sense" I said, breaking the silence.

"Doesn't it?" asked Jasper softly.

" What does me going to the Volturi last year have to do with now?" I asked puzzled.

"Would you do it again?" replied Jasper, sincerity etched onto his face.

I paused. At the time when I went to the Volturi I went because I believed I had lost Bella, and therefore my purpose in life. I hadn't wanted to live another second longer in a world that didn't have her in it, despite the pain I knew it would put my remaining family through. I thought at the time I was making the right decision, until Bella saved me from myself yet again and made me see the stupidity of my ways. I didn't understand the question he was asking me, it didn't make any sense. Why would I need to go to the Volturi again? Then Emmett let me into his thoughts once again, this time they were completely uncensored and unbearable, it was Bella, but not the Bella I knew, she was cold to the touch, her cheeks devoid of blush, yet she still looked like the angel she was, her hair fanned around her head as she was laid out in a box, a coffin I realised. I couldn't bear the image, I'd had it in my head once before and that was what had taken me to Italy. Now I understood Jasper's question, we were dealing with risks and odds with Bella's pregnancy, and so far everyone had been concentrating on Bella and what would happen to her, no-one had spoken about what it would do to me. I'd made it clear to Bella long ago that I would not live in a world that did not have her in it, and that was what Jasper was asking me, what him, Emmett and evidently Carlisle were worrying about. Would I do the same again if I lost Bella for good?

"Probably" I replied in a soft voice, thinking of the pain me thinking I had lost Bella had cause me before.

I heard a loud crash as Emmett picked up a boulder and threw into into the river in a rage.

Jasper took in a large breath, he didn't need to of course, but I guessed he needed to do something to calm his nerves rather than go the Emmett route.

" We thought that would be your answer" said Jasper. "We hoped it wouldn't be but deep down we knew you'd say that".

"You knew?" I asked, I myself hadn't known the answer until just a few seconds ago, how could they have known.

"We might as well tell him the full story" said Jasper, looking at Emmett who was now sat at the rivers edge, his back to us, calming his fury I concluded.

Jasper showed me in his thoughts the conversation between Carlisle and the rest of the family just before we left, my heart or whatever it was that was inside me, panged when he admitted Bella's odds were against her. I couldn't help but smile when Carlisle predicted what my actions would be if the worst happened, Carlisle would always know me better than I knew myself I thought to myself, we'd spent long enough together that he knew exactly how to read me even when I did not know my own thoughts, he always knew. I could see the pain in Esme and guilt crept through me, I knew the damage my last trip to Italy had done to her and I knew a second one one would all but destroy her immortal body.

"We weren't supposed to tell you" said Jasper. "Carlisle wanted any decision you made to be yours and not what we thought".

I nodded, I understood. But if there was one thing Carlisle had a habit of undermining in our family it was the strength of the bond between me and my two brothers, the girls in the family made their bond to one another shown with their shopping trips, daily gossips and all the other girls stuff they did together, but our bond was done outside of the house, when it was just the 3 of us so only we knew the true extent of it. No-one else knew that our hunting trips were also when we confided in each other our fears and desires, how we told each other what we could not tell anyone else. We could lie to just about anyone else but each other, when I left Bella that afternoon in the forest, Em and Jasper were waiting for me, they hadn't gone with the rest of the family, they'd waited behind knowing I'd need them. That was what we did.

"You understand though?" I asked, I was pleading with Jasper to understand my logic.

"I know if it was Alice I'd certainly think about it" he replied. "It's just what it'll do Edward, to this family, it'll tear the girls apart".

I nodded, I knew. I couldn't even picture Esme in my head without feeling pure guilt, she didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to lose another son, but I couldn't stay for her. Alice, my baby sister, the one who understood me the best next to my brothers, she'd mourn the loss of the one person besides her who had a gift, she'd be the only one left in our family. Even Rose I knew would miss me, her grief would not be as open as the other two, but despite outward appearances I knew she would mourn the loss of the first man she ever met who was not attracted to the great Rosalie Hale, I'd brought her a sense of normality in my approach to her, and she'd lose that, along with her first brother.

"Carlisle wants us to go with you" continued Jasper. "He doesn't want you to go through it alone".

His words were caught up in his throat, and I couldn't even bear to look at him, instead I made my way to the waters edge and sat besides Emmett. His face was concentrating on the water, not on me and Jasper though I knew he was listening.

"Carlisle said anyone who wants to be with you should be able to go" said Jasper, sitting on the other side of me. "But me and Em have been talking".

Emmett looked up and looked straight at Jasper.

"Neither of us want the girls to go through any more pain than they have to, they'll want to come, Esme especially" continued Jasper.

I shook my head, I wouldn't do that to her, if I was leaving her permanently the least I could do was leave her with the dignity of not seeing me die. I couldn't do that to her, not when I was already taking so much away from her.

"But we're not prepared to let you go alone again" said Jasper. " Me and Em, we'll come with you".

I looked at Em and he nodded in response.

"So even if the Volturi won't.... if you asked us...I mean if you..you really wanted us to..." Jasper's voice trailed off, I knew what he was offering and I was shocked at what he was proposing.

"I couldn't ask it of you" I said. "I wouldn't".

"Remember last time?" said Emmett. " And you were only separated last time, I don't even want to think about what would happen to you if this all goes wrong".

Neither did I come to think of it, it was a possibility I didn't even want to entertain in my head.

"Carlisle?" I asked.

"He wants to come" said Jasper. "And I don't think we could deny him that"

"No" I replied.

After everything Carlisle had done for me, if this was his final request of me then I could not deny him that. After all, he'd brought me into this world, by rights he should be there at the end.

"Emmett" I said.

His face was in his hands, and I ran my arm over his shoulder.

"I want to hate you for what you want to do, would make this lot easier, Esme's face, but I don't. I want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you for what you're going to cause this family, to me, but I can't. Neither of us can, as much as we may want to" he said.

"Why not?" I replied. "I wouldn't stop you".

"Because I understand" he replied, looking straight into my eyes. "I know how much Bella means, how much you love her, anyone around you the past couple of days can see that. The hell you've put yourself into, the guilt on your shoulders, you wouldn't do that unless you really loved her. So I understand, because that's how I feel about Rose, and I guess if I was ever put in a situation where I had to face a life without her then I'd see things how you do. It doesn't make me like the idea any more though" he added before a brief smile appeared on his face.

"At the risk of sounding like a girl" he continued. "We all love you Edward, and none of us can bear to see you in pain, last time at least there was a solution, but if this goes wrong, there will be no solution but this and it's just something we'll have to accept, we just want you to be happy, and for you that means being with Bella, whether it's here or whatever awaits us".

"You're right you did sound like a girl" I said jokingly.

He punched me in the arm playfully.

"Thank you" I said. "To both of you, I'm hoping that Carlisle's wrong, that there is some story out there that ends with a happy ending that will see Bella through, but I know deep down he's right. It doesn't matter how much Bella is positive and upbeat it doesn't make any difference, I can see the pain in her eyes and that eats away at me, just as the baby is eating away at her. Already she's relying on an IV drip and it's only going to get worse".

"There's hope" said Jasper. "She's strong".

"Strong enough for this?" I asked.

There was a moment of silence between the three of us as none of us knew how to answer that question, instead we just sat there, the 3 brothers, wallowing in the comfort we each brought each other as mulled about exactly what lay ahead for us.

**A/N: I would just like to point out I have no intention of going off the plot that was set in BD, this story will follow the same storyline, I'm just filling in what I seem to be the gaps, and this chapter was the hardest to write and the one I pondered over the most, and I have asked friends who are fellow fans if they feel this would have been an option for Edward whilst Bella was pregnant, and some agreed, so this is just my interpretation of what I thought Edward would be thinking, but let me know what you think as always :)**


	12. Father Carlisle

**A/N: Apologies for the delays in uploading this chapter: Work and college work are to blame unfortunately! Thank you as ever to everyone who's reviewing and favouriting, makes my day to see the emails in my inbox :) So please carry it on, I promise the chapters will be coming quicker now :) This one's Carlisle's POV, hope you enjoy!**

As a doctor I had sworn an oath to treat my patients to the best of my ability and protect them from any unnecessary harm, protect life at all costs was the mantra of my professions and every day of my career that was the motto I adopted. Of course you couldn't save every patient, there would be those who I would treat who no amount of treatment could ever save, and each one I would mourn the loss of, the loss of their futures gone, the hopes and dreams so cruelly snatched away by fate. I would leave the hospital and their faces would still be in my mind, I didn't even have sleep to save me from my thoughts. It was the natural order of live I had to remind myself, that was what was supposed to happen in life, birth and death being the only certain in life. Me and others of my kind were the exception to the rule, we defied human nature and its principles. Me and my family had tried to remain some essence of humanity within ourselves by refusing to drink the blood of humans, we hadn't asked to be monsters, so why should we behave as one? My original belief had been that in my former human life I had eaten animals for food, so why should it be any different as a vampire? The blood was not as sweet nor did it quench our thirst as much but it made us all able to co inhabit with humans much easier, it allowed me to continue the work that I loved so much, for us to be part of a community. Humans noticed we were different to them, there was something about us that made them fear us, they didn't know why, few had ever come close to guessing our real nature but still wild gossip had flown wildly about us. No-one wanted to socialise with us out of choice and that was fine with us, we had our family and we were complete, until Bella Swan walked into our lives.

As a father I knew it was wrong to have favourites among my children, but it was hard not to favour Edward above the others. Edward had been my companion the longest, the first I had changed and introduced to this life, and therefore the bond between us was much stronger than between the others. I could read Edward almost as easily as he could me, before Bella's arrival he had not missed not having a mate, or so he thought. But I had seen in his eyes a loneliness that had haunted him through the decades, he thought he was complete, but there was a piece of his soul missing. And when he found Bella that soul became complete, the odds were stacked against him. But me and the rest of my family knew that if anyone could persevere with the problems of loving a human it was Edward. It was clear from the very beginning that Edward was not only intoxicated by Bella's scent, but by her. The change in him was evident, the human in him that had laid dormant within him was beginning to arise out of the ashes. Me and Esme shared secret glances whenever he spoke about Bella, knowing that despite what he thought, he would never have it in him to drink her blood, even though he craved it more than anything else, the pain of losing her would be too much for him to bear. He fell in love with her and it was a love so deep that it could never be reversed, a mistake he would later make. The connection between them is evident, no-one can be failed to be moved by what they feel for one another. When Edward brought Bella to our house for the first time I could feel the pride and love practically burst out of Esme, like me she had waited for this moment so long. The two of us had long hoped that Edward would find the love that had found the rest of us, he deserved it after so long of playing the third wheel in the family. Human or not, Bella was the one he wanted and it was something we had to accept, despite the dangers for both her and us.

Time after time the odds stacked against Bella and Edward, they were like our very own Romeo and Juliet. James, the Volturi, Victoria, it seemed like they would never get a chance to just be two teenagers in love. I had hoped that once they were married, and Bella finally became one of us they would get the happiness they both deserved and wanted. Edward had informed of one of the conditions of Bella's agreement to marry him, I had warned him it would be risky for her, his strength would be unparalleled, and in the moment he could lose his focus, his mind and body no longer in synch. It was a risk, but one we both knew he would take to make Bella happy. The idea of her conceiving never crossed my mind and I knew I would regret that overlook for the rest of my life, as a doctor I should have known that it could happen. The stories and myths of half vampire children have been told for centuries, it was a possibility, but one I never informed the pair of. Edward had of course already told me not to blame myself, but it was in my nature, in my profession even. The guilt I felt within myself resurfaced every time I had to look Edward in the eyes and see his own guilt mirrored back at me. I had tried many a time to tell Edward that this was not his fault, but it did no good, he had convinced himself and there was no undoing that, he was stubborn like that was my son.

In my former life I had little interest in being a father, it was the done thing at the time but it was no burning ambition of mine. And when I changed I thought that the possibility was taken from me forever, and the idea never crossed my mind for centuries until suddenly it was no longer me but 6 others aswell. We had a cover to maintain and the only one that seemed plausible to me was to pose as a family of parents and children, and somehow that cover had seeped into our everyday life. Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice were no longer just members of my family but my children, I was their father in every sense but the biological. When they needed advice they often turned to me, I'd mediate arguments that raged out of control, and in that role as a father I found a greater joy than I had ever known before, the sense of pride and love I felt for them was stronger than anything I had ever experienced in either my human or vampire form before. I was comforted by the fact that unlike other parents I wouldn't have to experience the pain of leaving my children or them leaving me, I was a father to them for eternity, an eternity to stop fights between Rosalie and Edward, play baseball with Emmett and Jasper, get dragged round the mall with Alice. The little things that a father did with his children that defined his role, and helped strengthen the bond, despite moans and grumbles from both sides. You do something because you love someone, no matter how you feel about it yourself, if it makes someone you love happy you'll happily do the task without complaint. Escorting Alice to Paris for Fashion Week was a tedious and especially long week, but the smile on her face at the end of it was unparalleled and therefore made it worth it, that was the price a father paid. But looking into Bella's eyes as the child grew within her caused her unrivalled pain, I couldn't help but wonder how higher price I would pay for my children's happiness?

I had agreed to let Bella keep the child as I saw in her eyes that her maternal instinct would rival if not exceed any doctors opinion of mine. As a father I wanted to beg her not to do this to herself, over the time she had been with Edward I had began to think of her as my third daughter, and just like any of my daughters I did not want her to do something that would cause her pain, but between her and Esme I relented. I worried about Bella constantly, every pregnant woman I treated at the hospital had her face replaced with Bella's. Then I would go home and be confronted with Bella's own face, more often than not contorted with pain and I wanted to beg her not to put her through this. My nights were spent pouring over my notes of her pregnancy and the stories we had been able to find of women similar to her. We were all desperate to find a story that could give us hope, but it was looking less and less likely as time went on and Bella's condition worsened daily. The child was growing stronger than Bella and she was paying the price for it, her body was growing weaker, unable to process human food she relied on an IV for nutrients, constantly nauseous, every day another step closer to the end it seemed, I prayed it wouldn't end like that, but with the stories giving us no other options, it seemed the only way.

I knew from the very beginning that Bella and Edward were unable to live without each other, a point proven before they were even together when Edward left Forks for Denali, he returned for her, he didn't know it at the time, citing us as his reason, but I could read him, an everything about him screamed Bella. The second time he'd been apart from her nearly killed him, an almost impossibility in our form yet somehow he had managed it, for only the second time in all our years together Edward had left me too, and I had missed him more than ever, knowing he was out there alone, wallowing in his grief. When I learnt of his visit to the Volturi, I prayed that my old friends would not allow my son the fate he wished, that they would not bring that pain upon me, deliver me what I had thought to be impossible, the loss of one of my children. Thankfully he was saved just in time, by both Bella and whatever humanity remained in Aro. All of this was how I knew Edward would not survive a third, permanent separation from Bella, and as the days of her pregnancy went on, and her condition worsened, it became an idea I knew I would have to get used to. I had thought the idea over for days before broaching it with the rest of my family, hoping I was wrong, that Edward would find somewhere within him the strength to consider life without Bella, but one look at him told me otherwise. Without Bella, Edward believed he had no soul, no hope of redemption, all the good in him would die with Bella, and without that nothing would be able to save him from the animalistic side of him. I had no doubt that if Bella did not make it that Edward would once again visit the Volturi, but this time he would not let anything stop him, he had made the mistake last time of letting Alice see what he was planning, but there were ways round Alice seeing his future and I was sure that this time he would take that into account. The idea of Edward going to the Volturi and asking for them to destroy him was an image my mind could not process easily, yet haunted me. I saw him begging them to end his grief and reunite him with Bella, the pleading in him would not be easily refused, the haunted look he carried now magnified tenfold. It pained me to see him so vulnerable, and alone, but it would not be like that if this became the inevitable. I would not allow him to sneak off alone as he did before, I would not allow my son to leave this world without his family there, without me there. If I had to endure that human pain, the one pain that I thought immortality would save me from, then the least I could do would be there at the end. In the cycle of life it would be the right ending, I had brought Edward into this life with my venom, and I would be there at the end, no matter how much pain it brought me, I had eternity to grieve the loss of my son which was more than most had to come to terms with the loss of a loved one, and maybe one day the pain would subside. At least in death he would be with Bella, unlike Edward I knew he had a soul, and with a soul like his there is only one place he would end up, and that would be in heaven with Bella. At last they'd be together, free of the plights that followed them here, and they could finally just be two teenagers in love, finally carefree and happy, Edward and Bella's lives would be the highest price to pay, but for their happiness then just maybe it would be worth it. Anything to make my children happy.


	13. Soul Redemption

**A/N: As always thank you for the reviews and favourites, always makes my day :) So please, continue ! This one's Jasper's POV, anything in italics is a flashback this time. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think.**

Bella's pregnancy brought to us all a heightened sense of fear, we were all so used to relying on Alice and her gifts, that for us to suddenly to be blind was unnerving. Coupled with Bella's increasing weakness and Edward's guilt our house was a hotbed of different emotional climates, I did my best to alleviate them but the emotions were so strong I struggled. My gift was not as strong as Edward or Alice's, and worked best when the emotions were present but not dominant, therefore at the moment my gift was practically useless within the Cullen household. We were all uncomfortable as we sat and played the nervous waiting game with Bella, time which normally had no effect on us suddenly had us all checking our watches, night and day moulded into one as we sat around waiting for the impending birth. A month or so was the rough time frame Carlisle had been able to predict from Bella's measurements, and she was already a week or so in so that gave us just 3 weeks. Everyone was waiting on eggshells for the birth, but there was little of the excitement or joy that normally accompanies the birth of a first born. Bella was the exception, despite the evident pain the baby was causing her, she spent her days cradling her now prominent stomach, talking to the baby, her joy clear to see, it should have been a wonderful to see. Instead it made the rest of us even more uneasy, none of us could watch Bella for too long when she was in her mother mode, it was too painful especially once Carlisle had told us that the odds were against her, knowing that perhaps we were on borrowed time made ever second with Bella count.

Unlike the rest of my family, I outwardly struggled with the lifestyle that the Cullen's had adopted, none of the others really knew life outside of the family they had created. I on the other hand had, I'd seen sights and experienced things that the others couldn't even comprehend. That made it difficult for me to adopt this almost human lifestyle the rest did, and to make it worse they made it seem so effortless, of course they had decades of practice before them. But I still resented the fact that they all had greater self control than me, Rose had never even tasted human blood. I was the exception of the Cullen family and it felt as if that marked me as an outsider, walking away saying thanks no thanks would have been a possibility had it not been for Alice. Wonderful, beautiful Alice who had saved me from the monster I had allowed myself to become, and brought back the humane side of me. It was because of her that we found the Cullen's, Alice was so sure that these people would become our family, I was more wary than her, unaware of how we would be greeted, the only others of our kind I had known before Alice had been Maria and her cronies, and they were not shining examples of vampires. But Alice convinced me that these vampires were different to our kind and I was so besotted with her I would have done anything she asked of me. At the beginning my urge for human blood was almost uncontrollable, my body had become so used to consuming it whenever I was thirsty, that by denying my body it, it was almost like an addict going cold turkey. The only thing that kept me going was Alice reassuring me, telling me she could see that I would be able to do this, I just had to be strong. Eventually over time the cold turkey period was over, even now the urge was still strong for human blood, there were moments when the animal in me would resurface and I would subconsciously find myself plotting some innocent humans murder so to satisfy my thirst, but then Alice's face would enter my mind and I would be reminded of what I would loose.

Alice was my saviour, of that I was sure. Thanks to her and her gift, she was able to find me, sure even before we met that we would be soulmates, she didn't confide that in me until a couple of years later when I finally thought to ask her how two vampires ended up in the same diner when neither of us ate. She simply grinned and told me, I couldn't help but laugh, her and her premonitions. Alice had brought back to me all the human feelings I was so sure I had lost, when I had been changed and during my time with Maria, there was little interaction with humans, they were simply our prey and as a result a lot of human features within me disappeared; empathy, love and hope. I was simply an animal responding to my instincts as I saw fit, I didn't see there being another path. I was what I was until she saved me from that. She saved me and changed me into a much better person, the animal urge in me was still there, only much less dominant. Her and the Cullen's had shown me a way of life I had never believed possible, and as a result the human within me resurfaced, and I found much to my surprise that I enjoyed my new way of life. Unlike Maria, Carlisle and Esme were not controlling or dominant, instead they were our leaders because we chose them to be, we respected them enough to listen to them and follow the choices they made, but we all knew we had free will, but none of us would leave. The ties that bound us together were too strong to be severed. With the rest of my siblings I found a companionship and bond I had never felt before, especially with my two brothers. Em and Edward became my closest companions besides Alice, they allowed me to confide in them about the horrors of the wars I had witnessed, never passing judgement on the actions of my past, being everything brothers should be. Our hunting trips were our chance to bond and we took them whenever we could, when out in the wild the façades we kept up at home disappeared and we became the simplest form of ourselves. I would talk about the wars I had seen, and the scars it left me with, not just physically, Emmett would confide about Rose, her unwillingness to let go of her past, the bitterness she held onto so fiercely in this life, his misguided belief that he was her second choice in life. Edward up until a couple of years ago would mainly just listen to us, unlike me and Emmett he had no woman in his life to complain about nor love unconditionally, no angel who had saved him from himself.

Bella was the opposite of who Edward should have chosen, but love is irrational so it didn't matter who she was, he loved her both because of and in spite of what she was, at the beginning I failed to understand how Edward could fall in love with a human. My urge for human blood was still strong, the idea of being in the close proximity to a human for any length of time seemed absurd to me, I had hard enough time at school. But this was Edward, and he had control rival only to Carlisle, if any one of us could manage to love a human it would be Edward. And the change that came across him thanks to Bella was unbelievable, me and Em spent many an hour making jokes at his expense, like me before him thanks to being in love the human nature in him resurfaced. Like me he rediscovered the side to him that he believed to be long lost, rediscovering his soul. Edward had once told me that he didn't believe we had a soul, I had once believed that. I had little doubt that I didn't possess one, how could I? After all the heinous deeds I had committed in my past, but I had no doubt that the rest of my family did, they had to, after everything they had did for each other and for me they had to have one.

I expected them to all turn against me after Bella's 18th and my actions at her birthday party, I barely remembered the actual party, just the moment my body smelt her blood, I had smelt it once before, at the dance studio, but we had been so preoccupied with James it had had little effect on me. But there it was, pure and untainted and it smelt so good to my senses, I had no idea how Edward was able to be around her so much, especially considering her blood smelt even better to him than it did to him. In the second I gave over to my basic instinct with no consideration for the rest of my family, I just reacted as my body wanted me to. It wasn't until I was outside, Emmett and Rose holding my body, desperately trying to calm me down that I realised the implication of what I had done, the venom was replaced with guilt throughout my body as I realised what I had done to us all, to Bella and most importantly to my brother.

"_Edward" I said, making my way into his bedroom. _

_Edward was sat on the floor, his back against his sofa, his eyes were zoned out and his eyes were coal black, he was thirsty. He looked up when he saw me and gave me the briefest of smiles._

"_I know you're sorry Jas" he replied. _

_Of course he did, him and his gift._

"_Let me explain" I pleaded. "Out loud"._

_Edward nodded, realising I needed to get this off my chest and not just have him hear it in my mind._

"_Nothing I say can forgive what I did, the danger I put Bella in-"_

"_You didn't put Bella in any danger" said Edward, interrupting me. "That blame lies with me"._

"_How?" I asked puzzled._

"_Who else brings her round here? If it wasn't for me you would never have been subjected to her and the temptation she brings you, that's all my fault" he replied, his gaze returning to the floor._

"_Everyone else can control their temptation though" I pointed out. "You didn't see anyone else lunging at Bella because of a paper cut"._

"_They wanted to" reasoned Edward. "There was temptation for all of them, except Carlisle of course. They've just had more experience than you, but yours will come with time"._

"_I'm beginning to think it won't, it's been years Edward, and still the urge is there, the scent as strong as it was then, and if I couldn't even resist Bella who's a part of this family then can I resist anyone?" I said._

"_Want to hear a theory?" replied Edward._

_I nodded, this was normally the type of thing Carlisle said, Edward had evidently been doing a lot of thinking since Bella's birthday._

"_I think it's harder for you because of what you've been through, the rest of us have never known anything other than this lifestyle. Carlisle created the life that we lead, and because he created me, Rose, Esme and Emmett we've never had a chance to know anything differently, we learnt from the very beginning to control our urges, of course there have been slip ups, but mostly we adhere to this life. Alice, she doesn't know much but this life either due to how she joined us. But you, you know a lifestyle other than this and of course that has an effect on you, I know what you've been through and suffered, I've seen it in your thoughts, the memories. I think they're so much a part of who you are that it is you, and to try and give up the only way of life you've ever known is a difficult one, and that's why you struggle with it so much. The memories taunt you and you believe you don't deserve a second shot at redemption."_

"_You think I do?" I asked curiously._

"_You know my theory on whether or not we have souls and so forth, unlike Carlisle and Bella I don't believe we have one" he said._

"_Bella thinks we have souls?" I replied._

_He sighed._

"_Yes, she finds it hard to believe that we couldn't, she thinks we're too good not to." he said, almost laughing._

"_You are" I said. "The rest of you are, look at what you've done, what you've achieved."_

"_None of us are perfect Jas" said Edward. "Rose and Carlisle are our best examples, but the rest of us have gone against the lifestyle"._

"_None of you have have killed or hurt as many as me" I pointed out. _

"_What you were doesn't matter, it's what you are now that matters, you're not the person that first joined us, you have changed, even if you can't see it in yourself" he replied._

"_That's Alice" I said. "If it wasn't for her."_

"_You would still be a good person, as good a person? Debatable" he said smirking. _

_I punched him lightly on the arm._

"_Do you think they're our souls?" I asked._

_Edward looked at me curiously._

"_The redemption the girls offer us, if it wasn't for them we wouldn't have all this emotion within us, or if we did it would be buried deep below. They brought back the man in all of us, by loving us and us loving them it gives us a soul we wouldn't otherwise have"._

_Edward sat and mulled over what I had just said._

"_It makes sense" he said eventually. "Bella reawoke feelings in me that I was sure I had lost long ago, her love for me seems unconditional, and that makes me determined to be better, so that I deserve that reward"._

"_You don't think you do though?" I asked, picking up on his tone._

_He shook his head._

"_How can I? Look at what I put her through, it's not as easy as she thinks. Every moment she spends with us, with me is dangerous. To her and to us, I hate putting you all through it, yet I love her, there's no easy way to combine the two."_

"_Apart from-"_

_I trailed off when I saw the look on Edward's face._

"_No, she will not become one of us, she deserves better than this, she has the choice we didn't and I will not condemn her soul to this, not while she still has one" he said firmly._

"_But what choice does that leave you?" I asked._

"_Part of loving someone is wanting what's best for them" he said, choosing his words carefully. "No matter how much it hurts the other person, if it's what's right for them then you do it, regardless of the pain you inflict upon yourself"._

_I looked at Edward, his eyes were still unfocused, the thirst almost on the point of uncontrollable, his eye sockets almost purple. I was scared, scared of whatever he was implying with what he had just said, what he was going to do to himself._

"_Don't worry" he whispered. "Just trust me, and please, stop blaming yourself"._

I was sure that Bella was Edward's soul, his conscious, his ego and humanity, just like Alice was mine, Rose being Emmett's and Esme was Carlisle's. It was clear, and when separated from our souls we lost our way, we lost sense of ourselves, much like when we hunted. We lost control of our minds and gave over to the instincts that were within us. But when we were reunited, then we felt the emotions we were otherwise deprived of, once again we were men, not vampires. Thankfully I had never had to experience losing my soul, even briefly, Edward had. When he believed Bella had died, he gave into his instincts and went with what they were telling him, he went to the Volturi and asked them to relieve him of the grief, reunite him with the other part that made him whole. No pain they put him through would amount to what he felt at that moment, he'd known we would all suffer losing him but even that did not compare losing Bella. Nothing would, the love you felt for your family and what you felt for your soul mate were two incomparable opposites on the spectrum. If it came down to it I knew I would fight the Cullen's over Alice and I'm sure each of the others would say the same about their own mate, we were a family that had ties that bonded us deeply. But we were also so deeply rooted to our other half that the love we felt surpassed everything else.

Watching Bella in pain was difficult for us all, we knew she was slowly losing her battle, we had all come to love her as a daughter or sister, even I did. No-one could not love her after seeing the happiness she reignited in Edward, to lose Bella would create a large hole within our lives. But it would be one that perhaps one day we would recover from, 2 years Bella had been a part of this family, when time means nothing, in the grand scheme it wasn't that long a period of time. For Edward however, life would mean nothing without her, without his soul, I had known long before Carlisle's meeting that Edward would once again go to the Volturi, he couldn't be without her, we all knew that. She was the one who had saved him from himself, and without her there, there was no redemption for him. We could try to restrain him, force him to stay here, there were ways, but none of us could subject him to that. Him losing Bella would be the worst possible pain imaginable, anything on top of that would be just torture. After everything he had done in his life, he deserved this, he deserved to be happy, and if that meant leaving us for Bella then that would be what he would have to do. At least then there would be no divisions of human and vampire and they could be together, and maybe then he would realise he did have a soul, his soul was the heart of the woman he loved, just like mine was.


	14. I Promise You

**A/N: Apologies in the delay in updating, thanks as always for the lovely reviews and favouriting :) This one's Rosalie's POV, enjoy!**

"Rose" called out Bella's voice to me.

I immediately made my way to Bella's side. She was sat on the sofa, her knees drawn up against her chest, her face rested on top of her knees, rocking back and forth. It was painful to see Bella in such a state, so drawn and lifeless.

"What is it?" I asked, kneeling before her so I could see her face.

Edward was out hunting with Jasper and Emmett again, yet again we'd had to practically push him out of the door to leave Bella, I'd taken Edward to one side and assured him I'd take care of Bella for him, eventually he'd relented and left.

"Are Alice and Esme out?" she replied, bringing her face up to meet mine. Her face was a sickly grey colour, devoid of the blush Edward loved on her so much, her eyes were heavy and the bags of tiredness fell underneath them.

"Yes, they've gone into Forks to 'stock up'" I said, making quotation marks with my fingers as I said the last two words.

Bella nodded.

"Carlisle?" she asked.

"At the hospital, he'll be back in an hour or so"

I was confused why Bella was so concerned with the whereabouts of the rest of our family.

"Bells" I started, but she cut me off.

"So it's just us?" she asked.

I nodded to confirm.

"Rose I know we haven't always been the best of friends, I know there was a time even when you hated me".

Guilt washed over me and I opened my mouth to speak but Bella shot me a look that clearly warned me not to continue.

"It's true Rose, I saw it in your eyes that night when James was tracking me, when Edward asked you to wear my clothes, you were disgusted by the idea. I saw the hatred in your eyes for me, for what I was doing to your family".

Sadly I was as guilty as charged on that point, I remembered that night so clearly. Bella was just a parasite sent to destroys the bonds we had fought so carefully to build. Until Bella's arrival in Edward's life we Cullen's had never been so divided and then with her it looked like we might lose each other. Carelessly and selfishly I had made my anger towards her transparent, apparently too transparently if she still remembered that night. I hadn't understood at the time the ties that bonded Edward to Bella, she wasn't just some floozy high school girl, she was the other half of him, just like Em. Sadly it took me too long to reach that realisation myself, with disastrous consequences in the meantime. I wanted to say something, to apologise for my past actions, but I sensed Bella wouldn't allow me to, not whilst she was trying to tell me something.

"I don't blame you" she continued. "For how you felt towards me, I've put you all through a lot, if it wasn't for me-"

"None of us mind" I admitted.

"Even you?" she asked curiously.

"Even me" I replied. " It may not have seemed it at the time, but deep down I didn't mind. It was hard at first I admit. In you walked into our lives and everything changed, it was difficult for me, more so than the others, even Jasper accepted you before me."

"But you have accepted me?" she asked, her eyes widening with an emotion I couldn't quite place, fear perhaps?  
I nodded instantly.

"It took me longer than the rest of them, and I may not be the best at showing it, but yes I have now, you're as much a part of this family to me as Alice or Esme" I replied truthfully, putting as much sincerity into my words as I could to try and put across just some of my remorse for my past actions.

"That means a lot Rose" said Bella giving me a weak smile, all she could muster in her condition. "Really it does."

I was scared, why was Bella asking me all of these questions. What did any of it matter now? That was all in the past, at least I hoped it was. Ever since Bella had phoned me from her honeymoon and told me she was pregnant everything had changed in regards for my feelings for her, they had changed before that of course. Everytime I saw the smile she brought to Edward's face I softened towards her that bit more, contrary to common misbelief I wasn't quite the ice queen people thought I was, even I was touched by Bella and Edward's devotion to one another.

"Why Bella?" I asked, unable to bear the suspense any longer. "Why all the questions?"

"There was a reason I phoned you Rose, instead of Alice and Esme. You were the first person I thought of to phone, by rights it should have been either of the other two. I've always been closer to them, but it was you I phoned. Do you want to know why?".

I nodded, I thought I knew the answer but I wanted to hear the words from her own mouth.

"Because I knew only you would fight my corner. I've heard everyone's stories of how they hame to be vampires, and only yours sticks in my mind. What you had to go through, what you gave up. It helped me understand you a lot more, why you were so opposed to me joining you all, you reminded me of all the human experiences I'd be giving up".

She brought her legs back down so they swung off the edge of the sofa, and gently stroked her stomach.

"I didn't know what Alice and Esme would say if I told them, I feared they'd react like Edward, but I knew there was one person who would fight for me, and more importantly, fight for my child. I knew it would no longer matter, what happened in the past, I knew the moment I told you this that would all be forgotten, that this would take priority over everything else. I'm living your dream Rose, being pregnant, to be a mum, I know that's all you ever wanted. I wish you could live this too".

Me too I thought, I knew Bella was in pain, growing dangerously weak, but still I envied her. I envied her body for what it was able to do, being able to carry a child. I'd still trade all my tomorrows for the one mortal gift.

"I knew I could rely on you, to fight for me when I couldn't, against Edward, because you want this almost as much as me" she continued rubbing her belly in gentle circles. "This means almost as much to you as it does to me, and unlike him you have less to lose".

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"I know Edward doesn't really want this" she admitted. "It's written all over his face, his guilt, I wish he could see it was the gift I do, but he won't. All he cares about is me, my pain."

"That's because he loves you" I pointed out. "He hates seeing you in pain, we all do".

"I need you to promise me something Rose" said Bella, reaching her hand out and wrapped it around my own. I could feel the throbbing of her veins against my cold hand, so warm to my touch, I focused on Bella's face to divert my mind.

"Anything" I promised.

"Anything?" she repeated.

Suddenly I had this pit form at the bottom of my stomach, what was it Bella wanted me to promise her?

"You love this baby as much as me Rose, you have from the very beginning, when the others wanted me to get rid of it, you fought for me, for it, and that means more than I can ever tell you. I'll always owe you for everything you've done for me in the past couple of weeks. There's no need to feel guilty about the past now, it's all forgotten".

She smiled at me again, the suspense was killing me, I was desperate to know what this promise she wanted me to make her was.

"I'm trying to be positive Rose, it's the only way that I'm going to get through this. But I know. I know the odds are against me, I see it in all of your faces, everytime Carlisle examines me I see his face fall, Edward can barely look me in the eyes anymore".

Her voice began to break slightly and her eyes filled up with tears. She paused and in took a deep breath before continuing.

"There's a good chance I'm not going to make it out of this alive Rose, and don't tell me there isn't, I can hope and pray but this baby's stronger than me and needs more than my body can give it. As the baby grows it's only going to get worse, I know that, the pains going to increase and there's only so much more my body can take".

I wanted to make her stop, stop tormenting my mind with images of her even more helpless than now, pain written all over her face, worse than what she was in now, it was unimaginable.

"Edward's going to want to save me, at whatever cost. Carlisle will do whatever he wants. But I don't want them to".

Her voice broke completely now, and the tears fell freely down her cheek, I held her hand tighter in mine.

"Promise me Rose, that whatever happens to me, protect my baby, I don't care about what happens to me. The only thing that matters is this baby, you're the only other person who understands that, the only person who will do this for me."

She looked straight into my eyes, such pleading in her own.

"Bella", my own voice was barely a whisper, heavy with emotion. "You can't ask me to choose your child's life over yours, I can't do that".

"I'm not asking you to make a choice Rose, when the time comes, that choice will already be made, there will be no hope for me but you can help my baby, none of the others will want this as much as you, you're the only person I trust to look after my baby" she replied.

"Look after it?" I repeated, dazed.

"If I'm gone, it won't be long before Edward follows, I know that."

She squeezed my hand tighter.

"And that baby will need someone to look after it, to love it as much as I would have, and like I said you're the only person that I trust to do that, you and Emmett".

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. It had always been a dream of mine for me and Emmett to be parents, but I knew logistically that would never happen, and now here was Bella practically giving me that opportunity and I didn't want it, not in the slightest.

"I know you'd be a great mother Rose, I see that in the way you've been looking after me, you know what I want before I do, how you watch over me until you know I'm asleep, defend me when I can't, that's everything a mother should be, everything I want to be as a mother. And if I don't get that opportunity then it should go to someone who wants this as much as me".

"I don't know what to say" I said, overwhelmed by what Bella was saying.

"You don't have to say anything, just promise me. Promise me that you will protect and love this baby above anything and everything else, that's all that matters now."

I didn't want to promise her anything, promising her would make it all so real. It would make Carlisle's predictions all too true, the painful prospect of losing Edward and Bella a reality. I loved the pair of them too much to even think about it. Edward may have his moments but he was my favourite sibling, a well hidden secret. Edward understood me better than anyone except perhaps for Emmett thanks to his gift, he gave me far more credit than I deserved sometimes, I owed him a lot, and I knew nothing would be the same without him. And Bella? I'd meant it when I said I thought of her as the same as Alice or Esme, she was now my sister, a part of my family. And as a family we did whatever one of us wanted to do, sometimes we didn't like it but we did it because as a family we stood by one another, that was the mantra of the Cullen family. How could I deny Bella this promise? After all I'd put her through in the past and here she was, giving me the greatest gift she ever could.

"I wouldn't deserve it" I said.

"You're a better person than you give yourself credit for Rose" said Bella. "Far better, and I know you'll be wonderful at this".

It broke my heart to say what I was about to but I had no choice, she was my sister, and I had to do whatever she wanted.

"I promise" I whispered loud enough that she would hear it.

She smiled, much wider than before before lowering herself around my frame to give me a hug.

"Thank you" she whispered in my ear. "I knew I could count on you, well, we could count on you".

I'd never hated myself more than in that moment, I knew in a way I should feel happiness, I was making Bella a promise so deep and binding, the burden she was asking of me was huge and one I had dreamt of all my life, both mortal and immortal. Any other opportunity to be a mother and I would have jumped at it, but not this. Not this way, it wasn't right. I wished I hadn't voted against Bella changing all that time ago, maybe then none of this would have happened and we wouldn't be here, she'd have our strength and there would be no pain for her to endure, what if I hadn't been such a selfish ice queen?


	15. Me And My Bump

**A/N: As always, thank you! This chapters has a dedication, to one of my best friends who inspired this chapter, like Bella she found herself pregnant in unlikely circumstances (although not as extreme!) and how she's dealt with it is nothing short of extraordinary, and her talking to her bump, despite her circumstances is what inspired this chapter, so hope you like it, over to Bella.**

I thought I was strong enough to have my conversation with Rose, but before I knew it the tears had fallen. I'd rehearsed inside my mind what I would say to her, but when it came down to it I just went with what my heart said at that moment. I knew Rose was the right choice to raise this child if that's what it came to, she'd be a better mother than anyone could imagine, she'd love it as if it was her own and that was what would matter most. For Alice and Esme I knew it would be all too poignant to have such a constant reminder of what they had lost, but Rosalie was less sentimental in that respect, me and the child were too different things to her and that's what I was relying on. I was relying on Rosalie's maternal devotion to my child to overtake any emotions she had for me, unlike the other Cullen's she would put the child before me and that was what I wanted, what I needed. I placed my hand over my belly, my stomach now resembled that of a woman at least 5 months pregnant and I had only been pregnant for 2 weeks. I cradled my bump gently, one hand resting on the top, rubbing it slightly. The baby had just started to move inside me, the first time I had felt it move I had been in bed, trying to sleep. I'd decided to change position, thinking that might help me to sleep better, and as I had moved I had felt a movement. So different to anything I had ever felt before, the motion had made me stop sudden to savour the moment. My baby had kicked! A tide of emotions washed over my body, so strong and overpowering. I'd never known anything like it before, as we were unable to get a sonograph of the baby this was the only contact I would have with it, so I relished every movement, even though sometimes the movements left me in agony. It was an all too cherished reminder of just what was growing inside me, I'd told Edward and he'd smiled weakly, nothing compared to my cheesy grin, pretending for my sake to be excited. I wish I could make him more excited, to get past the fear and live for the moment, we'd only get this opportunity once and here he was throwing it away.

Suddenly the baby kicked, the pain overtook my body and I bit down on my lip to stifle any moans that might escape my lips. Slowly the pain subsided.

"Bad baby" I chastised, rubbing my belly soothingly. "Baby hurt Mummy".

The baby stopped moving, almost in response to my telling off, as if it could hear me somehow, I laughed at the idea.

"Good baby" I continued. "Don't move so quickly or you hurt Mummy".

This time the movement was a lot gentler, as if the baby was doing yoga rather than gymnastics. The fluttering feeling was strong inside my stomach as the baby moved around, I stayed perfectly still this time, taking in every second of the experience.

"See, that didn't hurt Mummy, good baby" I said.

I knew that with human pregnancies that they encouraged the mothers to talk to their babies, as they could hear their mothers voices and this was part of the bonding process. I had no idea if the same principle applied for my baby but I was trying it anyway. If anything it helped me, unlike everyone else in this house the baby didn't look at me like I was about to break any moment nor answer me back.

"You're going to be strong like you're Daddy aren't you? You're Daddy's one of the strongest people I know, well except for Uncle Emmett, he's the strongest person in this family, but Daddy's a close second" I paused for a second, I wondered what traits our child would have. I could predict the traits the child would have from my side, but I had no clue in regards to Edwards, he refused to describe his former family in any great detail to me.

"As long as you have Daddy's strength and none of my clumsiness you'll be fine, I'm the clumsiest person around, but then again anyone would look next clumsy next to the Cullen's".

I laughed out loud as no-one else was around to laugh at them for me.

"We'll get Auntie Rose to teach you how to walk gracefully when the time comes, she's the most graceful in this family. And Auntie Alice will be the one dressing you up in all the different outfits, she loves dressing people up, and you'll be like her own personal little doll. I hate it but until you're old enough to stand up for yourself you have no choice! She'd never forgive me if I didn't let her. Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper will be the ones teaching you all the tricks and jokes to play on the rest of us, Uncle Emmett especially, he loves teasing Mummy, no doubt he'll get you to help when you're old enough. Granddad Carlisle will be the one reading to you and teaching you so you'll be the smartest kid in the school, and Nana Esme will be there for every scraped knee and cuddle that you need."

I hadn't realised the well of emotions that had built up inside me as I had been talking, I'd let my mouth run away with my subconscious thoughts with little thought for what I was actually saying.

"They're all going to love you so much, you're our little miracle. And when you're here no-one will help but love you, how can they not? No matter what happens you're always going to have lots of people who love you around you".

The fluttering started up again, as yet again the baby changed position inside me.

"But no-one is ever going to love you as much as me, I'm going to love you more than anyone else ever can, because you're my beautiful little miracle. My beautiful little baby. From the moment I knew I was carrying you I knew there was nothing that would separate me from you, like suddenly my whole world existed only for you. You are the only thing that matters now"

I could feel the tears build up in my eyes, and I did my best to bury them deep inside me, I concentrated on rubbing my stomach in gentle circular motions.

"By rights you shouldn't even be here. You should never have happened, but then again me and your Daddy should never have happened and we have, we've beat the odds, and I know you will too. You have too, because you make me so happy."

It was true, I might be in constant pain, unable to move very far or keep down food but I had never been happier, the knowledge of what was growing inside me was enough medicine to counteract even the worst pain.

"You're worth this, every kick, every bruise, you're worth it. I know that and everyone else will see that when you arrive, the first time they lay eyes on you all of this will be forgotten. Who's eyes are you going to have hmm? My eyes are brown, boring brown, Daddy's are the colour of butterscotch, the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, but yours are going to be even more beautiful aren't they?".

Another movement came from inside me, this was one more fierce than the last, I placed my hand over my belly and felt the movement against my palm. It was a movement I'd never grow tired of, a movement I'd never forget.

"Your Daddy is the most beautiful person I've ever seen, and I always thought I'd never meet another creature as beautiful as him, but you're going to prove me wrong aren't you? You're going to be even more beautiful than him I can just tell."

I could see it in my mind, it was the image that pulled me through even my darkest moments, the same image I had seen on Isle Esme, of the boy, his features were all Edward, but his eyes were a deeper colour than Edward's, not as dark as mine but somewhere in between, his hair was a shade darker than Edward's aswell. But he was still the most perfect thing I had ever seen.

"I should be glad I don't have the 9 months to go through, because then I get to meet you even sooner, Granddad Carlisle thinks you'll be out in a couple of weeks and I'll be able to hold you in my arms".

If I made it that far, came the voice inside my head. I tried to push the voice out of my head, but it was still there. Always in my thoughts.

"Granddad Carlisle doesn't think we're going to make it, he can't find records of anyone before us ever doing this. But we are, I can tell, we are going to do this. As you grow bigger inside me it's going to be harder, you're going to grow even stronger, far stronger than Mummy, and you'll hurt Mummy even more, but even if you hear me moan I'll never mean it. I never mean it, every moment of pain is worth it for you".

I paused, trying to control my emotions before continuing.

"No-one knows what will happen when you're born, but all you have to do is come out strong and fighting for me, Auntie Rose will look after you then for me, until Mummy's strong enough to look after you for herself. But Mummy will never stop thinking of you, and every second Mummy's not there, never forget that Mummy loves you, that Mummy's fighting for you, because nothing else matters but you anymore. It's you and me now, Auntie Rose is going to look after us, she loves you almost as much as I do".

I could see Rose in my mind holding a small bundle in her arms, the smile on her face unrivalled to any emotion in her I had ever seen before.

"Now, because we don't know what will happen, there's a chance that Mummy might not be there to hold you, but Auntie Rose will be there, and so will everyone else. They're all going to spoil you more than I would have ever let them, and love you more than you'll ever know. And whatever happens, wherever I go, I'll never stop loving you, never forget that. Never forget how much I fought for you, that I loved you from the very beginning, and I'll never stop".

The tears fell down my face and my voice caught in my throat as I thought of the idea of never holding my baby, it was unbearable.

"But Mummy's going to do her best, to be there for you. But you have to help Mummy, you have to hold on in there for as long as possible, so that when you come out you're the strongest you can be, and try not to hurt Mummy!".

I bent myself over my bump so that I was as close to it as possible.

"Mummy loves you, and that's the only thing that matters, and I know that you love me, so we're going to be just fine aren't we? Mummy's just being a drama queen".

A softer kick came this time and I couldn't help but laugh this time at the timing.

"It's just you mean so much to Mummy, she can't help but be overdramatic where you're concerned".

I brought my palm up to my mouth and placed a kiss on it before returning my palm to my stomach, the love I felt for this child was like nothing I had ever known before. It surpassed everything, even my feelings for Edward, this child was a part of me and a part of him and that was more precious than anything else in the world, to know that we had created another being out of our love for one another continued to blow my mind. The fact that it was mine and Edward's child made it even more worth the risk, the miracle we had managed to create between us, he'd come round in time, not even he would be able to resist once he laid eyes on our child, that much I knew.

The fluttering inside me died down now.

"Sleep baby, sleep for Mummy" I said soothingly, humming the lullaby Edward had long ago composed until the fluttering and movement stopped and my own eyes began to droop, lost in the dreams of the angelic boy.


	16. Father to Father

**A/N: Apologies for not replying to reviews for the last chapter: my excuses are as follows: work, college and coursework (rubbish I know) and I apologise, but just to let you all know a big thank you :) They are all greatly appreciated, never fails to make me smile when I see the emails in my inbox! Anyway here's the next chapter, this one's Edward's POV, anything in italics it's the thought's he's hearing. Enjoy!!**

I stood in the doorway just watching Bella, watching her talk to her bump. Her emotions so honest, she obviously thought no-one else was around. I wanted to walk over to her, put my arms around her and reassure her that nothing was going to happen, but I was frozen to the ground. How could I promise her something that I couldn't assure? I was torn between my duty as a husband and my own selfish emotions, and in the end my own emotions won out and I left the doorway before Bella noticed me. I had no idea where I was going, but before I knew it I was in Carlisle's office.

_Everything ok Edward?_

I shook my head and sat down in the chair so I was sat opposite him. In the years me and Carlisle had spent together we had both come to read each other better than we could read ourselves, better even than Esme or Bella ever could.

_Bella._

It was a rhetorical question, given the current circumstances everyone's thoughts were concerned with Bella, it was enough to send my own brain into meltdown having to listen to everyone else's worries aswell as my own.

I nodded and Carlisle sat back in his own chair, his eyes trained on mine, waiting patiently for me to talk.

"She was talking to the baby" I said. "Confiding in it even".

"It's natural" replied Carlisle. "It's part of the mother/child bonding process".

"No, it wasn't like that, she was talking to the baby about us, about who it may be like" I took a breath as I recollected Bella talking about me to the baby. "She was telling it off for hurting her, but not in a serious way, more teasing, telling it she needed it to be strong for whatever may happen".

_Whatever may happen?_

"I think she knows more than we give her credit for" I admitted. "She was talking about how much she loved it, about what a miracle it was, and how she might not be there but to always remember how much she loved it".

"Edward, it's a baby not an it" scolded Carlisle gently.

"What else can I call it? It's easy for Bella, it was easy from the very beginning for her, the moment she knew it existed nothing else mattered, that love was there instantly, maternal instinct and that. But it's not there for me Carlisle, I can't love it the way she wants me to".

"This wasn't going to be easy Edward" said Carlisle" No-one ever said it was".

"For Bella it is" I pointed out.

"I wouldn't underestimate that, she's accepting her own mortality if she's talking like that to the child, and we all know that isn't an easy fact to get our heads round" he replied.

"She doesn't have to get her head round it though Carlisle, there's still ways out of this" I said, trying to keep my voice low to avoid Rosalie running in at any moment and throwing me against the wall for even muttering the words.

"Edward, we've been through this, I thought you and Bella had made your decision?" asked Carlisle, sitting up straight.

"It was never my decision to make, not really, Bella had her mind set the moment she found out, and for just a second she got me excited enough to forget about the risk and so I agreed" I admitted. "But hearing her talk like that, Carlisle, I can't do this, I can't lose her in this way".

"I don't think you have a choice, not now" said Carlisle.

"But it's destroying her, every second that child's inside of her, another second of Bella's life is disintegrating, she's getting weaker by the day, you can see that, we can all see that, and you're asking me to sit back and let her".

"We all knew this was not going to be easy Edward, especially for you, but I thought you'd thought this through when you made your decision".

There was a hint of disappointment in Carlisle's voice, that I'd acted impulsively without thinking things through, and I hated that tone more than anything else.

"If there was any other way for her to have this then I'd let her have it in a second, I can see through the pain that in some twisted way all this is making her happy, and I want that, I do. Just not at the expense of her life, hadn't I already messed up her life enough before this?"

"Is this really about Bella? Or your guilt?" asked Carlisle gently.

I looked at him, confused. What was he implying?

"From the moment Bella entered your life you've been blaming yourself, for what you think you've put her through, for the danger you put her in by exposing her to us, it's always been there, and now you have a good excuse to let that guilt resurface because what you always feared would happen has happened."

"Bella becoming pregnant was never a fear of mine" I replied sarcastically.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me warning me my attempt at humour was not appreciated.

"Bella becoming hurt because of your actions was, it always has been. And now that it has happened you're allowing yourself to become consumed by guilt rather than face up to what is happening, it's easier to wallow in grief than confront your emotions" he said gently.

I sat back in my own chair, thinking through what Carlisle had just said. It made sense I supposed, from the very beginning I knew my very existence and presence around Bella meant her life was constantly in danger, which juxtaposed my always present concern for her safety. And now my worst fears had been presented, and I couldn't walk away from them, like I had after her 18th, this time it was worse, it was happening right in front of my eyes and I couldn't escape it now. I remembered Jacob Black taunting me with the memory of when Bella had been found in the forest after I'd left her, the hurt I'd caused her then, that memory had haunted my mind for months after, even now I felt a pang somewhere in my chest whenever I thought of it, but now was worse, because I was witness to it myself, not just a second hand witness.

"Maybe I should have just let Jacob Black have her"I muttered under my breath.

This time Carlisle raised both his eyebrows at me.

"At least she wouldn't be in this state" I pointed out. "She might then have a shot at happiness".

"Without you she would be in no state, and neither would you. I was there last time Edward, I saw the pain that haunted you, neither of you can live without the other, or at the most your live a miserable existence."

"Is that why you think I'd go to the Volturi?" I asked.

For the briefest of moments Carlisle's jaw dropped, but he quickly composed himself, his fingers were shaking lightly and cracked his knuckles to distract me from the shaking.

"Emmett and Jasper?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Maybe I should have given them more credit aswell" he replied. "I forget the bond you share, forgive me?"

"Already done, it wasn't their faults. They were distracted on a hunting trip, I asked them and they tried to lie, but Emmett's thoughts betrayed him".

"He worries about you, more so than we both think" said Carlisle.

I know, I thought to myself, remembering the images I had seen in his mind, being comforted by Rosalie when he thought the Volturi were going to grant me my wish.

"They've promised to come with me....If necessary" I replied, forcing the words out as best I could without any emotions creeping in.

"I didn't doubt they would, Edward" Carlisle's voice trailed off and I knew instinctively what he was going to ask, I didn't need to see his thoughts for this.

"I wouldn't deny you it Carlisle, not after everything you've ever done for me, if this is what you want than I agree to it" I replied.

"I need to be there" he said, his gaze no longer on me but on the picture that rested on the wall behind me. "I may hold more sway over Aro than yourself, it may be needed. Aro has always had a flair for the dramatics, he'll enjoy your despair, he'll draw out the response longer than necessary just to tease you".

"He did last time" I recollected.

"Edward".

Carlisle's gaze was fixed upon me once again.

"I'm sorry".

"For what?" I asked, feeling confused once again.

"For this, all of this. When you told me what Bella asked of you on your honeymoon, I should have seen this as a possibility, an unlikely one but still an option. I should have warned you, thought of way-"

"Please, don't Carlisle. There is no-one at fault here, I've spent my days thinking of nothing else but this and I know there is no-one at fault here, especially not you."

"It haunts me, to know that I could have stopped this, and then to watch you and Bella go through this, if there was any other way Edward".

" I know".

There was a silence between the pair of us as we both let ourselves give into our inner demons and guilt.

"I've been thinking" came Carlisle's voice. "There may be a way to save Bella, if that's what it comes to."

For a second my body was empty, devoid of anything, all the breath sucked out of me, all my senses on Carlisle, awaiting whatever it was he was about to say.

"Now it's just a theory, don't get your hopes up, there's still a chance it may not work" he started.

"I'm willing to take this risk, if there's a chance".

I didn't need to say anymore than that.

"From what I can deduce, the biggest risk will be when Bella delivers the baby, anything up until that point should be manageable, but from the research, the real problems are with the delivery. Now hopefully the equipment and my years of experience should help with that, but there's only so much that can do, but there is something much stronger that can help us".

"Carlisle" I pleaded urgently.

"Once the child's out of Bella, we inject her with venom" said Carlisle, his face a stony gaze.

"Our venom?" I asked. "We change her?"

"It may be her only chance, the venom will take effect within seconds, whatever state her body may be in by that time may be saved by the venom" he replied.

"The pain though, the burning" I said, remembering my own experiences of my change all too well.

"She was prepared to go through it before the pregnancy, I don't think all of this has changed her mind, it may be her only shot. The venom will make her immortal, her body strong, it's the only thing I can think of Edward".

"But if it doesn't work?" I asked.

"Then at least I'll know I did everything I could for her".

That was when I realised, this wasn't so much about Bella, but Carlisle. He was a doctor through and through, he hated not being able to help Bella when she was in so much pain, he was as helpless as the rest of us. Even if the venom didn't work, than at least he'd be able to gain some comfort from knowing in the end he gave it the best shot he could. One look at his face and it was easy to see Carlisle was hurting as much as the rest of us, but as our leader he often hid it better than the rest of us, but here exposed it was clear to see.

"Let me think about it" I said, my mind in overdrive.


	17. Choices and Consequences

**A/N: This one's a little shorter than normal, sorry! But I was in such a great mood today I couldn't help but write!! Hope you enjoy as much anyway, reviews as always are most welcome. This one's Esme's POV**

No mother wants to see her child in pain, it's the worst feeling in the world to see the people you love the most in pain, and to know you can do nothing to heal that pain only adds to the frustration. I'd watched the pain in Edward's eyes build and build over the past couple of weeks, it was an almost haunted look he wore now. I knew Edward had slowly been confiding in his brothers and Carlisle, and I was glad that he was confiding in someone, but there was a part of me that wished he was confiding in me. Me and Edward had always shared a close bond, he was the first to accept the family dynamic we had set up, the first to call me Mum, something I would always treasure and remember. I looked at Edward and saw the kind of man I had always hoped my son to be, thoughtful, kind, well-mannered, talented, intelligent, traits any mother would be proud to see in her son. Then there would always come that all too painful reminder that infact Edward wasn't mine, he was to the outside world, but he wasn't mine, not in the biological sense, it was just the façade we had built to conceal our identities. It was when this reminder hit me that the memories of the last few days of my human life would take over my mind, the emotion of the memories would have me breaking anything that happened to be in my hands at the time.

Even after all this time the memories were so clear, the tiny bundle in my arms, so cold to my then warm flesh, the skin so soft under my touch, the senses still seemed so real.

"Esme" came a voice from behind me.

I turned, recognising the voice. Edward stood behind me, his hair was ruffled from laying down, his eyes wearing that haunted look I hated, his skin, if possible, was paler than normal. He looked the worst I'd ever seen him.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"For what?" I asked.

He pointed to himself.

"For this, I know how much it hurts you" he replied.

I sighed, for emphasis more than necessity. He was right, it did hurt me, but it hurt me more to see him apologise for something that wasn't his fault, none of this was his fault. Something he had to realise before the guilt ate him up from inside him.

It was his turn to sigh now.

"You're too selfless for your own good Esme, worrying more about me than yourself" he said coming closer to me.

"That's because you're the person I should be worrying about, you and Bella of course" I replied, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He smiled weakly, Edward's smile could light up any room he walked in. It wasn't a perfectly straight smile that you would expect with someone who's features were as perfect as Edward, it was slightly crooked, but this slight error made the smile even more attractive. One flash of Edward's smile and any woman in his vicinity would be at his mercy.

Edward laughed as he heard what I was thinking.

"Dazzling Bella called it" he said, his smile rapidly fading as he thought of Bella, in her current state no doubt.

"Dazzling" I repeated. "That's a good word for it, how did she come with that?"

"That night in Port Angeles, we went for dinner, the waitress was flirting with me apparently, so whenever I said anything to her she was drawn into it, Bella called it unfair and accused me of dazzling her" he explained.

I chuckled, trust Edward to be unaware of the effect he was having on a woman, even if he could read her mind, of course it would take another female to notice someone flirting with him. In many respects Edward was an intelligent men, but often when it had come to women he had not been, at least not until Bella. Even then his interest in Bella hadn't been romantic until Alice saw that there were only two paths Edward could take concerning Bella, thankfully, and to the happiness of us all he had taken the best of the two options.

"Did I really take the best option Esme?" asked Edward, interrupting my chain of thought.

I studied him carefully, it wasn't like Edward to question this. Of course in the past there had been many a time he had questioned whether or not he had done the right thing where Bella was concerned, having Bella as a presence in our lives was a constant danger to all of us and we all knew the risks involved, but we had all seen the happiness she had brought him, and no-one could deny him that.

"Do you remember how Alice's premonition ended?" he continued.

I had to stop and think for a moment, at the time I had been too wrapped in the idea of Edward finding the soulmate that had so far eluded him, the type of love I knew he deserved and he didn't even know existed. That's what I had been concentrating on.

"She saw Bella as one of us" he replied, answering his own question.

"That's always been a possibility Edward, from the very beginning. Bella's wanted to make the change, it was going to happen after your honeymoon until fate intervened, you know that" I said, looking deep into his eyes, trying to find out what he was really saying.

"Carlisle sees it as the only way" he said calmly, his and mine eyes locked in a fierce gaze.

"The only way?" I repeated, confused.

"When Bella delivers the child, her body will be in a much more weakened state than it is now, Carlisle has been thinking about the best way to try and save her, he thinks our venom will do the job best, but to put the venom in her will of course change her irrevocably" he said, his eyes drifting away from mine at this point.

"And you don't want this?" I asked gently, picking up on Edward's own venom in his tone.

"Bella's soul, is still so pure, so whole. The second the venom enters her body she'll become tainted, her soul destroyed, how can I want that?" he replied furiously.

"Even if it saves her?" I asked. "Because if Carlisle's right, and we both know he normally is, that might be the only thing that saves her".

Edward sat down on the sofa and I joined him, placing my hand along his shoulders, his own head was buried in his hands.

"I want to save her, I thought I'd do whatever it takes to keep her with me, but this, what Carlisle wants to do, I don't know if I can" he admitted once he removed his head from his hands.

I gently rubbed his shoulders with my hand.

"I'm scared Esme, I'm scared of losing her, but I'm scared of changing her" he said after a brief period of silence.

"Neither is an option you would choose, but you will have to make the decision that you can live with the best. Can you live without Bella completely? Or can you compromise and trade human Bella for immortality and never have to face this dilemma again?" I asked.

"It sounds so easy when you say it like that" he chuckled. "I wish it was, if I gave Bella the choice I know which she'd pick, she seems to think becoming a vampire is the key to us being together forever."

"Well it is" I admitted. "It would certainly make things a lot easier for the pair of you if she was immortal aswell, but if you don't think you can live with that decision".

"I don't want her to resent the decision, to carry forth a bitterness about all the human experiences that she'll miss, you've seen what it's done to Rose".

"Rose and Bella are two completely different people. Rose lost a lot when she became one of us, she never got to fulfil many of the experiences that she wanted to and as a result carried that anger forth to now. But Bella's experienced all that she wants to, and if that is the choice that she wants to make then you should respect that, I don't think Bella has it in her to resent you changing her" I said. "Bella knew a long time ago that one day she would have to make a choice if she wanted to be with you, and she accepted that choice, she could have backed away, you gave her plenty of opportunities, and she's always had free will. But she hasn't, and that counts Edward, she wants this, she wants you".

"I want her, I want her for the rest of eternity, it just doesn't seem right to condemn her soul in this way" he argued.

"All of our souls were condemned, think of the decisions Carlisle had to make with all of us, it wasn't easy for him, the guilt he felt, the guilt deep down he still feels. It's not an easy decision to make, Carlisle wrestled with his conscience for decades before he changed you and you only have a few weeks" I pointed out.

Edward nodded, no doubt he had seen the guilt in Carlisle's thoughts.

"I wish it could have been easier for the two of you, that you didn't have to deal with all of this, that you could just be like the rest of us and live contently, but if anyone can cope with all of this it's the two of you, everything you've been through already proves that, and whatever decision you make, I know will be the right one".

I placed my hand over his.

"I have faith in you Edward, even when you don't have faith in you, I do. I trust you, and I trust your judgement, and I trust you to do the right thing, whatever you think that is".

He smiled again, but this time it was his real smile. It stretched right across his face and suddenly Bella's description of 'dazzling' fitted perfectly as my on matching smile broke out.

"Thank you" he said, his hand lightly squeezing mine. "For everything".

He stood up, then bent down and pressed a kiss lightly to my hair and began to walk out the door, as he got to the doorway he turned around.

"I only hope Bella gets a chance to be as good a Mum as you" he said before giving me yet another one of his dazzling smile as he left me alone with the memories once again.


	18. Forever and Always

**Bella POV:**

It felt as if I had spent most of the day being sick, morning sickness? More like all day and night sickness. I didn't understand how it could happen so often when I was unable to keep any food down anymore, I was now relying solely on the IV to supply my body with the nutrients it so desperately needed. Most pregnant women gain weight during their pregnancy, eating for two and over indulging, and then there was me. Losing weight at an alarming rate, unable to eat any solid food, this wasn't the pregnancy I'd seen in the movies. It had been nearly two weeks now since I'd found out I was pregnant, and I knew my condition was rapidly deteriorating, I felt it in myself as much as I saw it in the Cullen's faces. The weight loss was one rapid sign of the deterioration, the baby was taking more nutrients than I could supply it with Carlisle had told me, so it had resorted them from within my body hence me losing weight. My bones were now protruding, my collar bone jutted out and my cheekbones now resembled that of a supermodel. My skin had a constant gleam of sweat over it from the constant nausea and my body had almost no energy left, it pained me just to move from room from room, and I relied on other people supporting me if I had to make a journey. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than it had ever been before, the baby growing stronger by the day, the movement more constant, I could no longer grit my teeth and hold back the screams, the pain was almost too much to bear now. Yet it was made bearable by reminding myself just what was causing that pain, the life that was growing inside of me made all the pain worth it I constantly reminded myself.

Edward's cool touch was upon my forehead, the only thing that seemed to help my pain through the nausea I had realised.

"Thank you" I said as I brought my head up to meet his.

His black eyes were the darkest they ever had been, he'd been hunting but not properly as he refused to go far away despite his ever growing thirst, but I knew the thirst wasn't the only reason for his eyes. They had been growing darker and darker with each day of my pregnancy, more and more out of control, he tried to hide it from me, I knew that. But I could see it in him, the anxiety, the questions, the guilt, it was all there, written all over his face for me and everyone else to see. Edward was almost in as much pain as me I had come to realise, more so even, I was doing this for a reason, for him still there was little reason.

"No need to thank me" he whispered, brushing away the hair that had stuck to my face. His touch still made my heart race erratically just as it always had, and I could feel my breathing hitch as his fingers lightly traced my face. That electricity reminded me that Edward, my Edward was still within him somewhere, buried within the pain and remorse, there he was.

"I've missed you" I said without thinking.

His brow creased as he took in my words, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on my neck.

"I haven't gone anywhere" he pointed out.

"This" I said. "I've missed this".

I reached out and ran my own hand across his face, his skin was cold like marble underneath my touch. The feeling was so familiar, I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it, although as he had said we hadn't been apart we hadn't been together either, our days were taken up now with him and Carlisle pouring over every book they could get their hands on and me in the care of either Rosalie or the bathroom. I'd missed him more than I had realised, his touch, his smell, just being with him. Gently I ran my thumb against his forehead before dragging it slowly down his cheek, ice cold as always.

He returned the favour by repeating the gesture on my own face. His touch had always been enough to make me lose control of my senses, and now after so long it was like ecstasy. My pulse was raising out of control and my heartbeat was getting embarrassingly loud. I only hoped one day my body would be able to control itself when around Edward, but then again how else had I ended up in this mess?

"I've missed it too" admitted Edward, bringing his face down so his nose was touching mine, his skin brought such relief to mine which had been burning up. His scent was intoxicating as always to me, the strong smell that was so instinctively Edward, a scent I knew I would be able to recognise anywhere, anytime. I knew my smell was a thousand times worse to Edward and I wondered as always just how he could bear it.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked, running his lithe fingers through my hair.

"Better than yesterday" I said, trying to sound more positive than I felt.

Yesterday had been the worse day so far, I had spent the whole day on the bathroom floor with only the basin for company, Carlisle had made me spend the night hooked up to the IV's much to my annoyance which had made for a sleepless night.

"Good" replied Edward, his fingers acting like a brush through my knotted hair. "Carlisle was getting worried about you".

"I gathered that from the IV torture" I said jokingly.

Edward released his fingers from my hair and sighed.

"Bella, it's for your own good, it's the only thing we can do, you're already making us sit back and watch you put yourself through this torture, the least you can do is let us do what we can" he said, his eyes burning a fiery hole through my own.

I could feel the anger build in me as it always did when Edward referred to me or our child in such a way. Torture? Sure, what I was going through wasn't a textbook, but it wasn't torture. How could he see it in such a way?

"Torture?" I repeated. "Edward I'm pregnant, pregnant ok? Not suffering at the hands of some sadistic disease".

He muttered something under his breath that was too low for my human hearing to register much to my annoyance but I could guess what he was saying.

"It's your child too Edward, or does that not matter? Do you regret not letting Carlisle take it out of me while you had the chance? Would you rather that than this?"

I couldn't even finish what it was I wanted to say before I felt the nausea build up within me again and I bent over the basin for what felt like the millionth time. Edward's hands were on the small of my back, rubbing it in a gentle circular motion, calming motions I supposed. His melodic voice humming the lullaby he had composed to me what seemed like a lifetime ago. After a few minutes the combination of the massage and lullaby had the desired effect and the sickness subsided.

"That does not make you off the hook" I said as soon as my voice was able to speak.

Yet again Edward sighed before speaking.

"It's just hard for me Bella, to watch you go through all this, you can't imagine what it's like, watching you change before my eyes" he replied.

I reached my hand up until my fingers were tangled in his ruffled bronze locks.

"I'm still here Edward, I'm still Bella, I'm still the same person, clumsy, average Bella, whatever I look like I'm still me inside" I said, my gaze concentrated on his.

"You forgot beautiful" he replied jokingly. " My beautiful Bella.

His hand wrapped around mine, our fingers slotted together like a jigsaw, he ran his fingertip against the rings on the third finger of my left hand.

"I love you Mrs Cullen, whatever happens, I will always love you, you'll always be the only one my heart belonged to".

"I love you too Mr Cullen, always have and always will" I said, feeling my eyes well up with emotion. "Unconditionally and irrevocably from the day I met you".

He gently untangled my hand from his hair, I opened my mouth to protest but before I could argue, his lips were against mine in a kiss. The first kiss we had shared since Isle Esme, and in those few seconds, all the troubles of the moment were forgotten. In that kiss our yesterday and tomorrows were forgotten in the heat of the present that existed in that very moment. For the first time in weeks I felt truly alive and whole again, I was reunited with the very piece of me that had been missing, my hand found it's way back into Edward's hair and I was home once more. Until Edward, ever the gentleman regained his self control and broke away. I turned my lips up in protest and he laughed, the sound was music to my ears after all this time.

"The things you do to me Bella" was all he said before breaking into one of his infamous crooked smiles that never failed to make me go weak at the knees.

"I think I know the answer to that myself" I joked, placing one hand on the top of my bump and the second underneath.

His smile disappeared and the haunted look that had been missing from his face instantly reappeared, inside I berated myself for what I had just said but it was too late to take back what I had just said much to my inner annoyance.

"And you always underestimated my self control" he said, his hand still wrapped around mine. "It wasn't without good reason that it was there Bella".

"I wouldn't regret this for a second Edward, never." I said, seizing the moment to say what had been on my mind for so long. "How could I? How could I regret what's growing inside of me? What you and me have created, you have to accept it, and you have to forgive yourself."

His eyes met mine for just the briefest of a second but it was enough for me to show him the sincerity of what I had just said.

"You honestly don't blame me?" he asked, his fingers tracing patterns over my palm nervously.

"No"I said without hesitation. "I never have, no-one does, the only person Edward who blames you is you. And you have to let go of the guilt, please. I need you to be here for me, but you can't be if this is eating you up".

He didn't answer my question, not least in the conventional way. But before I knew it once again his lips were on mine, this time though, unlike the last, was full of passion. My heartbeat was embarrassing but I didn't care, it had been too long until Edward had kissed me in this way and I wanted it too much to care about my body. I knew it was his way of answering my question, there were some questions that just didn't need words.

"I'll always be here for you Bella" he said when we finally broke apart. "Always and forever".

**A/N: You know what to do people...... :)**


	19. It's OK

**A/N: Ok, apologies first for the lack of updating! But I do have a genuinely good excuse, anyone who read Chapter 15 will know I had a friend who was pregnant, well this week, Monday to be exact, she gave birth! So this week's been a bit of a whirlwind!  
So this chapter of Mother of All Fights is dedicated to the gorgeous Olivia Grace and her wonderful parents, who may have odds stacked against them, but who's character, strength, determination and love for one another will pull them through whatever hurdles lie ahead for them, and I am so very proud and honoured to know such a very special family :)**

**Over to Edward, reviews as always please :)**

It killed me to see the constant pain that Bella was in, the scene in the bathroom was the latest in a long line of events which had us in no doubt about the agony she was in. Occasionally whilst she was sleeping the odd scream would escape her lips and my whole world would stand still for that moment, her pain was my pain and it tore through my body, more painful than anything I had ever known before. We'd resorted to having at least one of us sit with Bella whenever she slept, although she had no idea she was now under 24 hour constant surveillance. Carlisle had finally decided to use up some of his long accumulated holiday from the hospital so that he could supervise the remaining weeks of Bella's pregnancy. The baby was developing rapidly now, and whilst Bella's bump was growing with every passing day, the rest of her body was vanishing from under our eyes, as the child sucked every last bit of strength out of Bella's body. I was waiting, anxious for the moment when Bella herself would realise enough was enough, and ask for this all to be over, but that moment never came.

_How is she?_

I turned round to see Rosalie standing in my bedroom doorway, her eyes full of concern as she looked over Bella's form which lay asleep in my bed.

"No screams yet" I said, answering the real question Rosalie was asking.

She nodded as she made her way over towards me and Bella, stopping behind me and laying a hand comfortingly on my shoulder.

_She's changed so much....In such a short space of time....She's getting thinner every day....It's not healthy...._

Rosalie's thoughts were all muddled together as she watched Bella sleep, this wasn't the arrogant, confident Rose I was used to seeing recently, but scared, loving Rose.

"Carlisle said she's doing worse than he expected" I admitted. "He knew it would be bad, but as fast as he's putting supplements into her the baby's taking them from her, there's nothing left for her".

_She's still putting up a good fight though, all things considered._

"She's trying" I said, taking Bella's hand into mine, her warm skin under mine bringing comfort to me. "She tries not to show her pain to us but it's becoming too hard to as the baby grows stronger, it's becoming much stronger than her".

"Do you think she'll make it?" asked Rosalie, suddenly, sitting down besides me now, her eyes fixed still on Bella.

"Honestly?" I replied.

Rosalie nodded, her eyes still not moving from Bella.

It was a question I had been asking myself for weeks now, at first I had been so sure that it would kill her, how could it not? The laws of nature made it impossible to believe that she could survive. But then slowly just for a few days I had let myself get caught up in Bella's infectious optimism. Maybe there could be hope I had told myself, Bella was in the safest hands possible here with Carlisle and his years of experience, as opposed to some remote swamp in a jungle which had been the setting for many of the births within the legends. But that was before the rapid weight loss, the constant nausea and worst of all, before the screams.

"No"I whispered at a below human hearing range so only Rose could hear. "I don't think she will".

As I said the words I felt whatever heart existed within me break into two, it had been bad enough thinking the words, implying them even, but actually saying them hurt me more than I thought possible. Bella was my reason for living, she had been ever since that first day in Biology, I hadn't known it then but ever since I knew my whole existence was centred around Bella, protecting her, loving her, everything in my life revolved around Bella, her needs, her wants. Her life and mine were no longer our own, they were one, one intertwined life where we each depended on the other, we needed the other more than we needed anything else. Bella's pain was mine and vice versa, that's just how it was. Imagining no longer having the other half of myself anymore was enough to break me inside, more so even than I already was.

"Edward, I'm sorry" came Rose's thoughts through my haze.

I turned to look at her, her eyes were no longer on Bella but on me, her eyes were heavy and brimmed with concern, but I saw concern that was no longer just for Bella but for me aswell. I underestimated Rose too much.

"For what?" I asked.

"For all of this" she replied. " For letting Bella do this, beneath all the pain she is happy".

I looked at Rose quizzingly.

"She is, she may have said she didn't want children when you asked her before, but that's because she didn't think you two would ever be able to have children, that's when it didn't matter to her, but now, the fact it's your baby, that's what makes it worth the fight to her".

I sighed, what Rosalie had just said was the conclusion I had myself come to. I had asked Bella before during one of our many conversations about her changing about the realisation that doing so would mean her losing out on the possibility of ever having children, she'd told me with such sincerity that it wasn't something she'd wanted that I hadn't quizzed it further. It was what had puzzled me so much with her pregnancy, how she had gone from not wanting children to protecting this one so much, until it had dawned on me just what this baby was to her. To her this baby was the perfect symbol of us, the unity of our love together within this creation. And as much as I hated to admit it, even to myself, sometimes when I was alone, I too saw the temptation of a child created by me and Bella. The features, the personality, the love we would share, but given Bella's current state it was hard to put the two together into a format I could accept.

_I hope she can do this, the baby will need her, more so even than she thinks, and so does he, neither can make it without her. I don't want to have to look into her child's eyes and tell them Mummy died for Aunt Rose's salvation. If I'd known then what I do now, would I have supported her so fiercely? Or would I have seen sense like Edward wanted me to? _

Rose's thoughts made little sense to me, salvation? I was so sure the only reason Rose was so for Bella having this baby was so that she could reclaim her lost dream of motherhood, but was there something more to it? Her thoughts suddenly went to a flashback, her and Emmett in their room, Emmett shouting at her, something he rarely did, chastising her for sacrificing Bella for her own selfishness, until she explained. Explained that she did love Bella, that she wanted to redeem herself not only for others but for her own good, that by helping Bella maybe she could reclaim whatever goodness was inside of her.

"I know you're a good person" I said as her flashback ended. "I never doubted it."

"Even when we were fighting?" she asked, smirking.

"Even then" I replied. "You were there for Bella when she needed someone the most, when I wasn't there for her, if she didn't have you to turn to I don't know what she would have done. She trusts you, more than she trusts anyone else in this house right now".

Sadly it was true, it was Rose she turned to first now, not me, and that stung me deep inside that I was no longer number one in Bella's priority. Nowadays it felt as if the pecking order was baby, Rose, me, I deserved I pointed out to myself.

"Edward" came Rose's voice, much quieter than before. "Bella, she made me promise her something."

Rose's voice was nothing like it normally was, much quieter and emotional than I had ever heard it in all our years. If she was human I'm sure she would have been crying waterfalls by now.

Rose didn't need to tell me Bella's promise, I saw it in her mind, I saw Bella's tears which ripped me apart inside,the hellish expression on her face as she battled with her inner demons, the conflicting anguish Rose felt inside as she listened to Bella talk and finally the promise Rose was forced to make her.

"I didn't ask her, I didn't want her to" explained Rosalie.

I held up my hand in a gesture for Rose to stop.

"I know" I said simply, gazing at Bella, my eyes running over inch of her body, before coming to settle on her swollen stomach. Bella never ceased to amaze me, it was of the many things I loved about her, she'd always do something completely unexpected. Bella had immediately bonded with Alice and Esme once introduced to my family, Rose had been her normal awkward self and the two had always shared a somewhat strained relationship. I had hoped that Rose explaining herself to Bella would help things, and it did slightly but they never bonded as the other two Cullen's had with Bella. But now, here was Bella making Rose promise to look after the child if anything happened to Bella, asking Rose to continue the battle that Bella herself had started, Rose would be the only one up to the job, the only one of us who could love the child even a fraction as much as Bella would have. I understood Bella's choice completely, and whatsmore I agreed with it.

"You'd be an amazing Mom Rose, really you would. Any child would be lucky to have you as their Mom, me and Bella both know that" I said, my eyes never leaving Bella.

"As much as I may want that dream I don't want it like this" said Rose, her hand on my arm. "Not your child, not because we've lost you and Bella. I'm not that much of a monster".

I nodded before putting my own hand on top of Rose's.

"I know that" I said finally taking my eyes away from Bella, looking at Rose instead. "You're far from a monster Rose".

She laughed before taking my hand in her own.

"When it comes from you it mean so much more" she said, her tone now deadly serious. "After all you've seen inside my head, the things I've done, what I've been through. Everyone else has said it but it's just empty words, but when it comes from you it suddenly matters. If you see all that I see yet you still see good in me then there must be some there?"

"Definitely" I replied whilst smiling.

"Do you have to go to Italy?" she asked, holding my hand tighter. "Is there really no way?"

I shook my head.

"Could you live without Emmett?" I asked, it wasn't really a question, much more a rhetorical one, I could see the answer in her thoughts, in her eyes, they were all a resounding no.

"I can't imagine this life without you. You and Emmett, you're the only people who have made it bearable, even when I least deserve it, you've always picked me up" she said, her gaze now intently on the floor. "You're the only people who really know- who understand what I have to live with, why I am how I am.".

She stopped as the words became to difficult for her to get out. I hated seeing Rose broken like this, when her nightmares returned and her own personal hell was reignited within her. I had relived it with her so many times the images were now ingrained on my own brain, the smell, the textures. It all turned my stomach and made my insides flame with anger. Effortlessly I untangled my hand from Rose's and placed my arm around her, bringing her into my side so that her head was against my chest, I placed my head on top of hers placing a light kiss on top of her hair.

"Thank you" she muttered. "For everything".

"No problem" I replied.

Together me and Rose sat there watching Bella, and whilst no nightmares came for Bella that night, both me and Rose were left in our own personal forms of hell.


	20. He Sure As Hell Didn't See That 1 Coming

**A/N: Well thanks to the last Chapter this story's now had over 100 reviews, wow!! You have no idea how happy that made me :) So please, please keep them coming! Now this Chapter marks the point where my story meets Breaking Dawn, it is set in Jacob's POV but I will reassure again that nothing will be told from Jacob's POV! This is Edward's POV when Jacob comes to the Cullens and realises the true reason for Bella's 'illness', all speech in this chapter comes straight out of Breaking Dawn, as I'm sure you will recognise. Hope you enjoy and please review :)**

**Special dedication for this chapter: Nicola and Sofia, for being my fellow Twilight/Edward lovers, for reading the work and giving me the courage to post stories that otherwise would never see the light of day, aswell as giving me constant encouragement and inspiration, without you both there would be no story! Team Cullen girlies :)**

Jacob Black was the bane of my existence. There was no doubt about it. I owed him everything of course, he kept Bella sane during the months we spent apart, and I was forever grateful for him for that. What ate away at me was the bond they now shared as a result, knowing if Bella hadn't found me when she had then she could well have been Mrs Black now rather than Mrs Cullen. I saw how deep her and Jacobs bond ran and it tore me apart inside, knowing that there was another man other than myself that close to Bella's heart. It was a fact Jacob loved taunting me with everytime he was close to me, he'd flaunt his sick fantasies in his mind to me, the memories him and Bella had shared. The last time me and Bella had seen him at been at the wedding reception, his reaction to the news that Bella would soon be joining me in eternity hadn't gone down well with him, me and Carlisle had long ago realised that changing Bella would nul the vampire/werewolf treaty and there could well be a fight on our hands. Emmett as always had got excited by the prospect of a fight, and even I, in the animalistic part of my brain was eager for a fight. Me and Jacob, with nothing to stop us, I would have Bella and he would have nothing, every little bit of pent up anger I felt towards him would spiral out of me uncontrollably until one of us lost, preferably him, then off I would go home to Bella, and then we could have our happy ever after.

All of this daydreaming was before our nightmare began, when I was still arrogant enough to believe I had done something so miraculously right to deserve Bella, now I was humble enough to appreciate what I had broken. I knew that Jacob would show his face at some point, we had palmed Charlie off with the excuse that Bella was ill, too ill for visitors. But I knew that would not deter Jacob, unlike Charlie he would not accept our human excuses for Bella's disappearance, I knew the conclusion he would jump to and I welcomed for once his visit to our house. Jacob was the only person besides Bella who could truly hurt me, his thoughts burned me like no others. To see fantasies of Bella in the perverted minds of Mike Newton and cronies was nothing compared to seeing them in Jacobs mind, knowing they nearly came so true. It was the one thing that truly haunted me in my relationship with Bella, that night when I had held her as she cried for Jacob, sobbing as I had never seen her before, I was convinced no person could live through that much pain. Seeing her mourn the loss of her friendship to Jacob so severely broke me, constantly had me questioning her decision; did she really want me? That was the question that plagued me whenever he was around.

The day Jacob Black finally decided to visit us was just like any other day at that moment. Bella was now in too much pain to move considerable distances so we had made up a bedroom for her in the front room, she much preferred that to Carlisle's library/hospital room. It was still normal she laughed, and allowed us to be around her, me and Rose now kept Bella constant company, her pain worse now than ever as her pregnancy progressed and the child grew stronger. She had no appetite and no ability to keep any human food down, her only source of nourishment from the IV which she so hated. Yet she still somehow believed she had it in her to survive this demonic pregnancy, something I had little faith in now. I tried to inject some positivity in me when she was awake, but as soon as her eyes shut for the night, the despair would return and I would count each breath she took, panicking if one came later than the other. Relief would wash over me every morning when she would open her eyes once more, and she would give me her own dazzling smile, my own lifeline in a time of uncertainty. I was sat by Bella as usual when I heard Jacobs bike pull up, Rose heard it too and we both exchanged looks rather than tell Bella who was arriving.

_What does the dog want?_

For reasons unknown to even me, Rosalie's hatred of Jacob was second only to mine and I had to stifle back a laugh at her thought before Bella heard. I could hear Carlisle open the door and talk to Jacob

"I heard it Bella's made it back alive".

The sarcasm was dripping in his speech, just as I had predicted he had come to make sure that the treaty was still valid, although I had little doubt that secretly he would be disappointed we hadn't changed Bella. I was so distracted by Jacob that I didn't realise that Bella too had heard him.

"Jake" she said, her eyes and face lighting up fully for the first time in days. My heart sunk, I had done my best to try to forget the effect Jacob had on Bella, but here it was, right in front of me. "I want to see him".

"Bella" I said warningly. "Do you really think that's a good idea?".

She frowned at me, and I wished I could see that smile back on her face, or at least be the cause of it. All I seemed to get these days was that frown, I wanted the old Bella back, my Bella, and certainly not at the expense of Jacob Black.

"Why not? Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?" she said, taking my hand in hers. Her skin was so warm under my own marble like fingers, it brought me the reassurance and comfort it always did, aswell an unwillingness to deny Bella anything she wanted. I merely nodded, saving my words for the explanation that no doubt Jacob would demand once he saw Bella.

She smiled and the smile I so loved returned and my heart sunk even further into my chest. Damn Jacob Black.

"Come in, please Jacob" she said, as loudly as her voice would allow her, which considering she was barely drinking was just above a croak.

I held my breath, unnecessary really but it allowed me to prepare myself for Jacobs entrance and the thoughts he would present to me.

Jacob strode in with all the cockiness and arrogance I had come to expect of him, he was obviously prepared for a fight, but as he entered and saw us all he literally froze to the floor and I swear that just for a second, his jaw hit the floor. It was me that was in his thoughts, my expression, according to him I looked half crazed, yet again I had to stifle back a laugh, if only he knew the half of it I thought to myself. At least he registered my pain, that might earn me some sympathy in the confrontation that would follow, if he knew that this was killing me as much as it was Bella. His thoughts turned to Bella as he slowly began to realise just what it was that could cause me this much pain. There was relief both physically and within his thoughts as he realised Bella was still human, but I knew that relief would soon go.

He took in Bella's appearance and for a second, just a second he brought the illness story as he truly saw her as we all had to. The dark circles under her eyes from tormented nights sleep, her cheekbones protruding due to her rapid weight loss, her stomach was covered by a blanket so at least we were spared a couple of moments before the true rage would start. I hoped Bella would see enough sense not to tell Jacob of her condition, but I knew from what she had said when he was at the door that she would. Unfortunately for the rest of us Bella had failed to grasp just how dangerous the rivalry between the werewolves and us was, and as Carlisle had pointed out on many an occasion to me, it was a rivalry intensified by myself and Jacob over Bella, I had little doubt that if Bella revealed her true condition to Jacob that he would tell the rest of his pack and there was a chance they would void the treaty. Carlisle had confided in me that when he had made the pact that he had promised not to change any more humans and so far we had kept this promise, but there was nothing about a pregnancy of course, and we had no idea how the werewolves would take this news, he had warned us all to prepare for the possibility of a fight, and this perhaps would be one fight I wouldn't mind losing to Jacob Black.

Rose got up and stood in front of Bella, as if trying to protect Bella from Jacobs view, but it was no good. Jacob knew from past experience that Bella and Rose had never got along and he was questioning Rose's proximity to Bella. But Rose's position came into use just a second later when Bella emptied the contents of her stomach into a basin Rose had the good sense to to hold under Bella's chin. I moved closer to Bella to try and comfort her, but Rose held out her hand so to stop me. It was confusing Jacob, I could see it in his raised eyebrows and his scrunched forehead, I didn't need his thoughts to tell me that.

"Sorry about that" whispered Bella.

I moaned, the guilt resurfacing like it did everytime Bella was ill as a result of what was growing inside her, made worse by the apology.

I rested my head against Bella's knees desperately trying to seek comfort from her touch, as if she could read my thoughts she reached down and put one of her hands on my cheek, as always her touch calmed me and brought back coherency to my thoughts and to the present situation. Just in time aswell, Rose was making no secret of her dislike to Jacob much to my amusement, and I realised that in few seconds I was wallowing in my own self pity that Jacob had moved closer to myself and Bella, as if preparing for an attack, Rose had positioned herself between the sofa and Jacob and was now hissing at him, I would have to remember to thank Rose for doing a job that I was not currently up to.

"Rose, don't. It's fine" whispered Bella's voice.

I groaned inside, didn't she realise how vulnerable she was making us all, by showing Jacob what she had become, I'm sure that for months now his worst nightmare had been her becoming a vampire and entering eternal damnation, how he would feel about a half vampire/half human child at the cost of her was beyond my imagination. I could see Rose didn't want to expose Bella either.

_Edward._

I nodded, nothing would happen to Bella, it wouldn't be Bella that Jacob would want to hurt, it would be me. Rose slowly moved, positioning herself by Bella's head in a defence move, ready for the attack if the time came.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you allright?" he asked taking one of her hands in his, the movement brought the anger and jealous in me to the surface and I had to curl my hand up into a ball to stop myself from reaching out and hitting him square in the jaw. Instead I did my best to avoid looking at him so all temptation would disappear.

"I'm so glad you came to see me today, Jacob" she said.

That was all it took for another moan to escape my lips, I had tried to suppress it but hearing say she was glad to see him was all it took for the sound to escape my lips. I knew that she would have needed to see him before the end, but to hear that she was glad to brought back to me all the memories Jacob had taunted me with so many times in the past. Of the life she could have had, a life free of the torment she was currently in. The memory Sam Uley had of Bella, in the forest after I had left her chose that moment to resurface in my mind, the one Jacob had taken such great joy in tormenting me with. I buried my face into the blanket covering Bella before letting out another moan as the memory of Bella's pain, not unlike the one she was currently in ran through my mind. Sensing my own pain she stroked my cheek, gently and reassuringly.

"What is it, Bella?" asked Jacob, still holding onto her so tightly I noticed when I turned my gaze back to the room.

Bella looked around, the whole family was gathered in the front room, waiting for whatever was going to happen next, she was waiting for one of us to giver her the seal of approval, but one none of us gave it to her she made her own mind up.

"Help me up ,Rose?" she asked, turning to Rose.

I was glad it was Rose she asked and not me, I didn't think I had it in me to present herself in her current condition to Jacob, and I would need all my strength to defend myself against his accusing thoughts that would no doubt follow.

Rose herself was still ready for the attack, her lips were pulled out over her teeth, exactly as if she was hunting and was primed over the throat of a wild animal. She'd need a second to calm down before she was ready to do anything, thankfully Bella in her current state was in no way fit enough to do anything unaided so therefore had the necessary patience.

"Please Rose".

By this time Rose's anger had subsided enough to allow her to help Bella, and Rose moved to put her arm behind Bella to allow her to support Bella's weight.

"No. Don't get up...." whispered Jacob. He was horrified at how weak Bella appeared.

"I'm answering your question" she snapped, I had to hide a little grin, taking pleasure from the fact she was now snapping at Jacob as well as me.

Rose was able to stand Bella up, I hid my face in the cushions, too cowardly to meet Jacobs face, ashamed of what I would find there. It was bad enough hearing it in Jacob's thoughts as he took in her appearance. It took him a couple of seconds to work out just what was wrong with Bella, the giveaway came when Bella cradled her stomach. Just like the rest of us he couldn't believe it, he was putting a timeline together of the last time he had seen her and now, it didn't make any sense. For once I agreed with him, it didn't make any sense. Then his thoughts turned poisonous as normal, he hated the fact that there was a part of me growing within her, the mere idea was making him sick. Any other time I would have loved to have evoked such a reaction in him, but for once I was on his side on the matter. Slowly he was putting the pieces of the puzzle together, her thin figure yet the protruding bump.

…_..Because whatever was inside her was taking her life to feed its own..._

Careful Jacob I wanted to warn him, there had to be a limit a person could reach, and I was sure I was already nearly at the end of mine, I had little doubt in my own mind that whatever Jacob would think next would push me over the edge.

_Because it was a monster just like its father._

Harsh, but no less than I had come to expect from Jacob. At least unlike Bella he had always seen me as what I truly was.

_I always knew he would kill her._

My head snapped up as soon as I heard his thoughts, and the anger and adrenaline began coursing through my body, there were many things I was prepared to accept blame for. But killing Bella was not one of them, that had never been a part of my destiny, I had done everything in my power to avoid killing her, if anything that was the reason we were here now. The vision Alice had seen saw me and Bella in 2 different fates, me killing Bella or us in eternity, neither were ones I would have chosen but I had accepted the one I could live with the most, and even then it was a daily struggle.

Within a second we were both on our knees and as the anger within me grew and grew towards Jacob Black, every bit of hatred I had in me at that moment bubbling to the surface as I stood up. I didn't want to fight Jacob at that moment, I had expected to have to grovel and plead, but here I was ready to fight.

"Outside Jacob" I snarled.

If Jacob wanted a fight then I would give him one, and for once, I didn't care what Bella thought if he didn't make it out alive.


	21. Burning At The Stake

**A/N: BIG apology for taking so long to post this chapter, but couple writers block with college work and you have your answer. Also I never realised how long Jacob and Edward's conversation was until I started writing this!! And it's even harder when you need to reread the chapter each time you sit down to write it! Anyway enough of the excuses!! And I hope you enjoy this extra long chapter!**

**Edward's POV, anything in italics is what Edward hears and is from BD as is all speech, everything else is my own creation. Please review as always, really do make my day :) Enjoy!!!**

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"_Outside Jacob" I snarled._

_If Jacob wanted a fight then I would give him one, and for once, I didn't care what Bella thought if he didn't make it out alive._

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I had never wanted to kill anything more in that moment. Jacobs words flashed round my head, only serving to fuel my anger more, we were both stood up, facing one another, our eyes intent on one another. Both of us had waited too long for this moment, in the past we had always tried to push our differences aside for Bella's sake, but that was then and this was now. So much had changed in the past few weeks, and quite frankly, right then and there I didn't care what Bella thought about me and Jacob. All the anger that had been building within me since our honeymoon was on the brink of exploding and I was grateful that a release was on its way.

"Outside, Jacob" I snarled at him, the venom in me rising up and pooling in my mouth.

Jacob extended himself to his full height at which he surpassed me, he looked down at me, pure hatred in his eyes. Once I feared this hatred, but now I knew no look of hatred could mirror that I saw within myself.

"Let's do this" he said, his face curling up into a smirk.

Instantly by each of my side I felt Emmett and Jasper, like me they had waited too long for this, it was them who long ago had urged me to teach Jacob Black the lesson he had asked for. But I had always resisted, until now was. I had to stifle back a laugh when Jacob imagined the rest of his pack finishing us off if he did not finish the job, the dogs had a constant problem of undermining us Cullen's. A smug part of me wanted to remind Black that in the hunt for Victoria last year it was him and no Cullen that had got themselves injured, but I restrained myself, concentrating on the matter at hand.

Jacobs thoughts entered my brain once more, and the venom in me rose faster and faster as his thoughts rested on Alice and Esme, he was right, we would sure as hell kill him before he could lay one finger on either of them.

_I didn't want to kill girls.....even vampire girls._

How compassionate of you Black I thought to myself, my venom beginning to pool back down inside me as the threat went away.

_Though I might make an exception for that blonde._

Instantly the venom was back, Rose may not have been my favourite person at that moment at time, but even I in all my anger and misbelief would fight to the nail for Rose, and I pitied Jacob if he found himself against Emmett, even I would not wish that on Black despite all the hatred. I'd seen Emmett fight grizzly bears for fun and I pitied them, I hated to see what he'd do when he was fighting for a life, not least that of Rose's.

"No" came Bella's voice, piercing through my thoughts, everything else in my mind stopped and nothing else but her sweet, melodic voice mattered, I turned around to face her. She'd moved up from her safe haven on the sofa and her arms were outstretched as if she were trying to grasp at me, as always Rose was there, protecting her.

Inwardly I sighed, I wanted to stay and hold Bella, try and reassure her. But too many times in the past I had done what Bella had wanted where Jacob was concerned, and now was my chance to tell my side of the story, free from interruption, for my own sanity I needed that.

"I just need to talk to him, Bella" I said as calmly as my voice could muster given all the emotion.

Her face was flustered and I could see concern written on every inch of her face. My heart sunk, the concern wasn't just for me. Just as it had been from the moment I returned from Forks, Bella's heart was torn in two, my half and Jacobs, and never did the two work in symphony. I reached up to touch her face, stroking it as gently as I could, trying to calm her as much as I could. There was some sick satisfaction in seeing the reaction it provoked in Blacks mind, how dare I touch her? It would be my pleasure to remind him that after everything she was still my wife, my heart swelled with pride, ultimately she had chosen me. I left my ego and returned to Bella, she was still in desperate need of reassurance.

"Don't strain yourself" I warned her, she was already so weak I hated to see her exert herself more than necessary. I hated myself for what I was about to say but I had no choice, I had to reassure that second half of her heart that was not mine "Please rest. We'll both be back in a few minutes".

I hated promising to return him to her, that I wouldn't rip him to shreds the second we were on our own, that I wouldn't transfer all my pain and anger onto him, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything, one look into Bella's face and my humanity returned, she was my conscious, my soul if I had one. I had promised myself long ago that I would be the man that Bella deserved, and that was not a killer, no matter how much it was in my make-up, I couldn't, I couldn't hurt her more than she already was.

Bella was searching my face intently for any sign that I would go back on my word, but she found none, the human in me won out over the monster and I would not hurt Jacob Black.

Bella nodded and made her way back to the couch, Rose helped her sit back down. All the time she kept her eyes fixed on Jacob, it was enough to turn my stomach and resent myself for being so weak where Bella was concerned. Instantly the instinct to kill in me resurfaced much to my annoyance.

"Behave" she said, I couldn't help but note with much glee, to Jacob. "And then come back".

Unlike me Jacobs thoughts were making no promises, apparently some of us knew the way to Bella's heart and others didn't, and that is why she is Mrs Cullen not Mrs Black I thought to myself gleefully.

I quickly turned to both Emmett and Jasper, and in a movement too quick for human eyesight to see I shook my head to the both of them. I appreciated them wanting to support me, but I needed to do this myself, I needed to confront the demons that I saw in Jacobs eyes and I didn't need them there to witness my moments of weakness.

They nodded understandingly, I knew that they wouldn't be far behind if I needed them, as always. Taking in one last deep inhale of breath to calm myself more than anything I headed out the front door, Jacob on my heels.

Jacob I noted was congratulating himself on what he saw as separating me from my family so easily, little did he know that this was my choice, that if I had wished I could have the entire family stood behind me, Emmett and Jas as always my flanks. But it was my own choice that I walked out that door alone, never unguarded, but definitely alone. I walked ahead of Jacob so I didn't have to meet his gaze, despite his childish thoughts I felt no sense of attack imminent, that would come much later I was sure, once he heard more of the facts.

"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black" I whispered, more to myself than to him, his time would come I was sure. No-one would take greater pleasure in killing me than Jacob if Bella lost her life for the 'monster', not even the Volturi. But that time was not now, not whilst Bella was still breathing. "You'll have to have a little more patience".

Jacob growled, evidently my whisper had been loud enough for him to hear.

"Patience isn't my speciality" he said with as much menace as his voice would allow him.

I kept walking, I wanted to explain to him, that he wouldn't need a lot of patience, that when the time would come I would beg him, how I would be on my knees infront of him, desperate for him to re-unite him with my love. Then there would be no Emmett or Jas as my flanks, then it would be just him and me, and I would be grateful for the mercy of my death.

I walked further and further down the drive, trying to work out the best plan of attack, metaphorically of course. As always when I was away from Bella I could feel the strain of the situation return to me, and I felt the true age of my years, the cold wind of the day turned my body into an even harder granite it seemed. Maybe this was the best way to explain to him, for him to see, that it wasn't just Bella hurting. That this wasn't some ego trip of mine, that I hadn't asked for this. Without warning I turned round to face Jacob and I couldn't help but notice that he had stopped dead in his tracks.

Finally he was beginning to get some concept of my pain, he could see it in my eyes, and he was right, he would have to live a lot longer before he understood what it was I was living through. I could feel sweat building up on my forehead and I brought my hand up wipe the sweat, but instead it was my fingers that made contact with my skin, I dragged them across with such force, that if I was a human the skin would have come clean off. Every moment of mine, Jacob and Bella's strained relationship flashed across my mind, that night in the tent being the most vivid. Seeing Bella's course as it should have been if it was not for me had hurt me the most, in an ideal world her and Jacob made sense, but that was in a world where magic and myth did not exist alongside mortality, but it did so we were left with the cards that fate had dealt us, the cruellest being the fate it had condemned Bella to. I opened my mouth to talk to Jacob but no words came out as the familiar image of a Bella in unimaginable flashed through my brain, rendering me speechless.

_This was the face a man would have if he were burning at the stake_.

For once in his life, Jacob Black was talking sense. At least, I consoled myself, despite what may happen next, he understood, he understood that I had not asked for this, that this had never been part of my plan, that I was suffering with Bella, more even at the knowledge of contemplating a life without her.

The pieces of the puzzle were slowly beginning to fit together in Jacobs mind, he too was speechless. He took his time, putting mine and Bella's expressions within the house together, and then coupled with my expression now here in the open it wasn't long until he came to his conclusion.

"It's killing her, right? She's dying" he said, pain entering his own eyes. It was nowhere near as strong as mine but I knew given time it would be a close second to mine, he was still in shock, he would get there eventually. For Jacob the pain would never match mine as he had long ago resigned himself to the fact that he had lost Bella, she'd never been his to begin with, even when I wasn't there. She'd always belong to me, and he was right, his pain would never be as deep as mine because it wasn't his fault.

"My fault" I whispered, the words tripping out so easily knowing I wasn't going to be comforted by some reassuring member of my family, but instead chastised as I deserved. My knees gave out and I crumpled to the floor in front of him, making myself the world's easiest target to him, more vulnerable than he could ever have dreamed to find me, yet there was now no desire to in him to fight, that had been lost the moment he'd realised that Bella was dying.

"Yes" I groaned, my agony overtaking me and I bent over further so I was now facing the ground, anything to avoid the look in his eyes, I didn't want to know what I might find in them. "Yes, it's killing her".

I was annoying Jacob now, his sympathy rapidly disappearing, he obviously expected me to be smug and arrogant about the whole matter, but instead I was making this far too easy for him, not the fight he so craved.

"So why hasn't Carlisle done anything?" he growled at me. " He's a doctor, right? Get it out of her".

I wanted to laugh, instead I looked up and gritted my teeth. If only it had been that easy, hadn't that been what I had wanted from the very beginning? And here he was all, trying to be all superior suggesting what we had all thought from the very beginning, he really did underestimate us.

"She won't let us" I said through gritted teeth and annoyance.

It took him a moment to work out what I had just said

_Jeez, she was running true to form. Of course, die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella._

Sadly Jacob was figuring all this out much faster than I had, my heart sunk as I realised that in many ways Jacob knew Bella better than I could ever dream of.

"You know her so well" I continued. "How quickly you see.....I didn't see. Not in time. She wouldn't talk to me on the way home, not really. I thought she was frightened.... that would be natural. I thought she was angry with me for putting her through this, for endangering her life. Again. I never imagined what she was really thinking, what she was resolving. Not until my family met us at the airport and she ran right into Rosalie's arms. Rosalie's! And then I heard what Rosalie was thinking. I didn't understand until I heard that. Yet you understand that after one second...."

My voice trailed off into a half sigh/half groan. It felt like such a relief to be able to air my true feelings to someone who would not palm me off with reassurance, but at the same time my long standing jealously resurfaced, it had taken me so long to work out that Bella would fight for the child, yet he had worked it out in seconds, maybe they had belonged together.

"Just back up a second. She won't let you"

His voice dripped with acidic sarcasm.

"Did you ever notice that she's exactly as strong as a normal hundred and ten pound human girl? How stupid are you vamps? Hold her down and knock her out with drugs".

Yet again I wanted to point out this had already been thought of but I thought it wiser to just let Jacob air his anger and not provoke him more than necessarily.

"I wanted to" I whispered, admitting it out loud for the first time. "Carlisle would have...."

I smiled weakly when I heard Jacobs thoughts on that.

"No. Not noble. Her bodyguard complicated things" I explained, only a fellow mythical creature would dare call us noble, even sarcastically.

I listened carefully to Jacobs next set of thoughts, he had already shown an evident dislike for Rose back in the house and I was curious to know what he would make of that little bombshell.

_His story hadn't made much sense before, but it fit together now......So what was Blondie up to?.....What in it for her though?.... Did the beauty queen want Bella to die so bad?_

My protective streak was back up and running again, there was a part of me that wanted to explain to Jacob just why Rose was how she was, why she was so desperate for this, but I couldn't betray my sister in that way, and not least to someone who was not guaranteed to understand, so instead I carried on.

"Maybe" I said, lying through my teeth in order to protect Rose. "Rosalie doesn't look at it quite that way".

There, a little bit of the truth mixed in with pure fiction.

"So take the blond one out first. Your kind can be put together, right? Turn her into a jigsaw and take care of Bella."

I wished I could live in Jacob land, everything seemed so simple there. Didn't he understand I had already dreamed up all these scenarios, envisaged them all in my mind enough times that I wondered if they would come true, until I remembered the irreparable damage it would cause my family.

"Emmett and Esme are backing her up. Emmett would never let us..... and Carlisle won't help me with Esme against it...." my voice trailed off as I recalled all the conversations, the arguments I had seen in my head, it hurt me to know the damage that this mess had caused to my family.

"You should have left Bella with me" said Jacob, his tone deadly serious.

"Yes" I answered immediately, as much as it pained me to say it, if it meant Bella had a long life ahead of her I would have gladly left her with Jacob, to know her heart was still beating would have been enough, and time would have eventually healed all the other wounds.

He was right, it was too late for what ifs now the damage was done, I had kicked myself enough times for not seeing this outcome before our honeymoon and I didn't need to hear it from him. I looked up at him, and I knew he knew how remorseful I was for that.

"We didn't know" I said, my voice barely a whisper. "I never dreamed. There's never been anything like Bella and I before. How could we know that a human was able to conceive a child with one of us-"

"When the human gets ripped to shreds in the process"he said angrily.

Or pillows or bedheads I thought to myself, trying not to think of Bella's distorted body.

"Yes" I agreed tensely, my thoughts returning to the current moment. "They're out there, the sadistic ones, the incubus, the succubus. They exist. But the seduction is merely a prelude to the feast. No one survives".

The words pained me to say and I shook my head as if doing so would clear my brain of the images that plagued me.

"I didn't realise they had a special name for what you are" Jacob all but spat at me.

I looked up at him yet again, his hatred for me growing with every mortal second, yet never eclipsing my own self hatred.

"Even you, Jacob Black, cannot hate me as much as I hate myself"I admitted, smiling inside, knowing at least I had won that battle.

_Wrong._

He still wanted to kill me, the urge was still there, but by killing me he would not prolong Bella's life anymore, he couldn't save her from the big bad vampire anymore, the wheels had been set and the car crash was in motion, if anything killing me would kill her even sooner.

"Killing me now doesn't save her" I said simply, knowing there was no argument for that, nothing could save her now.


	22. A Deal With The Dog

**A/N: Apologies!!! Time really does fly when you're revising/courseworking :S Sorry!!! Didn't realise so much time had passed since my last update on this, anyway hope this makes up for it!! This is the final chapter in the Edward/Jacob convo, then it will return to other POV's! Not working from the book so closely will also mean quicker updates! So this one's still Edward's POV, all speech is from BD, but anything else is my own creation, hope you enjoy and it makes up for the long wait, as always reviews make my day :) It's been a long time since I've had them in my Inbox!**

"_Killing me now doesn't save her" I said simply, knowing there was no argument for that, nothing could save her now._

As much as I wished that statement could be true nothing was further from the truth. I wished there was something I could do to end Bella's suffering, save her from the damnation she was so keen to put herself through. There was one idea, one that I had been mulling over and over in my head, questioning whether or not I had the strength to see it through, but now, seeing Bella's ever decreasing health I knew I had to at least suggest the plan

"So what does?" asked Jacob acidly.

"Jacob, you have to do something for me" I replied, finding from somewhere within me the words to utter my only hope out of this god-forsaken mess.

"The hell I do parasite!" was Jacobs ever eloquent reply, as little as I deserved I told myself.

I had no idea what Jacob would make of my proposition, I'd need to play on every ounce of feeling he had for my wife for him to even consider the possibility. Remembering his reaction to my gaze earlier I centred my gaze upon him once again.

"For her?" I asked with all the sincerity I could muster.

Jacob clenched his teeth together, I had him in a bind, there was no way he would promise me anything, but I had no doubt that there was little limit what he would do for Bella. And as much as I hated that fact, always had and always would, right now I needed that devotion, that love. I despised Jacob for tearing Bella's affection in two, for tearing our love into a triangle, I hated the fact that he was everything I wasn't, what I could never be. Bella's life with Jacob would have been her natural progressive course had I not been in the world, and I saw that when the two of them were together. The ease which came over her whenever she was in his presence, I heard it in Charlies thoughts, the disappointment that I would always topple Jacob Black in Bella's affections. With Jacob as her love Bella's life would have been so much simpler, pain free. It was hard to imagine Bella's life without me in it, not least one spent with a dog, but it was the inevitable I had to consider. I needed the bond the two of them shared to attempt to save her, she no longer listened to me, he was the only person I had left to convince Bella of a different course other than the one she was on. Yet again I was relying on Jacob Black to save Bella because of me, but this time it was through choice that I would allow him back into her life, and unlike before I would be there, ever present, ever fighting for her.

"You know her, Jacob. You connect to her on a level that I don't even understand. You are part of her, and she is part of you. She won't listen to me, because she thinks I'm underestimating her. She thinks she's strong enough for this......"

My voice got choked up under the weight of the emotion that washed over me with every word I was saying. Thinking the words was bad enough, but actually saying them out loud? It was like taking a dagger to my heart with every word, it was admitting that Jacob was an omniscient part of mine and Bella's life, that he was in her heart, that she could no more live without him than she could me. But I was desperate enough now to air my nightmares if it saved Bella. I swallowed before continuing.

"She might listen to you"

I stood up straight, so that I was more or less on his level, I could feel the adrenaline course through my body as the release of actually saying those words hit my body. The weight I had been under for the past few weeks slowly began to evaporate. Jacob thought I was going crazy, maybe I was? But if my craziness was what saved Bella than it was a chance I was more than willing to take.

"Maybe" I said answering his thoughts. "I don't know. It feels like it".

The adrenaline rush was speeding up, I almost felt giddy from the high that my talk with Jacob was bringing me. Exercising my demons to a receptive audience brought me a bigger thrill than I could have ever imagined, seeing the pain and anger on Jacobs face only heightened it. No longer was I dealing with the sympathy of my family, the guarded looks. Out here everything was on the line, there was no chance of Jacob sugercoating his feelings the way my family had been doing and I was glad, glad there was still someone prepared to challenge me, I was tired of hiding my feelings any longer, I wanted them laid out on the line and Jacob allowed me to our salvation had arrived.

"I have to try to hide this in front of her, because stress makes her more ill. She can't keep anything down as it is. I have to be composed; I can't make it harder. But that doesn't matter now. She has to listen to you!"

The more I talked the more euphoric I became internally, I was becoming surer and surer that my plan would work, I could see the confusion and anger build up in Jacob as he listened to me, the desperation in him arise, all the elements I needed for my plan were working just as I needed them to.

"I can't tell her anything you haven't. What do you want me to do? Tell her she's stupid? She probably already knows that. Tell her she's going to die? I bet she knows that, too".

How wrong he was, he still had something to say to her that no-one had. He held the power to stop this mess before if progressed any further, he was the only chance me and Bella had.

"You can offer her what she wants" I said cryptically.

Jacobs face now wore a mask of confusion, my words weren't making any sense to him, he still thought I was in a state of mania. But now the words were coming to me I knew nothing could be further from the truth, for the first time in weeks, my thoughts were clear, concise and centred on only one goal.

"I don't care on anything but keeping her alive" I said, my tone now much more serious. "If it's a child she wants, she can have it. She can have half a dozen babies. Anything she wants."

Here it was, my moment of truth, the only shot I had of truly keeping Bella alive, I could not mess this up, too much rested on it.

"She can have puppies, if that's what it takes."

The words ripped me into shreds before I even said them, images of Bella and Jacob circulating my head, teasing every edge of my self restraint, sadly they were coming from my own head so I didn't even have an excuse to rip Jacobs head off. I could feel my self control beginning to crumble and I quickly had to compose myself before Jacob saw it. There could be no doubt in this, not from my part. It took Jacob a few seconds to process the meaning behind what I was saying and the 'O' his lips formed told me without hearing his thoughts that he was in shock.

"But not this way" I said viciously, my voice more of a hiss. "Not this thing that's sucking the life from her while I stand there helpless! Watching her sicken and waste away. Seeing it hurting her".

I could see Bella inside my mind, doubled over in unrivalled agony, screaming out in pain, the images were almost as painful for my mind as the ones of her and Black, but helped me refocus my determination.

"You have to make her see reason, Jacob. She won't listen to me anymore. Rosalie's always there, feeding her insanity- encouraging her. Protecting her. No, protecting it. Bella's life means nothing to her".

I hated giving Jacob further reason to despise my sister but the shock on Jacobs previous face told me I would need dramatics to cut through the shock. Jacob made a noise that sounded as if he was joking but I knew he was just processing the information. His thoughts were painful to hear, but I had prepared myself for the pain, it was nothing compared to seeing Bella in pain, and if losing Bella or sharing her even was the only way to save her then I was desperate enough to consider either.

"Whichever" I said, considering both his options, neither were particularly pleasurable to me but better than the third alternative which plagued my brain. "Whichever keeps her alive".

"That's the craziest thing you've said yet" Jacob mumbled.

He was right, and in any other circumstances I would sooner die than utter those words to him, but here on the cusp of death I knew I had to, I was protecting my wife and myself the only way I saw how to. Even if it meant conceding to Jacob Black.

"She loves you" I said, trying to reason with him, appeal to his ego and vanity where Bella was concerned.

"Not enough" he replied.

I wanted to smile, glad he had finally accepted that I had one the battle of Bella's heart, but here and now was not the time for my ego.

"She's ready to die to have a child. Maybe she'd accept something less extreme" I said.

"Don't you know her at all?"

I did. I knew Bella better than I knew myself. I knew she was stubborn, too stubborn for her own good. That when she put her mind to something she would see it through to the end, was I not proof enough of that? Any lesser a girl than Bella would have walked away long ago, but she was stubborn enough to persevere. Smash through the boundaries I had built up around myself, worm her way into my family, and find a place in my heart that I never even knew existed. I knew Bella would be no more fond of this idea than I was, but if she wanted a child so badly than this was the only way it could happen, the only way I could accept.

"I know, I know" I said. "It's going to take a lot of convincing. That's why I need you. You know how she thinks. Make her see sense."

At first Jacob tried to resist the temptation I was placing infront of him, there was a part of him that would want this, a selfish part of him that craved the woman he loved regardless of the cost. His thoughts changed from disgust, I had to stifle back a laugh at the comparison of Bella to a rental movie. But then came the desire that I was waiting for. It took every inch of my self restraint when the images of him holding Bella came into his mind, Bella calling his name. Another image to add to the file of pain Jacob had long ago opened on me. Then came the vision I had been simultaneously been both hoping for and dreading. Bella was her normal healthy self, pink blush stained her cheeks, her face rounded, glowing was a better word for it I supposed. Her hands cradled her stomach which was round, healthily round I hastily added, not the rounded distortion of her current self. He was considering the possibility, the hope I felt within me began to grow slightly.

"Make Bella see sense? What universe do you live in?"  
Sadly it seemed Jacob knew my wife for her stubbornness as well as I did.

"At least try"

I was almost on the verge of begging, that's how desperate I was, the adrenaline was beginning to diminish. Jacob shook his head, but I said nothing. For as long as that image of Bella was in his head there was a possibility, a chance he could change his mind. The hope was still there.

"Where is this psycho crap coming from? Are you making this up as you go?" he asked accusingly.

"I've been thinking of nothing but ways to save her since I realized what she was planning to do. What she would die to do. But I didn't know how to contact you. I knew you wouldn't listen if I called. I would have come to find you soon, if you hadn't come today. But it's hard to leave her, even for a few minutes. Her condition..... it changes so fast. The thing is......growing. Swiftly. I can't be away from her now".

Not whilst time was passing quicker than I could have ever imagined. Whilst every day whatever was growing inside her grew stronger and stronger at Bella's expense.

"What is it?" asked Jacob, curiosity creeping into his voice, like a child at the zoo encountering a specie he's never seen before.

"None of us have an idea" I admitted. "But it is stronger than she is. Already".

The image in Jacobs head was one I had already seen within my own mind more times than I cared to imagine. Bella's fragile body, being broken by the growth of what was inside her, her becoming more and more damaged as it grew in strength. He was weakening, his love for Bella was beginning to surpass his morality.

"Help me stop it" I whispered, seizing my chance. " Help me stop this from happening".

"How? By offering my stud services?"

I couldn't help but notice Jacob flinch as he said the words, he expected me to but I had better self control than he did, plus I had considered the idea for longer than him, my mind had already had time to process the idea.

"You're really sick" he continued. "She'll never listen to this".

It was the only shot I had I thought to myself.

"Try. There's nothing to lose now. How will it hurt?"

Of course Jacobs thoughts were right, he had suffered enough where Bella was concerned. I had seen before the pain his unreturned infatuation caused him, this would be enough to send him over the edge. But I was too selfish now to care about Jacob, my only concern was Bella, Jacob would be a small price to pay if it saved her.

"A little pain to save her? Is it such a high cost?"

"But it won't work"

He was almost as stubborn as she was, much to my disappointment, I hadn't expected it to be this hard, remembering the Jacob of before, taunting me with his feelings for her. And here I was offering him his wildest fantasy on a plate and he was turning it down.

"Maybe not" I admitted, deciding to try another tactic. "Maybe it will confuse her, though. Maybe she'll falter in her resolve. One moment of doubt is all I need."

"And then you pull the rug out from under the offer? Just kidding Bella?" he said sarcastically.

The more Jacob argued with my logic, the stronger my determination grew, the survival instinct in me on high alert, not for myself, that didn't matter, it was for Bella, this was all for her.

"If she wants a child, that's what she gets. I wont' rescind."

The idea of Bella hitting Jacob again brought me a little pleasure, as Jacob remembered the last time Bella had hit him. I had no doubt that this idea would not be favourable with her, but as I said to Jacob, all I needed was that one moment of doubt to convince her. Jacobs last thought snapped me back to reality, I was a little disappointed that despite my generosity he still wanted to kill me.

"Not now" I whispered, knowing if he didn't take me up on my offer that the time would soon be approaching for that action. "Right or wrong, it would destroy her, and you know it. No need to be hasty. If she won't listen to you you, you'll get your chance. The moment Bella's heart stops beating, I will be begging for you to kill me".

"You won't have to beg long" he said menacingly.

I knew that when the time came Jacob would love nothing more than to kill me, to avenge all his unreturned love for Bella, seeing me as the sole cause of Bella's demise, he would be right of course. I knew now that I would not need the Volturi to end my immortal days, everything I needed was stood right infront of me, Jacob Black and his hatred would be enough.

"I'm very much counting on that" I said, the beginnings of a smile on my face.

"Then we have a deal" he said, his face void of any emotion.

Hope filled every part of my marble body as I extended my hand out towards him, a handshake to seal the deal, for the first time in weeks I truly felt hope. I hated my fate being in Jacob's paws, but this was the only way out of the mess I had created for me and Bella, he was the only chance we both had left. Begrudgingly Jacob reached out his hand and he wrapped his hand, together we shook our hands once, the deal sealed.

"We have a deal" I said, elation flowing through my body, my emotions springing free from the prison they had found themselves in, now if only we could do the same for Bella.


	23. Human or Humane?

**A/N: 2 chapters in one night, I really am making up for lost time :P. Decided a bit of light relief was in order after the heaviness of the last couple of chapters, so this one is Emmett, takes place at the same time as the Edward/Jacob convo but this time it's all my own creation. Reviews as always people, are the highlight of my inbox!!! Enjoy :)**

If Edward thought we were going to let him talk to that dog unguarded then he was very much mistaken. The look he had given both me and Jasper had been a clear 'stay away' look, that this was his fight. Graciously and against our better judgement we'd relented and let him walk our the door with Jacob Black, I could only imagine what Jacob had said that had riled Edward up so quickly and effectively. Once Edward and Jacob were out the room a silence fell over the living room. It was unnatural to allow Edward to walk off, unguarded, with one of our enemies, especially in his present emotional state. Any other time I wouldn't have had a doubt who would win in a fight out of the two of them, but now? Now, I wasn't so sure, and one look on the faces of my family members around the room told me they agreed with me.

"It's all my fault" came a whisper from the sofa.

I swung round so that I was facing Bella, she'd curled herself up into a ball, her knees drawn up against her chest, tears were free flowing from her eyes. She looked so weak, so vulnerable, so human. Rose was immediately by her side, drying her tears and trying to comfort her.

"Bells, it's not your fault" said Rose, gently stroking her hair.

"Isn't it?" asked Bella through her tears. "Who's fault is it if they rip each other to pieces? The only reason they hate one another is because of me! Me! I've caused all this".

Watching Bella cry was an uncomfortable sight, over the years I'd forgotten the power of human emotions, how strong they were, how illogical sometimes they could be. To me, Bella was not the cause of Edward's dislike of Jacob, it was a major factor that was true, but it was what he was that bothered Edward the most. Vampires and werewolves were designed to destroy the other, not co-inhabit, and that was no-one but mythology's fault. But I knew better than to argue with Bella in her current hormonal state so for fear of getting my own head ripped off I kept quiet.

Under Rose's reassurance and Jasper's manipulation calm soon returned to Bella, which was more than I could say for myself. Edward and Jacob had only be gone a few minutes but already I was anxious to know what was going on. I wanted to be out there, defending Edward, not stuck inside not knowing a thing. I glanced over at Jasper, his tapping foot was a not needed human characteristic at this moment in time, he was as anxious as I was. Looking over at the sofa for a final time I saw Bella was contented, her head in Rose's lap, Rose running her fingers through Bella's hair, her tears subsided. Seeing Bella was calm for the time being I caught Jasper's eyes, I motioned my head towards the window, he nodded and we made our way from the living room. Edward and Jacob had headed out the front door so that was where we headed.

"What do you reckon he said to Edward?" asked Jasper.

I shook my shoulders.

"Probably some derogatory comment about Bella's pregnancy" I guessed.

Jasper nodded.

"That's what I thought, I haven't seen Edward like that in a long time. It sounds weird but for the first time since all this, he seemed, I don't know, alive?"

I turned to look at Jasper, confused by what he was saying.

"Alive?" I repeated.

"Maybe that's not the right word for it, but more himself, he had the fighting spirit back in him, not the defeatist attitude of late" he explained.

"Wouldn't you be excited? A chance to fight the dogs?" I asked, excited myself at the prospect.

Jasper exhaled.

"He isn't gonna fight Jacob, he knows what that would do to Bella" pointed out Jasper.

I crumpled my face up in disappointment, for too long in my opinion Edward had let Jacob get away with this. It had been obvious from the day we had arrived back in Forks how Jacob felt about Bella, how he had not ripped him apart by now was beyond me. If that had been Rose, the guy wouldn't have stood a chance I told myself. I knew Edward had long wanted to get even with Jacob, that the only thing stopping him was Bella.

"If you want my opinion, Edward should forget about Bella's feelings and just rip the dog apart" I muttered under my breath.

"And that's why we don't ask your opinion on these matters" said Jas, a smile on his face.

I reached out and smacked him, square across the chest, he flinched slightly, we may have all been resilient and strong due to our immortality, but out of all of us I was the strongest.

"There they are" pointed out Jasper.

Edward and Jacob were at the end of the driveway, Edward on his knees infront of a towering Jacob. The mere sight of Edward so vulnerable in front of such a predator was enough to make me want to run over and teach Jacob Black the lesson I was so dying to give him.

"Don't" came Jasper's warning.

My curled up fists either side of me must have given away what I was thinking, reluctantly I uncurled them and let them fall to my side. I scowled at Jasper, who merely raised his eyesbrows in retaliation. He began walking away from the side of the house, away from where the two of them stood.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked curiously. "Thought we came out here to watch them, not for a walk through the forest".

"Plain sight" pointed out Jasper. " We go through the forest, double round and we end up behind them yet still out of sight, perfect cover".

Sadly I couldn't reason with that logic, Jasper, ever the military man. Thanks to our speed we were quickly out of sight of Edward and Jacob, covered by the protection the trees offered us.

"I've never seen him like that" I said, as we made our way through the forest. "He looked so-"

"Human" finished Jasper.

I looked at him incredulously.

"I thought Edward was the one with the mind reading powers around here, not you" I joked.

He laughed.

"It was just obvious what you were going to say, it's the only word to describe how Edward looked" Jas explained.

"Why?" I asked. "Why is he being that vulnerable infront of an enemy like Black? In that position he can't defend himself?"

"Maybe he doesn't want to?" reasoned Jasper.

"Why would he not want to defend himself?" I asked, confused. "It's unnatural Jasper."

"Maybe he feels he deserves it, Edward's been in a dark place the past couple of weeks with everything that's happening to Bella. Jacobs the only one who can truly chastise Edward for what's happening, none of us would. But that's what he wants, he wants someone to get angry with him for what he's causing Bella, he wants to feel pain, and Jacob is the only one who can give him that".

The voice of reason came from behind us, me and Jasper turned round at the same time to see Carlisle following us closely behind. We paused for just the briefest of seconds whilst he caught up with us.

"He wants to feel pain?" asked Jasper.

"We think we are doing him a favour by comforting him, reassuring him, but infact we are making it worse for him. Edward thinks himself to be a monster for what's done to Bella, he wants to feel the pain she does, he wants to be punished for he's done" replied Carlisle.

"What's Jacob Black gotta do with that?"I asked.

"We sympathise with Edward because we love him, because we don't want him to be in pain, we spare him any judgements on our behalf because we know how much pain he's in. Jacob will show him no such mercy. All Jacob cares about is Bella, he sees Edward as the cause of all of Bella's problems, so will have no problem blaming Edward in the ways he wishes to."

I didn't understand it myself, but by my side I found Jasper nodding in agreement with Carlisle.

"Human emotions Emmett" continued Carlisle, seeing my blank expression. "They've returned to Edward in ways we can't comprehend since Bella entered his life, he spends so much time with her that he's picked up her ways, her habits, her emotions. He wants retribution on himself, we can't deliver that because we can't understand the extent of his emotions, Jacob can, so that is what Jacob can give him".

"Are you trying to say the dog is more human than us?" I asked simply.

"In some ways, yes" replied Carlisle, a coy smile creeping over his face. "Despite Jacobs genetic quirk he is more human than us, there will come a time when the werewolf gene will recess and he will human, he will age etc."

"It's because of that humanity that he's in love with Bella" said Jasper.

He looked to Carlisle for approval and Carlisle nodded in agreement, me? I still wore a blank look on my face.

"Jacob is still a teenage boy, his hormones are all over the place, you remember what that was like Em" continued Jasper. "Bella was the right girl at the right time for him, the first girl to really show him an interest, not a romantic interest but he mistook her friendship for something more, his hormones make him unable to separate the two from one another".

From our position in the forest now I could see Edward and Jacob, to my relief Edward was now back on his feet, his gaze centred intently on Jacob, weighing up the moment I thought to myself.

"So he is more human than us?" I summarised.

"More human yes, more humane? Debatable" said Carlisle. "Jacob would have no problem ripping Edward apart, killing him would be a pleasure".

"Likewise to the dog" I muttered under my breath.

"But Edward, he could not do the same to Jacob" continued Carlisle, ignoring my remark. "He couldn't kill Jacob because of what it would do to Bella, his conscience stops him from doing that because of her, Jacob on the other hand would care little about that effect on Bella. He'd only care about the pleasure killing Edward would bring him, not the pain it would cause Bella".

"Essentially Jacobs a human ruled by his hormones and emotions, with a lack of self control" explained Jasper in simple terms. "Edward may be what he is, but he has a conscience and soul that Jacob can never have".

"Bella" I said, filling in the gap at the end of Jasper's sentence. "She's his humanity, because if it wasn't for her, then Black would have been long gone, fits your theory".

I leant back against the nearest tree, I saw Carlisle look between me and Jasper, then back again.

"Theory?" he asked.

"Jasper's theory?" I said. "About souls?"

"It's nothing" muttered Jasper, shooting me deadly looks.

"Ah come on Jas" I turned to face Carlisle. "Jasper has this theory about souls, he thinks that the girls are our souls, or humanity, whatever you wanna call it."

"Explain" said Carlisle, his face showing interest in the topic at hand.

"All I think is that not all of our kind can have souls, it's impossible after all the slaughter I've witnessed. For a long time I didn't believe I had a soul, I believe that with that inflow of venom to my system I'd lost whatever humanity I'd possessed, all until that day in the diner, when I met Alice. When she walked in, along with hope she introduced to me humanity. She restored the faith I'd lost in myself, she still does. Whenever I think I'm going to slip up from this lifestyle, she puts me back on the right course, without her I wouldn't have lasted this long, nor would I have chose it. The same for Edward and Bella, a lot that's happened would not have happened in that way had Edward followed his instincts, instead he listened to Bella and took a different course, a more humane course."

"It makes sense" I said. "Why else is Black still breathing?"

Carlisle laughed softly.

"It's a clever theory Jasper, I see your reasoning behind it. And applied to us all it makes perfect sense. We're lucky to have the women we do to keep us on the straight and narrow, regardless of the choices we make".

"Can we get any closer?" I asked, bored of the current conversation, I was dying to be closer to the action, to actually hear what was being said.

"It's safer not to" said Carlisle. "Edward won't thank us if he finds out here".

I gritted my teeth, Carlisle was right of course but that didn't help me when my body was coiled up, ready to fight.

"Won't he know we're here already?" I asked, pointing to my temple. "Thoughts and all?"

Carlisle shook his head.

"I doubt it, he's too engrossed in Jacob to notice anything else" he explained.

"What do you reckon they're talking about?" I asked, wishing I had the ability to lip-read.

"Well I'm guessing it's not world affairs" said Jasper sarcastically.

I reached out to hit him yet again, but Carlisle's reflexes were too quick for me, his hand caught mine before I reached Jasper.

"Boys" was all he said, smirking the whole time.

I sighed and put my arm back to my side, glaring at Jasper the whole time.

"He's probably explaining to Jacob what's happening" guessed Jasper, his tongue poking ever so slightly out the corner of his mouth, moving it when Carlisle turned to look at him. "Explaining the pregnancy how it happened, what we think will happen".

"It's natural that Jacob will want answers" continued Carlisle. "And he has a right to know".

"A right?" I repeated. "After everything he's done to the two of them you think he has a right to know?"

"He's Bella's friend" reasoned Carlisle.

"He's also done his damn best to split Edward and Bella up, he taunts Edward with memories of when he left her, of images of him and Bella, Carlisle, he kissed her, that's not something a friend does, he's only after one thing" I argued.

Silence fell over us as we all considered the impact of my words and I did my best to regain my composure.

"He kissed her?" asked Carlisle.

Me and Jas looked at each other, Edward had told us about Jacob kissing Bella on a hunting trip after we could take no more of his silence and moodiness. We'd forced it out of him with him under duress.

"Nice one Emmett" said Jasper under his breath.

I shrugged my shoulders in defence of myself.

"He was getting her to 'consider other options"I said, making quote marks with my fingers in the air. "That's how she broke her hand, around graduation, he kissed her and she hit him to get him off her, but obviously he's stronger than her so it hurt her more than him".

I smiled, proud of my sister for hitting the werewolf, it was the least he deserved in my opinion.

"Go Bella" said Carlisle, a smile on his face.

I laughed at Carlisle's sudden change in attitude, ignoring the looks Jasper was still giving me.

Infront of us, Edward was now wearing a hint of a smile, he'd regained the self control he'd been previously lacking, his sense of fight was back in him, I hoped he'd found whatever punishment he wanted from Jacob, and most importantly he was still in one piece, sadly however so was Jacob. I had to admire Edward's self restraint really, how he could be that close to Jacob and not use any form of physical violence really was beyond me, but then Edward had always exercised near perfect self control, second only to Carlisle really. So it should have come as no surprise, but knowing how deep Edward's feelings ran for Jacob, the hatred, the anger, the agony he caused him, it still surprised me. We were designed to kill our prey, yet here he was, talking to him as if they were not vampire and werewolf, but two humans. It wasn't right, it wasn't natural.

I felt Carlisle's hand on my shoulder.

"We should go" he said. "Get back to the house before Edward".

Him and Jasper made motions to move but I stayed, stuck to the ground I was stood on.

Carlisle turned round to face me.

"Nothings going to happen Emmett, if it was it would have happened by now, he's gonna be ok" he said comfortingly.

Begrudgingly I moved towards them, easily outrunning them, Carlisle's words ringing in my ears, if only what he said was true. If only Edward was going to be ok, but one look at Bella when we returned to the living room told me we were still on borrowed time where they were concerned, werewolf or not.


	24. Romeo and Paris

**A/N: Bella's POV, bit shorter than normal thanks to work, goes off on a bit of a tangent as to where the story's going but hopefully you understand why I've done it! Let me know with reviews :]**

There was a part of me that was grateful to see Jacob, the last time I'd seen him, at my wedding, he'd been exhibiting the Dr Hyde side to his personality that I loathed so much when he realised my mortal life was nearing its end. I had always known that Jacob would never accept the choice I needed to make to end my mortality, to him it was a fate worse than death. I knew once I became a vampire, that mine and Jacobs friendship would cease to exist, how could it once we became such fierce enemies? Any alliances that the Cullen's had formed with the wolves would disintegrate the moment their venom pooled in my veins, and I knew both sides would relish the opportunity to fight once the treaty was quashed. I could see the fight in my head, the two paths of my life crossed in the most deadliest of ways, with Edward and Jacob at the forefront. Every emotion: jealousy, guilt, anger, hatred, would come pouring out of them in an expulsion of anger and violence.

_Edward's body was coiled tightly like a spring, his teeth bared for all to see, a low animalistic growl emitted from his body, the sound alone was enough to send a shiver down my spine, but coupled with how he looked was truly terrifying. His eyes blazed coal black, hungry, not for food, but for victory. He'd waited too long for this, there was now an undeniable thirst in him for revenge. Not only for himself but for me, for every tear and every shred of pain that had ever been caused by Jacob. There was no point trying to talk him down now, not whilst his prey was there infront of him. There was no sense left in Edward to argue with him, all he had was a desire for a fight._

_Jacob was directly opposite, to my surprise he hadn't phased. I had thought he would, for protection, to provoke a stronger reaction from Edward. He was strong as himself, but strong enough to match Edward? That was questionable. Jacob was standing upright,towering over Edward, his fists were curled at either side of him, his eyes intent on Edward's. Like Edward he'd waited too long for this fight, for Jacob it had been building in him since the first time he'd seen the image of me in Sam's mind, Me, broken, hollow, all because of Edward. Then to top it all off I'd taken Edward back, I'd always taken Edward back. Even thought Jacob had wormed his way into my heart, it ate away at him to know he would always be second place, the brother I'd never had, not the necessary drug Edward was to me. I hoped Jacob had enough strength left in him to fight, that I had not drained him of everything. Jacob made the first move, his left foot moved just an inch, but Edward had seen the move in Jakes mind and with unrivalled speed moved clear of Jakes lunge. This served to only rile Jakes anger further, this time there was no hesitation as he ran at where Edward had been stood, yet again Edward had been able to read the move in his mind and move out of the way. It was cat and mouse, of the most deadliest sort. Every time Edward moved clear of one of Jakes advances, a smug smile would overtake his face, content in the knowledge he had the upper hand. Jakes face was contorted into a scowl of pure anger and he let out a low growl, yet didn't move. Edward stood, transfixed to the spot, it was now his turn to wear a tortured face, instinctively he put his hands to either side of his temple, as he let his body fall to the ground. It was like Jane all over again, Jacob had obviously realised he was never going to win a physical fight, not with Edward's unfair advantage, so he'd resorted to mental torture. Only one thing could elicit that much pain in Edward, me. Me in the woods, dishevelled and broken, my heart ripped irreparably into two, the haunted look in my eyes, all my strength gone. I was nothing but a shell. The image then changed, me and Jake on the bikes, my strength slowly returning: I was mending. Jacob was mending me, I didn't need Edward anymore, then it was the vision that had been so clear in my own mind on the day of the battle with Victoria. The alternative path my life could have taken did Edward not exist, the carefree existence I could have had. It was almost too painful for Edward to bear, worse than any damage Jane could inflict on him- my life without him. Finally Jacob relented and freed Edward from his mental prison, Edward stood up, and positioned himself once again for the fight, but this time when Jacob moved forward Edward did not move, he allowed Jake to make a move for him, retaliating now only with his own attack. Each punch was a blow to my own fractured heart, I needed them both to survive to be whole, but as they fell to the ground in a frenzy of blows to the other, I knew that I would never be whole again, one of them would not stand up again, and there was no-one to blame but me, I might aswell have killed them with my own bare hands._

The fight between Edward and Jacob had haunted me for as long as Edward had returned to Forks following his self imposed exile, when I'd realised the two of them would be unable to live together peacefully. I had no doubt that the only way the feud could end was in the most permanent of ways, with one of them killing the other. But until now, there had never been a good enough reason, not really. I cradled my belly gently, I wanted to explain to Jacob, that this was what I wanted. This was not some sadistic move on Edward's behalf, the conclusion I knew his mind would immediately jump to, what other thought would have provoked such a strong reaction in Edward? When the two of them walked out the room they walked out with my heart. Would it ever be whole again now? It would be no less than I deserved to lose one of them, I had long known that. After all the pain and hurt I had caused the pair of them, each wound I'd inflicted upon them, I didn't deserve either of them.

I'd always known I hadn't deserved Edward, him and his unconditional love. He was like a Prince Charming from a fairytale, a twisted one perhaps, but he was as perfect as any literary character. He'd come into my life and turned it and everything I'd ever known on it's head, and the only thing he deserved in return for his unparalleled perfection was my love, and I tried to give it to him as best as I could. I loved Edward, there was no doubt about that. He was the oxygen in my air, the beating of my heart, without him I was not me, and when he'd left me, he'd broken me. It was as if I know longer knew how to live, I was just existing. My reason for living every day was gone, like a rose without sunlight and water, I'd began to wilt.

Then in walked Jacob, and there was something there which made me began to breathe again, it wasn't the same, it wasn't as powerful as Edward, but it was enough to rejuvenate me, bring me back to life. Return the smile to my face, make me laugh, it was as if since Edward had left there had only been darkness in my life, but now the sun was beginning to emerge, the darkness was still there, but the sunlight made the blackness bearable.

I'd never meant to hurt either of them, it had been too late when I'd realised just how deep my feelings with Jacob ran. I knew I needed him in my life, but I'd convinced myself it was a brother figure, a friend, it wasn't until he showed me, when he kissed me that I saw it. The way my life could have gone, the simpler mortal existence I could have had, and the worst part was, even now, there was a part of me that wanted that. I rubbed my stomach, apologising for the blasphemy I was committing to my husband and child, but it was the truth. I wanted this child, Edward's child, more than I had wanted anything, even more than I wanted him. It was not a choice, like it's father, I needed this child in my life, yet again it was another part of me that I hadn't known existed that I found and needed more than itself. But each day this child was growing inside of me, was another day of my life gone, my mortality was slipping further and further out of my grasp, just not in the way I imagined it would. There would be no redemption, no eternity. I was gambling with my life for this child, just like I had my entire relationship with Edward. With Jacob, it would have been so straight forward, a child would have been a celebration, I would not have to worry about not meeting my baby, about not seeing it grow up, we'd only have a lifetime together, but that would be enough. Right now that was more than I had with this child. I hated myself for even thinking about that vision, but the idea of being actually able to see my child grow up was too tempting a thought not to consider it, to grieve for the life I had ignored.

The longer Jacob and Edward were gone from the house the more I began to worry, I felt sick from the pit of my stomach with fear as to what was going on outside. With me slowly deteriorating, the sole reason for their uneasy truce was ceasing to exist. I was the referee in this twisted game of my making, but without me there to control the two of them who would emerge the victor? I was still selfish enough to want both of them to walk through that door unscathed, to be able to laugh away the fight of my nightmares, as they both stood infront of me side by side. But reality told me that I was living in a fantasy world, that even though I lived in a land secretly ruled by mythology and magic, there were still some thing's that were impossible, and Edward and Jacob both being in my life was just one of those things. Sooner or later the choice would be made for me, the decision was out of my hands, eventually I'd only have one of them, and I had no-one to blame but myself, me and my divided heart.


	25. As Only A Mother Can

**A/N: I HATE Psychology Coursework almost as much as Jacob Black :P. I think from that you can tell just why it has taken me so long to update, for which I apologise immensely. At the moment it's just a whirlwind of coursework deadlines, revision and exams :S. Gotta love A Levels :P. But I have even written into my revision timetable allocated slots in which to update so this story will be updated despite my workload, although it may not be very often :S. Apologies, but please bear with me, it will be worth it!!!**

**This one's Esme's POV, set at the same point of the story as the other few chapters, it will move on shortly!! Anything in italics is a flashback, let me know what you think as always in terms of reviews!! And thanks for bearing with me !!!**

Time and experience had taught me that sometimes it was not always possible to separate our hearts from our heads, even though we should make wise, logical decisions, the power and intensity of our love overrules all our sensibility until our logic boarders upon madness. As we grow older we realise life is not the fairytale we were spoonfed as children, there are no Prince Charmings, or knights in shining armour, and happily ever afters rarely exist. True love existed, I had tittle doubt about that, but the Disney fanfare and storybook ending I had more reservations about. There was not enough justice in the world, mortal or immortal to deliver happiness to those who truly deserved it. One look at my daughter in law was enough to reassure me of that, her condition was deteriorating faster than Carlisle had predicted, she was vanishing infront of our eyes, the only sign of her condition was her protruding abdomen. There was none of that pregnant woman glow, or radiance. Just pure illness. Unlike most pregnant women she was unable to enjoy the happiness that being pregnant should have brought her, instead every day was a miracle, but it was only a miracle because she was still here. Still fighting on behalf of the life that beat inside of her. Her and Edward were hurting so badly it was painful to watch, her pain was more physical. Every movement, however slight, caused her great pain. Bella's pain was written all over her face, clear to see in every inch of her weary body. But it was Edward's pain that concerned me the most, his emotional pain.

From the moment Edward had fallen for Bella I had been so full of pride it was untrue, all my fears and dreams for him were finally coming true. It didn't matter what the two of them were, together they and found and created something so strong it was sure to overcome any obstacle either of our lifestyles threw at them. I never truly understood why Edward felt the need to leave Bella after the events of her 18th birthday, he tried to justify it by saying it was what was best for her, that by us not being around her it would give her a better chance in life. But seeing Edward without her was enough to make me realise that he could never be truly himself without her. She had so irrevocable altered his make-up, it was impossible now for him to return to what he once was, the memories of her were so deeply inbuilt in him that it was impossible for him to forget her. He thought that by leaving her it would give her a shot at true happiness, human happiness. I don't think he ever thought about anyone trying to take his place, because I'm sure if he had, he would never have left her.

The feud with the wolves and ourselves is years long and centred on old myths and legends from their side, they believed us to be a threat to not only them but to humans. It had taken all of Carlisle's charisma and centuries of negotiation skills to work out a treaty that would satisfy both parties to the most part. It was ironic in a way that the person who would attempt to fill Edward's hole in Bella's life would be Jacob. Not only was he an enemy by a genetic quirk but an enemy in love. It was Alice who first warned us of the possible battle that lay ahead after we returned to Forks following our self imposed exile.

"_Jacob Black's been spending a lot of time with Bella" said Alice as all of us minus Edward set about returning our abandoned house to normal._

"_Jacob Black?" repeated Emmett. "Isn't he a Quileute?"_

"_A descendant of Ephraim Black" corrected Carlisle. _

"_Would he have it?" asked Rosalie. "The ability?"_

"_He does" replied Alice._

_We all turned to look at her, a look of horror and shock on all of our faces._

"_Bella told me, before Italy" said Alice._

"_How many?" asked Emmett, his eyes gleaming with excitement at the prospect of a fight, I shot him a disapproving look._

_Alice shrugged her shoulders._

"_Trust Bells, we left town to protect and she gets herself in with a load of wolves" laughed Emmett._

"_That's what I said to her" replied Alice also laughing._

"_Does Edward know?" asked Carlisle._

"_He will if he doesn't already" Rose pointed out."No way she could keep that from him"._

"_It certainly puts a new spin on it all" said Alice in a voice so low it almost went unheard._

"_Al?" questioned Jasper._

_We all turned to look at her, confused by what she meant._

"_Charlie said to me that after we, well Edward left, Bella was in a catatonic state, she was like a zombie, going through the motions enough to please people but not really functioning. It seems Jacob was the one who pulled her out of that, and I think, well at least for him, it runs deeper than just friendship"._

"_Bella wouldn't do that to Edward" said Emmett defiantly._

"_Bella didn't know Edward be coming back, the whole point of him leaving was to give her the chance to move on, and it seems that she was starting to do that when I came back. If things hadn't got so confused then who knows what would have happened. I'm not saying Bella definitely has feelings for Jacob, but it certainly seems to me that he does for her, and the fact that there is already a long standing rivalry between us is just going to intensify the situation" Alice pointed out. _

"_Well Edward's back now, and everything can go back to how it was" said Emmett defiantly._

"_It's not as simple as that Emmett" said Carlisle. "By all accounts Edward and us leaving hurt Bella pretty bad, scars like that run deeper than you can imagine, and if Jacob was the one to help her heal, then chances are so do her feelings, even if she doesn't yet realise it."_

_Emmett still looked confused whilst the rest of us had long grasped the meaning behind the subtleties Alice and Carlisle were trying to convey._

"_Come with me" said Rose, grabbing Emmett by the wrists. "I'll explain it to you why we fix the car"._

_She rolled her eyes as she pulled an ever confused Emmett out of the room whilst the rest of us sat there in deep thought._

That was the first time that I truly realised that Edward and Bella may not have the happy ending they deserved. Up until that point they'd experienced their share of trials and tribulations, but nothing that I believed could separate them permanently, that was until Bella found herself torn between Edward and Jacob. It was painful infact, to watch it unfold before my eyes, a clueless Bella unaware of the pain she was causing to both parties and to herself. Everytime Bella mentioned Jacobs name in Edward's presence, his eyes would glaze over momentarily with pain, too fast for her human vision to take in, but enough for us to notice. He could see the truth, and it was eating him up inside, knowing Bella's heart no longer belonged to him as fully as it once had, that there was a very real chance he could lose her, and to watch her be happy with another man I believe would have been enough to send Edward running yet again.

"_Edward" I said, knocking on his door before entering._

_He was sat cross legged on his floor, his back against one of his bookshelves, his eyes drifting off into space. He was thinking._

"_How's Bella?" I asked barely stepping into his room, my own back against the now shut door._

_He looked up at me, the pain in his eyes was no longer hidden, it was almost to painful to look into them._

"_She's OK"._

An unconvincing smile crept over his lips, he was trying to convince me that everything was fine.

"_Not doing a very good job of convincing you am I?" he asked._

_I shook my head._

"_She wants to still see Jacob" he said in a low voice._

"_And how do you feel about that?"I asked, unaware what I sounded more like, a shrink or his mother._

"_It's too dangerous for her Esme, too be around a young wolf. His self control will be minimal, and I can't cross over the line, it's too dangerous to even consider" he replied fiercely._

"_Is this to do with him being a wolf? Or because he's Jacob?" I asked._

_Edward looked at me, confusion was all over his face._

"_The answer you just gave me was about what Jacob is, and it was a pretty lousy answer given what you are. Because you could use the exact same reasons to justify you staying away from Bella, infact if my memory serves me, you did!"_

_He sighed._

"_What do you think it has to do with?"_

"_It's about what he is to her, just like with you she doesn't see him as a werewolf, she just sees him as a person, that's why she can't see the danger, and because of that she wants to stay friends with him."_

"She needs him in her life Esme, those two have a bond that I can't even understand. He helped her through what was apparently the worst period of her life, she doesn't care that he could harm or do worse to her at any moment, she still thinks of him as a teenage boy who's her friend".

"_That's also how she thinks of you"._

_He stood up so that he was facing me._

"_That's the problem". He paused for a moment. "I don't know where the boundary is in their friendship. "I've seen his mind Esme, he wants more than his, he resents the day I walked back into her life, he wants her, almost as much as I do."_

"Does she want him?"

_Edward looked away from me, as if hoping to find the answer written on one of his walls._

"_I don't know" he replied honestly."I just keep thinking if she needs him this much then she must have deeper feelings than just friendship, no-one else means that much to her, none of her other friends matter this much to her, whys he so special to her if not for that reason?"_

"_Do you think she knows the answer to that question?" I asked._

_He shook his head._

"_Her conscious self says he's just a friend, but I just know it runs deeper, but she has to realise that herself, I can't make her see that. I don't want to lose her again, I can't lose her again"._

"_What about when she does realise this?"_

"_Then I'll fight for her" he said, his jaw square. "I know now that I could never lose her again,and especially not to him"._

_One look into his eyes and I knew he was telling the truth, and I nodded in order to acknowledge what he had just said. I walked over to him, his face was so full of pain as he bared his soul, I wanted to take that pain away, no mother wanted to see her child break. I ran my finger around the outline of his face._

"_It'll be ok, I promise you. You and Bella, you were meant to be together"_

From that day on it almost became impossible for me to tolerate the idea of Jacob Blacks in either of their lives, for as long as he was around then they would be caught in a state of limbo and pain. Even when the wolves helped us fight against the newborns, if ever there was a moment where I found myself liking Jacob, even for a moment, all I had to do was picture Edward's eyes on that day and the resentment would return. I was more subtle about it than some members of my family, but it was always there bubbling under the surface. Now more than ever that resentment rose inside me, the last thing either of them needed was the added complication of Jacob in their lives. They had enough to contend with. I hoped Bella would not want to see him, that she would send him away, but to see her smile at just his voice was enough to make me want to sacrifice myself in place of the pain it would cause Edward. The smile she gave Jacob as he entered the room was unlike any I had seen from her recently, it lit up the entire room. Ordinarily I would have loved to have seen Bella return to her normal self, but one quick sideward glance at a pain ridden Edward was enough to make me never want to see it again. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach as he left the room alone with Jacob, Emmett and Jasper had offered to go with him, ordinarily I tried not to influence Edward with my thoughts, knowing the strain his gift placed upon him, but this time I bore him no such mercy as I urged him to let his brothers go with him. But he was stubborn, this had always been Edward's fight, he knew all along that he would have to fight Jacob for Bella, and so far he had won, but now he was in such a weakened position, I feared the battle would be too much for his already weakened emotional state. My heart was in my mouth as the two left the room together, I wanted to run after Edward and stop him, not allow himself to be so vulnerable, Jacob was the only person after Bella who could truly hurt Bella. The memories and taunts he had in his mind were enough to send Edward to the brink of insanity, on top of everything else he did not need that self torture. As the two of them walked out of the door it was as if everything else had momentarily stopped, time was now irrelevant, everything, Bella, Edward, Jacob, us, rested on what happened outside these four walls, I only hoped that my promise to Edward that everything would be OK would come true, wishing I was there with him now, comforting him as only a mother can.


	26. What A Sick, Masochistic Lamb

**A/N: I know, and I apologise for the slow updating of the story, but it is exam craziness for me at the moment, so the story is kind of having to take a backseat, but gimme a month and all distractions will be out the way!! Anywayyy, this chapters straight out of Breaking Dawn, and is the first part of Bella and Jacob's conversation, all speech is directly imported from BD. As always hope you enjoy, review! And hope you forgive for the lack of updating but thanks for sticking with it! Really does mean a lot =]**

The moment Jasper, Carlisle and Emmett walked back through the door was when my breath returned to me. I hadn't realised I'd been holding it in, but seeing the three of them walk in casually reassured that nothing had happened between Jacob and Edward outside. Carlisle gave me the glimpse of a Cullen trademark grin as a reassurance, I trusted Carlisle second only to Edward, ever the voice of reason and objectivity, his face would be the one to show the true events of what had happened and his grin reassured me more than I thought possible. Seconds later I heard footsteps coming towards the living room, my heartbeat sped up, anxious to see for myself that my selfishness hadn't yet claimed a casualty. Edward walked into the room first, every pair of the Cullen's eyes were on him, a mixture of suspicion and confusion, I assumed that they had all been expecting marks of a fight, I had after all. But here he was, completely unharmed, at least physically. Jacob lingered in the doorway, to avoid vulnerability I deducted. I alternated my glance between the two of them, it was impossibly hard to be in the same room as the two of them. They were always the two magnets of my life, they each repelled the other, but yet were drawn back by the same force, me. Never would the two magnets be able to co-exist peacefully, it wasn't in either of their natures. I knew all of this, yet still I tried to force the two of them together, hoping that miraculously one day some miracle of nature might occur and co-existence could happen. A hope that was in vain now more than ever I thought to myself.

"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately" said Edward, his voice was not the velvet tone I had come to expect of him. It was flat, completely devoid of any emotion.

"Over my piles of ashes" hissed Rosalie from by my head, she was trying to calm me as she had ever since Jacob had arrived. Stress only increased my condition.

"Bella"Edward was addressing me directly now. "Jacob wants to talk to you. Are you afraid to be alone with him?"

His question confused me at first, I had never feared being alone with Jake, that had always been his problem. Why was he asking me this? Then I felt the cold touch of Rosalie's skin upon my cheek and I realised just why he was asking me about Jake.

"Rose, it's fine. Jakes not going to hurt us. Go with Edward" I said, my acceptance would be the only way Rose would leave my side, our side.

"It might be a trick" she argued.

"I don't see how" I said, this was Jake after all. My best friend, the person who had helped stitch me back together after Edward left, my sun. What harm could he possibly cause me? If anything I was the one hurting him, time after time, why he let me was nothing but a testament to his loyalty.

"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight Rosalie". His voice wasn't as devoid as it had been previously, it was breaking, there was snippets of anger in his speech now."We're the ones she's afraid of".

I wanted to scream, how did he not understand that I was past any anger and resentment I had ever had of him and Carlisle? I understood his early reaction, why he wanted to do what he had, but I didn't hold it against him. For Edward it was so clear, black and white. One option left me healthy but childless, the second option was almost certainly doomed. There was no grey in Edward's mind over this matter, not like in my own. He couldn't see the third option I was clinging steadfastly too, one of hope that would leave me whole, and that meant with my child.

"No" I whispered with all the strength I could muster. Tears were building up in my eyes as I could only begin to imagine the inner torment Edward must be in, I could see it in his eyes, his voice. If only I could make him understand. "No Edward. I'm not...."

Edward shook his head and tried to smile, but it didn't light up his face as I knew it could, he was trying to reassure me but failing miserably.

"I didn't mean it that way, Bella. I'm fine. Don't worry about me".

Ever the martyr was Edward. His pain was clear for me to see yet he still tried to mask it, it infuriated me to some degree, with all the focus on me I worried who was taking care of him, especially if I wasn't allowed to.

"Everyone" said Edward, his hand motioning towards the door. "Please".

The rest of my family began to file out of the room, no-one would dare to disobey Edward when he looked so tortured. All but Rose that was. I loved Rose, for everything she was doing for me, for my child. Rose had been the one constant that I had had throughout this whole mess, but I didn't need her for this.

"Rose, I want you to go".

I hoped what I had just said would be enough, if she wasn't going to listen to Edward though would she listen to me? Rose looked up and glared at Edward, with her hands she made a motion for him to leave first. As Edward left the room I couldn't help but feel just that bit deflated, that little bit less whole just as I always did when he wasn't around. To my surprise Rose quickly followed Edward's lead, I was grateful she had listened to me, this would be hard enough without a third pair of ears present. I had little idea how much of my relationship with Jacob had been shared with the rest of my family, and I was happy to keep it like that, dealing with awkward questions that still I wasn't sure I could answer wasn't my idea of family bonding. With one sideways death glare at Jake Rose left the two of us alone.

The moment we were alone Jake moved from the doorway, he came and sat next to me, immediately he took both of my hands into his, rubbing them in order to warm them. It had been a long time since it was just the two of us, and a lot had changed. Jake would want answers, he deserved answers, but I wondered if I could even give him the answers when I couldn't answer my own questions let alone his.

"Thanks, Jake. That feels good."

"I'm not going to lie, Bells. You're hideous" he said in his trademark blunt style.

I wanted to laugh, trust Jake to dare to say what no-one else would.

"I know" I sighed. "I'm scary looking".

"Thing from the swamp scary".

This time I did laugh, it felt so good to laugh again. Like a breath of fresh air to my demoralised soul.

"It's so good having you here. It feels nice to smile. I don't know how much more drama I can stand".

Jake rolled his eyes, he needed no words to convey his feelings. I'd seen it in his eyes the moment he had seen me for what I was, the anger, the disappointment, confusion, even a little resentment I had seen in his eyes. To him I would always be the martyr, a martyr to my love for Edward, I would never make him understand the ties that bound me to Edward, no less then anyone can truly explain how gravity pulls an object to the ground. We knew the basic facts but no one can explain the true magic of the phenomena. For Edward I would always be a martyr, if that's what being with him forever required.

"Okay, okay" I agreed. "I bring it on myself".

"Yeah, you do" he replied immediately. "What're you thinking, Bells? Seriously!"

There was a hint of anger in his eyes and for a second he wasn't Jacob, the words, the tone, they were all too reminiscent of my many talks with my husband.

"Did he ask you to yell at me?" I asked tiredly. I knew Edward had been desperate, but I hadn't expected him to stoop this low. He must be really desperate I thought if he had tried to convince Jacob.

"Sort of" he admitted. "Though I can't figure why he thinks you'd listen to me. You never have before".

There was so much unsaid in that sentence, yet nothing more needed to be said. I knew exactly what he was implying, and now what was not the time for the past, I sighed whilst I contemplated my reply.

"I told you-"

I cut Jacob off before I got yet another one of his lectures.

"Did you know '_I told you so' _has a brother, Jacob. His name is _'shut the hell up'_"

"Good one" he replied with the hint of a smile spread across his face.

I grinned back at him.

"I can't take credit- I got it off a rerun of The Simpsons".

"Missed that one"

"It was funny"

We both paused for a moment, somehow this conversation had gone from the bizarre to the normal. It was a nice moment of normality for me, a welcome escape from the constant dramatics. I ignored the part of my brain that told me the normality was due to Jacob, I had to push that part out if I was going to be able to get through this conversation without scarring Jacob yet again.

"Did he really ask you to talk to me?" I asked curiously.

"To talk some sense into you? _There's _a battle that's lost before it starts".

Jacob would always know me better then I would ever give him credit for, and more than I would ever understand. He could understand my emotions before I could, rationalise my actions before I had made sense of them myself. That's just who he was, that was the part of me that he would always be, yet it would never be enough.

"So why did you agree?"

He didn't reply immediately, but the pain that flashed across his eyes betrayed his thoughts. I didn't deserve Jacob, I never had. No-one deserved someone that selfless in their life, especially not someone who had already lost her heart to another. Jacob knew that yet still he came back for more, waiting for the day he believed I would turn to him instead of Edward. In a world free of magic and myth maybe we could have worked, it certainly would have been the easier option, but with a force stronger than I could ever understand over my heart, Jacob would always be second. It wasn't fair on any of us, but that was how it was. I had seen the path my life with Jacob could have taken, how easy and carefree it would have been, but that wasn't the path my destiny had chosen. I believed in the path I had chosen, I just needed him to.

"It'll work out, you know" I said, breaking the silence. "I believe that".

"Is dementia one of your symptoms?" Jake asked angrily.

I couldn't help but laugh, I knew Jake was angry, I could feel it in his hands which were still wrapped around mine.

"Maybe" I said. "I'm not saying things will work out _easily,_Jake. But how could I have lived through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point?"

"_Magic?"_

Jakes face and tone showed to me that he didn't understand what I was trying to understand, maybe if we'd had a lifetime I could have showed him what I meant. I didn't mean magic in terms of potions and spells. But the magic of self belief and determination, the power of love to use an age old cliché. Something had saved me time after time when I had stared death in the face. Some higher force had granted me Edward and his love, if that wasn't magic what was? What I had done to deserve that I didn't know, if anyone deserved that sort of love it was Jacob, his soul was purer than mine would ever be, more selfless than I could ever dream of being.

"Especially for you". I smiled at him, maybe one day he would look back and understand what I was trying to say. I pulled my hand out of his grasp and placed it against his blazing cheek. "More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you".

"What are you babbling about?".

Apparently he still didn't understand what I was trying to say.

"Edward told me once what it was like- your imprinting thing. He said it was like _A Midsummer Night s Dream_, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then all this will make sense."

He didn't say anything for a moment, just a low growl. I worried that I had angered him, but then I realised he was trying to find the right words.

"If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this _insanity......_Do you really think that just because I might someday imprint on some stranger it would make this right?". He pointed towards my stomach. "Tell me what the point was then, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? What was the point of _you _loving _him_? When you die- how is that ever right again? What's the point to all that pain? Mine, yours, his! You'll kill him, too, not that I care about that".

I wanted to stop Jake, from saying aloud the thoughts that had done nothing to plague me, to stop torturing me with images of Edward I had banished to the back of my mind after Italy. But I didn't. There was a part of me that wanted this torture, like Edward I was a masochist. I wanted that pain, needed the blame. I had hurt all those around me too often, I deserved my own dose of pain. Not least from Jacob.

"So what was the point of your twisted love story, in the end? If there is _any _sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."  
There it was, every question, every thought that I couldn't answer put forward to me, and I had no argument. Nothing but unrivalled and indescribable love for what was growing inside of me to argue with.

"I don't know yet, Jake" I admitted. "But I just....feel.....that this is all going somewhere good, hard to see as it is not. I guess you could call it _faith"._

It was the only argument I had.

"You're dying for _nothing, _Bella! Nothing!"

He was wrong, at least on that count, if anything I was dying for everything, I was dying for what was growing inside of me, and that was everything. I dropped my hands down to my belly and caressed it gently, trying to comfort myself more than anything.

"I'm not going to die"I said through gritted teeth as I had a million times before. "I _will _keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that".

"That's a load of crap Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're _not _strong enough."

I wanted to hate him for doubting me, for making me doubt me, I had spent so long trying to build up my resolve and here he was, determined to crumble it. He reached up and took my face in his hands.

"I can do this. I can do this" I muttered, more to myself than anything. Hope was the only real friend I had now and I was damned if Jacob Black or anyone else was going to take this away from me, I wasn't that much of a masochist.


	27. Magic, Mortals and Motherhood

**A/N: 2 Chapters in one week, that hasn't happened for a while :P. Thank you to everyone who's favouriting the story, it's at nearly 100 of you now which is absolutely amazing!!! This chapter carries on where the last one left off, and so is still in the Bella/Jacob conversation, yet again all dialogue is merely borrowed from BD , still from Bella's POV, an dif my calculations are correct, the longest chapter yet! Hope that you enjoy and please review :] They still bring a smile to the face!**

"_I can do this. I can do this" I muttered, more to myself than anything. Hope was the only real friend I had now and I was damned if Jacob Black or anyone else was going to take this away from me, I wasn't that much of a masochist._

_*************************************************************************************************************_

Why was it so hard for others to believe that I wasn't capable of doing this, if I shared their mindset then I would have given into Edward and Carlisle upon my arrival to Forks. I had to believe, believe that I was strong enough to carry and bear this child, determined enough to live to see my child breathe their first breath, walk their first steps, take their first steps. I had everything to live for and everything to lose, why were those closest to me unable to see this? I had long accepted that Edward would never accept any idea that may cause me harm, but I had hoped for a little more understanding from Jacob. After all we had shared reckless behaviour in the past, and this was the most reckless challenge I had undertaken.

"Doesn't look like it to me" continued Jacob. " So what's your plan? I hope you have one".

I did. But for all my strength, I was not strong enough to say the words out loud. I had said as much as I could before to Rosalie, but just the memories of that conversation, the provisions I was forced to make for my uncertain, yet unavoidable future, was enough to make me want to curl up in a ball and weep. I couldn't say the words out loud again, and most importantly of all, I couldn't hurt Jacob again. I wouldn't hurt him anymore than I had in the past, I wouldn't let him know that I knew the days of my mortality were numbered, and not in the way I had planned. Just like with Edward I would try to hide the fear that numbed my body day and night, the fears that plagued my nightmares. I had long thought of my Plan B, it was so obvious I was surprised no-one else had mentioned it to me, it was risky and there was little chance that I would even survive that, but it was the only chance I had, and I knew that I had to take that chance, even if the odds were still against me, I would be strong. I nodded, unable to meet his eyes.

"Did you know Esme jumped off a cliff? When she was human, I mean"

"So?"

I decided to explain to Jake cryptically what I had never before been able to verbalise, at lost not to anyone in my family. But this was Jake, he was different, always had been. Edward had my heart, he knew every look on my face, every smile on my mouth, he was me, the piece of me I had never realised I had been missing until in he walked to my life. But Jacob, he had my head. He understood me better than anyone did, sometimes even better than I knew myself. If anyone would understand it would be him, and I was relying on this.

"So she was close enough to dead that they didn't even bother taking her to the emergency room-they took her right to the morgue. Her heart was still beating, though, when Carlisle found her...."

I let my voice trail off when realisation hit Jacob's eyes. I hoped he would pick up on my earlier clue about keeping my heart beating. Deep down I knew Jacob would be as ethically opposed the idea as he always had been, but there was a part of me now that hoped for a little more leniency considering how high the stakes were.

"You're not planning on surviving this human".

He'd proved me right by getting it in one, and staring at me.

"No, I'm not stupid.

I stared back at him, now more than ever I had to make him understand my decision, he had to realise this was the only way, unlike before I had no other option, immortality was my only hope.

"I guess you probably have your own opinion on that point, though".

Although Jacob knew me like the back of his hand, I also knew him. Unlike others of my family, Jacob never hid anything from me, even if it was my own good. I didn't expect anything less of him now.

"Emergency vampirization"

I didn't expect anything less of him, but his sarcastic, yet meaningful humour made me want to explain myself even more.

"It worked for Esme. And Emmett, and Rosalie, and even Edward. None of them were in such great shape. Carlisle only changed them because it was that or death. He doesn't end lives he saves them".

I always remembered something that Edward once said, when I had first brought up the idea of me joining him. _Carlisle wouldn't do this to anyone who had another choice. _

Before I had always had another choice, I just chose to ignore it, but now I didn't. I was no different from Esme in that morgue, Emmett in the grips of the grizzly bear, Rose in the gutter, or even Edward in that hospital bed. I had no other choice now.

"Listen to me, Bells. Don't do it that way. Don't wait until it's too late, Bella. Not that way. Live. Okay? Just live. Don't do this to me. Don't do it to him".

How I wished it was that easy. I thought I'd explained myself to him, apparently not. I could see the despair on his face, the desperation in his pleading. And yet still it was not enough to make me change my mind, even when he used Edward against me. It pained me to go against the two of them. The two polar opposites, yet irrevocable parts of my heart. I didn't want to hurt either of them more than I already had, maybe I was more of a masochist than I had ever thought was. Maybe I was more selfish than I believed myself to be, but all I knew was that this was the only option I would have left when the day came, and I had to take that option.

"You know what he's going to do when you die. You've seen it before. You want him to go back to those Italian killers?"

Jacobs voice was harsher and louder than before, but he could have spoken those words in a whisper and it would have pained my heart just as much. He wasn't telling me anything new, I knew what Edward would do if the venom wasn't enough. I could see it in my mind, him on the floor, once again at the mercy of Jane, her torturing his mind, replaying him to him every single worse memory of his existence, and I knew which ones would be forefront in his mind. I knew they'd all enjoy it more this time, and there would be less hesitation on both his and their part. I prayed their friendship with Carlisle would be enough to make them reconsider, if even Carlisle could stop them. But I knew, I could see it the eyes of my family, that they were egging me on to live not just for me, but for Edward. That's why the change had to work, it wasn't just about saving me, it was about saving him too. He had a soul, that much I was certain of, and I wouldn't let him hand it to the devils on a platter just because of me. The intensity of my thoughts became too much for me and I buried my head in the sofa, out of Jacobs gaze.

"Remember when I got mangled up by those newborns? What did you tell me?.

Jacobs voice was much softer now, he had obviously realised that he had gone too far with what he had just said to me. I pulled my head out of the sofa and turned to face him, the memory of that day pained me too. When I realised just how much hurt I had caused Jacob, I had heard it all in that one gut wrenching yelp he had made. The pain in that noise was unlike anything I had ever heard before and it had split me in two. I could never blame Jacob for the trickery he had played me on that day, making me kiss him, I deserved that. I deserved every bit of self loathing I had felt as a result, I had pushed him to that, therefore I deserved the consequences.

"You told me to be good and listen to Carlisle. And what did I do? I listened to the vampire. For you".

"You listened because it was the right thing to do".

"Okay- pick either reason".

I took a deep breath, yet again Jake wasn't playing fair with my mind, or heart for that matter.

"It's not the right thing now".

Now more than ever I had to make him understand my choices, and that path that had let me to it. He was right, then it was the right thing for him to listen to Carlisle, despite his prejudices he needed Carlisle's help. But for me, it wasn't just about me and what was right for me, there was someone much more important I had to think about. I moved my gaze down to my swollen stomach.

"I won't kill him".

"Oh, I hadn't heard the great news. A bouncing baby boy, huh? Shoulda brought some blue balloons".

I could feel the blush fall over my face, that was the first time I had mentioned the gender out loud, or at least my hope to what gender it would be. I was being guided by the dream that I had had on the island, it had to be a sign. It was too much of a coincidence for it not to be.

"I don't know he's a boy. The ultrasound won't work. The membrane around the baby is too hard- like their skin. So he's a little mystery. But I always see a boy in my head".

I had decided to simply brush off Jacobs attempt at sarcasm, a feat made much easier by the vision of little EJ in my head.

"It's not some pretty baby in there, Bella".

Had he not seen Edward?

"We'll see" I said smugly. I know all mothers think their babies are beautiful but I already knew that mine was going to be the most beautiful baby in existence, it couldn't fail to be with Edward as a father.

"You won't" said Jacob, his snarl cutting through my fantasy.

"You're very pessimistic, Jacob" I replied, positivity returning to me as it always did after seeing EJ. "There is definitely a chance that I might walk away from this".

A slim chance I added silently to myself. Jacob was bent over, trying to regain his breathing. I hated seeing him like this, but I loved the life inside of me more.

"Jake". I reached up and patted his hair with my hand, bringing it down across his face until it stroked his cheek. "It's going to be okay. Shh. It's going to be okay".

"No. It will not be okay".

He didn't even look up, but I could feel tears falling silently down his cheeks.

"Shh."

"What's the deal Bella? I thought the whole point was that you wanted your vampire more than anything. And now you're just giving him up? That doesn't make any sense. Since when are you desperate to be a mom? If you wanted that so much, why did you marry a vampire?"

Inwardly I sighed. He was right on some points, and miles off on others. I had wanted Edward more than anything, more than anything in this world, I had needed him. But then in one split second my whole world had moved, and suddenly Edward was not the most important thing in my life anymore, he was just a very close second. I had never wanted to be a mom, I had promised to Edward that it was one part of being human I didn't care about giving up. Until now. Until this pregnancy and this child. This child being Edward' child. Just like Edward I needed this child, more than anything. It was as addictive and necessary to me as it's father and I hadn't even met it yet.

"It's not like that. I didn't really care about having a baby. I didn't even think about it. It's just not about having a baby. It's...... well......._this _baby."

I knew I'd never make him understand, I knew no-one else but me would ever understand what it meant to have this child.

"It's a killer, Bella. Just look at yourself".

"He's not. It's me. I'm just weak and human. But I can tough this out, Jake. I can-"

He cut me off before yet again I had the chance to explain myself.

"Aw, _come on! _Shut up, Bella. You can spout this crap to your bloodsucker, but you're not fooling me. You know you're not going to make it".

His tone and choice of words were making my blood boil. I had hoped Jacob would at least try to understand, but he was being the most ignorant of them all. At this moment I think even Emmett understood me better than Jake did.

" I do not _know _that" I glared at him. "I'm worried about it, sure".

It was at that very moment that I felt it, a kick. But this wasn't the soft flutterings that pregnant women normally experienced, this was a harsh, scream out loud pain. I bit back the scream as not to scare Jake but in it's place came a sharp gasp. Immediately I placed my hands at my stomach. Waiting for the pain to subside to a more manageable level. Jakes face was emotionless as he watched me.

"I'm fine" I panted through my ragged breathing, the pain was dying down but was still agonising. "It's nothing".

Without thinking I pulled up my sweatshirt, knowing that the skin to skin comfort would help soothe the pain. I momentarily forgot about the purple and black patchwork that currently made up my skin, that was until I saw Jakes face. Instantly I pulled the sweatshirt down, mentally kicking myself for allowing him to the bruises, knowing I was only adding fuel to his fire.

"He's strong, that's all" I said instinctively and defensively.

"Bella".

His voice was like nothing I'd ever heard before, he was pleading softer this time, and with more sincerity. He looked in pain, like the pain I was forced to watch Edward be in constantly. Yet still it was not enough to make me change my course.

"Bella, don't do this".

I wished I could reassure him, but I couldn't.

"Jake-"

"Listen to me. Don't get your back up yet. Okay? Just listen. What if...?"

His voice trailed off and left me anxious to know the point he was trying to make.

"What if what?"

"What if this wasn't a one-shot deal?" I was more confused than ever before but I let him continue. "What if it wasn't all or nothing? What if you listened to Carlisle like a good girl, and kept yourself alive?"

Now he had my full attention, had he seen something that I hadn't? Was there a third alternative that I had been blind to? That I was interested in, listening to Carlisle? That was definitely not up for consideration.

"I won't-"

He cut me off again.

"I'm not done yet. So you stay alive. Then you can start over. This didn't work out. Try again".

I was confused. If Edward wouldn't accept this baby then he wouldn't accept any other baby, there was no logic in Jacobs thoughts. I placed my hand on the place where Jakes eyebrows were meeting and tried to smooth over his forehead. It didn't make any sense.

"I don't understand....What do you mean, try again? You can't think Edward would let me....? And what difference would it make? I'm sure any baby-"

"Yes; And kid of _his _would be the same".

Jake was making less and less sense to me now, I wondered what on earth was going through his head, where was Edward when he was needed?

"What?"

I looked at Jacob and then it me like a ton of bricks. He wanted me to give up mine and Edward's child and replace it with a child that wasn't Edward's, one that wouldn't make me choose. I could live and I would have a child, now I could see the rationalisation in his thoughts. If only he realised the true reason I wanted this child. It wasn't about being a mother or living either, it was about mine and Edward's child.

"Oh. Ugh. _Please. _You think I should kill my baby and replace it with some generic substitute? Artificial insemination?" Just the idea of it made me mad, where was Jacob getting off with this? "Why would I want to have some strangers baby? I suppose it just doesn't make a difference? Any baby will do?"

"I didn't mean that. Not a stranger".

He was muttering and I couldn't really understand what he was saying, at least not the real meaning of it.

"Then what are you saying?"

"Nothing. I'm saying nothing. Same as ever".

He was lying, it was written across his face.

"Where did that come from?"

"Forget it Bella?"

He asked me to get rid of my baby and have some strangers baby and now he wanted me to forget about it? Absolutely incredible! Until yet again I had another eureka moment.

"Did _he _tell you to say that?".

"No"

He'd hesitated, a sure sign that he was lying. I could not believe Edward, I was surprised enough he had got Jake to talk to me, but to get Jake to propose that? Beyond belief! Even for someone as desperate as Edward was.

"He did, didn't he?"

"No, really. He didn't say anything about artificial whatever".

That made it slightly better, and I chastised myself for jumping the gun on the basis of Jacobs words.

"He would do anything for me. And I'm hurting him so much.... But what is he thinking? That I would trade this" I ran my hand across my stomach. "For some strangers......"  
Just the mere thought of carrying a child other than Edward's brought tears to my eyes, why did no-one understand why I was doing this?

"You don't have to hurt him. You could make him happy again, Bella. And I really think he's losing it. Honestly, I do."

It killed me to hear Jacob plead for Edward, knowing how much he hated him, it was a sign of just how desperate they both must be, Edward for asking Jacob and Jacob for actually doing it. Yet again I was still hurting the both of them, would I ever learn? I ran my hand over and over my stomach in small lazy circles to try and comfort myself, but the comfort I needed never came. My mind was a blizzard of snapshots of conversations and scenarios, all of it pouring through my mind at an unreadable speed. There was a long period of silence as I tried to make sense of it all.

"Not a stranger". That was the most prominent phrase in my mind, and the one I had the most trouble understanding. "What exactly did Edward say to you?"

"Nothing. He just thought you might listen to me".

Yet again Jacob wasn't understanding me.

"Not that. About trying again".

I fixed my gaze on him, seeing the lies in his eyes and it only served to infuriate me more.

"Nothing".

It was in that second that I knew, I saw what Edward had asked of Jacob, I couldn't even comprehend how much pain it must have caused him to have asked that of Jacob, to have even considered the idea, my mouth fell open a little bit in pure shock.

"Wow" was all I could muster.

I'd never realised to just what lengths Edward would go to keep me alive.

"He really would do _anything, _wouldn't he?" I said more to myself than to Jacob.

"I told you he was going crazy. Literally, Bells".

"I'm surprised you didn't tell on him right away. Get him in trouble"

That's what I would have expected of Jacob, of their feud. And I was proud that he had taken the high road and not done that. It showed just how far we had all come since the early days of this warped triangle. I grinned at him to show that I was joking.

"I thought about it".

He tried to grin back but it didn't quite work, something was missing.

I knew what Jacob was proposing, and I knew it would never be an option. I worried that the rejection would hurt him, but there was no other way. This wasn't about having a child, if it was then maybe it would have been an option. But this was about me and Edward, magic and mortal, somehow co-existing like fire and ice, we shouldn't, we defied nature, yet somehow we managed it, this child was proof of it and therefore was something I would cling onto with every fibre of my being, for however long that would be.


	28. The Words Of The Fathers

**A/N: 2 exams down, 3 to go :) So there is the reason for the long delay in this new chapter, but a big thank you to you all for sticking by this story despite the slow updating. Roll on the 15th June and my attention is all here! And that's a promise!! Thank you all for the reviews!! Please keep them coming, it really does mean a lot to get your feedback and views on the story and I'm so glad to many of you seem to be loving it!! Really does make it all worth it!**

**Right onto the story, it's jumping ahead a bit now from where the last chapter left off otherwise it's never going to get moving plotwise with BD!! This one's Carlisle's POV, it veers off a bit from the main story, but inspiration struck so I ran with it!! Anything in italics is flashback, again apologies for the delay, hope you enjoy and please review!!**

Unlike others of our kind, I didn't hold grudges against our supposed mythical enemies. It was hard enough being what we were without the additional problems of feuds with those who, like us, had to disguise what they really were from the rest of the world. If anything, we should be able to get on, put our differences aside and work together to protect ourselves from the threat of mortals. Especially those who lived in such close proximity to one another, but it seemed us and the Quileute's were not destined to live in the peace I wanted. They were unable to accept that we were not like others of our kind, instead of getting to know us and make their own judgements, they instead went on what their handed down myths and legends told them about our kind. During our first stay in this area, when the situation between us and them began to spiral out of control, I had met with Ephraim Black, the tribe chief, in the hope that the two of us could hammer out some sort of truce, a deal that would satisfy both parties at no great loss.

"_Mr Cullen" said Ephraim, his arm outstretched towards mine, this friendly gesture settled any nerves that I had held previously about our meeting._

"_Carlisle, please". I shook his hand, his touch was like fire beneath my ice._

_We both gave each other a knowing smile, this was the first time either of us had been in such close proximity to the other, at least not without the threat of a fight in the air. It was a chance to separate fact from the myth, but so far we were both living up to the myths presented to us._

"_So cold" continued Ephraim, motioning for me to sit. "I take it you do not notice it?"._

"_No, much in the same way I'm sure you do not realise the heat emanating from yourself"._

_He nodded, understandingly._

"_Carlisle, I must say I was surprised when you wrote, asking for this meeting."_

"_I thought it was the best way to settle our differences, for us each to explain ourselves, face to face, as the figure head of our 2 families, it's down to us to make sure no harm comes to either of our people"._

"_Your family?" repeated Ephraim. "From what I understood, your kind were loners"._

"_Conventionally, yes, but as I have tried to explain before, we are unlike others of our kind"._

"_Explain to me then, your family"._

"_I was changed, into this, back in the 1600's, it took a long time to reconcile with myself what I had become, to accept what I had become. I travelled around Europe before moving to the New World, by then I had come to accept that what I was. That I would always be this way. But over time I became lonely, I wanted a companion, someone I wouldn't have to hide from, the only way to do that was to create someone like myself."_

"_And you did this? You changed someone else? Condemned them to this?" his eyes ran up and down my body._

"_It was the toughest decision I ever had to make, and not one I entered lightly, I pondered it for many years. Only when I was sure I had enough strength, and with the right person was I able to carry it out". _

"_Strength?" asked Ephraim, curiously, he was becoming hooked on my story, I could see it in his eyes, the concentration that lingered in them, the way he was sitting, almost on the edge of his chair._

"_I did not choose this life, it fell upon me. When I realised, what I had become, I hated myself, I hated the urges that my body forced upon me, killing humans for food was not a thought I relished, I did not want to live that way, be that person. Then I realised, that as a human I had eaten animals, could I not do the same now? It does not relinquish the thirst in the same way, but it's satisfactory enough to live on and it diminishes the craving for more"._

_Ephraim raised his eyebrow, he had come here expecting to be able to criticise me, condemn me for the choices I should have been forced to make, but there was little to argue with._

"_That is why we, my family, are different from others of our kind, we have chosen not to be the mindless killers of our psyche, but instead we control our instincts, some of us have had relapses, it's not easy. It takes a lot to perfect the self control needed to resist human blood, but we manage it"._

"_That is why you were on our land?" asked Ephraim, a look of understanding drifting over his face with every word I was saying. "You were not here to attack us?"_

"_Your land is tempting to us not because for the reasons you think Chief Black, but because of the livestock it holds"._

_Ephraim stood up, he turned away so that I no longer had his face as a marker of his emotions._

"_I accept your explanation of why you were on our land, how can I not? We have been sat here in same room for 10 minutes now and here I am, still breathing. More to the point not a single human has died around here since you and your family have been here, I have no other choice but to accept your explanation."_

_He turned around to face me once more._

"_And more to the point, your eyes are telling the truth"._

_I nodded, glad he had been able to believe me so easily._

"_However, despite this difference, it does not change what you are, and more importantly, what you are to us. We are enemies Carlisle, we always have been. I'm sure your kind has passed down to you the stories about us, just like the stories about you have been passed down to me by my forefathers."_

"_Of course"._

"_I have my tribe to think about, not only that, but also the people of Forks, you may not be what I thought you to be, but you still pose a threat to us all"._

"_I assure you, me and my family, we would not harm anyone here in this town, and especially not one of your tribe" I said, careful to make eye contact, this was obviously important to him._

"_The fact that you have come here, alone, says a great deal to me about your character Carlisle, and I have sat and listened to your explanation, and I do take your word. But sadly, it changes little, it is in our nature to fight one another, how can the two of us live side by side without someone's family paying too higher price?"_

"_With all due respect, our family, we have built a home here, we have proven that we are capable of living amongst humans, you cannot ask us to leave based on superstition"._

"_This has been our home for generations, La Push is inbuilt within our genes, it is not fair to ask us to feel threatened by your presence within our own home"._

" _What if we promised not to enter your land, La Push"._

_Yet again, Ephraim raised his eyebrows._

"_What are you suggesting?"_

"_Our home is in Forks, what if we promised to not enter onto your land, La Push would remain yours, the threat would be lessened"._

_There was silence whilst Ephraim thought over the compromise that was being offered._

" _The boarder begins where our land starts, I trust you know where that is?"_

_I nodded._

"_There will be no end to boarder Carlisle, its indefinite. Even the ocean beyond, you will have your side and we will have ours, no exceptions"._

"_I thank your generosity"._

_Silence filled the air once more and seeing as the deal had been struck I took that as my cue to leave. I stood up and outstretched my hand towards Ephraim to seal the deal we had just made._

"_You are a good man Carlisle, better than I expected. You're honest, and that means a lot to me. I came here expecting to meet a certain kind of person and I did not find that person here, and for that I am glad. You say that you are different from others of your kind and I believe that, but you cannot deny what you are, in return for your offering to stay off our land, I promise that your secret will stay with myself and my people. But I want your word that no human will suffer at the hands of your family, be it for food or as an additional member of your family, if a human is hurt by one of your family then the treaty is broken, providing you stick to the conditions then we have a deal, your secret is safe, we may not like it, but we will not betray you"._

_I was shocked a little to say the least, I hadn't expected an offer of any kind from Ephraim, like him I had come to the bargaining table with pre-made assumptions of the man I was meeting. And just like I had surprised Ephraim, it was now his turn to reverse the tables._

"_Thank you, that means a lot. Like I said, this life was not our choice, we are doing our best to make of it what we can, therefore you have my word, no human will be harmed by us, for any purpose"_

_Yet again Ephraim's warm hands enclosed themselves around mine, the heat seared my hand._

"_I accept your word, but now the boundary has been set there, and providing we all stick to our sides of the land, there is no reason for us to ever have a meeting like this again"._

"_Back to myths and superstition"._

"_It's the only way"_

_I nodded, I had gained more understanding than I had expected, but not enough for him to trust me. I accepted this, I could tell that Ephraim Black was a man who had been brought up on the stories of his tribe, they were his Bible, and here I was disputing what he had believed his whole life, yet he had been kind enough to listen and despite his reservations promise to protect our secret._

_I was halfway out the door when I realised that despite saying so much there was one major thing I had forgotten to say. I turned around, Ephraim was still sat down, he hadn't moved._

"_Thank you"._

_He looked up, his dark chocolate eyes bore into mine with a deep intensity, and for a second I saw a sense of compassion that had otherwise been missing, maybe he had understood more than I had given him credit for. He simply nodded, he didn't need to say anything, and with that I left. _

Ephraim Black had been a good man, that meeting was the only time I had met him, but I had sensed from the moment I had walked in that door that he was the type of leader most could only dream of being, yet it came so naturally to him. We owed him so much, many other of his kind would not have protected us in the way he had, it was thanks to him that we were able to continue living in Forks then and be able to return again now. Looking at Jacob I was able to see so much of his great grandfather in him, there was a diplomacy in him, he didn't like or understand Bella's relationship with Edward, yet he allowed it to continue because it was what she wanted. I was surprised to learn that Jacob was not the leader of the wolves, as Ephraim's great grandson I had expected him to assume the role as Alpha role, he had all the traits needed to assume such a role. He was a better person then he gave himself credit for, and a better person then many of my family certainly gave him credit for. I understood why Edward held such resentment towards Jacob, but my other sons and daughter allowed his feud to become tainted by the very reason me and Ephraim had made the treaty. I had hoped that the treaty would lead to peace between us and them, and that the bad blood between the two of us would eventually die out. But it seemed with Jacobs latest bombshell that Sam was preparing his boys to attack us that everything me and Ephraim had wanted to protect was disintegrating before me. Just like Ephraim, Sam had been brought up on the myths and superstition, but unlike his predecessor, he lacked the compassion to look past the veneer of what we were in order to see who we were.

When I had promised Ephraim not to harm another human I had meant it, I had never thought I would need to change another human, I believed my family was complete, I was still living with such guilt for changing the existing members of my family, infact I still am. I never believed our self control would be strong enough for one of us to fall in love with a human, or that such a love would make that human want to join us in immortality until Bella came along. I had hoped to put off her transformation for as long as possible, one in the vain hope that she would change her mind and also because there was a part of me, a very large part of me, which was scared of the guilt I would feel once the treaty was broken. Ephraim had trusted me, trusted my word, and here I was, I had allowed events to escalate to such a point where there was no other option, but to break my promise. Perhaps in some ways I already had, I had promised him that no other human would be harmed by us, and here was Bella, in unrivalled and unforgiving pain thanks to us. She wasn't a vampire, and maybe she would never be one, but we had scarred her just as deeply as our venom would have. We had changed her just as drastically as the change would have, maybe we weren't as different from others of our kinds. Maybe despite all our best motives and intentions we were still the masochistic human predators. No different from Laurent, Victoria or James. Or maybe perhaps, we were worse than them? They killed people, quick and painless. But we had tortured Bella, we'd loved her, made her promises we hadn't been able to keep and worst of all? We were killing her, slowly and painfully. Maybe we weren't any better than the creatures of the Quileute legends? The only thing that I was sure of as Jacob informed us of Sam's decision was that I was wrong to have deserved Ephraim's word all those years ago, him and his tribe had always kept their word, yet I had let him down, allowed a human to suffer at our hands, not in the way he had thought, but Bella's pain was worse than any vampire kill. I felt nothing but emptiness as Jacob spoke of Sam's plan, for as I looked at him, all I saw was his great grandfather, looking at me with unbearable disappointment as I turned out to be just like all the rest, and that disappointment was more damaging than any battle could to my soul.


	29. A Lover Not A Fighter

**A/N: Thank you, as always for the reviews!! The Stephenie Meyer comparisons from some of you? WOW!! Actually made my day! So as a thank you, here is a new chapter (I worked out I spent more time revising today than I did writing this so I don't feel so guilty about writing when exams are impending!)**

**Anyways, this one's Jasper's chapter, and I hope it's enough to tide you all over until next Tuesday, which is when the main bulk of my exams will be over and so therefore will be almost able to write guiltfree! Hope you enjoy and as always, please review!! Really does make all the difference =)**

The dogs wanted to fight us, and a fight they would get. I couldn't bring myself to share Carlisle's sentiments of sadness about the possibility of breaking the existing treaty. They were our natural enemy, fighting is what we were supposed to do. I would not deny that they had helped us in the past, but what was important now was the present. A present the included an ever increasingly deteriorating Bella, and whatever it took to help her would be what me and my family would do. Despite my background I did not relish the thought of fighting the wolves, yes it was what we had to do, but not necessarily what we wanted to do. I saw the sadness in my family's eyes as Jacob brought us news of what Sam and his tribe intended to do, I forgot in my immediate excitement, that they were not the enemy we had once thought them to be, to some of us they were our friends. After all they had helped us when no others of our kind were willing to help, we owed them, and this was how they were choosing to repay us, but one look at Bella and any understanding for the wolves disappeared. The bonds we had forged with them should have been enough to have at least earnt us some understanding, but instead it marked our cards. As if the universe wasn't playing enough tricks on me and my family already, it had to drop that little bombshell on us. Bella's days had been numbered from the second her pregnancy began, and as time went on it became plainer and plainer to see that this was one fight that just maybe her stubbornness wouldn't win her. And with ever passing day it was clearer to see that Edward was sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of self loathing and guilt intertwined with such strength that there was nothing we could say or do to convince him otherwise.

"Jas" came a voice from behind me, a voice I would know anywhere.

"Al" I said, opening my arms, instantly she was in my arms, her back against my chest as I closed my arms around her. Calm and serenity filled every pore of my body as I inhaled the all too familiar scent of Alice, so pure and virtuous, just like she was. I never doubted that Alice was my saviour, she had saved me from myself, from the life I had led. Anyone else would have given up on me, taken one look at the scars that tattooed my body and walked away, but not her. Guided by the premonitions that we had come to take for granted she had found me, and more to the point, she had rescued me, for the first time since becoming this immortal creature I felt whole again, alive even if I could use such a term. For the first time I had a heart, and more importantly, a soul.

"Carlisle wants to go and meet with Sam, he thinks he can reason with them" said Alice, resting her head on my shoulder.

"Reason with them? They're animals Al, dogs. And Carlisle thinks he can reason with them?"

"He reasoned with Ephraim Black when he made the treaty, he hopes that he may be able to do the same with Sam, or at the very least compromise to buy us some time" she explained. "He doesn't want a fight, none of us do".

"I think Emmett may disagree with you on that, and Rose".

"And you?"

I paused, I was no longer the sadistic creature of my vampire youth, but there was a part of me, however small, that still welcomed a battle. My chance to excel and prove my worth, I may not have been the best "vegetarian" within my family or the most compassionate or loving, but I was the best fighter. It was the one thing that I knew I was good at and any chance to show it off would be grasped, but at what cost? Although there was a long standing rivalry between us and the wolves and either side would care little what it cost the other, there was one person caught in this crossfire who would care, who would mourn and grieve whoever was lost.

"If there was a fight, there would be too many emotions, old grievances given the chance to re-air, scores to be settled. It wouldn't take long for it to spiral out of control, if the treaty is broken then there is nothing to stop either side from reigning ourselves in. People would get hurt, killed even. It's too much to consider losing, it would cause too much hurt".

Alice looked up at me, her eyes glinting with emotion that even I with all my power could not read clearly.

"I'm proud of you Jas"

"For what?"

"For stepping back, for seeing the bigger picture. Not just going on instinct".

To say I was confused was an understatement, she might as well have been reading Vogue out loud to me for all the sense that just made.

"I mean". She placed her hand over the area of my chest, where if there was one, my heart would have been beating. "I'm proud of you for listening to this. Sometimes I think you still don't realise just how far you have come since the beginning. You're so concentrated on not screwing up that you don't realise just what a good job you're doing."

"Bella's birthday" I reminded her quietly. I was still so ashamed of my actions that day, of the pain and repercussions my urges had controlled.

"One slip up, and OK, it wasn't your finest moment, but right now you're sitting there telling me you couldn't fight because it would hurt someone you love too much, and from someone who used to not care at all who they hurt that is a huge step Jas, and even bigger considering it's Bella".

"Hey! What does that mean?" I asked, slightly offended.

Alice giggled, sounding more like a teenage schoolgirl than anything else.

"Come on! You could barely be in the same room as Bella when you first met her".

"Didn't mean I didn't like her!"

"I'm not saying that! Sheesh Jas, listen! What I'm saying is, that your willingness to protect Bella is remarkable considering in the very beginning you doubted you were strong enough to stay in the same room as her. You've gone to not caring to denying the very core of you are for her, and that's a good thing."

"You are fully aware that all just made no sense to me whatsoever" I replied after a moment of mulling over Alice's philosophical ramblings.

She shrugged her shoulders and glanced up at me, grinning madly.

"You listened, that's the main thing, and one day you may realise just what I said and what it means".

I raised an eyebrow at her, sometimes I swore that Alice lived in her own little hyper energy bubble that was occasionally pin pricked enough to let the rest of us in, but not enough so that it made sense, and now was one of those times.

"In simple terms my lady?" I asked, my voice dripping with Southern drawl as I went on the charm offensive.

Alice sat up straight and turned so that her face was facing me, before moving in closer.

"It means I'm proud of you, and the person you've become, and hopefully, one day, you will too".

"Why couldn't you have just said that in the first place?" I asked mockingly, as suddenly all the pieces fit together in my head. "Makes a lot more sense".

She grinned broadly, a knowing grin, a grin sadly I recognised all too well. I groaned.

"You saw that I wasn't gonna understand what you were saying so you played me" I said out loud.

She giggled yet again.

"I just wanted a bit of fun" she said, her smile disappearing. "I miss just having fun, I miss just doing silly things, like playing chess with Edward or shopping with Rose."

I wrapped my arms around her that bit tighter, trying to comfort her.

" I know" I said, burying my head in her hair. "I miss it too".

"Then all this talk of a fight, it's just another reminder that nothings going to be normal again. I just want everything to go back to how it was, just a couple of months. I just-"

She stopped mid sentence, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

"Alice" I said reassuringly. "Come on".

She sighed loudly.

"I just want my family back. I was so excited about Bella becoming one of us, and not just marrying Edward, actually becoming one of us. I was looking forward to sharing everything that we have with her, no longer having to worry will she fall over? Is it time for her to eat yet? Time for Bella to go to bed! I just wanted her to experience everything that we have, she seemed to want it so badly, and now it seems she won't. And Edward, he's waited so long for her to come along, it's not fair. How long has he played fifth wheel to all of us? How long has he been the odd one out? And now that he finally gets her....."

Her voice trailed off yet again but this time I made no move to make her continue. There was not enough reassurance in me to persuade Alice that the girl who had quickly become her best friend and sister would make it long enough to join us in immorality.

"I miss her" came Alice's muffled voice from my shoulder, where she had burrowed her head. " I miss talking to her, I miss her teasing me, me teasing her about her lack of fashion sense, me constantly persuading her that she was good enough for Edward. I just want Bella back, even clumsy, shops off the rack- I care how I look Bella."

I stared down at the woman in my arms, I could feel the pain radiating from her body and it cut through me like a knife. I wasn't strong enough in myself to calm her emotions at that moment, so I sat there and held her, taking every bit of her pain until I could bear it no more, and from somewhere within me found enough inner strength to calm her down.

"Thank you" she mumbled, curling up closer to my chest.

I didn't reply, I just bent my head down to hers and pressed a gentle kiss against her hair. I knew in that second more than ever before that there wouldn't be a fight, for the simple reason that we had nothing left to give anymore. Every emotion, every thought and prayer was resting with Bella. The only thought any of us had was about her, was she ok? How much pain was she in? Then came the unthinkable questions which plagued our darkest thoughts? Was she going to make it? If so at what cost? Her life? The baby's? When those questions made up your daily routine it's hard to find enough mental space to accommodate even the most mundane tasks, let alone a battle strategy. No, there would be no fight, to fight would be to hurt Bella, and I for one would not be responsible for adding one more strand of misery to the patchwork of her emotions. What was vital is we did everything within our power to protect our sister, daughter, wife and if that meant breaking a treaty then so be it. There would be consequences to bear, but violence did not have to be the way, the woman I held in my arms had taught me that much, and maybe, just maybe, by refraining from the most tempting of fights I would finally recognise within myself the pride that she saw in me.


	30. What's Up Doc?

**A/N: I've decided there is only so much revision you can do before you need some sanity, and despite a trip to ASDA my sanity was not returned so I decided it would have to be another chapter instead :P. Again, thank you all for the reviews, I really do appreciate each and every one of them and the fact people are still reading this story and wanting more is just amazing, so thank you!!**

**Big thank you to agirl2224 for pushing me to write this next chapter, for anyone else who has Twitter the link to my page is on my profile, feel free to follow and badger me into writing, sometimes I need the motivation :P. This one's Carlisle, and is taken straight out of BD, all speech is direct from BD, anything other than speech is my own interpretation! As always, hope you enjoy, this is the longest chapter in a while (I needed the creativity time away from the books!), and reviews as always make the day, even more so now I'm chained to the books!! **

As I had both feared and suspected the wolves were preparing to attack, surprisingly it wasn't for the reasons I had originally thought. It had little to do with the treaty, nor our promise not to harm another human and all to do with fear of the unknown. They were afraid of just what this baby would be and what it would mean to them, a fear I understood all too well. In many ways me and the rest of the family too feared just what this child would mean to us, the family I created was not a conventional family by any stretch of the word. I was not a father in the traditional sense, more a creator, to be technical. But this child, Edward and Bella's child would be theirs, 50% Edward and 50% Bella, 100% unique. I feared for the implications it would bring upon my family. For the painful reminders of what they had lost for Rosalie and Esme, and a reminder of something we would never have for the rest of us. It would tie Bella and Edward together in bonds far more powerful than any of us could imagine, a family within a family. That was if they made it that far, Bella's condition was far worse than I could have ever predicted. Her pain was now non relenting and worse than ever, as the child grew stronger and stronger she grew weaker and weaker. There were spells of the old Bella, when her positivity was strong enough to break through the pain barriers and her smile would flash across her face and just for a second she gave us all the strength to believe she could do this. But just as that faith would fill us all the look of pain would wash over her face once more and all faith would disappear.

I stood by the window waiting for Jacob, Edward had realised he was coming and I had persuaded Edward to let me be the one to greet him, how long Edward's pleasantries would last with Jacob were an unknown and I didn't want a fight breaking out and Bella's condition to deteriorate. Plus I wanted an opportunity to thank Jacob properly, what he had done, warning us about the wolves plan, breaking away from the pack, it was noble. More noble perhaps than various members of my family were prepared to give him credit for. Emmett was infuriated at the idea of Jacob and Seth defending us 'toddlers guarding the fort' is how he phrased it I believe. Emmett could never be accused of having a cool head in a crisis and the fact that this crisis involved his little sister's life was enough to rile him ready for the fight of his life. I'd had to resort to sending him off into the woods with Jasper in the vain hope that Jasper's calm would be enough to quash Emmett's thirst for wolf blood.

I saw Jacob approach the steps and opened the door in forewarning, I could tell by the look of his face that due to this presumptive act he expected to find Edward on the other side of the door. He stopped, dead in his tracks, his poise frozen and his mouth stretched out in the form of an 'o'.

"Are you all right Jacob?".

"Is Bella?"

He didn't need to say anymore, it was silly of me to think that this was about Jacob and Edward, although I had little doubt the two of them would ever be bosom buddies I had no doubt that an uneasy truce had been called between the two of them in order to protect their only common interest: Bella. I had thought that seeing me rather than Edward would relax Jacob, but I realised I had misjudged the situation, the emotions involved. Jacob expected to see Edward because he was used to Edward always being there, defending Bella, not wanting Jacob around, wanting to get rid of him at the first opportunity. But that had all changed, Edward had let go of his fears, the jealousy, the pride, nothing but Bella mattered to him anymore, hence why he barely left him anymore, but Jacob did not understand this yet and it led him to fear the worse to see the status quo changed and to see me instead.

"She's......much the same as last night. Did I startle you? I'm sorry. Edward said you were coming in your human form, and I came to greet you, as he didn't want to leave her. She's awake".

I didn't need to add that any moment spent with Bella whilst she was awake was something Edward was not going to miss out, the realisation that spread out over Jacobs face as I spoke was enough. He looked almost as broken as Edward, his features defined by exhaustion as he slumped down on the front steps and leant against the railings. It was easy to forget that Bella meant so much to people other than us, ever since they had returned from their honeymoon we had kept her and her condition in such an insular bubble it was easy to forget that we weren't the only people who cared about her making it through this, Jacob did. I sat down next to him on the step, I kept my distance just enough not to make him feel uncomfortable, I knew that the only reason Jacob tolerated any of us Cullen's was because of Bella and I respected that, prejudices like that wouldn't disappear overnight and I couldn't expect them to.

"I didn't get a chance to thank you last night, Jacob. You don't know how much I appreciate your.... compassion. I know your goal was to protect Bella, but I owe you the safety of the rest of my family as well. Edward told me what you had to do..."

"Don't mention it".

I bit my tongue, there was so much more that I wanted to say, more praise I wanted to heap on him for being the only one able to do anything to protect Bella. I was at the end of my wits, sadly my medical knowledge wasn't helping anymore, I had tried everything I could think of and it wasn't enough to alleviate the pain, if even for a moment, and it tore me apart to realise that all my years of medical knowledge were lost in the crossroads where human biology and mythology met. I wanted to tell him how much his nobility reminded me of his great-grandfather, that I saw the same honour and protection in Jacobs eyes as I had once seen in Ephraim's.

"If you prefer it" I conceded.

We sat together in silence, my mind brimming with all the things I wanted to say but I was not allowed to. The things I wanted to explain to him, but I restrained myself. Just like Bella, Jacob did not see his actions as martyrdom but as the right consequence for the decision, they were both wiser beyond their years in light of their situations and it was nothing short of admirable.

"She's family to you?" asked Jacob, breaking the silence.

I chuckled inwardly, there was so much that Jacob understood and yet so little. How he could doubt that I did not love Bella was beyond me. I loved her as much as I loved any of my daughters, the light she had brought to all of our lives, not least for brightening up Edward's life in a way that I had long believed had past him by.

"Yes. Bella is already a daughter to me. A beloved daughter."

"But you're going to let her die".

It wasn't a question, more of a statement. The same statement I haunted myself with, it was such a juxtaposition, the two ideas we had both uttered. Me proclaiming my fatherly love for my daughter, yet as Jacob pointed out I was doing little to prolong her life. If I really cared about her would I have made her get rid of the child? Used whatever force necessary? Anything to keep Bella alive? Maybe that was what Jacob thought a father should do, but it wasn't my idea of what a father should do. A father listened to his children, respected their opinions, and despite his own personal opinions, allowed them to make their own decisions, whatever the consequences.

"I can imagine what you will think of me for that" I said, picking my words carefully, trying to convey so much into so few words. "But I can't ignore her will. It wouldn't be right to make such a choice for her, to force her."

I could see in Jacobs expression that he didn't truly understand my reasoning. And if he never had children I sensed he never would. I loved all of my children unconditionally, I it wasn't the instant love that I heard parents experienced when their children were born, it was different. It had grown over time as I had got to know them, learnt their personalities, but it was no less as strong as if I had sired them myself. Unconditional love wasn't rational, being a father wasn't rational. I couldn't make my children do anything they didn't want to do, it went against the very core of what I stood for. There was a part of me that when I looked at Bella was angry at myself for not stepping in and medically intervening, but there was another part of me, an overriding part of me that knew I couldn't have spent eternity living with my conscience if I had disobeyed Bella and her wishes, I would be nothing but a hypocrite, and given the two evils, I picked the guilt of not being able to help medically, at least that way I could still call myself a father.

"Do you think there's any chance she'll make it? I mean, as a vampire and that. She told me about......about Esme".

I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds. For a brief second pure pain burnt in the pit of my stomach as I reminded myself of just how Esme came into my life, the pain that had brought her there. I loved Esme beyond words, she was the part of me that I had realised I was missing, just like my sons and their mates, she completed me in a way I had never imagined. She gave me the faith to be the person I was, to do the job I love, create the family I adored, be the man I was. But it still, even after all these years tore me apart inside to know that despite everything I could never make her as truly happy as she had made me. The venom had fixed all her superficial wounds, and even though her heart had stopped, it had never been truly fixed. Immortality had just given her longer to mourn the loss of her baby, to taunt her of what should have been, a life I couldn't give her despite all the riches and time we had. Seeing Bella go through the pain was a too constant reminder of Esme and what had happened to her, and there was a part of me that wondered if the venom would be enough in this case? But right then, talking to Jacob, I knew I had to push any fears about Bella out of my brain. I wouldn't lie to him, but I wouldn't give him the cold, hard facts. I couldn't. Not when I looked at him and sure pure devastation and heart break tattooed across his face, he was still so young, still a boy, he didn't need to be hurt anymore than he had to.

"I'd say there's an even chance at this point. I've seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are conditions that even venom cannot overcome. Her heart is working too hard now, if it should fail.... there won't be anything for me to do".

There it was, the facts sugarcoated as much as I could without venturing into pure fiction, I only hoped it would be enough to alleviate some of the weight he seemed to be carrying on his shoulders.

"What is that thing doing to her? She was so much more worse last night. I saw... the tubes and all that. Through the window".

He never seemed more like a child that in that moment, so vulnerable and scared about something that he didn't really understand. I understood that the machinery was scary, I'd worked amongst it for years and even I'd had a lump in my throat the first time I saw Bella connected up to tubes and machines, I couldn't imagine how hard it must be for the others. I knew I had to try and explain, try and take some of that worry away, make him understand just a little that I was trying to keep her alive, that I wasn't giving in.

"The foetus isn't compatible with her body. Too strong, for one thing, but she could probably endure that for a while. The bigger problem is that it won't allow her to get the sustenance she needs. Her body is rejecting every form of nutrition. I'm trying to feed her intravenously, but she's just not absorbing it. Everything about her condition is accelerating".

Suddenly something within me broke, and I could feel the floodgates of my frustration break open, the fact that my daughter and grandchild were in mortal peril every second of every day and there was little I was able to do to stop it. That I had to watch my son hang himself with guilt, see my wife torment herself with the worse memories of her previous life. Watch Rose live out her fantasies of a life she could never have thanks to me through Bella, knowing she may not get the prize at the end of the rainbow. Alice living in a state of constant migraine due to the cloudiness of her visions, all the while mourning the loss of her best friend who she couldn't be near due to said migraines. Watching my remaining sons trying to be strong for everyone else but unable to do anything to cure the pain. We were all at the end of our tethers, emotionally, physically, and right now the last of my self control was breaking as I tried to explain myself to who was possibly my harshest critic.

"I'm watching her- and not just her, but the foetus as well- starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it _wants_".

There it was, the truth. My fears, the very words I had kept bottled inside of me for so long but now pure frustration brought them out of me and gathered yet more weight on poor Jacobs shoulders. I wanted to apologise but the release saying the words out loud had brought me stopped me.

"I wish I could get a better idea of what exactly it is" I continued, more to myself than to Jacob. "The foetus is well protected. I haven't been able to produce an ultrasonic image. I doubt there is any way to get a needle through the amniotic sac, but Rosalie won't agree to let me try, in any case".

"A needle? What good would that do?"

Jacobs words snapped me back to attention and I was suddenly very aware of the young boy sat next to me. I was concerned that explaining to him the medical side of things would scare him more, but I reasoned with myself that the idea of Bella dying was the most hurtful thing for him anyway, explanations could be the only thing to help the pain I told myself.

"The more I know about the foetus, the better I can estimate what it will be capable of. What I wouldn't give for even an amniotic fluid. If I knew even the chromosomal count..."

I looked over at Jacob, his face was one of pure confusion at my words.

"You're losing me, Doc. Can you dumb it down?"

I laughed, replaying my last words over in my head alongside Jacobs confused face.

"Okay. How much biology have you taken? Did you study chromosomal pairs?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment, like a student being called on by a teacher in class.

"Think so. We have twenty three, right?"

"Humans do".

Jacob blinked, confusion was the expression I read yet again on his face.

"How many do you have?"

"Twenty five".

Jacob stared down at the floor, trying to make sense of this influx of new information.

"What does that mean?"

Yet again this was the crossroads where biology met myth, yet here I was able to venture off down the path of my own interpretation.

"I thought it meant that our species were almost completely different. Less related than a lion and a house cat. But this new life- well, it suggests that we're more genetically compatible that I'd thought" I sighed, with hindsight more than anything. "I didn't know to warn them".

Yet again I felt guilt rise up in me, guilt for ignoring the steps I should have taken to warn Bella and Edward about possible actions on their honeymoon, for the signs I should have read. But hindsight was a wonderful thing.

"It might help to know what the count was- whether the foetus was closera to us or to her. To know what to expect" I said continuing, hindsight still flooding through me as I shrugged my shoulders to knowledge I wouldn't know until possibly it was too late. "And maybe it wouldn't help anything. I guess I just wish I had something to study, anything to do".

Yet again my helplessness rose to the surface, my frustration, it wasn't fair to lump it all on Jacob but it helped me to deal with it, and I was too selfish to stop the salvation airing my words brought me.

"Wonder what my chromosomes are like" mused Jacob.

I coughed, almost nervously, before answering.

"You have twenty four pairs, Jacob."

He turned to face me, his eyebrows raised inquisitively at me and my words and I felt my heart sink just a little at the expression on his face. I never thought I would have to own up to this and embarrassment coursed through my veins.

"I was.....curious. I took the liberty when I was treating you last June" I admitted, nervously awaiting his reaction.

"I guess that should piss me off. But I don't really care".

Internally I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't have an angry werewolf on my case, but I still felt bad for what I had done.

"I'm sorry. I should have asked."

"S'okay, Doc. You didn't mean any harm".

"No, I promise you that I did _not _mean you any harm" I wanted to make sure he knew that, understood it. "It's just that.... I find your species fascinating. I suppose that the elements of vampiric nature have come to seem commonplace to me over the centuries. Your family's divergence from humanity is much more interesting. Magical, almost".

I probably seemed like the biggest geek on the planet right at that moment, I thought I'd lost him completely for a moment until he replied.

"Bibbidi- Bobbidi- Boo".

I laughed again, if only it was as easy as a Disney film. If only we could find Bella the fairy godmother she needed to break this spell and then her and her Prince Charming could have their happy ever after, if only it was all that simple.


	31. Fire and Ice

**A/N: Exams are nearly over :) 1 more on Monday and from then on I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Which will mean regular updates and such so not long to go! Thanks for standing by the story, really does mean a lot to know people are still reading and enjoying the story. Nearly at 200 reviews which is just wow!!! Get me over the 200 and I will literally be jumping for joy :P. **

**This one's Bella's POV, it was originally going to be the blood drinking scene but I got a bit carried away, but that will be the next chapter for those of you who are interested in seeing that scene from her POV. Apologies about the shortness of this one, blame my brain's reluctance to learn Freud's theories :P Thanks again for reading and reviewing and please keep it up :) The review alerts still do make me smile!**

The pain was on the verge of becoming unbearable. It was relentless now, no longer confined to only when I moved. Even when I sat completely still, a sharp, searing pain would rip through me, a pain that I was so sure was going to tear me into two. No human could survive this much pain. I knew I had a high pain tolerance, I'd learnt that in those black months when Edward had left. But that pain had been a dull pain, like a fire inside of me that had been extinguished, all but the tiniest embers of hope had remained alight inside of me. And it was that that had carried me through those months. But this pain? It was like my whole body was caught on fire, an all consuming fire that paralysed every part of my body with pain. The embers of hope were still there this time, they were just deeper within me. Just when the fire would become manageable and I would salvage my emotions out of the wreckage, the flames would roar back up again, fiercer and more unmanageable.

"Hey", came Edward's melodic voice from the doorway.

The pain inside of me I was learning to control, at night I would grip the bedsheets as hard as I could as an outpouring of my pain when I thought no-one was looking. Occasionally I would let a scream pass my lips. But none of that pain was nothing compared to the pain I had to live with everytime I saw Edward's face. His waxy skin was paler than normal, if that was possible, the sparkle had disappeared from his features. There was no enthusiasm in his voice. When I looked at him now, it wasn't Edward that I saw, not my Edward. Just a shadow of his former self. I knew he spent his nights sat by my side, listening to each breath, each beat of my heart. Too scared that each one could be my last. That every morning when I awoke, just for a second everything was how it was. When our two sets of eyes would meet in a spine tingling gaze. And just for a second, all of this was forgotten and we were just Bella and Edward, I lived for that moment every day. When a glimpse of the old Edward would return and suddenly everything would feel OK again. That is until the glance would be broken and I'd be left with Edward's imitation.

"Hey".

"How you feeling?"

He came to sit by my feet, I could feel the iciness radiate from his body, and I didn't necessarily mean his body temperature.

I shrugged my shoulders, I was past the point of lying. As much as I wanted to stop him hurting, I was rapidly becoming too selfish to put him first. A ridiculously accelerated- vampire pregnancy will do that to you.

He nodded and an uneasy silence fell over the pair of us.

"Jakes on his way".

I smiled. Jake might not have understood just why I was doing this, but he understood me. Unlike Edward, Jacob had seen me in pain before. He'd seen me when I was broken, at the very lowest I could go, he'd been the one to put the pieces of me back together. He knew, like me it was possible to survive unbearable pain. I always related extreme pain to two things: Edward's departure and that heart shattering cry of Jacobs when he learnt Edward and I were to be married. Jacobs cry of pain still haunted me, infact it became a symbol of my own suffering. When I couldn't verbalise the pain I would hear that cry in my mind, replacing Jacobs voice with mine, it helped to numb the pain, if only to make it more bearable.

"Bella".

He paused, turning to look at me.

"Do you ever wonder....about, about what it would have been like....if, if you'd ended up with Jake?"

I was sure that just for a second my heart froze with the impact of those words, a slap to the face would have hurt less than that. Ice had extinguished the fire. How could he ask that? I tried to open my mouth to speak, but failed miserably.

"I'm not saying you should have, you know I would have fought for you, if you'd wanted me to or not. But the bond you and Jacob have. It goes beyond best friends Bella, there's something else there. Something that could have transpired into something more. You must see that?"

I hated to admit it, to remind myself of it, but I knew every word Edward was saying was true. That moment in the clearing on the day of Victoria's attack had proven that to me once and for all. When I'd seen the vision of the life I could have had, the life I would have had if magic didn't live side by side with normality. But had I ever wanted that more than my life with Edward? Even now the answer was no, even with all the pain, it was all worth it. Jake would have made me happy, loved me, and I would have loved him back. But knowing all that I knew and experienced now I knew I could never have settled for anything less than Edward after loving him, Jake would have always been a poor second and that wouldn't have been fair on anyone.

"What's this about Edward? Why bring all this up now?"

"You know what I asked of Jacob, I can't understand why you turned it down. He offered you a chance to have a baby without all of this, yet you said no, I don't understand Bella".

Ah, it all made sense now.

"This isn't about having a baby Edward-"

He interrupted me before I had a chance to explain.

"So why all of this? Why put you, me , all of us through this? If it's not about the baby then what _is_ it about?"

I glared at him, his punishment for interrupting.

"Let me explain. It's not about a baby. It's about this baby. Our baby. I never thought I wanted children, until this baby existed. According to nature Edward, this child shouldn't exist. We shouldn't have been able to create him. Yet here we are, and me and him are still here. So not it's not about a baby. I don't want a baby with Jake, or anyone else. No-one but you, nothing but _this_ baby".

We were both silent as we took in what I had just said.

"Maybe Jake would have been my path. Nothing would have made Charlie happier than to see me married to him. And we probably would have been happy, who knows? It's one of those mysteries that we'll never know".

"If- if you hadn't jumped off that cliff, and if Italy had never happened, would you have....you and Jake?"

"Edward, you're asking me to guess what would have been. If you'd never come back, then I guess, maybe, me and Jake would have got together".

Edward visibly winced, and I sat forward, ignoring the pain that bellowed inside me, in order to reach Edward.

"But would I have ever been truly happy?Probably not. Would I have ever stopped waiting for you? No. Would I have loved Jake as much as you? No. Would I have fought this hard for his child? I couldn't tell you."

He sat there, pensively, gazing out somewhere in the distance.

"You'd think by now I'd be safe in the knowledge that I'm the only one that you want. It's just Jake seems to understand you on a level I can't. When we were talking about the baby, he understood straight away why you were doing all this. It took me days Bella. It just feels like there's a part of you that will always belong to him, and it's a part of you I don't get, that I can't understand. So I can't help but be curious about what could have been, and let that curiosity fuel my jealousy."

"Edward". I started, holding his hands tighter. "Yes there's a bond between me and Jake, and who knows what would have happened if you hadn't come back. But you did. You came back, you fought for me. Whatever holes within me that Jacob attempted to fill when you were gone were never going to be sealed properly without you, the pain only went when you returned. You're the only one who can make me whole, make me breathless, make my heart beat embarrassingly erratically."

I took his hands and placed them over my heart, where sure enough it was beating faster and louder than normal.

"One day I'm going to prove to you once and for all that you are the only reason for this, that you'll always be the only one that can do this to me. Maybe then you'll finally get over this stupid jealousy thing and actually be friends with Jake?"

He raised an eyebrow at me, and there was a hint of a smirk on his face.

"Friends with Jake? Don't you think that's just wishful thinking love?"

"Why can't you two just be friends? Why is that so hard?"

"Because I'm what I am and he's what he is, and that makes us mortal, or if you want to be more precise, immortal enemies. That's the truth in it's simplest from. Then him trying to steal you away from me doesn't exactly make me want to be best friends with the guy, just face it Bella, Jake and I are not going to be friends."

"But you have to be" I blurted out, my mouth sadly operating faster than my brain.  
"Bella".

His tone was inquisitive, almost demanding that I tell him the reason behind what I had just said. Internally I groaned at my own stupidity for letting my mouth run away with me.

"It's just- I need you two to get along, now more than ever"

I moved my hands away from Edwards, instead placing them on top of my bump.

"I'm fed up of refereeing the arguments between the two of you, and I can't do it anymore".

And I didn't want to waste what time I may have left with the two of them spent with them arguing with one another I added silently in my head.

"OK" came Edward's voice, breaking through my haze.

I snapped out of my haze and I looked up at him.

"I'll stop fighting him, I'll even be nice to him, anything to make you happy Bella. I don't want to make this more difficult for you, and if you need me and Jake to get along then that's what I'll do. Who am I to deny you now?"

"Thank you" I said through my smile. "Thank you".

He leant across the sofa and my body once again burnt with fire, but this was a different kind of fire. This wasn't pain, anything but, infact it was the very sweetest type of heaven. Every nerve in my body tingled with anticipation as his body lightly grazed mine as he bent his head down to mine. By now, my heartbeat was way out of control, and by the time his lips were against mine I was no longer in control of my senses. Once his lips were against mine, the world suddenly made sense again, nothing seemed too scary or overwhelming, for as long as this moment lasted everything would be OK,we would be OK. Fire and ice co-existing against the laws of nature, breaking every rule yet somehow managing to survive side by side, and for as long as that was possible, then there would be me and Edward.


	32. Craving Blood

Jake was here, just the thought of him being near, seeing his face, his smile, was enough for me to stay strong. He'd seemed so pained the last time he was here, there was a pain in his face that no-one his age should wear. Guilt rose up inside of me as yet again I knew I was responsible for hurting Jacob. I also knew that everytime my face wore a smile for Jacob, I broke Edward's heart that bit more. By now had I not put the two of through enough for my own expense, apparently not it seemed to my masochistic heart. I could hear footsteps in the hallway, heavy, clumping footsteps that I instantly recognised as Jake, the thought of seeing him raised a smile to my face, I needed to make sure that he was OK, to see the pain that had been there was now gone, I couldn't deal with hurting anymore people than was necessary. Edward, Rose and Carlisle were also with Jake as they entered the room, and whilst the 3 Cullen's immediately made their way to my side, Jake held back. Standing what I sensed was considered a safe distance from them. Did he still consider them to be a threat? Even after everything we had been through together, was it still a case of two halves which wouldn't fit together perfectly, I was reminded as always of those 2 magnets that I had once held in my hands. How stubbornly they had repelled one another, it was like watching 2 real life magnets seeing the Cullen's and Jake. I wanted to rush over and force them together, but you couldn't go against nature, some forces are too strong to fight, I only had to look to me and Edward to see that.

I suddenly realised that no-one had spoken upon entering the room, I looked from person to person, it seemed none of them wanted to be the first to speak. This reluctance to talk from each of them unnerved me slightly. Edward and Rosalie were never normally short of something to say infront of Jake, vice-versa for Jake, and even Carlisle seemed pre-occupied within his normal, calm exterior.

"What's going on?" I asked, my voice was barely a whisper, it was all I could manage. My strength was slowly being drained from me, first it had been my movement, and now it seemed even my ability to do the most ordinary tasks such as talking were being removed from me. It did have it's use though I had found, normally when Edward and Rose started up one of their long, repetitive arguments about me, it saved me the job of refereeing, a pastime I had now passed onto Carlisle for safe-keeping until my strength returned.

"Jacob had an idea that might help you". It was Carlisle's voice that broke out the silence and awkwardness. His eyes darted around the room, not looking at me once while he spoke. "It won't be.....pleasant, but-"

"But it will help the baby"

Whilst Carlisle's words had unnerved me further, Rose's words suddenly delivered me such a sense of relief, it was indescribable. My pain was nothing, my suffering meant nothing to me anymore. The only reason I was holding on was for the life that was growing inside of me. I hated the fact that I wasn't strong enough to give my child what it needed, don't all mothers want to be able to provide for their children? The fact that even before it was born I was failing, didn't exactly make me feel like I was up for the job, if I even made it that far added the pessimistic voice inside my head. I looked up and saw Rose's eyes gleaming, hope. If Rose thought this was a good idea then it was worth a shot, whilst everyone else was thinking of me, I knew Rose was the only person besides me to think of the baby, who truly understood why I was doing this. It just depended what this idea was...

"We've though of a better way to feed him. Maybe".

A thousand different possibilities sped through my mind, it didn't matter how painful or unpleasant what they were asking of me was, I knew instinctively I would do it. The maternal instinct within me had answered that for me before my brain had even processed the information. After all, could anything be more painful than what I was currently going through? I tried to laugh at the irony, sadly what came out instead sounded more like a cough. So even my ability to laugh was now gone, least I wouldn't have to laugh at Emmett's lame attempts to try and cheer me up anymore.

"Not pleasant?" I asked."Gosh that'll be such a change".

I glanced over at the IV tube that was currently feeding me and him, I hated that thing more than anything else. It was too much of a reminder of Phoenix, of James and his torture, and worst of all, the idea of losing Edward. I tried to laugh again, but yet again a cough came out, the laughter reflex really was gone. Thankfully Rose understood what I was trying to convey, and her melodic laughter rang out and filled the room.

Edward stepped forward, his face was one of such self-loathing, that look was the reason why I could never hate Edward for any of this, even if I wanted to. I knew I could never hate him as much as he hated himself.

"Bella, love, we're going to ask you to do something monstrous. Repulsive".

The adjectives her was using took away all the hope that Rose had offered me. They scared me infact, but not enough to stop me doing whatever it is they were offering me. I could see in Edward's eyes that he wanted me to refuse, that there had to be some bridge that I wouldn't cross for this child. How wrong he was.

"How bad?"

" We think the fetus might have an appetite closer to ours than to yours. We think it's thirsty".

It took me a couple of seconds to process Carlisle's words, they were so subtle that I almost missed what he was trying to say. It was the word "thirsty" that betrayed to me what they wanted me to do.

"Oh. _Oh_"

A curious part of me had always wondered how they'd done it. I applauded each of them for controlling the thirst that ruled their desire, how they had managed to build themselves a life within a human society and curb their temptation. Even though they only drank the blood of animals, I still wondered how they did it, how they felt. What the sensation itself felt like? The nature of the act. Was it really 'repulsive' as Edward described it? Or was it like us drinking water? Did it ever feel that natural? Just a necessary quench to fill a thirst that was beyond their control? It was one element of my vampire life that I had secretly been dreading. It was no secret that I was not exactly a fan of blood, the idea of blood-typing at school had been enough to send me to the nurses office. But within the last couple of years due to the amount of injuries both to myself and those around me I had come to deal with my fear better. But still the idea of actually ingesting blood turned my stomach. I had always hoped that the first time I would hunt I would be so consumed by thirst and newborn rage that it would override all my human fears and practicalities. And that by the time the old Bella returned, my body would have become so used to it that my mind wouldn't factor in to the equation.

"Your condition-both of your conditions- are deteriorating rapidly. We don't have time to waste, to come up with more palatable ways to do this. The fastest way to test the theory-"

"I've got to drink it"

God knows I didn't want to, not really. I knew I'd do it, whatever it took to preserve the life inside of me. But it didn't mean I wanted to. I tried to push out of my mind all the images that now rushed through it, trying to tell myself that it was no different to pregnant woman's craving. You heard about it all the time, pregnant women craving the craziest things, ice and coal were just some of the cravings I'd heard about. Really what was difference about this? Least that's what I was trying to tell myself.

"I can do that. Practice for the future, right?"

I grinned at Edward as well as I could, the grin wasn't returned. His face was more of a grimace than anything. I hated hurting him, I hated putting him through this. Under no other circumstances would I do this to him, could I do this to him. But every movement I felt inside of me somehow made up for the pain I saw in Edward's eyes, this pain was worth it, I knew that, now I only needed him to see that. If this was what I had to do for my child, for our child, then it was what had to be done. However much it personally repulsed me, I didn't matter anymore, my own personal thoughts and feelings, however squeamish, had to be pushed to one side for the good of the life growing inside of me.

Once again, silence fell over the room. Rose started tapping her feet impatiently, it was such a human gesture that it made me want to laugh. Carlisle and Edward were glancing at one another and then back around the room, it seemed yet again no-one wanted to be the first to speak. Jake was standing back, watching the scene before him, his eyes constantly flittering from person to person. It comforted somewhat to see some of his previous pain gone, I knew it would always be there. I'd scarred him too deep, left too much of a mark on him for him not to care, besides, that was just the kind of person he was.

"So, who's going to catch me a grizzly bear?" I asked jokingly, trying desperately to cut through the tension that had once again regained control of the room.

In a second, the mood shifted. Rose stopped tapping and she glanced over at Carlisle and Edward, who in turn were glancing at one another. All this behaviour was scaring me more than the blood drinking was at that moment.

"What?" I asked nervously, afraid if truth be told, of the answer.

"It will be a more effective test, if we don't cut corners, Bella" said Carlisle slowly, this time his gaze was piercing, yet his words were making little sense. What corners was he talking about. After all, blood was blood, unless....

"_If_, the fetus is craving blood, it's not craving animal blood".

Edward's words returned all my hesitations and fears instantly. Suddenly I wondered if there were some lengths I wouldn't go to for this child, if maybe Edward had won. The idea of drinking animal process had been repulsive enough, but drinking human blood? I felt nauseous, was I strong enough to do that?

"It won't make a difference to you, Bella. Don't think about it".

I knew Rose meant well, but sadly her words did little to encourage me. I couldn't not think about it. OK I didn't know taste-wise the difference between animal and human blood, but I did morally. And that was enough. I had long accepted the Cullen's philosophy that their method of feeding was no different to that of a carnivorous human, the choice of meat might have been a little different, but the basic principle was still the same. But this blood would come from a human, someone like me.

"Who?" I asked, running through all the possibilities in my head. Wondering where they would be able to get the blood from, I knew that Carlisle wouldn't go back on his principles, even for me. And despite my desperation for this baby, I'm not sure I would have let him even if he had offered. But what possibilities did that leave? Suddenly I was aware of a fifth person in the room, and my eyes roamed over to where Jake was stood.

"I'm not here as a donor, Bells. 'Sides, it's human blood that thing's after, and I don't think mine applies-"

He had a point, it was so easy when he was stood infront of me as a teenage boy to forget his other persona. It was easier that way, for him just to be Jacob, my friend, rather than Jacob the werewolf, that was when things became more complicated.

"We have blood. For you- just in case"

Well that answered all my questions and then some. It was comforting to know Carlisle was prepared, but it did make me wonder just what he was expecting?

"Don't worry about anything at all. It's going to be fine. I have a good feeling about this, Bella. I think the baby will be so much better".

That was all that mattered really, when it came down to it. I ran my hand across my stomach, and was greeted by a kick from the life growing inside of me. I was still scared, but that movement reminded me just what I was fighting for, and what it was worth. The vision of that little boy, the perfect replica of Edward that kept me company in my darkest moments re-emerged in my brain. He was the reason I had to do this, maybe it wouldn't be that bad? Maybe, if I could just keep that vision in my head whilst I was drinking it would be enough to get me through it? After all, it had got me through enough so far.

I looked over at Edward and saw him watching me, waiting for any sign of doubt or hesitance, just like he had before. But I knew he wouldn't find any, I had too much depending on me doing this, I couldn't afford not to, however much I hated the idea.

"Well. _I'm _starving, so I'll be he is, too. Let's go for it. My first vampire act".

As soon as I spoke the words, Rose and Carlisle disappeared out of the room to find the blood and work out the finer details of the act, such as how for me to drink it. I tried to block out what parts of the conversation I could. It was only me, Edward and Jacob left in the room, awkward central. Edward was sat by me, holding my hands, his eyes on mine. Still searching I knew for doubt, but I was determined not to deliver any. We sat there just looking at one another, we didn't need words to communicate how we felt. I could read everything I needed in his eyes. The loathing he felt for himself for making me do this, the fear of my reaction to the task at hand. I brushed his hand as gently as I could. Reassuring him, this was my choice, not his. I was choosing this, he couldn't blame himself, I wouldn't let him. If this was what it took then this was what I had to do. I tried to ignore the nausea that was still at the pit of my stomach and willed myself to think of the vision of the boy, of the child inside of me. That would be enough.

"Not _clear, _Rosalie" said Edward suddenly, rolling his eyes.

I looked at him curiously, Rose wasn't even in the room. Then it dawned on me, he could still see what she was doing. Rose rushed through the room so quickly that I only realised she had been in here after she'd left. But as my gaze left Edward I was reminded of the third person in the room.

"This was your idea?" I said quietly, so quiet in fact I wasn't sure he'd even heard, but as he moved closer I knew he had heard me just fine.

"Don't blame for this one. Your vampire was just picking snide comments out of my head".

I never thought I'd be glad to hear Jacob mocking Edward, but I was. It reminded me of a time when things although never simple, were certainly less complicated than now. A time more normal, although since moving to Forks my life had been anything but normal. But somehow hearing Jacob talk like that, although irritating, comforted me, reminding me that in all this mess, some thing's remained constant.

"I didn't expect to see you again" I admitted.

"Yeah, me, either".

Suddenly the pained look overtook his face again and my heart twisted into more of a knot. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I couldn't move, even if I had wanted to.

"Edward told me what you had to do. I'm sorry".

It was so simple, the words almost sounded meaningless. But I wasn't quite aware of the protocol in wolf packs when members left in order to defend mortal enemies.

"S'okay. It was probably only a matter of time till I snapped over something Sam wanted me to do".

He was lying, but I appreciated the fact he still cared enough to lie. Least me and this child didn't repulse him that much, least that was the impression he had last given me.

"And Seth".

"He's actually happy to help".

"I hate causing you trouble".

And that was putting it simply, I knew I had done more damage than good where Jake was concerned. From the moment I had let him in my life I had hurt him, yet had been too selfish to stop, and they thought making me drink blood would make me monstrous. They really had no idea.

Jacob laughed, yet I knew behind the laugh hid the pain, it was always there.

"I guess that's nothing new, is it?"

"No, not really".

"You don't have to stay and watch this".

Part of me wanted him to leave, to not see me do this, scared of what it would do to him, but another part of me wanted him to stay, remind me of the human part of me.

"I don't really have anywhere else to go. The wolf thing is a lot less appealing since Leah joined up".

Wait...what???

"Leah?"

"You didn't tell her?". That was aimed at Edward.

Leah. I couldn't get my head around that idea, and more to the point, I knew Leah was not a fan of mine, although Sam and the others were against me I knew it was more out of fear and my relation to the Cullen's, rather than me myself. But Leah, I wasn't so sure about.

"Why?"

It was about all I could muster.

"To keep an eye on Seth".

"But Leah hates us"

And that was putting it mildly as far as I was concerned.

"Leah's not going to bug anyone. She's in my pack". He pulled a face. "So she follows my lead."

I still wasn't convinced.

"You're scared of _Leah,_ but you're best buds with the psychopath blonde?"

Even I could hear Rose's hiss from wherever she was in the house, internally I sighed. Would we ever get over this them and us scenario with my family and Jake? Did it always have to be one or the other?

"Don't. Rose....understands".

"Yeah, she understands that you're gonna die and she doesn't care, s'long as she gets her mutant spawn out of the dead".

I could feel the anger bubble and rise within me as he spoke like that of my child, but magnets I reminded myself, always repel. He'd never understand, what was the point in trying? Especially now.

"Stop being a jerk". It was the nicest choice of words currently floating through my head.

"You say that like it's possible".

With that he smiled, and I felt whatever resolve I had previously felt with him waiver. I couldn't help but smile at him, it was for reasons like this that I knew ultimately I was too selfish to send him away.

Carlisle and Rose returned, Carlisle holding a white plastic cup, with, thank God, a straw and lid. I was grateful that I couldn't see what I was about to ingest, it made me feel a bit better about the task at hand, aswell as explaining Edward's previous outburst. Despite the fact I couldn't see it, I could smell it. The coppery smell was pungent and it was almost enough to make me want to stop what I was about to do. I could see the hesitation too in the others, Carlisle hesitated before extending his hand towards me, he looked at me, I could no longer conceal the fear.

"We could try another method".

"No. No, I'll try this first. We don't have time......"

I knew I needed all the strength I could get now it was actually time. I placed one hand against my stomach and with the other reached out for the cup. My hand was unsteady and as I took the cup from Carlisle, it shook. I could hear the sound of the mixture sloshing and I wanted to hand it back to Carlisle then and there yet somehow I managed to bring it closer towards me. I tried to prop myself up to a comfortable angle to drink but failed miserably. Rose was instantly by my side, helping me, supporting my head. I mumbled a thanks and looked all around, all eyes were on me and it terrified me.

"Don't mind them" said Rose.

Easier said than done. It took me a moment to get over my aversion to what was in the cup, to be able to bring it closer to my mouth. I instinctively pulled a face, my natural reflex to what I thought would repel me. I smelt it, expecting to be repulsed further, but instead, to my complete shock I found it actually smelt, _good?_

"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way".

Edward reached out his hand to take the cup away from me, but unlike before, there was no urge to give it away.

"Plug your nose" suggested Rose.

But I didn't need to, the smell made me both a combination of thirsty and hungry. I wanted this, no, needed this. This sudden bombshell simultaneously terrified and excited me, had we finally found what I needed?

"No, that's not it. It's just that it- It smells good".

I felt ashamed to admit the words out loud, despite being in the company of 3 vampires, it was wrong, however good it smelt. It was too messed up.

"That's a good thing. It means we're on the right track. Give it a try".

Despite how it smelt, I was still reluctant to drink it. But I knew I had to at least try. Slowly I brought the straw up to my lips and placed my lips over the opening. I shut my eyes, even though I couldn't see it, I didn't want to see myself drinking it. My hands shook as I tightened my grip on the cup as I took my first sip. I expected to gag at the first taste but instead it slid down my throat, just like water would. It was so easy, so natural. Even the taste was better than I expected, not the best taste ever but certainly bearable. Most importantly, the nausea I had previously felt completely disappeared. Unlike with all the human food I had ingested whilst pregnant, I didn't feel sick. Maybe they had found it, the elixir that would preserve us both, as I sipped at the cup I felt some of my previously missing strength return. It was like magic, but of course it was. I was well and truly in Edward's world now.

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that, I know that's something some of you have been looking forward to for a while now so I hope I've done it justice. All speech is from BD itself, the rest as always is my interpretation. Just to give you some advance warning, this will be the last update for over a week as I'm off to Glastonbury Festival on Wed - Mon, and then London after that, so will be away from the computer, so if it takes me a while to reply to your reviews, this is why!! But please, as always review, a nice full inbox of reviews will make the no doubt inevitable mud and sleepless nights worth it!!!! See you in a weeks time =]**


	33. The Good, The Bad and The Monsters

**Edwards POV:**

I couldn't believe what I had seen. Just when I thought there was nothing left for Bella to do that could truly surprise me, yet again she amazed me. When I heard what Jacob was suggesting I thought it was ludicrous, the idea of Bella, drinking blood. It was almost laughable, this was the woman who had been unable to remain in a science lesson when they were blood typing, and that was only a mere pinprick of blood. How would she be able to _drink _blood? I doubted her, as I constantly have, I doubted yet again just how far she would go for this child. As we suggested it to her I saw the look on her face, pure, unadulterated fear, and just for a fraction of a second I truly believed we had found something she was not willing to do. I hated to admit it, even to myself, but just for a second I felt hope, for the first time in weeks, that maybe there was hope for Bella. That there was something that could save her.

_Don't get your hopes up_.

I turned to face Carlisle who was watching me intently, sometimes there was a part of me that wondered which of us had the ability to read others minds, as Carlisle so effortlessly could sense what I was feeling.

_Hasn't she gone through enough already? Do you really think she'd back down and change her mind now?_

I hated to admit it but I knew he was right, I could see the change coming over Bella's face. Her initial distaste was changing into something else right before my eyes, it took me a moment to recognise the emotion. Eventually it hit me, it was strength. Unrivalled, inner strength backed up by pure determination. She was going to do this. I felt my jaw literally drop to the floor as she reached out for the cup.

_Don't tell me you doubted her_

I turned to face Rose with a fierce glare on my face, she was smug, almost bordering on the point of arrogant.

_When will you learn Edward? When will you finally understand? There isn't anything she won't do for this child, even if she doesn't want to do it, if it's what's best for the baby, if it will improve the baby's survival rate, then she will do it._

I got that, more now than I ever had as I watched Bella bring the straw to her mouth. Until the very last second I was still sure she was going to back down, I waited for the exclamations of defeat I was sure I was going to hear. But she did it. She drank the blood like it was water. Seeing her indulge in a habit that was normally restricted only to me and my kind turned my stomach, but what made it worse was the effect it had on her. All 'human' food she had eaten since the start of her pregnancy had made her ill, we all stood, poised, waiting for the effect this would have on her. Waiting for her to ask for a bucket, for someone to hold her hair back. But instead she sat back, her cheeks rosier than they had been, the blush in her face more prominent than it had in days, her skin gleaming. It had helped. That was without a doubt the hardest fact to get my head round. I looked around, both Carlisle and Rosalie were gleaming as they saw the obvious effect it had had on Bella's health. Only Jacob shared my torn emotions, joy that of course Bella was healthier, but at the same time sickened that it had come to this. What had I reduced Bella to? Was I any less of a monster than what I considered the child inside of her to be? If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be here now, fighting for her life with every breath, relying on a monsters way of life to keep her human. Bella had always been fragile, from the very first moment I'd laid eyes on her I'd sensed the fragility that lay buried deep inside of her. That despite the fact she always put others before herself, what she wanted was for someone to be there for her. Someone to take the responsibility off her shoulders, to look after her in a way no-one had before. I thought I was up for the task, I thought nothing would be easier. How could it be? I loved her, more than anything else, how could looking after the woman I loved be so difficult? It turned out harder I ever could have imagined.

Naively in the beginning I had believed that the love that Bella and I shared for one another would be enough. Love conquers all and all that. I honestly believed that we could overcome the obstacles that our individual natures placed in our paths, that we had something so strong, that even these forces of our genetic make-up would be overcome. I was wrong. I always had been, yet never strong enough to give back what had never truly belonged to me, Bella's heart. I had tried, and in the process nearly killed the pair of us. But really, I had been killing her since the very beginning. Cliff jumping or not. Since the first moment I had met Bella, her heartbeats had been numbered, I always knew I'd kill her, I just never thought it would be in this way.

"Will you please, stop being such a drama queen?!"

It was more of a request than anything.

"Rose".

She came to sit next to me, her blonde mane of hair swept over one shoulder, her face looking down at the ground beneath of us.

"Bella's asleep. I think today, it took it out of her".

I nodded, remembering Bella's earlier euphoria to the effect the blood had had on her body. Convinced she had found some sort of miracle cure.

"Edward, when are you going to finally get it into your head that this is what she wants? You haven't forced her into this, no-one has, this is her own choice, her drinking the blood today. That was her own choice. It all is".

"It's never been her own choice Rose, from the very beginning it's never been her choice. This, this is all just the icing on the cake, look at what I've reduced her to, drinking blood, she's no better than one of us, a monster".

We were both silent for a moment, my words hadn't come out as I had wanted them to, I wanted to explain what I meant, regretting instantly that my outburst had been to Rose of all people.

"Rose....I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that".

She turned to face me.

"You're right, we are monsters. It doesn't how much we sugarcoat it to ourselves or to others, we can't deny what we are. We're the lowest of the low, killing machines, murderers".

"Rose!"

She looked up at me, decades of pain, suffering and regret looked back at me. I hated myself for burdening Rose with this, had she herself not suffered enough already?

"I just meant, she had a life that we can only dream about now, humanity we could only wish to possess, and I've taken that away from her. Look at what I've done to her, what I've reduced her to, it's not right Rose, it isn't fair!"

"Contrary to what you believe Edward, she's always had a choice, you-"

She reached out and took one of my hands into hers.

"You aren't to blame, not for any of this. You never have been. Bella's always had an opportunity to walk away, you gave her that, time after time. But she's never taken it, you've seen with your own eyes what being apart from you did to her, she couldn't do it. And neither could you, you two don't suit being apart from one another. You knew from the very beginning the path Bella would take, what Alice saw. Alice's visions are subjective, they change depending on what the person chooses, and Bella's future never changed, even when you didn't have faith in her, she had enough faith in you to stick to her convictions and know her path. You have to trust her Edward, you have to trust her judgements, even if you don't understand them, believe in her."

I looked at Rose, not quite believing what I was hearing coming out of her mouth.

"What changed your mind?"

She looked at me, confusion written all over her face.

"For so long you fought against Bella, against her being a part of this family. Now you're what? Opening her with welcome arms?"

"I haven't always behaved how I should have, especially where Bella is concerned. I didn't understand, not at first. It took me a long time to see the bond you two share. At first I was angry at you, for choosing her. What made her so special? I didn't see it, but now I do. It was never about choosing, you didn't choose her anymore than she chose you. There was no choice, it had to be like this".

"What are you saying, it was fate? Since when did you believe in all that cosmic mumbo – jumbo?"

"Not fate, as such. There's forces out there that we can't explain, me and Emmett for example. I didn't have any reason to ask Carlisle to change him for me, least no reason I can really explain".

"I thought it was all to do with dimples" I said, smiling.

"You're nosey" said Rose, smiling back."There was something about Emmett that reminded me of Vera's son, something in him made me look twice, but what it was that made me want to be so selfish, to make him one of us. To this day, I still don't really know the answer to that."

"I don't think there is an answer to that".

Me and Rose both turned around to see Carlisle stood behind us. He came and sat down, on the other side of Rose, both of us watching him, waiting for his next set of words.

"I wrestled with my conscience for decades before making my choice to change Edward, and truth be told, I'm still wrestling with it.".

He looked at me, as always there was an apologetic look in his eyes. I hated that someone so good and strong as Carlisle felt so guilty about something, that there was a part of him that regretted his actions, the family he had created.

"But you have to learn to live with it, otherwise it just eats you up inside, it makes you a bitter and twisted person, you have to accept that we are forced to make choices. Some are easy, but some are that bit harder. We may not always like the decisions we make, but we have to live with them in a way that we can accept ourselves for."

"Do you accept yourself Carlisle, for the choices you've made?" asked Rose, gripping my hand a bit tighter, as if she was afraid of what he would say.

"Yes" he said, without hesitation. "It's taken me a long time, and I admit there are days where I question my decisions, but for the most part, I've learnt to accept what I've done, make the most of it".

He looked at me and Rose as only a father can, with pride on his face and a smile on his lips.

"When I changed Edward, I didn't know what I was doing, what I was starting. I was lonely and wanted a companion, someone to share my alternative lifestyle, it was selfish. I never dreamed that I was going to create what I have, a family."

"You chose us Carlisle, Edward, Esme, me. Why? Why us?"

Carlisle looked at me, I had already heard the answer so many times from inside his head, but hearing him say it, out loud would make all the difference, not only to me but to Rose.

"There was something special in each of you, something that marked you out. With Edward, it was his mother, she looked at me in such a way when she made me promise to take care of her son, so piercing, it was as if she could see right through me, see me for what I was. It was as if she was giving me permission to the decision I was already mulling over in my mind. It made it easier, telling myself I was doing the right that way. With Esme, it was the sheer miracle that she was still alive, it convinced me that she was worth it."

"And with me". Rose's voice was nothing more than a whisper, her grip, if I was human, her grip would have broken my hand.

Carlisle put his arm around Rose's shoulders and moved her closer to his so her head was resting on Carlisle's shoulder.

"You, you deserved to be saved. To be given a second chance, to be more than just a beauty. I know this wasn't what you wanted, what you would have chosen. But I am proud of you Rose, for making the most of what you have been given. For the choices you have made, for overcoming what scared you the most, for confronting your fears and rising above them to be the person you are. For having the courage to bring Emmett to me, to ask me to change him for you, to give yourself the shot at happiness mortality was never kind enough to give you. For giving Bella a second chance, for accepting her, that's why I saved you. You deserved to find out just how good a person you are".

He tightened his arm around her as she burrowed her head into his shoulder, if she was capable of it I had little doubt she would have been crying by now.

"I'm so proud of the pair of you, for the people you have become, the choices you've made, the happiness you've found. It may not be conventional, but it works for you and that's all that matters. One day you'll settle enough with your conscience to accept the decisions you've made, good or bad. You just have to give it enough time".

"What if time isn't on your side?" I asked.

"Then you have to live for the moment, and put the consequences to one side, and stop living in your self fabricated prison. We've all made choices and decisions that we ponder and wonder whether or not we did the right thing by making, but sooner or later we have to deal with the consequences of those actions. You have to accept Bella as the consequence of your love for her, for better or for worse as I believe your vow stated. You have to have the courage and belief to stand by your actions, even if you're scared of what will happen, because you never know, it may deliver you something so far beyond your expectations it will leave you wondering why you ever questioned it in the first place".

Looking around at Carlisle, Rose and myself I understood how he could be so positive. Carlisle had thrown the dice at a gamble and the gamble had paid off for him, he'd got a life he had only dreamed of aswell as creating a family around him who adored him and who he adored in return. But were we all destined to be as lucky as Carlisle? Would we all find the salvation that Carlisle had? Or were me and Rose destined to live inside our own personal prisons for ever. Looking at Carlisle I saw hope, for a future that right now seemed so far out of my grasp it seemed unobtainable, yet Carlisle was proof that such a future could be grasped, but was I destined to be one of the lucky ones? Would me and Rose ever be able to look at our loved ones without feeling overwhelming guilt? Would we ever stop feeling like what we truly were? Monsters.

**A/N: Apologies for the delay; Glastonbury was a complete and utter blast but sure does take it out of you! Then had to go to London to visit a Uni :S. Also apologies to anyone who reviewed and who I haven't replied to, as always thank you!!! Especially for pushing me over the 200 review mark = wow!! Really, cannot thank all of you who are sticking by this story enough, it's incredibly humbling to know there are people out there who are still reading this, and more importantly,enjoying it :) Hope you enjoy this latest chapter, this is for all of you who have stuck by me and the story :) As always, reviews make the day!!**


	34. Dear EJ

_Dear E.J_

Well my darling little boy, you made it. There were times when I thought we both weren't going to make it through these few weeks known as my pregnancy. But as long as you are here, then it's all worth it. From the moment I found out I was having you, it was as if the world stopped, everything stopped. It wasn't breathing or heartbeats that kept me alive anymore, it was you. Everything from that moment on was for you my dear, I'm not going to lie, it was a hell of a fight, but you've done it, you've defied the impossible. Not that I believe the impossible, you see if I did believe in the impossible then you would never have existed in any shape or form.

I grew up an only child to a mother who had had me too young to often appreciate motherhood for what it is, that's not to say Renee wasn't a good mother, she was, just not always in the conventional way. She has a thirst for life that is enviable, a go-getting spirit that is admirable, by all that is except me, her daughter. Throughout my childhood it often felt like I was the parent and she was the child, I was the one who would rein back her big ideas and ludicrous plans, it made me grow up wiser than my years at a young age. I was never the most popular of girls, I had friends, but I always felt more comfortable by myself, or with books for company. My favourites have always been the classics, the conventional love stories that have been kept alive over the ages. Hero's and heroines who, although flawed, somehow always manage to get their happily ever after. That was my life for so long, until someone entered Mum's life, someone who could take care of her just aswell as I could, if not better, and I handed over the responsibility to Phil, knowing that Renee deserved this happiness. Following Renee and Phil's marriage and his state hopping job, I decided to move to Forks, to be with Charlie, my father. It was a big change, one I wasn't sure entirely how I felt about at the time. I was all the usual expected emotions, upset, scared, anxious, nervous, but more than anything I had an overriding sense of it being the right thing to do. At the time I couldn't explain that emotion, but now, with hindsight, I can explain it. Forks is your typical small-American town, and as Charlie was the head of the police, my welcome was spread throughout the town. My first day at Forks High was not spent namelessly, my peers had known my name before I'd even set foot in the Forks corridor. By nature I've always been shy, and this sudden thrusting into the spotlight unnerved me, the sudden interest in me when I all I craved to be was anonymous was beyond irritating. All I wanted was to be plain old Bella, not Isabella, the prodigal daughter of the Chief of Police finally home, I wanted to be ignored.

It was Biology when my wish to be ignored was granted, there was only one spare chair in the classroom, and that chair happened to be right next to Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen, the adopted son of local Dr Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme Cullen, along with his 4 other adopted brothers and sisters he caused quite the stir at the quiet high school. Not only was there his looks, Edward wouldn't have looked out of place in a 15th century painting, every girl in the school wanted Edward Cullen, he was the only available Cullen, but yet he showed no interest in any of them, much to the annoyance of the female population of Forks High. But even I thought it was extreme when I sat next to him for the first time, he looked repulsed my very being, as if it was paining him to be in such a close proximity to me, self consciously I checked myself over for anything that might cause him such a reaction. I found nothing and remained perplexed, and also, slightly annoyed. I'd nothing to provoke such a reaction, so why had I been given such a reaction? I was further confused when Edward didn't attend Biology for a few lessons after that, I blamed myself, wondering just what I had done. Eventually he did return, and this time he struck up conversation, unlike the others at the school, he seemed genuinely interested in me, it was as if, as if he already knew me, there was a familiarity in the way he asked questions, like he already knew the answer. There was something in the way he quizzed me that made me have to defend myself, my actions, all met by a dazzling smile. It was always hard to ignore Edward's beauty, yet he seemed so unaware of it, the effect it had on the females of Forks, young and old. Yet despite this beauty, and once discovered, interesting personality, there was something about him that made me question him, something that just didn't feel right, as if there was some secret that was only his to know. I was curious, what was it about the Cullen's that was both compelling and repelling simultaneously? On a trip to a local beach with some freshly made friends I quizzed an old family friend, Jacob Black, desperate to find out more about the mystery that was Edward Cullen. He plied my imagination with stories of cold ones and blood drinkers, in short, vampires.

Up until that moment I had lived in what I considered a normal world, mortal, you lived, you died. The idea of mythology and immortality co-existing besides us made my head spin. Yet it all fit. It shouldn't have, and if anything it should have ended the compulsion I had to be close to Edward, but it didn't, if anything it fuelled it. I now knew his secret and was desperate to know more. Under the pretence of helping some friends pick a dance dress I ventured further out of Fork to Port Angeles, and to the book stores which stocked books on the myths I believed myself to be in the middle of. Time ran away with my imagination and before I knew it it was dark, I tried to make my way back to the restaurant where I was due to meet the others, but on the way I was followed, a group of guys, clearly drunk or high, or worse, a potent mixture of both who only had one thing in mind. Never before had I been so grateful for the screeching of tyres and the presence of Edward Cullen, yet never had he looked so menacing, his face a picture of perfect anger, all directed at the men surrounding me. Seeing his fear somewhat dulled my own, I was more concerned with getting him back in the car without committing murder. I managed it, how I'm not sure, and somehow found myself at the restaurant, sat across from no other than Edward himself. Never had he seemed more of an enigma, yet never was I surer of what he was, the clues were all laid out before me, I just needed to hear the words from his lips. It should have made me want to run, fear for my life, but just like with you, I was rooted to the spot. I would have done anything for Edward, there was something about him that sparked something in me that I never knew existed. I didn't fear him, I wasn't scared of what he was, I just knew that I had to have him in my life, I needed him. More than I needed anything, he came before anything else, even when he took me to the meadow, and showed off his unrivalled strength, laid down the bare, gruesome facts of his past, I should have walked away. Any other person would have, but me? Even when he told me why he had left Biology, how my blood was so potent to him, more so than any other humans. Like whisky next to water to an alcoholic. How he considered ruining everything Carlisle had built for them here in Forks, the 'vegetarian' lifestyle of animal blood they survived on, the millions of ways he could have got me on my own, and would I have refused? No. Knowing the desire I awoke in Edward I should have left, if not for my own safety then for his. But I couldn't, my world had changed so dramatically that the idea of a world without Edward made me want to curl up in a ball and sob uncontrollably. I was in love. A love stronger than any I'd ever read in a classic work of literature, a love that bridged two polar opposite ways of life, something so strong in its intensity that my heart beat uncontrollably whenever he was around me, my pulse would quicken of its own accord and there were times when I was sure my heart was going to burst, no humans heart could handle this feeling. But it was a sensation worth dying for, that much was proven when James made me the subject of his next hunt. Dying in the place of Edward was the right thing, I didn't need to tell myself that, I knew that, every pore of my body knew that. So I walked into that ballet studio, not scared of what lay ahead of me, but accepting of it. I knew I'd take whatever masochistic torture James had for me if it meant Edward lived. Sometimes love changes you so irrevocably that you find yourself behaving in what otherwise would be considered an absurd matter, but at that moment, in the heat of it all, you somehow justify it to yourself, all in the name of love. It turned out all my forward preparation had been in vain, unsurprisingly Edward saved me. The venom was already flowing through my veins when Edward had the choice, he could let the change happen, or he could allow me to remain fragile, human. He chose the latter, buying me the time he thought I needed. But I knew my decision even then, I couldn't not be with Edward, and if becoming a vampire was what I needed to do in order to join Edward for eternity, well, it seemed a small price to pay for eternal happiness. Not that he saw it that way, he constantly questioned my determination to join him in immortality, as always he wanted what was best for me, he saw how the change had affected other members of his family, the future human experiences I would miss out on. But I assured him, none of that mattered, I only wanted him, I only needed him, he was my future, the only path I wanted to take.

Against my better judgement and wishes I was still human by the time my 18th birthday rolled round, it pained me to turn yet another year older while Edward remained forever 17, more than ever I wanted to join him in immortality, but still he brushed it off, still believing I needed time. The Cullen's, well Alice, threw me the 18th birthday party they believed I should have. Lavish presents, cake, and more importantly an air of acceptance. I may not have been their first choice for Edward, but I was who he had chosen, and that was good enough for them, surrounded by those who I believed to represent my future family I had never been happier. Until that papercut. Even to this day those moments are a blur, all I remember is Jasper coming towards me with such a look of hunger on his face while Edward pushed me back to safety. How one by one the Cullen's had to leave the room as the smell of human blood brought to the surface the desires they managed to deny day after day. After that day Edward seemed distant, that one moment had reminded him of the danger he believed he was constantly putting me in thanks to our relationship. I didn't care, I never cared. I'd take the danger, the constant threat of death hanging over my head, as long as I had Edward by my side I could take it all. I just needed him, nothing else.

When Edward walked away from me, in the forest, after telling me he'd never loved me, I was sure I was going to die. The pain inside of me was beyond unbearable, a constant, sharp pain in my chest from what I was sure was my heart physically breaking with the impact of his words. My mind replayed the sound of his footsteps slowly getting fainter and fainter. His scent slowly becoming lost. Had it all been a dream? Had I dreamed this perfect figure as an antidote to my Forks boredom? No, no dream could hurt this much. Nothing but the purest, strongest love could hurt this much when shattered. It was like grief, but it wasn't just the loss of Edward I was mourning. It was the loss of a life I had imagined for myself, the family I thought I was to be a part of, the world I thought I was to join. My whole future had been torn from me in the cruellest way and I mourned it. It was as if I was in a trance, eventually I learnt to go through the motions, not for me, but for Charlie, who's concern was all too evident. But everything had lost meaning without Edward. I wasn't your typical teenage girl over-reacting to a break-up. It literally felt like a part of me was missing, without Edward I wasn't whole. Basically I was a mess, then along came Jacob. The son of Charlie's best friend, somehow, Jacob broke through the walls that I'd built against myself and my emotions since Edward's departure, he comforted me, brought back laughter and smiles into my otherwise bleak existence. I wasn't the same, I would never be the same, not without Edward, but slowly, I was healing. Still despite this healing, there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think of Edward, where I was reminded by the pain in my heart of what I had lost, but the pain was dulling, it still hurt. There were still nights where I woke up and struggled to breath as the magnitude of it all hit me and it was too much to bear. But then I'd see Jacobs smile, and somehow I'd find the strength to get through another day. If anything I relied too much on Jacob, I needed him there, I needed the self belief he allowed me to find in myself if I stood any chance of remaining in tact.

Just when I thought I was on the way back, that normality was slowly creeping back into my life, I began to lose the sanity I'd clung onto so fiercely. Before my eyes I was losing Jacob, and once again I felt all alone. Yet again it turned out I was being drawn back into the mythology that seemed to live besides us, Jacob was a werewolf. Again, just like with Edward I could have walked away, but yet again, I couldn't. Jacob had come to mean too much, I was selfish. The signs were there all along, that Jacobs feelings went beyond friendship, that he wanted something more, yet despite realising this, I still kept Jacob in my life, I was so afraid, afraid that without Jacob there that the old wounds would reopen and I would return to my catatonic state. I'm not proud of my behaviour where Jacobs concerned, he always deserved better then what I gave him. I don't doubt that if it weren't for Edward and what we shared, then Jacob would have been the natural progression my life would have taken, how simple it would have been to love him, make a life with him. But I had known a love far stronger than what Jacob could offer me, and after experiencing that, everything else failed into significance. I still clung onto the idea of Edward, the memories, the sensations, although reliving them was painful, it was the only time I felt truly happy, where my head and heart were equally in balance with the other. Then, when I was out with Jacob one day, learning to ride a motorcycle, and I was going too fast, I heard it. The voice so pure, so beautiful that reminded it hadn't all been a dream, he had existed, and as long as I remembered that, reminded myself that he was out there somewhere, I was going to be OK. Hearing his voice, as if he was talking to me then and there brought me a sense of reassurance that even Jacobs smile couldn't. From that moment on I lived for the moments where I could push my body beyond its limits, not for the adrenaline or the experience, but to hear his voice. If once I had been his addiction, he was now mine. I needed to hear his voice to convince myself of my own sanity, that it had been real, I had been with him, and I did still love him.

Most people would consider jumping off a cliff and into the sea one of the worst mistakes of their lives, but for me, it was one of the best decisions I made. Inadvertently I'd set off a chain of events that would remind me of just what I had battled so hard to keep alive. Alice had seen my actions and returned to Forks to see how I was. Seeing Alice brought back emotions in me that I had worked so hard to bury away deep inside of me, but seeing her again, in Forks, brought them all flooding back to the surface. If she'd come back, then she had to care, and more to the point, Edward still had to care if he had Alice watching out for me, for the first time in months I felt my pulse race and heart beat furiously, he was out there, more tangible then I had allowed my dreams to imagine, and maybe, just maybe, he still loved me.

What followed next can only be termed as a whirlwind of emotions, even now, after the fact, I still can't make sense of what my head was going through. When Edward walked away from me, I had grieved him, but I hadn't lost him. I had clung so tightly to the motion that he was still out there somewhere that, still walking around, it had been the only thing that had been able to get me out of bed. But what Alice had seen, Edward begging for the Volturi to end his life, under the belief that I had already ended my own, scared me more than I thought was possible. Just when I believed Edward had caused all the damage he could to my heart, the pain began all over again. Would I be able to get up in the morning if Edward wasn't out there? What hope would drag me out of the darkest holes if it wasn't him? Before I knew it we were in Italy, with only Alice's visions to guide us, for once I wasn't grateful for Alice's eerily accurate premonitions, instead I feared them. I feared that her visions wouldn't be enough to save Edward, so much was against us. I ran faster than I ever had in my life to reach Edward before he stepped out into the sunlight, too scared to slow down, too scared to think about the consequences, all I knew is I had to save him. Strangely I had never anticipated how I would feel when I would see Edward again, but as soon as I saw him, smelt his comforting smell, I knew that none of what had happened mattered, it would never matter. What mattered, all that had ever mattered was this, me and him. I clung onto Edward tightly that day, too afraid to let go, too scared of the conversations that I knew would follow, of the words that might be said. I had only just survived him leaving once before, could I do it again? I shouldn't have even been able to contemplate the idea, yet I did, and I knew my answer, I knew I would do whatever it took to allow me even just a moment with Edward, a moment to feel whole once more.

When we returned to Forks, after Italy, I was still waiting for Edward to leave, gearing myself up for the inevitable pain. It felt almost dreamlike to be so close to him once again, to feel his touch, hear his voice, he was even more perfect than I had remembered him to be. So much so, it took much convincing and several declarations for me to start believing that he was real, and more importantly, that our feelings were real. If Edward has one fault, it's his ability to over think and to worry. After the disaster that was my 18th birthday, Edward felt unable to live with himself and the danger his presence in my life cast over me, he thought by leaving he was doing the right thing. That he was giving me a shot at a normal life, to experience the human experiences he felt I should. Not that I ever wanted any of that, the only way my life could be normal was to have him in it. To hear his voice for real every day, to fall asleep in his arms, to watch him make fun of my blushing expression, they were all the human experiences I needed.

Having Edward back returned me to my old self instantaneously, deep down I did still fear him leaving, he'd done it once and I was terrified that he would do it again. Scared that something would happen and make him run away again. But having Edward back meant I lost Jacob, both despised the other, as people and what they represented. Vampires and werewolves are sworn enemies, and here I was placed in the middle. As much as I had missed Edward and needed him, I had also come to need Jacob, he was the sun, the fire to Edward's ice. When everything in my life had spun so out of control, Jacob had been the only constant I'd had, the gravity that kept my feet on the ground. I've always been too selfish where he's concerned, I should have left things how they were, the pair of us not talking upon my return to Italy, it would have been better for the both of us. But I couldn't do it. Instead I tried to force the two halves of my heart together, it wasn't for either of them, it was for me. I wanted them, I needed them in my life to retain my status quo of happiness and sanity that had once again found me.

Yet again, I was a wanted target, my presence in a mythological world yet again causing problems. What started off as a seemingly unrelated set of events in Seattle gradually posed a bigger and bigger threat to Forks. News that a newborn vampire army were going to come to Forks to look for me made me feel physically sick, yet again it wasn't the potential loss of my own life that worried me. It was Edward, the Cullen's, and this time, Jake. I watched the Cullen's take part in mock fights, practising the manoeuvres that were their only change of survival and it sent chills up my spine, how many times would I put their lives in danger? How often was I willing to send the people I loved in to fight my own battles?

This time however I wasn't able to just sit back and wait for news, good or bad, and in what I could easily define as my worst moment, I made Edward choose, either we were together during the battle, or he sat it out. I hated making him choose, me or his family. But I couldn't stand him leaving again, it would be like Italy again, an agonising wait while his life dangled in the balance, and I couldn't go through that again, I knew now my strength had its limits and that was something I wasn't willing to put myself through again. I was surprised, I knew there was an anger he bottled up inside of himself towards those who kept putting us, me, through this and this was his chance to avenge, protect my honour or whatever other chivalrous ideas he held in his early 20th century mind. It also became increasingly apparent that there was something else on Edward's mind, marriage. The idea was sickening to my 21st morals, married at 18? What would people think? My mum had done just that, married the first guy that came along, not that she told me she ever regretted it, she had me, but she drilled it into me that there was so much more out there then teen marriage, desperate for me not to repeat what she saw as her mistake. As for me, I didn't feel we needed that step, we knew we'd spend eternity together, so why do it now? Why not wait a few years? Decades preferably thought my teenage mind. But that was it, the one condition he was imposing on my change to join him in immortality if I wanted him to be the one to instigate the change. Running to Carlisle and asking him would have been the easy option, but there was something about Edward changing me that compelled me to want him to be the one. If he was the one to carry out the change, then I would know once and for all that this was all real, that he really wanted me, that Italy had just been a nightmare, that we would never be separated again. I wanted him to want me. For him to want me to be his for eternity. Just like Rose chose Emmett, and Alice found Jasper, I wanted this. But marriage just seemed like such a steep price to pay, but as Edward found every excuse possible to put off the inevitable I knew time was running out, I wanted the change as soon as possible, whilst I was young enough to still pass for Edward's girlfriend. But as the inevitable fell ever closer, I found myself mulling over just what I would be giving up. Things I thought I was happy to be giving up, suddenly seemed a much bigger deal, one in particular was something I knew I wanted to experience before I changed myself forever. I wanted Edward, in every sense of the word, he'd always been so careful around me, physically, but this was one experience I wanted to experience human. I didn't know how I would change when I became a vampire, and I was scared that my feelings for Edward wouldn't be the same, so I wanted this one chance to show him just how much I loved him. After much compromising between both parties we agreed to try, with one major string attached, it would be as husband and wife.

The night before the battle was the crescendo of the weird triangle that existed between myself, Edward and Jacob, all 3 of us cramped into a tent, the tension thick. Jacob held me tight that night due to his extremely high body temperature and the sub zero temperature that existed outside. I drifted in and out of sleep that night, overhearing a conversation that I wished I had slept through. Extreme, heart wrenching honesty from both parties made me feel even guiltier for my actions, made me feel even worse about myself than I thought possible. But nothing compared to the following morning, thinking Jake was on his way to join the others, we spoke openly of the engagement. Jacobs heartbreaking howl broke what was left of my heart, finally it hit me just how much I had put him through, how I kept him so close, only to hurt him time after time. I saw in Edward's eyes the hurt I put him through every time I went to Jacob, how he could no longer be sure where my mind was in times of silence. Suddenly in one of those cartoon light bulb moments I saw all the pain that I'd caused, a separate pile of hurt for each. Werewolves and vampires aren't monsters, least not the ones I've known, they don't hurt people, not if they can help it. Me, I had opportunity after opportunity to do the right thing, to stop hurting people, and still I've hurt people, I'm more of a monster than either Edward or Jacob.

Edward was safe from the dangers of the battle, but I still desperately wanted to save Jacob too, he refused. His hurt evident in his eyes, I pleaded, I begged. But he made me think he was noble enough to die for me than to be a coward, that was how he saw Edward's actions. Unless I kissed him. I agreed out of sheer desperation for my best friend's life, the first time our lips met I was passive, I didn't want this, it wasn't until we broke apart and he went to walk away, into an uncertain future, that I grabbed hold of him and kissed him how he deserved. I saw then the path Jacob had seen for the pair of us, the life we could have had, so much simpler, full of love. It was hard to let go of him after seeing that, as he walked off into the battle I wondered just how much more pain my heart could take, how long would I keep doing this to them? To me?

Somehow we all made it out of the battle alive, Jake was the only one who had been seriously injured, but I knew the most serious injuries were not the physical ones. No medicines or pills could cure the injuries I'd caused his heart, for so long Jake had been fighting, up until the moment me and Edward spoke in the tent, he'd always believed he'd been in with a shot. But in that moment we shot down all of his dreams, I wasn't surprised that not longer after Jake left La Push, why should he sit around and watch my happiness?

In the more than capable hands of Alice, me and Edward had the dream wedding, it wasn't they type of wedding I ever thought I'd wanted. But I couldn't help but get caught up in the moment. I saw the pride in Charlie's, even Renee's eyes, and the ever present love in Edward's. I was now officially a Cullen, something I had wanted for so long, everything that had seemed so distant not so long ago was now mine, and I thought I had forever to enjoy it, to get my head around my good fortune. But first, we had my part of the deal to uphold. To my surprise, on our honeymoon Edward agreed to try, but I awoke the next morning on a mental high only to get jolted back down to Earth when I discovered myself covered in bruises, Edward's worst fears of losing control had come true. From then on he kept as much distance as he could, until one night, I needed comfort and he gave it to me. This time there were no bruises, and we thought we'd crossed yet another bridge we shouldn't have been able to, further proof we could co-exist. But we were wrong, something had happened, something more lasting than a bruise, you, you were conceived that night.

You may wonder why I'm writing this letter, why I'm telling you my story. It's because I want you to understand, I'm afraid that the Cullen's will only ever tell you the good things, but you deserve to know that no-one's perfect, not even your own mother. I've made mistakes, and I've done things I'm not proud of. Some I regret and some I don't. But one thing I will never regret is the choices I've made where you are concerned, when Edward asked me if I could give up all my human experiences, I could, until you came along. You were the miracle I hadn't even dared to dream, a child of mine and Edward's, and you mean more to me then you will ever know. I want you to know that I fought for you, I fought the blind sightedness of Carlisle and Edward at the very beginning, the despair of Jacob, I fought it all for you. Don't blame them, don't ever hold it against them, whatever feelings they had, it was all out of love. One day, I hope, you'll experience just what love does to you, how it can make you act like a crazy person one day, and the sanest person the next day. I hope that your path to true and eternal love is a smoother one than mine and your Father's, but no less sincere. I hope you learn from my mistakes, and my triumphs. Always fight for those that you love, fight for the love you want. Even if it isn't always right there in front of you, if you believe in it enough, it will find you and you will find a type of happiness you never knew existed. Don't play on people's emotions, be straight, truthful, even if the truth hurts, it saves so much more pain in the long run that way. Finally, don't let anyone tell you something is impossible. Nothing is impossible in this world, if it was, then you wouldn't exist, and neither would I. I wouldn't have experienced this immense happiness that your father, his family, and finally you have brought me. Some things may not always been easy, but if you believe enough, you'll find your way.

I hope that I'm writing this letter prematurely, that I've just inherited Edward's overthinking and anxious nature, and that there is no reason for me to write this. That one day I'll get to sit down with you and explain myself to you. I really hope I get that chance, but I'm realistic to know that there are odds stacked against that chance. What lies ahead is unknown for you and me, but whatever happens, I know you'll be safe, Rose has promised to look after you for me, she'll be the best mother you could hope for. If, if I don't make it EJ, I want you to know how much I wished I could be there for you, for every cry, every laugh, your first step, first word. I never thought I wanted to be a Mom, I never thought I had a maternal instinct, but with you I've found something inside of me I never knew existed, and I thank you for showing that to me. I always thought that the love me and Edward shared was the greatest bond I would ever get to share, now I know I was wrong. You are the greatest love of my life, my best achievement, and what I am willing to die for.

Make me proud, my beautiful boy, lead a life of happiness, love, joy and fulfilment. Remember, no matter what happens, I love you, I always have and I always will, you and your Daddy will always be the greatest loves of my life, and I can only hope I'll be around long enough to see you both together. And, even if I'm not there in body, I will always be there in spirit, and most importantly, in your heart.

I love you.

_Mommy_


	35. Angel Masen?

**Edward:**

Now that Bella was stronger, thanks to the blood, I felt slightly more comfortable leaving her. I had told the others that I was going hunting whilst Bella slept, it wasn't a complete lie. I had hunted, but it wasn't the final destination of my trip. Jasper and Emmett had offered to come with me, believing I was only hunting, but I brushed them off. This was something I wanted, no, needed to do on my own. Besides, I felt more comfortable knowing they were back at the house, near Bella, she needed them more than me. Now that I was here, I could stop running. Metaphorically and literally. Leaving Forks, my body felt weightless in the wind, there was a comfort in being able to move so quickly and effortlessly. I hated myself for feeling relieved at leaving my problems just a little bit behind me, at not having to see my own guilt looking back at me in Bella, not feeling constant judgement and hatred from Jacob. She wasn't out of my thoughts, she never could be, but my own conscience felt that bit lighter without her physical presence.

I felt a sense of relief when I finally reached my location, a sense of fulfilment I hadn't felt in a long time. I was ashamed when I realised just how long it had been since I had last been here, I used to come here a lot, before Bella. But her presence in my life, brought to me a sense of fulfilment that surpassed this place, and so I had neglected it. But now, now it seemed right to return here. I needed that sense of comfort now more than ever. It was a familiar path I was walking now, I knew every twist and turn, I had walked them so many times, back when I was grappling with my new life, the destiny I had been handed, here, it was the only place it had ever made any sense. I ran my hand over the familiar granite, relishing in the comfort that it gave me. A wave of emotions washed over me, it always did, yet I was never prepared for it. I missed her, more than I admitted to anyone, even to myself most of the time. I missed her laugh, her touch, her smell, her fussing, her crooked smile. I missed the way she seemed to read my mind, how she knew how I felt before I had, how she used to make me smile when I was upset. She'd known me, better than anyone, and I missed that, still to this day, even so long after she had gone. Even though I had eternity, I knew the pain of losing her would never fade, some things, like Bella, made the pain that more bearable. Bu there was still a dull ache inside my heart where she belonged. I ran my fingers over the lettering before bending down to place the flowers at the base of the grave.

"Sorry it's been so long Mom".

I could see her scolding me, her delicate features twisted into what she perceived as an angry glare, but seconds later it would transform into the widest, crooked smile. My smile she used to call it, no-one else could make her smile like that apparently, not even Dad. It was why she never got far as a disciplinarian, the façade of authority would never last too long.

"Things have been....well, to say difficult would be an understatement, I don't know how to describe it. I don't know how to make sense of it, I don't know what to do".

I paused, I could feel a lump of emotions rise up in my throat, making it nearly impossible to speak.

" I'm lost Mom, completely and utterly lost. I don't know what's right and wrong anymore. Now more than ever I wish you were here, you'd know, you'd know how to make me realise what I should do, you always did know. Even when I didn't know the question, you'd have the answers. Part of being a Mom I suppose".

I looked around, it was dark, and the graveyard was deserted, for that I was relieved. Glad that no-one, not even a stranger, was listening to this.

"I suppose I should start from the beginning, you're probably wondering what on earth I'm talking about, why I need you so much. Bella, you remember Bella, I told you about her last time I was here. We got married, it was what I wanted more than anything. I waited so long for her, you know that. She wasn't convinced at the beginning, it isn't seen as the done thing anymore to marry at such a young age, yet more than anything she wanted to be like me. To become.... It made no sense, how she was so willing to condemn herself to something so monstrous for eternity, yet marriage was something to be frowned upon. She wanted me to be the one, to change her, but the idea of damaging such an innocent soul as hers, it was beyond what I believe myself capable of. Marriage, at least to me, seemed a much smaller price to pay. Eventually, she agreed, but there was one compromise. All along I tried to put Bella off joining me, as much as I wanted her to, for selfish reasons, it wasn't right, she's so young, had so much of life to experience as a human, there would be so much I would be taking away from her, so much she was willing to give up. It didn't seem right. Then she hit on the one human experience she wasn't willing to give up, and there was the compromise. She would marry me, and I would change her, but she wanted this experience, this one human experience, she wanted....well she wanted us to..."

I had new found respect for parents and teenagers and the dreaded 'talk', this was bad enough and I wasn't even talking to my mother's face, if I could have blushed I'm sure I would have been rivalling Bella by now.

"She wanted what a man and woman naturally want of one another, and I'm praying that you know what I mean by that, because this is just awkward. She didn't care that it was dangerous for her, potentially fatal. I've always had to keep boundaries from her, physically."

Inwardly I cringed, glad no-one was around to witness my embarrassment. Emmett and Jasper would have a field day with this.

"It's different for me, for my kind, we lose ourselves in the moment, lose sense of ourselves. With others of our kind it's fine, but with Bella, the risk had always been too great. But now she was agreeing to marriage, it seemed a reasonable request, at least to try. I wanted her as my wife so badly, I lost sense of everything else, all my reasoning, all my logic. Nothing else seemed to matter once that ring was on her finger, your ring".

Mom had loved that ring, even if she wore no other jewellery, she always wore that wing. She always said it reminded her of everything she had achieved in her life, of the life and family she had created for herself.

"It looks so right on her, like the missing piece of a jigsaw that I didn't realise was missing. You said that one day it would be mine, to give to the girl who would take my heart. And it has. Everytime I look at her wearing it, it reminds me of you. I wish you could have met her, seen me with her. She makes me so happy Mom, and I know that would have made you proud. I also know there would have been no-one prouder than you at our wedding, although Esme was a pretty close second best. I know you would have fussed over the state of my hair, the knot of my tie. It was the most perfect day, there was only one thing missing, your smile. That was the only other thing I needed on that day. I've never felt happier or more complete than when Bella walked down that aisle, but I did miss you, wish you were there at the front, with a tissue in your hand."

It had been all too clear in my mind, it had been as if she was there. As I stood, waiting for Bella, I had looked out over the crowd, and even though I knew she wasn't there, it was as if she was. I could see her so clearly in my mind, her face, her eyes, and most of all, her smile. Pure joy stared back at me, as if she was giving approval to what I was about to do, just like she would have done had she been there for herself.

"It was on our honeymoon, that we tried. I had agreed to and she had kept up her side of the bargain. But all my worst fears came true, I hurt her. I watched her whilst she slept, as bruises formed all over her body and I had never felt more ashamed of mysef, hated myself more. Her body's suffering at my own hands all too clear to see. I wasn't the husband she deserved, she deserved someone better than me, she always had, but never was it more clear than in that moment. After that, I kept my distance from her, at least physical distance, the bruises too fresh in my mind to risk it once again. But her pull over me is too strong, it always has been. This time I didn't hurt her, and we both truly believed we had mastered the impossible, that we had conquered the last hurdle in our relationship. But I had hurt her, bruises fade eventually, but what I had done to her that time will never fade. I made her pregnant".

Just saying the words out loud were bad enough to my already damaged conscience, it resurfaced every doubt and fear I had about Bella. But at the same time, I saw that wide, dazzling as Bella would call it, smile of my mother's, the smile she had worn we had talked of my future, the route we both believed I would take. She would have loved to have been a grandmother, spoiling the children rotten with presents, and most importantly, love.

"It's not that easy Mom, not for us. This....child, it's killing her. It's too strong for her, it has too many of my characteristics for her body. I have to sit back and watch her, watch her give up her life for this child because she's too stubborn, too stubborn to realise that giving up this child would be the best thing for her health. I have to contemplate the fact that I might lose everything I waited so long for because I'm too powerless to stand up to the woman I love. That there is a part of me that is selfish enough to let her do this because deep, deep down despite my denials, I do want this. I never thought I would have a child, and certainly not a biological one, and here it is. A part of me wants it so badly, because it's me and Bella. It's what we've created, and I see the child in my mind, a boy or girl, who is the perfect culmination of the both of us, and I want that so much. But it's killing her, the baby's growing at such a rate and it's so strong, and I watch her, I watch her bite back her lip to try and hide the pain, grip onto the bedsheet that bit harder, and I want the child to go, anything to stop her pain. It's as if my heart is ripped into two, Mom, it shouldn't be this difficult. A baby is suppose to be a miracle, a celebration of life,and here I am, on the one hand celebrating that fact, and on the other wishing it never existed."

There was such a searing pain where my heart was that it felt like it was going to explode, full to the brim of a dangerous concoction of emotions, they contradicted one another, but were all equally powerful.

"I just, I just wish it could all be so much simpler, that it wasn't a choice between her and the baby. I do want them both, but which I want more than the other? It's hard Mom, and it shouldn't be this hard. Bella's lost all reasoning, all she cares about is the baby, the change in her, it's amazing. She never wanted children before, but now, like me, now that it's here, it's too tempting to ignore. But I can't lose her, I can't. I thought I had before, you remember".

I was sure she did, it had been the last time I had come here. It was just before I left for Italy, once I had made my mind up to visit the Volturi. I knew the Cullen's would learn of my plan through Alice, they would know why I was undertaking such a journey, but Mom? She deserved to know for herself, I had come and once again unburndened my soul to her, I'd needed that comfort, and courage before progressing to Italy.

"You're probably wondering why I'm so pessimistic, but it's true, the odds are against us, against her, there's myths and tales of women like Bella, and none of them make it. Rose says it's because they didn't have the technology we have, but no technology can work miracles against myths. Technology isn't supposed to have heard of vampires, let alone a way for humans to safely carry and deliver their babies. I've condemned her, in a way far worse than I imagined. I have to see it every day, my guilt, my own self hatred, everytime I look at her, I don't see her anymore. I just see her bump, I see myself, the monster that I am. I hate that, I hate what I'm doing to her, I'm killing her as much as the baby is. Me and the baby are one and the same, we're killers."

Right then I wanted to see that smile more than I ever had in my new life, more even then when I had given in and taken a life, more than when I needed the strength for what I believed would be my final journey, I needed her smile to give me faith, faith in myself, faith in Bella, faith in the baby, and most importantly, faith that somehow, this twisted fairytale would have it's happy ever after.

"I don't know where you are, if there is heaven then I'm sure you're there, you deserve to be. You were the best person I've ever known, you had the kindest, sweetest, purest soul. And I miss you, even after all this time I miss you as much now as I did then, and even though I have Carlisle and Esme, it's not the same. I know that you're up there, somewhere, and I hope you're looking down, and I know sometimes I may not always make you proud, but I try to. I'm sure you've spent many years looking down on me, guiding me down certain paths, it was probably you that gave me Bella, and it's more than I deserve. But I don't want you to look after me anymore Mom, I don't deserve it. Look after Bella, look after the baby, how much you can do I don't know, but it's more than I can, anything,anything to give them a shot, I can still have the life we dreamed of, it may be different to how we planned but it's here and I do want it, but I need your help. Please Mom, look after them for me".

I stood up, pausing for a moment, hoping she had heard me, I knew the likelihood was slim, I wasn't delusional, but I wanted to believe she was there, somewhere, listening to me, looking after me, otherwise the alternative was to accept she had really gone and that was more than I could take.

"I love you Mom, and I miss you more than you know".

And with that I left, to go back to my reality.

**A/N: I'm sorry!!! You'd think with it being summer holidays I would update more, but sadly my place of employment disagrees :( Couple in also trying to decide on Uni courses (English!!)) and Uni's and it doesn't leave a whole lot of time !! So sincerest apologies and a firm promise to update more, also sorry to those who's reviews I haven't replied to, again for above reasons. But thank you for each and every one, I love the fact you are still reading and more importantly enjoying the story and I hope you enjoy this chapter, reviews as always make the day =]**


	36. The Ties That Bind Us

**Alice POV:**

My head seemed to be one permanent headache these days. It was a consequence of being in too close a proximity to Bella. It seemed no matter where I went within the house, I couldn't escape this constant, internal pain my mind was in. It worsened the more her condition progressed, as her and the fetus became more interwoven as one. The more time went on, the harder it became for me to be around Bella. Instead I was forced to watch from the sidelines, look on as Rosalie took my place as Bella's best friend, her closest confidante within the family. It was hard to watch, especially knowing that not so long ago such an allegiance between these 2 women would have been out of the question. The reason for the alliance was obvious to us all, Rose had been the only ally Bella had known she'd be able to count on since her shock self-discovery on Isle Esme. But this friendship of convenience wasn't any easier to watch, even though I knew the reason behind it, I missed the both of them. I missed Bella, my reluctant, but never able to say no Guinea Pig Barbie. My source of ever constant display of embarrassment, and for some reason, lack of self confidence. I missed her constant lack of self esteem and worth, I missed the look of constant surprise on her face that we all accepted her, and more importantly, loved her. Bella was yet to fully comprehend just how the rest of humanity viewed us, not all humans were willing to understand us and the choices we were forced to make. To Bella, the world was black and white, good and bad, she didn't see in us what others of her kind did. Where most humans could only last a few minutes in our company, if that, somehow Bella felt completely at ease with us, she was a part of us.

Being a Cullen goes beyond the normal family dynamics. Most families have DNA to bind them, ours was a cluster of individuals who sought comfort together in an uncertain and unforgiving world, yet somehow the bonds we had managed to forge matched, or even surpassed that of your typical nuclear family. The bonds that tied us might have started out as ties of necessity, but had developed into so much more, there was little to nothing we wouldn't do for each other, it was the reason Bella was here at all in our lives, why time after time we had placed ourselves in the line of fire to protect her. She hated the fact we did it, a constant fear that she would be responsible for one of our deaths. She didn't understand it had become necessary, it was what any of us would do for any of us, it was the same steps we would take to protect any member of our family: Carlisle, Esme, Edward. It was what we did. It was why, despite all out fears, our misjudgments, we were letting Bella continue with her pregnancy. Not being able to see Bella or the fetus' future alarmed me, having my sense altered wasn't something I was used to, but that wasn't what scared me the most. What scared me the most was the uncertainty, if Bella was so sure this child was what she wanted, so definite, why could I not see it? Previously I had been able to see both Edward and Bella's futures, this child was a part of each of them, an unknown yes, but it seemed its genetic make-up had more in common with the wolves than it did vampires or human. From a scientific point of view the fetus was fascinating, I traced that much in Carlisle's voice, but it was equally terrifying, it was all such an unknown. Carlisle had sent Jasper and Emmett off to find out what they could about women like Bella, those who had been impregnated by our kind, but every time they returned, the stories got graver and any hope Bella drinking the blood and being able to keep it down had given us, was swiftly taken away. Only Rose kept any optimism. But that was Rose all over. At first Rose had been the least forthcoming to me and Jasper when we had arrived at the Cullen's, angry that we outsiders were welcomed into her family, that me and Edward bonded in a way she could only be envious of, it took us a long time to bond in any way. It was our mutual love of shopping and appearances that first bound us together, at first superficial, it was over these long shopping trips that Rose first began regaling me with stories of her youth, of her beauty. Taking Rose at face value, it's easy to see her as a spoiled Daddy's girl, but wearing her pain as her shield, it's not hard to see that if you dig a little further, you find someone who still, after all this time, is struggling to find her place, within our family, in life. It took a long time for Rose to let me in, for her to confide in me, but when she did, suddenly everything about her behavior clicked into place, and from that moment on we were bonded. Our bond may not have been as evident as the guys, but just like hunting trips were their cover stories for male bonding, shopping trips were our covers for girlie heart to hearts.

_New York in the winter was beautiful, the snow, the Christmas decorations, it all created such a magical effect that made even the most cynical person gasp in admiration. Even after all these years I loved Christmas, I loved the excuse to decorate the house from top to toe, to go out and buy presents for the people that I loved, to see their faces on Christmas morning when they unwrapped the presents. It was just the perfect holiday for me, I drove the rest of my family crazy with my over-excitement but they indulged me knowing it was the safest way to fulfill my craving._

"_Alice, how much longer?" _

_I turned to face Rose, when even Rose was bored, I knew I had spent too long in a shop. _

"_I just need to check the publication dates on these books for Carlisle to make sure he hasn't got them already and then we can go"._

_Rose rolled her eyes, bookshops were Rose's least favourite kind of shops, nothing in here interested her, and also there were a couple of teenage boys in the corner who were not being subtle in their attempts to eye Rose up. Personally I found it amusing, but I knew Rose would not cheer up until she was comfortable planted in a department store where she could put a major dent in her credit card._

_The sales assistant returned and I purchased the books after checking the dates, and we left the store, climbing into the limo we had hired for the day. Shopping was much easier __this way._

"_Thank God" said Rose as soon as we were in the car."Could you have taken any longer?"_

_I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling, be patient, be patient I kept saying to myself._

"_I just wanted to make sure I had the right books, he has so many" I replied. "Besides, we still have the rest of the day, what's the rush?"_

"_We still have everyone else's presents to buy and we have to meet the guys at 8"._

"_Like it would be the first time we've stood the guys up for shopping?"_

_She smiled and I couldn't help but laugh, Jasper and Emmett were used to waiting 2-3 hours for me and Rose after we'd been shopping. There would always be one shop that we'd missed that would be open just that little bit later, or some overeager sales assistant who would take one look at our platinum credit cards and see that the shop stay open past closing just for us. _

"_I just want to make this Christmas extra special, it's going to be hard enough.."_

_My voice trailed off, for the first time since I had joined the Cullen's it would be the first time we would not spend Christmas all together, as a family, it had been only a couple of months since we had left Forks, Edward had left us, wondering, trying to force Bella out of his head and heart. It was a fruitless task, those two belonged together, but there was no talking him out of his choice, he was too stubborn to realise that apart they might be more harmful to each other then when they were together._

"_Ever thought that maybe he did the right thing?"_

_I turned around in an instant to face her, her face was controlled, her eyes met mine and I saw no uncertainty in her question._

"_How can you ask that? You've seen the state of him? I've seen the state she's in, yet you think they've done the right thing?"_

_She shrugged, moving her gaze from me to the window of the car._

"_I'm not doubting it's painful, for both of them. But we can survive a lot of pain, us and them. One day, that pain will fade, and they'll both be able to move on with their lives, and it will be better for them both, and for us"._

"_That may just be the most selfish thing I've ever heard you say Rose. This isn't about us, it's about them!"_

"_So it wasn't about us with James? Victoria? It wasn't about us when we ran across the country trying to find a crazed vampire who held no threat to us? It wasn't about us when we're the ones who killed James? It wasn't about us when we had to move away from Forks? It's not about us when Edward leaves?"_

_I had no response, I understood where she was coming from, and I understood her reasoning, I had no counter argument. _

"_It will be better for the both of them, eventually. I know you all love her, and I know what you saw Al, but could she ever be one of us, really?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

_She sighed, her gaze still trained out of the window._

"_None of us chose this, none of us wanted this. If we'd had the choice, would we have chosen this? Bella has that choice, she has a life in front of her that we can only dream of and she was willing to throw it away, to become one of us. It isn't right. Think of everything it would deny her, the rites of passage she would miss as a result"_

"_Is this about Bella or you?"_

"_Her...Me....Both I guess. I just get so angry with her, she has this choice, this chance to be everything we can never be, yet she seems content to just throw it all away."  
"What exactly is she throwing away Rose? Because to me, what she gets in exchange makes it worth it"._

_Rose fell silent for a moment, and I knew in that instant just what Rose was accusing Bella of throwing away, and just where all this anger and resentment festered from._

"_Rose, she's not you, she doesn't want the same things you did..you do"._

"_Not now, but in 10, 20 years she might, and then she won't have a choice, she'll be stuck, forever 18, it's not as good as it sounds Alice, immortality isn't all it's cracked up to be, not when you can remember what mortality was like"._

_I took a deep breath in, that was a low blow, even for Rosalie, I glared at her, warning her that she was a crossing a line here._

"_I didn't mean it like that, I just meant, she's always going to know she had a choice, she's always going to remember what it was like to grow and age, and right now, she may not want any of that. But there may come a day when she does, when she regrets her choices, in this life or any other"._

"_You're putting Bella in your shoes, she's not you"._

"_Maybe not now, but one day she might be, once upon a time I was as carefree as Bella, and now look at me, not exactly the life and soul of the party."_

_We both fell silent, thinking over what each other had said. Rose envied me for having no recollection of my previous life, for having no longing for a human form, no burning desire to be a mother. And I envied Rose for being able to remember a life other than this, for having a history, however tainted, for remembering emotions I could only hear about. We both envied Bella, the person we would never be, with choices we never had, we both envied her for different reasons; Rose for the chance to be a mother, me for the chance to experience humanity in a way I never had._

"_What would you do, if you was Bella, and you had a choice?" I asked, already sensing the answer to the question._

"_I'd stay human". Her words cut through me like a knife, to know that she didn't really want to be part of the family I held so dear, that she didn't want to be the sister I adored her as, it hurt, really hurt._

"_I love you Alice" she said, reaching out for my hand. "I do, and Emmett, I love him more than anything. You, him, the rest of the family, you're the only things that have kept me going through all of this, you're the ones who have made me appreciate what I do have. You're the people who have helped make me into a better person, but if I was in Bella's shoes now, I'd stay human every time. I'd have the life I always dreamed of, a husband, children, a home, it's all I ever wanted Alice, I just went about it the wrong way and look how I've paid for it"._

"_I wish you still didn't feel this way, I wish after all this time you would choose this"._

_She squeezed my hand lightly, trying to comfort me._

"_Me too. But I can't, maybe when a bit more time's passed I'll be able to see more good in my life now, but right now I'm still too angry, too remorseful. Too bitter about what I'll never have"._

"_You really want children that badly?"_

_She nodded, shutting her eyes for a brief second, no doubt looking over what she might have had._

"_And that's why you despise Bella so much? Because she's having the choices you never had and choosing wrong?"_

_She nodded again._

"_I'm not proud of myself, I see the way she looks at me, how Edward looks at me, and yet I can't help it. I can't help resenting her, everything about her. It's too much of a reminder"._

"_So if she did have to decide, and she didn't choose this, then you could like her?"_

"_Like's a bit strong" she said, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Tolerate"._

"_You know, even when they both realise they can't be without each other, her mind will be made up even further, her path hasn't changed Rose, she will be one of us"._

"_I know, I realise nothing will change her mind, I just wish she'd stop and think, realise what a heavy price she'll pay"._

_The car jolted to a stop as we arrived at our next stop on our shopping spree. As we got out of the car, I realised we had become the centre of attention. The limo had drawn the public's attention to us, and when Rose got out of the car she only added to the attention. She was dressed to perfection, and no man was walking past without a sideways glance at her. She looked stunning, as normal, and to the world, and to the little girl's who stood in awe outside the shop, she probably looked like some sort of princess. She was everything a little girl wants to be when they grow up, she was the person she had wanted to be when she was growing up. But she'd never got her happily ever after, she had her Prince Charming, but the fairytale wasn't complete. And after talking to her today, I had a feeling it would never be complete._

I remembered that day, Rose's honesty, her clear disliking for Bella, and her wishes. It made their new friendship that bit harder to stomach. I was under no illusion that Rose didn't care for Bella how I did, Bella was merely a means to an end for Rose, Bella was finally doing right by Rose. Making the same choice Rose would have done, and for that reason Rose was happy to cater to Bella's every whim. Her eyes firmly on the prize, if anything it turned my stomach. Bella was merely a disposable object to Rose, if she didn't make it then it wouldn't be the same loss to Rose that it would to us. I wished that I could be closer to Bella, but the pain was almost unbearable just being in the same room as her, let alone close enough to talk. Instead I watched and observed, I knew Edward understood Rose as I did, and he would not let Rose take advantage of Bella, and now Jacob was back on the scene, he served dual purpose, not only did his presence numb my headache much like paracetamol does on humans, but he also saw straight through Rose and had no problem pointing this out much to mine and Edward's amusement. Despite my anger towards both Bella and Rose, I still loved them, they were my sisters, maybe not in the conventional way, but in every other way that mattered. The fact that I was left out of something so important hurt me more than any headache ever could, as Bella doubled over in pain as the baby broke one of her ribs, I wanted to help. I stood up and was willing to put my own suffering to one side to be there for her, but before I knew it, there was Rose. Scooping her up into her arms, not even allowing Edward near her, and I couldn't help if there wasn't any length Rose wouldn't go to in order to protect the life of Bella's child. And, if it came down to it, which of my sisters would I choose? It was a question that pained my heart to think about, let alone even contemplate to answer, and so I hoped it was one that I would never have to find out the answer to.

**A/N: I am actually rubbish at updating, I know, and I am sorry. Just been a hectic couple of weeks with results day :), and a very relaxing, and inspiring holiday, but the motivation and dedication is back, and I promise to to update more regularly. As always, thank you for sticking by the story, and I hope you like the latest chapter- let me know :) Thanks agirl2224 for being my beta, and my constant encouragement!**


	37. A Voice Inside

**A/N: Umm so it's been a while :) Apologies, but unfortunately I had just too much on the past couple of months and somethings had to slide, unfortunately this was one of them and for that I apologise, if you're still sticking with it despite all the delays then I really thank you :) I never thought this story would have made it this far, and I know this is the Chapter some of you have been waiting for, I only hope I've done it justice and it's been worth the wait, this was not easy to right and got rewritten more than any other, I just hope it's what you wanted, let me know =] All speech at the end of the chapter is straight out of Breaking Dawn so all rights to Stephenie Meyer for that. As always, thanks to agirl2224 for her patience, motivation and words of wisdom, I think I would have given up by now if it wasn't for your Tweets, and for the rest of you to reading, enjoy!**

_Edward_

I turned round to face Rose, she was sat on the floor by Bella's feet, her face thunderous.

I nodded, acknowledging that I had heard her thought.

_What is that..dog still doing here? He's done his bit, he's warned us of Sam's plan, can't he make himself useful and go play guardog?_

I sighed, I wished it was as simple as that. I wished I could tell Jacob to go and for him to actually go, I wished he would walk out that door and never walk back again. Sadly where Jacob was concerned nothing was that simple.

"Hey Blondie".

I groaned as I heard Jacob line up yet another dumb blonde joke to antagonise Rosalie, as much as I appreciated anyone winding Rose up, if only for the response, it was all getting tiring. In particular for me as my role of referee between the two.

_Does he not like his teeth where they are? Or would he rather take a trip to a plastic surgeon?_

I didn't hear the punchline to Jacob's joke, but I couldn't miss the stony glare Rose gave him or the flurry of images that run through her head, all of which involved her seriously injuring Jacob. I didn't blame her, not really. There were times when I had those images of Jacob running through my head, how to break every bone in his body, werewolf or human, the best way to hurt him. But I would always be in debt to Jacob Black, I owed him my life so many times over. He was the on who had kept Bella alive for me during those long, dark months of our separation. Without him, Bella may not have made it through, and that alone earned him my eternal gratitude. There was no arguing that we both resented the other, he resented my return and the loss of 'his' Bella, and I resented the bond that tied him to Bella. To see the evident pain on her face when she was forced to pick a side, and her even constant need to have Jacob in her life, no matter how much pain it caused them both. Any lesser man than Jacob would have walked away, found solace in another girl and moved on with their life. But not Jacob. Despite the pain he stuck around, if only for Bella's sake, and at times, I was sure, to torment me. And for that reason he was out of bounds, to hurt him was to hurt Bella, and I would never do that. When I left Bella, I left to save her soul, I left to give her a chance of a normal life. If I'd known then that leaving her would have opened her heart to Jacob, I wouldn't have left. I wouldn't have given him the chance to try and claim Bella as his own, to own a piece of her heart, he wouldn't have had the chance had I still been here, and that was one regret I had eternity to mull over. If he didn't mean so much to her, there's a good chance we would have had our fight by now, both sides desperately wanting an altercation, to air our anger and feelings. But neither would as long as Bella was in the picture. The only saving grace was her, she was the one person we would both do anything for, and if that meant not fighting, then that was what we would do.

I looked around the room, a couple of months ago, this scene wouldn't have been possible. There was too much resentment between me and Jacob, too much bad blood to even exchange pleasantries, however false. Yet now, with Bella's life in the balance, it seemed that there was a relationship now between the two of us, it would last as long as Bella's heart continued to beat. And after that I had no doubt that if all her hopes failed, and it wasn't the venom that stopped her heart, that Jacob would seek his revenge. This time there would be no need to go to the Volturi, Jacob would not show me the mercy they had, the chance to re-think, he would kill me and never regret the decision. Me and Bella's death would be too interlinked for him to ever feel remorse for killing me. I would not blame him for those actions, and I would not ask he forgive me in my final moments, I would accept what was coming to me. Just like time after time I knew Bella had accepted that death was a possibility for her, James, the Volturi, Victoria. Time after time, Bella had stared death in the face, and for the sake of love, had walked willing into it's arms, and for her, I would do the same thing. That would be my final act on Jacob. To not die bitter or eaten up by guilt. But to enter deaths arms the same way I had arrived in Italy. Knowing that I would do whatever it took to re-unite me with Bella. For death is not the end, if it was, then I would not exist, my family would not exist. If death was the final act, if our ability to love died when we did, then how did I have such a capacity to love Bella? How did I fear for the protection of Esme and Alice in potential battles? Why did I sit with Rose when she was having flashbacks of her final moments? Why had I returned to Carlisle after my early rebellion? What was the bond that tied me to Emmett and Jasper? The answer to all of those questions was love. It was love that tied me here, nothing else. No longer did heartbeats or breaths tie me to this earth, it was the people around me, the people that I loved. Knowing that had made these past few weeks easier. To look at my family and to know that whatever happened, whoever did or didn't make it, it would be OK. There was enough love to get them through even the darkest of hours. To know that, even though it would take my time, if necessary, they would accept whatever decision I made in the days ahead, because they wanted what was best for me, because they loved me. Jacob thought I wanted death as an easy option, to escape a life without Bella, hell in it's simplest form. And he was right, to some extent, a life without Bella would be hell. But also because it would be a life devoid of love, at least, devoid of the love I knew now could exist.

To Jacob, the world was still so black and white, wrong and right. He hated me because of what I was and who I was. He honestly believed that if I had never returned that him and Bella would be together by now, and maybe he was right? Maybe once Bella's heart had healed enough she would have found it in her to love again, and unlike Jacob, I wouldn't have begrudged her that chance of happiness. It would have torn me up inside to see her with someone else, to watch them make a life with one another, but if it would have made her happy, then I would have found the strength to do it. It was what separated me from Jacob, my ability to remove my own feelings from the situation. Now sat here with Bella, I didn't feel anymore at ease about the situation, even though she was healthier than she had been in weeks, her cheeks were glowing, she could eat properly. It didn't make me any more optimistic, but I wasn't letting it show anymore. Unlike Jacob who sat there looking as if he'd entered his own personal version of hell. I, on the other hand, had lived through thinking I had lost Bella before, this in comparison, the more time went on, was more bearable. She was still here, and most importantly, there was time. There was time for me to watch her as she slept, to hear her talking in her dreams, to memorise every inch of her face, of course in the end it would be more painful. But in a selfish way, to know that we had time, made whatever lay ahead more bearable now. To know that Bella knew this time that I did love her, that I had always loved her, that all I ever wanted was to keep her safe, protect her, at the very least, she would die knowing that. And I would be able to walk to Jacob without a heavy heart, but knowing that Bella died knowing she was loved, and that the only reason I was doing this, allowing Jacob to do this, was because I loved her too much to bear a life without her.

_Done putting the worlds to right yet?_

Rose's face was thunder personified, her beauty marred by stony features, her gaze so fierce it almost boarded on comical.

I raised an eyebrow.

_You looked like you were on another planet. Not that I blame you, anything to escape him. Seriously, why is he still here? Can't you tell him where to go? Preferably far away? Other end of the county would be good. Although you'd probably still be able to smell him...._

I smiled, could always rely on Rose to moan and complain. Jacobs constant presence had rattled her beyond belief, his constant taunting of her did little to soften her mood, or her feelings towards him. Just like Jacob, Rose wasn't prepared to sweep her feelings under the carpet, even if to protect Bella.

Bella's hand brushed mine, the touch was like an electric shock, her skin was so hot at the moment.

"You OK?" I asked quietly, as not to bring to much attention to her, even when ill Bella hated to be the centre of unnecessary attention, especially when Rose and Jacob were around.

"Empty" she said raising her cup up in the air.

She smiled guiltily, she knew the idea of her drinking blood made my stomach turn, it wasn't right. But it was helping her, and anything that helped her was a necessary in my book.

"Rose"

Carefully I took the cup from Bella and leant down to Rose, handing the cup over to her. The smell of human blood hit me in the back of my throat, even after all these years of abstaining, it still held temptation. I could feel my throat burning with desire, I opened my mouth, allowing air to enter my body, anything to distract me from what was in my hands. I tried to focus on Bella, anything to rid my mind of the thoughts that were currently racing through it.

"Can you get Bella some more please?"

I was careful not to use the word blood around Jacob, knowing he was more touchy about it than me. I noticed him visibly shudder as he saw the cup, even though he couldn't see what was inside. I guessed just the mere idea of it was bad enough.

Rose took the cup from me and I saw her bit her lip as she inhaled the fumes, it took her a moment before she was able to move, enough time for her body to cope with the temptation.

Still so tempting.

I nodded, acknowledging that she was not the only one who was tempted.

Rose's record was cleaner than mine, she had never even tasted human blood. Even when she had killed Royce and his accomplices, she'd never drank their blood, not wanting herself to become tainted even further by them. But it didn't make the smell any less tempting to her, we were designed to be attracted to human blood, and however hard we tried to abstain, the temptation was always there, the smell burnt the back of my throat the longer I held the cup. It took me only a second to move to the kitchen, refill the cup and return, but in the meantime Jacob had moved to sit closer to Bella, my seat now taken, Rose looked at me, the disgust on her face clear to see.

There would always be 3 pieces to the puzzle now; me, Bella and Jacob. It was my blingsightedness stupidity that had allowed Jacob to enter our lives in such a prominent position. To leave Bella was to know I could never lose her, I knew that now. The idea that I had lost her had dulled my thirst for her blood, had splintered my heart into a million pieces, and that was just what I could remember of those blurry days. To go through all of that to the then be reunited with her reaffirmed to me that she was worth it all. Yet it had brought Jake to her, and that was a flipside I could not ignore. Jake was the one who brought a smile to her face when no-one else could, who had saved her from a cliff- metaphorically and literally. I owed him, that was a constant thought whenever he was around, but his ever constant presence seemed too higher price to pay.

_How does she put up with it? The smell is awful...._

I looked over at Rose, her face crumpled up in distaste as she eyed up Jake. I shot her a warning look, Rosalie was not known for her subtlety and the last thing I needed was World War III between her and Jake when Bella was in such a delicate state.

'Play nice' I whispered in a voice so low I knew only she would hear me.

She shot me the same look she'd shot Jake.

_Shall I throw the doggie a bone?_

'Rosalie!'

She just grinned at me this time, the grin that coupled with everything else about her should have had her staring at you from a billboard somewhere. To choose between her and Alice was both unfair and likely to end in my head being ripped off. But Rosalie had been a part of my life for so long, it was hard not to have a favourite. To outsiders it probably appeared that me and Alice were the closest, the crazy little pixie who had talked me into doing all manner of crazy and irrational things. The only other member of my family who was tortured with having a 'gift' they had neither asked for nor wanted. Alice was also the one to have brought me to Bella, who guided me through the moments of doubt and insecurity. She was also the one who'd brought Bella to save me in Italy, the Porsche had been the least I'd owed her for that. But was Rosalie was the other half of my conscience, if Alice was my optimism, then Rosalie was my caution. Unafraid to say what she felt, Rose had caused us all headaches in the past, not least me and Bella. But after years of living with Rose and her thoughts, her ever constant, ever vivid human memories, it was easy to forgive her. To have to live with what she did was no easy feat, I'd seen the memories, the memories no-one but me and her knew about. Just thinking about Royce King and his cronies made me want to crack my knuckles in anticipation of a fight. With Rosalie there was an overwhelming urge to protect her, to let nothing else hurt her. Having been inside Rose's head for so long, it had brought out an instinct in me, secondary only to how I found myself trying to protect Bella, but with Bella there had been something more tangible to protect her from; James, Victoria, The Volturi, the baby. With Rose, it was all inside her head, how do you protect someone from themselves?

_It was dark, so dark she knew she should have called for her father to come and walk her home, but the time had gone so quickly she hadn't thought about it. She knew these streets, and it wasn't as if it wasn't too late for her to be out alone. Anyway, soon enough she would be Mrs Royce King and have her own personal driver, so in the grand scheme of things one little walk home didn't matter. She was so distracted in her thoughts: the wedding, Vera's baby, their future, that she barely noticed Royce and his friends until it was too late. At first there was nothing to fear, the smell of alcohol on him however overwhelmed her, especially as he didn't like drinking. But it didn't unnerve her as perhaps it should have, infact she didn't think anything was out of the ordinary until Royce reached forwards and tore off her cardigan, the sound of laughter rang in her ears. She closed her eyes, thinking that would help block everything out, but it did little to help. She could still hear everything, smell, feel, infact it just heightened all her other senses. She wished they'd just kill her, anything, anything but this. To leave her alive after this was worse than murder, to live the rest of her life with these memories was more than she could bear. Eventually all her senses went dull, but still she couldn't open her eyes, too afraid of what she would see when she opened them. They'd gone, that much she was sure of, perhaps they'd left her there to die? She could only hope. How much time had passed she didn't know, but suddenly she was aware of a cool touch on her skin, she flinched, yet still did not open her eyes. Had they come back? The touch was cold, ice cold on her skin, much cooler than theirs had been_.

_'It's ok, you're going to be ok Rosalie, I promise you' came a voice. The voice was familiar, yet she could not place it, it was comforting and warm, something about it made her trust the man, so much so that when he lifted her body off the ground she did nothing to resist, and when he moved, it felt like he was flying through the air. Maybe this was Death? Was there a better place she was going to? She could only hope......_

I looked over at Rose, her knees drawn up to her chest, she looked so vulnerable, forever young in immortality. Her hair sprawled over her knees as she hid her face, anything to hide her fear. I'd seen that memory a thousand times, yet everytime it pierced my heart,it made me more determined Bella wouldn't have this life, she wouldn't end up like Rosalie, full of regret and a lifetime of human memories to deal with.

"Ew. Someone put the dog out" said Rose, the look of disgust back on her face, her moment of weakness over.

Jake had moved back to his original seat near Rose, and it was clear her time of playing nice was now over. I retook my seat next to Bella, her feet now resting on my lap, she smiled at me before taking yet another swig from her cup, the smell burnt me once again, yet I still managed to smile back at her, however much energy it took for me.

"Have you heard this one, Psycho? How do a blonde's brain cell's die?".

I prayed that Rose wouldn't react to that, I could see her visibly biting her lip as to not give Jake the satisfaction of her anger, but it was a struggle.

"Well? Do you know the punch line or not?"

I glanced over at Bella, her eyes went between Rose and Jake, waiting to see which one would push the other the furthest. She hated pitting people against each other, she didn't realise that it was meant to be this way, that despite all her intervention and hoping, vampires and werewolves were never going to be friends.

"Has she heard it?" Jacob asked me.

I didn't want to get involved, like Bella I didn't want to get caught in the middle of what was sure to turn into a fight, but I knew Jake wouldn't give up, he really did act like a teenager sometimes.

"No".

"Awesome. So you'll enjoy this bloodsucker- a blonde's brain cell's die alone".

All of Rose's concentration was going into not killing Jacob, despite all the scenarios that were racing through her brain, all extremely tempting, even I had to admit that.

"I have killed a hundred times more often that you have, you disgusting beast. Don't forget that."

All credit to Rose, that was much nicer than the profanities that had been going through her mind, must have been for Bella's benefit.

"Someday, Beauty Queen, you're going to get tired of just threatening me. I'm really looking forward to that".

It was almost laughable to see the image of their fight from Jacob's perspective, like many before him, he underestimated not only my sister's strength but her anger, good luck to him was all I thought as from Rose I saw images of Jake being what I can only describe as tortured.

"Enough, Jacob".

The words came from Bella, the most unlikely of sources. A small grin spread over Rose's face and I had to restrain my own, if Bella was losing patience with Jake then there was hope yet that he could leave, but then I remembered everything that had gone before. Every thought I'd seen in Jake's head, the exchanges I'd seen the two share, the pain on Bella's face, and I knew hope was all I had.

"You want me to take off?"

Bella looked hurt at the very idea, and I felt all that hope evaporate out of me, I sighed, and I knew he'd hurt me, and for once I wasn't bothered, it would be one more reason for Jake to kill me these days.

"You look tired".

"Dead beat".

"I'd like to beat you dead" muttered Rose, her voice too low for Bella's human hearing to register. Yet again I resisted the urge to laugh out loud, Jake to his credit said nothing in response, instead just moved further into the chair, a clear indication he wasn't going anywhere for a while.

"Rose, can I have some more?"

I turned to face Bella, the cup that I had refilled no more than 15 minutes before was empty, I glanced over at Rose. Bella being able to keep the blood down and her body's reaction was more than we had hoped for, but her reliance on it was not something we had wanted, and the amount she was consuming was giving Carlisle cause for concern, about what it meant for the baby? And most importantly for Bella. Rose looked at me, a split second of worry of her face before turning to Bella with a perfect smile on her face. With Rose now out of the room, Jake closed his eyes with the intention of sleeping. It was just me and Bella. Lazily I ran my finger up and down her calf, her smiling in return, a light pink blush on her cheeks, so Bella. It was the contact with Bella I had missed, feeling her pulse, her breaths, the constant reminders of her humanity. Her skin was warm beneath my icy touch, fire and ice, so juxtaposed, yet surviving together.

_Beautiful._

The voice startled me, it was so quiet that at first I thought I'd imagined it, but my hearing was impeccable and I knew I'd heard something.

"Did you say something?" I asked Bella.

She looked back at me, startled. I'm sure my face mirrored hers; confusion, puzzlement, bemusement, all mixed together.

"Me? I didn't say anything".

_Beautiful. _

"What are you thinking about right now?" I asked urgently, desperately trying to make sense of all of this.

"Nothing. What's going on?" she asked.

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?"

"Just........Esme's Island's. And feathers".

Any other time I would have laughed, and admired the rosiness that now adorned Bella's face, but I was too wrapped up in the moment to even think about her answer.

"Say something else".

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?".

_Mommy's upset? Mommy?..........Mommy........Love Mommy......_

If I'd been human, this would have been the moment where I would have had a heart attack. None of Carlisle's medical equipment could penetrate Bella's womb, yet apparently the gift I had not 5 minutes before cursed could. The voice was androgynous, I couldn't tell Bella whether it was the boy she so desperately believed it to be. But it was there, it was real. And more importantly, it knew who Bella was. Just hearing the word 'Mommy' tore at my heart, hearing our child call Bella 'Mommy' was more than I had ever hoped for. He/she knew who she was, knew her emotions, and just like the rest of us, wanted her to be happy. Without thinking I put my hands either side of her stomach, the first time I had ever done so. My child, our child, was in there, alive, I kept replaying the voice over and over in my head, it was such a perfect sound, unlike anything I had ever heard before.

"The f-". I could barely get the words out, my emotions had the better of me. Like a bolt of lightening I suddenly understood everything Bella had done, her steadfast determination, her hope, her belief that it was all worth it. In just one moment, yet again, my whole world had turned, I'd gone from resentment to sheer love. I brushed my thumb over her protruding stomach, so full of love for both her and the child inside. The child who seemed to care about her almost as much as I did, there was nothing to fear anymore. There was no demon, no monster trying to kill her. Just a baby, a baby who like any other, knew who its mother was and loved her more than anything else in the world, what was so scary about that? "It......the baby likes the sound of your voice".

There was complete silence in the room as all the others tried to take in this new development.

"Holy crow, you can hear him!" shouted Bella, moving at the same time, the sudden movement made her wince but nothing could wipe the now ecstatic smile from her face.

_Mommy! Hurt!?_

Instinctively I rubbed the spot where the baby had kicked Bella, hoping to comfort the pair of them.

"Shhh. You startled it......him".

I still couldn't determine the gender, but I trusted Bella more now, now I was somewhere to understanding her love for this child, my faith in her was expanding.

Bella's eyes bugged open with wonder and awe, she then patted the exact same spot.

"Sorry, baby".

_Mommy!...........Love Mommy. No hurt Mommy....._

"What's he thinking now?" demanded Bella.

"It.....he or she is,". I looked up at Bella and saw nothing but boundless love staring back at me. In that instant, I knew, now more than ever, that it was all going to be ok. It wasn't going to be easy, the odds were still against us, but yet, they always had been, still we'd made it this far. Was it so impossible to do this aswell? I still had doubts, but the voice that came from inside of her pushed all of those to one side, it loved her, it unconditionally loved her, just like she did, how could it go wrong? "He's happy"

Bella went to speak but the words got lost before she'd even spoken them, just like me there were no words for how she was feeling. Her eyes gleamed in a way I had not seen in weeks, and I punished myself for ever doubting her. The moment Bella had been waiting for, for me to change my mind had arrived, and as much as I knew she loved the fact the baby was happy, and knew who she was, there was something in her eyes that told me that she knew what I had just experienced. That utter shift in perspective, the protective instinct that was growing inside of me, nothing could take this away from us. Tears ran down her eyes even though she was smiling. It was all worth it, that much was clear now, every moment of panic and utter terror was now worth it, and what's more, I knew I would never regret any of this, not for these few moments, even if that was all we ever got, it was worth it.

"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are. How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved? I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy".

To see the pure adoration on Bella's face was the best sight in the world, nothing had ever made her this happy before. Not me, not Jacob, nothing but what was growing inside of her would ever make her smile like that.

"What did you call him?" I asked.

She blushed, as if I'd caught her out.

"I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want...well,you know".

Well that had been before, now all I could think of was this baby, of names, nurseries, clothes, toys, of holding it in my arms. Of seeing Bella cradle our child, our impossibility.

"EJ?"

"Well your father's name was Edward, too".

"Yes it was."

_Daddy? Daddy....... Daddy...... Mommy.....Mommy.......Love Mommy._

That stunned me yet again, the baby knew who I was? It knew my voice? The moment caught me, and I stayed silent for a moment. I was a Dad. An actual Dad. As in responsible for another being. Responsible for watching it grow up, evolve, to teach it the ways of the world, to protect it against anything that threatened it harm. What had previously scared me, now seemed the most natural thing in the world, and what I wanted more than anything else in the world, more than anything I wanted to be a Father.

"What?" asked Bella anxiously, her eyes fixed on me.

"He likes my voice too" I admitted with pride in my voice, the magnitude of my realisation still hitting me like a tonne of bricks.

"Of course he does. You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"

I should have told her that it preferred her voice, but she wouldn't have listened, she refused to believe she could come second to me despite my constant telling her otherwise.

"Do you two have a back up plan? What if he's a she?"

Bella wiped away her tears, her smile still glowing.

"I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renee and Esme. I was thinking.... Ruh-nez-may"

_Mommy. Mommy happy._

The baby adored Bella, that was evident. The voice was so full of joy whenever it spoke of her, more so than when Bella spoke of it. I loved the voice, I listened out carefully, trying to pick out a gender but there was none, none that was clear anyway.

_Mommy....... Aunt Rosalie. Mommy.....Mommy.....Mommy happy.....Daddy?_

Rose and Bella were talking about names but I heard none of it, all I could hear was the voice of my child, pitch perfect, advanced vocabulary, absolutely perfect. More beautiful than even Bella's voice. I couldn't wait to hold it, to see just how it had combined me and Bella, would it have her eyes? Her mahogany hair? We were both pale so that was pretty much a given, if it took after Bella then there was no doubt it would be the most beautiful child who ever existed.

_Mommy, love you. Love Mommy._

"What? What's he thinking now?"

I didn't answer Bella, at least not at first, instead I leant in closer to her, so close my ear was touching her belly. The distance wasn't really a factor, least not with me hearing it. I just wanted to be closer, to make up for all last time, to enjoy this moment, to cherish it forever, with my child.

"He loves you. He absolutely adores you."

I'd been so caught up in Bella and the baby, I'd forgotten that Jacob was there. His thoughts overtook the baby's in my head, his anger, his feeling of betrayal. I could almost feel his pain, he did nothing to hide it. Unlike the rest of us who wore smiles, he wore his grimace for the world to see. Any other time I would have taken pity on Jacob, but now, there was nothing more I could do. The people who mattered most to me were right here, and I wasn't going to go looking for redemption in Jacob Black anymore, my perspective had changed. But I knew his hadn't, nothing could make him feel this way about the baby, and I couldn't expect him too, this baby meant nothing to him, especially if it killed Bella, to him it was just still a monster. I watched him become more and more contorted with pain to a point where I could no longer stand it and I was no longer sure he was in control. I moved instantly to the end table, picking up the keys to the Aston Martin and threw them at him.

"Go, Jacob. Get away from here".

That was the best he could do now, to get as far away from here as he could get, that was his only chance of getting over the pain of Bella, the baby, the road his life had taken. I wouldn't take the blame anymore, not when I had so much more to concentrate on. What was here beneath my fingers was all that mattered anymore, nothing else


End file.
